The lies we tell ourselves... (love note to you)

[dropdeadfred]

You are NOT a piece of shit. You are not a burden. You are not worthless. You are not ugly. You're not a failure.
Whatever conditioned shit is in your head, I hope you realize it for what it is. Maybe your mom did it to you, your brother... society certainly did it to you. All of those little things you internalized when you were very young & then continued to as you grew/grow older... those non-truths that often snowball into much bigger issues.

I know the reasons I hate myself are the product of lies. I feel so far gone, yet still able to see the truth of all of us. We were all just that innocent infant, coerced to fuck it all up while getting fucked up. So, I hope you remind yourself of that when you're beating your head against the wall or if you choose to step your foot on that bus... it wasn't, nor is, your fault that you've arrived at such a place.

 

[woxihuanni]

Yeah those are not my reasons anyway. I know it is not my fault, but people are rather uninterested in stopping a murder in plain sight.

 

[There Look! Nothing]

I'm all of these things to some degree, it can be proven. Nice sentiment though I guess for the people who just feel that way.

 

[StringPuppet]

I think I am most of those things

 

[Deleted member 23374]

Save for one promise,
I've simply outlived purpose.

 

[SmellyRat]

I've had so much trauma that i have an alcohol problem

 

[antigone_iris]

You are NOT a piece of shit. You are not a burden. You are not worthless. You are not ugly. You're not a failure.
Whatever conditioned shit is in your head, I hope you realize it for what it is. Maybe your mom did it to you, your brother... society certainly did it to you. All of those little things you internalized when you were very young & then continued to as you grew/grow older... those non-truths that often snowball into much bigger issues.

I know the reasons I hate myself are the product of lies. I feel so far gone, yet still able to see the truth of all of us. We were all just that innocent infant, coerced to fuck it all up while getting fucked up. So, I hope you remind yourself of that when you're beating your head against the wall or if you choose to step your foot on that bus... it wasn't, nor is, your fault that you've arrived at such a place.

Thank you for your kind words!

 

[Superdeterminist]

It's absolutely true. We are the product of our biology and our environment, we are all caused to be the way we are by factors beyond our control. And that's a shame, because we'd like to be the sole authors of ourselves, but as far as we can currently tell, that's not the way our cause-effect reality is. We can inspect ourselves closely to learn how we are, how we behave, and see things we like and the things we dislike. Some of our perceived flaws we may be able to rectify, if we're lucky. And for our perceived virtues, whether few or many, we can feel fortunate.

 

[dropdeadfred]

It's absolutely true. We are the product of our biology and our environment, we are all caused to be the way we are by factors beyond our control. And that's a shame, because we'd like to be the sole authors of ourselves, but as far as we can currently tell, that's not the way our cause-effect reality is. We can inspect ourselves closely to learn how we are, how we behave, and see things we like and the things we dislike. Some of our perceived flaws we may be able to rectify, if we're lucky. And for our perceived virtues, whether few or many, we can feel fortunate.

Yes indeed! Well said.

I'm all of these things to some degree, it can be proven. Nice sentiment though I guess for the people who just feel that way.

I think it's more the terminology we use, such as "I failed" vs. "I'm a failure," for example, that leads us to believe that "I am X, Y, & Z." Personally, I know that I have caused a lot of pain & stress to others & myself through my own failings/struggles, many of which are the product of my poor-self image which started to seed itself before I even knew it was happening. But my failings/struggles/illnesses do not make me X, Y, & Z. Lies. I am just the same as everyone else in this world... same species, but vastly different in body chemistry & perception as we all are. Therefore, our individual lives are just unique from one another. Because of that, it doesn't make any of the self-talk in my OP true & I believe that for everyone, but respect who you "know" you are if you disagree. I hope my rambling made some sort of sense.

 

[There Look! Nothing]

Yes indeed! Well said.


I think it's more the terminology we use, such as "I failed" vs. "I'm a failure," for example, that leads us to believe that "I am X, Y, & Z." Personally, I know that I have caused a lot of pain & stress to others & myself through my own failings/struggles, many of which are the product of my poor-self image which started to seed itself before I even knew it was happening. But my failings/struggles/illnesses do not make me X, Y, & Z. Lies. I am just the same as everyone else in this world... same species, but vastly different in body chemistry & perception as we all are. Therefore, our individual lives are just unique from one another. Because of that, it doesn't make any of the self-talk in my OP true & I believe that for everyone, but respect who you "know" you are if you disagree. I hope my rambling made some sort of sense.

Well at least you gave a shit to try and explain. Most people just glance over me and pretend I'm not there so thanks :) reading this doesn't really change anything about the truth of these things for me at least. No one's ever expressed that they've found me attractive and people keep our interactions as limited as possible even online. I don't know if I'm ugly because I have no one in my life to ask lol but I feel it everyday on the inside so probably, I'm a burden on the only person supporting me (used to be reminded of it constantly) and they actually want me dead/gone anyway and you could say I'm a failure because I never achieved anything. I'm worthless because i have no career skills or qualifications or friends or anything at all going for me really other than dying where and how I want to. It might sound like I'm vying for attention but honestly I don't know what else to say in response to that. This seems like an old fantasy I used to tell myself to keep myself alive but not everyone here is in a position this objectively FUBAR so maybe it will help them. This was stuff I just accepted along with it'll never get better and that's what helped me realise my best choice is to just kill myself like life never happened and stop expecting anything else. Anyway that's my POV

 

[greebo6]

That is a really nice post. Thank you for putting it up.

 

[dropdeadfred]

Well at least you gave a shit to try and explain. Most people just glance over me and pretend I'm not there so thanks :) reading this doesn't really change anything about the truth of these things for me at least. No one's ever expressed that they've found me attractive and people keep our interactions as limited as possible even online. I don't know if I'm ugly because I have no one in my life to ask lol but I feel it everyday on the inside so probably, I'm a burden on the only person supporting me (used to be reminded of it constantly) and they actually want me dead/gone anyway and you could say I'm a failure because I never achieved anything. I'm worthless because i have no career skills or qualifications or friends or anything at all going for me really other than dying where and how I want to. It might sound like I'm vying for attention but honestly I don't know what else to say in response to that. This seems like an old fantasy I used to tell myself to keep myself alive but not everyone here is in a position this objectively FUBAR so maybe it will help them. This was stuff I just accepted along with it'll never get better and that's what helped me realise my best choice is to just kill myself like life never happened and stop expecting anything else. Anyway that's my POV

I highly relate to a lot of what you've said. May we all find an end to the bullshit.

 

[noaccount]

Thank you, this is all I want to let people know most of the time

 

[succor]

You are NOT a piece of shit. You are not a burden. You are not worthless. You are not ugly. You're not a failure.
Whatever conditioned shit is in your head, I hope you realize it for what it is. Maybe your mom did it to you, your brother... society certainly did it to you. All of those little things you internalized when you were very young & then continued to as you grew/grow older... those non-truths that often snowball into much bigger issues.

I know the reasons I hate myself are the product of lies. I feel so far gone, yet still able to see the truth of all of us. We were all just that innocent infant, coerced to fuck it all up while getting fucked up. So, I hope you remind yourself of that when you're beating your head against the wall or if you choose to step your foot on that bus... it wasn't, nor is, your fault that you've arrived at such a place.

What a kind and beautiful sentiment. Thank you for taking the time to compose it. Hopefully it brings someone even a modicum of peace to their day.

 

[TattiQueen]

I must say, I love the message you're trying to send here. I understand some may not intercept it the intended way, or just feel it isn't true altogether. I really wish they weren't in a state where they just completely dismiss it, but I also understand it isn't their fault. Which is also part of the purpose of OP. You really do try dear. There is absolutely someone who needs to hear this right now. So just remember that your message reached at least one person that it did impact positively.

Sometimes perspective can make all the difference. <3

 

[TattiQueen]

I'm all of these things to some degree, it can be proven. Nice sentiment though I guess for the people who just feel that way.

I hate to see that you feel/felt this way or that you see/saw yourself from this perspective. One thing I've learned from personal experience, is that luckily not everyone views us through the same lens. Sending love and hugs to you friend. Xoxox

 

[AnotherBrick]

Why is it so much easier, at least in many cases, to be nicer to others than to ourselves? In any case, it's lovely to see such kind sentiments here. I love the respect and empathy found on SS.

 

[dropdeadfred]

Why is it so much easier, at least in many cases, to be nicer to others than to ourselves? In any case, it's lovely to see such kind sentiments here. I love the respect and empathy found on SS.

I think that part of my care/love for others & their well-being is partly innate, while the other part is that I want to express love to others to the degree that I've never felt/experienced personally.
People like us are kind, genuine, & I believe... rather rare; the kind who actually care. No one ever deserved anything horrible. It all came to us at some point & some people turn vile as a result. No one is born a villain.