The end of my story.

[Flawnyx]

It's almost time. I have now only to cut the rope as it's 10m long and just tie it up on the hook of my wall and hope to God it doesn't break. I spent the last 30 Minutes crying, contemplating my life choices and regrets. Why did it have to to turn out this way. I had so many dreams and wishes. I never experienced love. I have so many things I wanted to do but it's all my fault. It has always been my fault. Today after a long time I felt my mother's love again. She was not rude and spoke to me so gently even when she caught me sleeping when I was supposed to study. For the first time I felt that the reason my parents really acted the way before was because of me. I was the total opposite of how a child of my age should behave. Yet they beared me all this time with a smile on my face. I wish I could have spoken to my dad for one last time but I'm pretty sure that he really hates me. He has not spoken to me for the past month and ignores me when ever iam around. But he has a reason and that is because I broke down a door just to play games undermining the amount of money he invested in me. It has always been my fault. This was a family im sure everyone would wish for. I have had my was always. Whenever I asked my dad for something he would grant it with no hesitation and mom would do the same. I wish things would have turned out differently. If I could re-start my life I would do so with no hesitation. Now because of me I have brought my family to shame even till my last breath. After my death my family would be seen as unfit parents because their child killed himself. What would I do to start over. I would kill for such an opportunity. Anyways I'm pretty sure this will be my last message here. Now I have to send a last message in WhatsApp to mom explaining my reason for doing something like this. Shes the type to kill or hurt herself when she would see her own child die to escape the pain. It's always been my fault. I hope she would forget about me and move on. I would also like to thank everyones support and guidance here. You all were the only ones I could share my thoughts and feelings. I wish to those who will be attempting to ctb a swift, smooth and painless death and those who will be living a happy, successful life. Iam afraid of death. I don't want to die. But I have to do this.
This is it. Goodbye people

 

[R. A.]

I don't know your story and have a hard time reading huge blocks of text but from what i can pick out it sounds like you're committed. sorry you're at this point...if you decide to postpone there's always another chance.

 

[Off_Switch]

You will soon be free of this all.

 

[fallingtopieces]

hello, i am sorry you are in so much pain right now, overwhelmed by it. this does seem impulsive, which is never a good path.
it seems like you care about your parents, and issues aside, they care about you.

 

[Nightfoot]

You don't have to do this if you don't want to die.

 

[darksouls]

I wish you the best, hope you find relief from suffering

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I hope you have found the peace you desire if you went through with it.