the hotel is booked

[hotelandrea]

officially booked the hotel room for saturday, and it made me feel sick. not because of having regrets or second guessing my decision, but because of the circumstances. i will die in a cheap motel room in an unfamiliar city, entirely alone.

i understand that thats how it has to be. a lot of people do not have the privilege of leaving this world surrounded by loved ones, but i anticipate my final moments being full of the most profound loneliness that i can't even fathom. i fear that feeling more than i fear death.

i can only hope that it's quick. i hope there is truth in that "final 7 minutes of brain activity," where pleasant memories replay in your mind.

 

[Macedonian1987]

You will not die alone. We will be here for you. We will not let you feel lonely.

 

[behindtheveil]

Hey, sorry to see you go. I am planning my own. And no, you are not alone. We are all here for you and if this doesn't happen, we will be delighted to have you for a few more. This life is miserable and crazy beyond words can describe. It brings us to situations we would never ever even in our nightmare would dare to dream. All I can say is that ....sorry loss of words.

 

[hotelandrea]

Hey, sorry to see you go. I am planning my own. And no, you are not alone. We are all here for you and if this doesn't happen, we will be delighted to have you for a few more. This life is miserable and crazy beyond words can describe. It brings us to situations we would never ever even in our nightmare would dare to dream. All I can say is that ....sorry loss of words.

i do appreciate the sentiment, and i am grateful for the kind words that have been sent my way during my time here, but in that moment, i will be truly alone. i plan to keep the light on in the room, i think the darkness would only amplify the feeling.