Discussion The fear of being found

[CountingSeconds]

Hello friends. Another night of no sleeping again left me ruminating on something that has been bothering me. Does anyone else have a fear of being found, once you CTB?

What I mean by that is that I hate the idea of causing trauma to anyone, particularly loved ones. I've moved away from my preferred method of partial now, and my only viable way is jumping. That would be even more gruesome to anyone that finds me, let alone has to clean me up. And even worse, what if someone young found me? I know all too well the effect trauma can have and I would hate to pass this on by my actions. My pain should end with me.

I know there are many other considerations, and I know that suicide will hurt others even if they don't physically see/find me. But if I can at least control some element of that then I will. I wish I could just disappear entirely.

Has anyone else grappled with this, or am I overthinking?

 

[logi3535]

thats awfully selfless of you to cause as little grief as possible even though you're gone, i really admire that.

i think in most situations, someone will have to find you either way, unless you're able to somehow do it deep in the woods or something which is ill advised personally. The best thing you can hope for i think, is to do it somewhere where you're likely not to get found so easily, say an officer would find you instead for example.

I hope the best for you in whatever decision you make, in life or in death

 

[PanaxMan]

Hello friends. Another night of no sleeping again left me ruminating on something that has been bothering me. Does anyone else have a fear of being found, once you CTB?

What I mean by that is that I hate the idea of causing trauma to anyone, particularly loved ones. I've moved away from my preferred method of partial now, and my only viable way is jumping. That would be even more gruesome to anyone that finds me, let alone has to clean me up. And even worse, what if someone young found me? I know all too well the effect trauma can have and I would hate to pass this on by my actions. My pain should end with me.

I know there are many other considerations, and I know that suicide will hurt others even if they don't physically see/find me. But if I can at least control some element of that then I will. I wish I could just disappear entirely.

Has anyone else grappled with this, or am I overthinking?

honestly no, but its because I've been thru so much to the point that I don't mind if my CTB gets on the news

 

[rozeske]

Jumping is very hard to not be seen by random passer-by, like you said it also is gruesome. Unless you can access a closed construction site where only the workers will be finding you, I don't see a way around it. You can maybe wear hard and tight jeans type clothes to contain your insides better, easy on the eyes and cleanup i guess. Had it been a method suitable for a hotel room you could have more options but we all make due with what we've got. The fact is our suicide is going to affect someone one way or another.

 

[Ash]

Someone is going to find you no matter how you die. You can choose to reduce the impact but death isn't pretty in any form.