The end is coming

[annxietty]

So... my sister just asked me if Im looking for a job, I said "yes obviously", apparently her husband is complaining because my dad isnt sending the money he said he would (wow Im shocked they believed a liar like my father in the first place lol), and Im not finding a job, apparently he says Im not searching for a job... well, my sister also told me how much I costed them, all while she was saying that she didnt want to hurt me by saying this, and she is right to tell me anything she needs to tell me, the reason why Im so sensitive is because since I was 16 Im living with people that are counting every euro I cost them, and they have the right to do it because I should be working... but I cant find anything and Im losing something very important... motivation... my sister and her husband instead of telling me tips on how to search for a job, like places I should look into, they judge me because I didnt think about those places by myself, I send my info to 20 companies then they say "did you send it to this one?" and Im like "fuck I didnt remember we have that here" and they judge me...
Apparently I cost them 200 euros, they are 3 people and they used to spend 200 in food, now they spend almost 400... I dont know how can I cost that much but I cant say they are lying because I have no proof... worst case scenario they send me back to where I used to live in... write my words IM NOT COMING BACK, you think Im stupid enough to let myself come back to hell??? you think I will trust others like I did before??? remember this too I WILL KILL MYSELF BEFORE THAT HAPPENS
Money money money money money FUCK, they have plenty, they have the same life they had before I came to live here, they are looking to buy a house, another car (they have two), have another kid, travel, they spent 300 euros to see a football match (they spent maybe 700 euros that weekend) I havent lived in a place with this many luxuries in my fucking life (we always struggled with money), I dont go outside, I dont finish any food, I dont ask for anything... Im fucking trying... I cant even be mad because they earned their money who am I to say anything?? My heart is poisoned, every person I talk to I lose contact with them, I cant have friends... and I shouldnt have a family, not like I have many family members tho but still... I should die or go far away

 

[Relic]

Are there any organizations that would help people to find a suitable job? But yeah, "tips" are just useless. Jobs are found through connections. Family or friends. So that is where they should help. Not yapping in your ear. There are not many companies that are willing to invest into training an employee, most of them want a professional with five years of experience right off the bat. For a minimum starting wage.

Where's expenses, there's receipts. Throwing around some numbers means nothing. On this planet, family is everything. Could someone remind them that?