The effects of trauma never fully go away so why bother?

[Water-Lily]

Well, I have moved onto created an escape plan. But even if I do leave my abusive home and live on my own elsewhere, its not gonna matter. Because the effects of trauma is permanent. And yeah theres therapy and medication and that crap. But none of that is a "cure". You will still be fucked in the head on some level dealing with the permanent effects of trauma. Flashbacks, memories, nightmares, etc. I have already dealt with so much up till 24. I don't want to escape then have to deal with nightmares over and over and over. Thats a torture that goes away permanently when one is dead.

 

[Buddha.e.c]

Well, I have moved onto created an escape plan. But even if I do leave my abusive home and live on my own elsewhere, its not gonna matter. Because the effects of trauma is permanent. And yeah theres therapy and medication and that crap. But none of that is a "cure". You will still be fucked in the head on some level dealing with the permanent effects of trauma. Flashbacks, memories, nightmares, etc. I have already dealt with so much up till 24. I don't want to escape then have to deal with nightmares over and over and over. Thats a torture that goes away permanently when one is dead.

Im sorry to here that Life is so unfair the permanent scars are like a permanent lock and a search for a key that doesnt exists. Its hard to get over something that damaged you mentally and replays in your mind over and over but whatever happens i wish you find peace .

 

[Water-Lily]

Im sorry to here that Life is so unfair the permanent scars are like a permanent lock and a search for a key that doesnt exists. Its hard to get over something that damaged you mentally and replays in your mind over and over but whatever happens i wish you find peace .

thanks for understanding the truth. It's just shows me that suicide is the answer.

 

[Life sucks]

Yes trauma has no cure and the damage is permanent. I'm experiencing traumatic pain on top of other forms of pain. Ctb is the only solution

 

[Water-Lily]

Yes trauma has no cure and the damage is permanent. I'm experiencing traumatic pain on top of other forms of pain. Ctb is the only solution

facts. the only real way out of this hell hole. I feel this is how the convo should go:
Therapist: Hey, I gotta be real
client: yeah?
Therapist: this shit is never gonna go away. Like, we can work on this for years. throw in medication and other stuff and you'll still have permanent after effects
client: So is suicide acceptable?
therapist: yup
client: cool

 

[Buddha.e.c]

thanks for understanding the truth. It's just shows me that suicide is the answer.

Not for everyone my opinion everyone has a choice to make a chioce to take life in there hands sometimes the pain is too much and suicide is the only option but shouldnt be the option for people who have a option and desire to cope differently does this make sense ?

 

[Water-Lily]

Not for everyone my opinion everyone has a choice to make a chioce to take life in there hands sometimes the pain is too much and suicide is the only option but shouldnt be the option for people who have a option and desire to cope differently

I was speaking for myself. Of course some people are able to live productive lives in spite of trauma. though not everyone

 

[Buddha.e.c]

I was speaking for myself. Of course some people are able to live productive lives in spite of trauma. though not everyone

Yeah i know this can be especially hurtful especially when the trauma comes from someone you consider family & is suppose to protect you

 

[Water-Lily]

Yeah i know this can be especially hurtful especially when the trauma comes from someone you consider family & is suppose to protect you

yeah. just glad it'll be over


kinda ruined my reputation on this site lol

 

[Thefuture]

That's a thought I deal with too. It really messes up the momentum of improvement. My bad days are so bad I just appreciate the days that my brain is able to block things out easier and I can find temporary peace somehow. Nothing lasts forever I just try remember that when the memories won't leave me alone.

 

[solisoccasus]

Well, I have moved onto created an escape plan. But even if I do leave my abusive home and live on my own elsewhere, its not gonna matter. Because the effects of trauma is permanent. And yeah theres therapy and medication and that crap. But none of that is a "cure". You will still be fucked in the head on some level dealing with the permanent effects of trauma. Flashbacks, memories, nightmares, etc. I have already dealt with so much up till 24. I don't want to escape then have to deal with nightmares over and over and over. Thats a torture that goes away permanently when one is dead.

I guess my only escape then is death coz there is no way that if ever i could leave this house, like you said, traime is permanent. It will neve rgo away and will lead to far worse nightmares and overthinking. I just wanted to go away, where no one would find me and that's not here. How much longer would I have to wait? How much longer will I suffer from this pain.

 

[Water-Lily]

I guess my only escape then is death coz there is no way that if ever i could leave this house, like you said, traime is permanent. It will neve rgo away and will lead to far worse nightmares and overthinking. I just wanted to go away, where no one would find me and that's not here. How much longer would I have to wait? How much longer will I suffer from this pain.

I feel this so much. Hopefully neither of us will have have to wait very long. I know I won't :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in so much pain. It is one of the worst things about this life, that we can never forget the past and our own thoughts can torture us. This life can be so cruel and unfair. I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Water-Lily]

I'll do more than kill myself. I will make sure to take revenge on everyone who ruined me. All those who hurt me will suffer before I die. Today is going to be a good day. I will be sure of it

 

[TakeMeBack07]

Yeah, there are far too many factors out of our control. personality, how our relationships with others work later in life, etc are all determined in childhood, some things very early in that period. born into poverty, you're likely to stay in that pocket for your life. have a parent with depression? you will most likely end up fk'd psychologically in some way.
This is all a joke.

 

[deathbydragon]

I for one would fully fucking welcome the ability to delete memories.

 

[Water-Lily]

I for one would fully fucking welcome the ability to delete memories.

Same. Though I do not believe that is possible. Once trauma has happened, it will forever be stored in the brain and body. Hence triggers, flashbacks, etc. There is no way to get rid of traumatic memories, hence resilience. Though hopefully one day something can help reverse trauma effects as if they never happened.

 

[Ally-A]

The worst part is that we develop coping strategies to survive the shitty conditions of our past, but like overgrown fortresses, trauma only exists to make haunt the present and make healing nigh impossible. No amount of bootstrapping will make me be able to see myself as worth a damn in comparison to my peers.

 

[Water-Lily]

The worst part is that we develop coping strategies to survive the shitty conditions of our past, but like overgrown fortresses, trauma only exists to make haunt the present and make healing nigh impossible. No amount of bootstrapping will make me be able to see myself as worth a damn in comparison to my peers.

Comparison is very normal. I have been comparing heavily at my job to my peers. Of course everyone has their traumas and stories that you cannot see on the surface. But as someone who, at 24, has been heavily abused and traumatized and broken, I feel like a child. I am afraid to speak up, afraid of being criticized, all like my mom is still controlling me from the grave. It's like I am learning to walk despite being 24, and hate it. I hate who I am. I am so fuckng ashamed of myself that I would rather bury myself under the ground so no one has to see my disgusting self. No one would want to be with a shitty abuse victim where her trauma is her own identity and nothing else. Angry vent lol

 

[Ally-A]

Comparison is very normal. I have been comparing heavily at my job to my peers. Of course everyone has their traumas and stories that you cannot see on the surface. But as someone who, at 24, has been heavily abused and traumatized and broken, I feel like a child. I am afraid to speak up, afraid of being criticized, all like my mom is still controlling me from the grave. It's like I am learning to walk despite being 24, and hate it. I hate who I am. I am so fuckng ashamed of myself that I would rather bury myself under the ground so no one has to see my disgusting self. No one would want to be with a shitty abuse victim where her trauma is her own identity and nothing else. Angry vent lol

Nah your good, this site would be much more boring without the venting. Wish I didn't relate so hard to the idea of letting others basically brainwash me into ignoring my dreams, but here we are. At least the people around me have social medias, a few friends, and enough social awareness to hold a conversation, but I have none of that. I can't help but feel that even if most people are focused on themselves, they can smell my insecurity from a mile away. Still, living for myself these past few months has been both insightful into how fucked I am and rewarding in just what I can do on my own terms.

 

[Water-Lily]

Nah your good, this site would be much more boring without the venting. Wish I didn't relate so hard to the idea of letting others basically brainwash me into ignoring my dreams, but here we are. At least the people around me have social medias, a few friends, and enough social awareness to hold a conversation, but I have none of that. I can't help but feel that even if most people are focused on themselves, they can smell my insecurity from a mile away. Still, living for myself these past few months has been both insightful into how fucked I am and rewarding in just what I can do on my own terms.

I can relate to you. I feel so weird seeing people have such easily flowing conversations. I have taken a more avoidant loner route. It isn't healthy (I skipped an hour of my work shift on the suicide hotline and had to deal with my manager. she is strict). But I do want to keep earning money to get out of my home. So I'll keep putting my foot forward. I do admire my manager though. She is definetly a people person. Strict, but good at her work. Great with customers and is on point with the coworkers. She is observant and blunt, but on her game. I like those qualities in her. Though I will not be surprised if I get fired down the line. She looked at me so pissed off. I gave her an honest explanation on how I should have communicated better. We moved forward but I can tell that everyone looks at me differently now. Well, it is what it is. I'm there to learn and even if this doesn't work out, its lessons for the future

Like I even have a future to live in am I right? lololololololol. for real though, while a part of me kind of wants to see what my future could be like, the idea of death and reincarnation feels so fucking beautiful