Venting The idea of prolonging my life produces strong rejection in me.

[Aurora Vanderlux]

I wake up every morning and immerse myself in the monotony of the day, nothing changes, nothing valuable happens, everything remains the same. Lately I have been feeling a kind of spontaneous panic, I began to realize that this kind of panic comes from the idea of continuing to live, my feet get cold and I can only lie in bed and cry.

It is so overwhelming to stay alive because I really have nothing else to live for but at the same time the only accessible methods I have cause me enormous panic: "Hanging" or "jumping into the sea from the bridge." I researched and researched and unfortunately the SN is no longer accessible in any country in South America (as everyone knows, I live in Colombia). And this is due to the domino effect caused by alarming articles in the American trash press talking about "how many people acquire SN to end their lives, instructed by a creepy forum." Damn pro-life, hate. They only know the "everything will get better" speech, No! Nothing in my fucking life will improve, living is horrible for me and it is even more horrible for me not to be able to access a painless method.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so inhumane how suicide is purposely made so difficult, I certainly understand that it's so dreadful feeling trapped here, it's horrible how people have to suffer with no way to cease existing in peace. But anyway best wishes, to me this world truly is such a hellish place.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I wake up every morning and immerse myself in the monotony of the day, nothing changes, nothing valuable happens, everything remains the same. Lately I have been feeling a kind of spontaneous panic, I began to realize that this kind of panic comes from the idea of continuing to live, my feet get cold and I can only lie in bed and cry.

It is so overwhelming to stay alive because I really have nothing else to live for but at the same time the only accessible methods I have cause me enormous panic: "Hanging" or "jumping into the sea from the bridge." I researched and researched and unfortunately the SN is no longer accessible in any country in South America (as everyone knows, I live in Colombia). And this is due to the domino effect caused by alarming articles in the American trash press talking about "how many people acquire SN to end their lives, instructed by a creepy forum." Damn pro-life, hate. They only know the "everything will get better" speech, No! Nothing in my fucking life will improve, living is horrible for me and it is even more horrible for me not to be able to access a painless method.

It's a disconnect in not wanting to help or care but pretending/fooling themselves they care. It's kinda like gaslighting.

I'm sorry you're still suffering Judah. It's nice to see you again <3 and I'm glad I was able to