fluorescentpearl
Stirb nicht vor mir
- Jul 19, 2026
- 698
Ever since I was young yet able enough to recognize my consciousness there has been a void inside of me, it consumes me, it swallows my loins and renders me useless in front of the entire world.. Because it erases the world entirely
Memories leave me, feelings evade me, it all melts into one another without any meaning, hunger sadness anger pity grief pain it all turns into blood, as I look up to the empty skies begging for salvation it drips onto my face so much that I cannot tell if I cry anymore
Love isn't erased, I don't believe this void could ever take love from me, it can ruin it, drown it in whispers of pain and hatred and fear, distract me enough to turn away and once I remember of it I am too guilty to meet his eyes again
I feel as though I am a specimen not from this place, I am chained by my own inability to fit in, I'm cornered in a cell of my own making, snarling in fear at whoever reaches in
I see people pass through these bars, I see them ignore me, I see them live, yet when I throw myself to them I'm held back as if the steel exists solely for me
And yet he's also in a cage of his own making, it just so happens that we could hold hands through the iron bars, as ashamed as I am to exist he makes it bearable, strangely, I feel seen and understood, I feel.. Okay, I feel okay in this hole, whether I get out or not doesn't matter anymore
I always begged God for pity on me, I didn't understand why he would take everything from me, no matter what I'd do it wasn't enough, no matter how much I weeped it meant nothing at all, if anything it only brought more despair into the lives of others, I existed to drag them off their chairs and suffer with me
Maybe I was looking in the wrong places, maybe finding someone as hurt as me is better, two messed up sinners in a hole together, but at least we're not alone right?
i am unsure
I truly feel I am an alien among people, I hesitate when clicking verifications.. "Am I a human?" I am unsure actually, I suppose in body I am, and yet when I click and pass it I always laugh to myself that I fooled someone else again
Not much of a vent honestly, yet also not a story or a method, simply a wall to throw my words to, I apologize for the tag
Memories leave me, feelings evade me, it all melts into one another without any meaning, hunger sadness anger pity grief pain it all turns into blood, as I look up to the empty skies begging for salvation it drips onto my face so much that I cannot tell if I cry anymore
Love isn't erased, I don't believe this void could ever take love from me, it can ruin it, drown it in whispers of pain and hatred and fear, distract me enough to turn away and once I remember of it I am too guilty to meet his eyes again
I feel as though I am a specimen not from this place, I am chained by my own inability to fit in, I'm cornered in a cell of my own making, snarling in fear at whoever reaches in
I see people pass through these bars, I see them ignore me, I see them live, yet when I throw myself to them I'm held back as if the steel exists solely for me
And yet he's also in a cage of his own making, it just so happens that we could hold hands through the iron bars, as ashamed as I am to exist he makes it bearable, strangely, I feel seen and understood, I feel.. Okay, I feel okay in this hole, whether I get out or not doesn't matter anymore
I always begged God for pity on me, I didn't understand why he would take everything from me, no matter what I'd do it wasn't enough, no matter how much I weeped it meant nothing at all, if anything it only brought more despair into the lives of others, I existed to drag them off their chairs and suffer with me
Maybe I was looking in the wrong places, maybe finding someone as hurt as me is better, two messed up sinners in a hole together, but at least we're not alone right?
i am unsure
I truly feel I am an alien among people, I hesitate when clicking verifications.. "Am I a human?" I am unsure actually, I suppose in body I am, and yet when I click and pass it I always laugh to myself that I fooled someone else again
Not much of a vent honestly, yet also not a story or a method, simply a wall to throw my words to, I apologize for the tag
