Pretty_Damaged1111
I wish I wasn't a complete disappointment...
- Apr 29, 2023
- 33
I feel like I may be overthinking this part of my departure. The Letter; should it be short and to the point? Should I go into thorough detail about my decision? It is no secret to everybody I know that I am highly suicidal. Especially this last year, being publicly humiliated and every friend and family member turning their back on me. Should it be a general letter for everyone, or different letters for different people. I pretty much have the same thing to say to everyone. There are people that I don't want to address, the ones that will make it about them and use my CTB to get attention for themselves. But I don't want to leave out anyone. I feel like I will forget to say something important to someone and make them feel like shit.
Why am I worrying so much about the people who make me feel so fucking alone and make feel like I deserve all the horrible things happening to me? My "family" and "friends" make me feel like shit for having constant suicidal thoughts, severe depression, and isolating myself. But these same people have had nothing to do with me for a year or more! I cross nobody's mind ever. I sit alone in my room every birthday, mother's day, every fucking holiday, staring at my silent phone sobbing. Not a single text or call from the people who tell me suicide is a cop out and selfish. Their lives will continue as it does every other day....without me. I hate that all I can think about is who I am going to make mad if I don't leave a message for them or if I DO leave one, in a general letter for everyone. Obviously I have spent my life being the "people pleaser" that can't seem to make a single person happy.
Does it have to be hand written? Is an email okay? I was thinking maybe an audio recording? I was watching a true crime series and the police thought it was suspicious that the suicide letter was typed and not hand written. Is there some type of "S-Letter" etiquette or protocol that needs to be followed? Maybe an online journal entry that I just leave them a link for? That's kinda Extra. Maybe just fuck it all, fuck them, fuck a letter. They probably expect something extra dramatic from me. I should just leave this hell without saying a thing. It's not like they didn't see it coming. Fuck, most of them seem irritated that it hasn't happened yet.
I am definitely overthinking this
Why am I worrying so much about the people who make me feel so fucking alone and make feel like I deserve all the horrible things happening to me? My "family" and "friends" make me feel like shit for having constant suicidal thoughts, severe depression, and isolating myself. But these same people have had nothing to do with me for a year or more! I cross nobody's mind ever. I sit alone in my room every birthday, mother's day, every fucking holiday, staring at my silent phone sobbing. Not a single text or call from the people who tell me suicide is a cop out and selfish. Their lives will continue as it does every other day....without me. I hate that all I can think about is who I am going to make mad if I don't leave a message for them or if I DO leave one, in a general letter for everyone. Obviously I have spent my life being the "people pleaser" that can't seem to make a single person happy.
Does it have to be hand written? Is an email okay? I was thinking maybe an audio recording? I was watching a true crime series and the police thought it was suspicious that the suicide letter was typed and not hand written. Is there some type of "S-Letter" etiquette or protocol that needs to be followed? Maybe an online journal entry that I just leave them a link for? That's kinda Extra. Maybe just fuck it all, fuck them, fuck a letter. They probably expect something extra dramatic from me. I should just leave this hell without saying a thing. It's not like they didn't see it coming. Fuck, most of them seem irritated that it hasn't happened yet.
I am definitely overthinking this