The End

[BrokenBliss]

Hey guys. Looks like my time is up. The day has come where my hand is being forced, as I expected it would be eventually – just not this soon. For those who don't know, I am here because of merciless neuropathic pain. Tho I've been using the site since last December, I found a kindred spirit recently in @BigGimpin (Scottie) who came and went here in less than two weeks. His departure really affected me. I understood completely how being under relentless assault from your own body drives you to the brink. And sometimes over it. I mentioned in my early posts here about undergoing physical torture akin to war crimes; as well as one of my favorite sentiments – that if I were an animal, I would have been put down long ago. (Which is true.) I once watched my childhood dog be put to sleep. And now my suffering will come to an end in a similar fashion.

Please don't send me a message wishing me peace, for this is not what I want at all. In fact, I'm really quite angry and upset about it. What I do want is to be well again. At the very least, I had hoped to outlive my parents, for it is my deepest regret to lay this on them, but it simply cannot be helped. My battle has been waged for well over a decade, and I've done the best I could, but today the pain has clearly won, and I surrender to it. I have a few things to take care of, but I'll be gone within the next week. I may post a final farewell. We'll see.

So my deepest gratitude to Sanctioned Suicide for making it possible to find my way out of the unbearable, and an unexpected sense of community as I found the exit door.

 

[UnwantedUnlovable85]

I only hope you're suffering ends wherever you go from here. I love you kind stranger.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find freedom from your pain in whatever happens. It really is such a cruel and unfair life, people should not have to endure such awful suffering.

 

[sadnurse]

I'm so sorry , I completely emphasize with you , someone who I was very close to suicide on here deeply affected me as well..and I suffer from physical pain too which I am succumbing to as well…. My time is almost up, here for you if you ever need to talk.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I'm sorry you're suffering and your hand has been forced.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I am so sorry. This is horribly unfair. I will miss you.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

I wish you luck on your departure and may it put an end to your suffering.

 

[Sunset Limited]

I wish you can find peace my friend.

 

[Starchaser]

As a someone that want to CTB because of physical discomfort/pain I feel you bro
The entire situation is very fucked up and life isn't much fair at this point.

Wishing the best for you

 

[hankbank3928]

Wishing you the best! Thanks for being apart of the community!

 

[_Seeking]

I'm sorry that it has come to this for you. I've got nerve pain too and it's so infuriating to feel that there is no other alternative than death to end the pain. I will miss you around here, but it likely won't be too long before I see you on the other side.

 

[Riddle]

Hi Bliss, I just wanted to comment here because I am going through something similar. There is different group of us using this site including BigGimpin that are essentially being "forced to ctb" due to physical pain/discomfort/illness. I am in this boat as well as my illness has taken nearly everything from me

I didn't write this to try to convince you to stay, neither do I have any helpful advice for the pain as I am sure you looked into ever avenue you can already.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, and the reaction you are having and BigGimpin had is a perfectly natural and normal reaction to an impossible situation. When I think about the day I ctb it brings me great sadness for the people I leave behind and for the good times I will miss. But I feel like I lived in a way that my family would at least know that it wasn't really my choice and it sounds like you have done so too. And though it brings great sadness to make this decision know that there is relief at the end, that you will no longer have to ponder each day about what your life could have been if healthy, you will not suffer anymore pain, you will not wonder what kind of person you would be and what kind of things your future could have held. That is the part that hurst the most to me. If you do decide to go, do not feel shame or guilt in your last days as it was not really your decision.

I know BigGimpin had his family with him when he went, I hope yours is able to understand your decision and give you the same comfort. I think it makes a big difference compared to going out alone and hiding to not be found. If not, we are here for you

P.S. I have been enjoying the audiobook for Enders Game, if you are an audiobook person I suggest it or finding a different book you like . It can really keep your mind off things, and maybe in a week you will get a tiny reprieve from the severe pain that will allow you to go a bit longer.

 

[T-StayResident]

Thank you for sharing. You are truly brave for putting up a fight against your illness for over a decade! I've only been a member on SS for a few weeks but from what I can tell your input here is always valuable. I wish you the best and, when the time comes, that you have a safe passage into the unknown.

 

[GentleJerk]

This is really sad to hear, you have been very helpful and respectful towards many people here and it looks like the world is going to lose another good one. You don't deserve this. If I wasn't so friendship-challenged I would have liked to interact more with you as you seem like a genuine and decent sort. What you are going through sounds like torture and I hope all your friends and loved ones can understand any decision you make, and celebrate your life and presence.

It's a certain kind of tragedy on an opera scale when our hand is forced in this way, and we have to leave people behind who we love and would never want to depart from, when we just want more than anything to be able to cope with living. I can understand what you mean in that sense, I'm also quite upset about how things have turned out in a similar way for myself too. For what it's worth, I'm sorry.

Best wishes

 

[Al_stargate]

Sorry about your situation, I too just want a normal life, to be well like before. From what I've read from you, you've been a class act, on this forum and as a person. Wish you well in whatever happens, as they say here!

 

[rationaltake]

Although I'm in a different situation I understand that you just want to be able to live a life. I want to change things which can't be changed.

I've really appreciated your posts and I'm sorry you're in an untenable position.

Life is a lottery. Totally unfair.

Thank you for making SaSu a better place.

 

[Interloper]

I'm not great at this but I thoroughly enjoyed your posts, something about the cadence made them a joy to read. A lot of high value posts, too.

I'm really sorry your hand was forced. You will definitely be missed here.

 

[Dead Meat]

I'm going to miss you BrokenBliss your a very kind hearted and beautiful soul that has helped many user's on here including me. Lots of Love to you

 

[VoidDesirer22]

All love. It was nice having you around.