The destructive power of loss of potential

[Rounded Agony]

Just another late night, sleep-avoiding point of contemplation - a thought I've had before, but for some reason, am often reminded of when I see a particular kind of sunset, I'm wondering if any others here feel/have felt this, and maybe can share some perspective on their experiences.

For me, one of the biggest factors that has led me here is the combined explicit and implicit loss of potential at this point in life. When I was younger, there were things I really wanted to do, to accomplish, and so on. Many of them I did, was able to do, could've done but never did, etc. But now, I find most of the things I want or want to do are beyond my reach. Either because of physical limitations, mental ones, or the fact that the world is just kinda shitty and, y'know, the whole "not everyone will grow up to be an astronaut-pirate" realization thing.

In a less grand sense, I used to feel a sense of freedom and ability to alter my circumstances in ways that would lead to a sense of enjoyment or satisfaction (travelling, partaking in whatever random experience, etc.). But now, when what I desire is physical/mental wellbeing, a real social/support network, and a vocation/regular use of my time that makes me feel like I having a meaningful impact on the world...I don't.

Sure, I have tons of potential when compared to someone who has any greater number of limitations over them than me, but I think it's more about the sense of being able to do things you find have value and meaning. One example is that, despite having a few things I've been wanting to do/places I've wanted to go this summer, I've basically done none of them because outings are taxing, I haven't had anyone to go with and feel I'd just be wasting my time going alone.

I think this has descended into rambling so I'd better wrap it up. Should probably stop delaying sleep too, as little as I want to stop and have to face my psyche head on, then wake up and face another day. Hopefully will have some responses to read here at least. Peace and love

 

[again_noidea]

I feel you, it is such a stale feeling to be aware of the loss of lack of potential. Not being able reach for the things you want is sadening, especially if the things you want are nothing extraordinary - although, i find myself humbles, considering the scope of possible human suffering... nevertheless, i myself have not been able jet to forget my desires and dreams even though i gave up on them to 98%. should we just accept our limitations and make the best out of it, or is it not worth it, because no matter what we do, we will never find meaning with the life we are living. anyway, i hope you have a somewhat good day!

 

[Wilting Daisy]

Honestly, I thought for a moment you had crawled into my head before writing this.
All the voices from your past saying "You have so much potential!" turn into a ghost lurking, reminding you how each day you become a bigger disappointment.
While we may have accomplished much to be satisfied with, I feel a burning desire to be more. Probably no thanks to the past voices... Yet I lack the energy and mental clarity to do so.
I don't know if I'll ever be good enough for myself.
Remember that mental illness is just that: an illness. Would we fault ourselves for having a physical sickness that set us back?
Of course not, or at least we shouldn't.
We need to be kinder and more patient with ourselves.
I applaud you for your aspirations. They sound as though they come from a beautiful soul who means well.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I very much relate to this. It's a tricky subject really. A lady I used to work with hated the whole concept of 'unfulfilled potential'- she felt like it was one of the major things making us depressed in this age. I do get that- I think working a dead-end job feels unbearable when you feel like you have/had the potential to do more. I think it means you are constantly striving for more- which can be a good thing if it helps you to succeed but it can also stop you from appreciating anything.

The other thing is- things aren't always as good/gratifying as you think they're going to be. I was once utterly obsessed with getting on to a particular university course. I did get there but it turned out to be not such a great experience. Same goes for a job- it was a head of department role. Felt like I'd finally feel like a 'grown up' but the job was stressful and not very fulfilling. Sometimes I think it's good to really think about what YOU want rather than what you think society wants you to be.

One thing I would say is- do those things you were considering doing- even if you do end up doing them on your own. (If finances permit). I've been on holiday alone a couple of times. I nearly didn't go because I thought- what's the point? I won't enjoy it alone. Granted, I did still have some days I felt down and lonely but overall, I still enjoyed those experiences. I think we all put things off waiting for 'the right time' but it's easy to delay stuff indefinitely doing that. Sometimes, I think spur of the moment randomness helps to shake things up. I wish you all the best.

 

[je.suis.prêt]

Same here. I'm 23 and constantly ruminate on the idea of my life being wasted – I'm not good at any one thing, but I can't help but feel like I am (should be) capable of something more.

I feel like such a failure, everyone else is getting on with life and I am stuck – failed to launch in developmental psychology parlance – and it weighs on my self-esteem and state of mind constantly. Part of me wants to fight for... me
but that part shrinks everyday, hence why I am here.

All I want is meaning in life.
All I want is a purpose.
All I want is some satisfaction.

I don't know if I'll ever be good enough for myself.

This really spoke to what is left of my soul.

One thing I would say is- do those things you were considering doing- even if you do end up doing them on your own. (If finances permit). I've been on holiday alone a couple of times. I nearly didn't go because I thought- what's the point? I won't enjoy it alone. Granted, I did still have some days I felt down and lonely but overall, I still enjoyed those experiences. I think we all put things off waiting for 'the right time' but it's easy to delay stuff indefinitely doing that. Sometimes, I think spur of the moment randomness helps to shake things up. I wish you all the best.

I agree with this. Beneath the compost heap of 'grown up realisation' lies some ambition, and I've found that from the occasions where I have made small steps toward something I like, I am able to glean tiny slivers of fleeting satisfaction and – dare I say – happiness.

 

[Rounded Agony]

Yes, I very much relate to this. It's a tricky subject really. A lady I used to work with hated the whole concept of 'unfulfilled potential'- she felt like it was one of the major things making us depressed in this age. I do get that- I think working a dead-end job feels unbearable when you feel like you have/had the potential to do more. I think it means you are constantly striving for more- which can be a good thing if it helps you to succeed but it can also stop you from appreciating anything.

The other thing is- things aren't always as good/gratifying as you think they're going to be. I was once utterly obsessed with getting on to a particular university course. I did get there but it turned out to be not such a great experience. Same goes for a job- it was a head of department role. Felt like I'd finally feel like a 'grown up' but the job was stressful and not very fulfilling. Sometimes I think it's good to really think about what YOU want rather than what you think society wants you to be.

One thing I would say is- do those things you were considering doing- even if you do end up doing them on your own. (If finances permit). I've been on holiday alone a couple of times. I nearly didn't go because I thought- what's the point? I won't enjoy it alone. Granted, I did still have some days I felt down and lonely but overall, I still enjoyed those experiences. I think we all put things off waiting for 'the right time' but it's easy to delay stuff indefinitely doing that. Sometimes, I think spur of the moment randomness helps to shake things up. I wish you all the best.

I think you're on a bit of a different track than what I was trying to get at; while feeling like you have potential that's being wasted, what I was on about was the disappearance, for whatever reason, of potential. Not so much "oh, I could be so much more fulfilled if only condition x were met" as "I no longer have the ability to fulfill condition x". They seem different to me, though now that I write it out I am seeing the spiritual link.

Stupid immediate example: I took to cocktail making a couple of months ago though I don't really drink anymore. I'd been having fun learning recipes, seeking out ingredients, and sampling the results. But my tolerance never quite returned, and after a while I was feeling like it had some other undesirable effects on my body. Tonight I'd been hoping to mix Up something but I've had a stupid stomachache all day, likely from the poison food work is always giving out, so I'm doing the smart thing and passing. But even without this immediate malaise I can't be concocting as often as I'd like without wasting the results given my body doesn't seem to tolerate alcohol great anymore.

I've also hit the wall after making most of the things that seemed tasty and now I have no one to share the experience with. I might be getting into unrelated territory here but I just feel like I can't give a shit about anything for long because I want to connect with others over things, and my social circle is nothing more than a few dots following a curved line despite several attempts at increasing and maintaining it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think you're on a bit of a different track than what I was trying to get at; while feeling like you have potential that's being wasted, what I was on about was the disappearance, for whatever reason, of potential. Not so much "oh, I could be so much more fulfilled if only condition x were met" as "I no longer have the ability to fulfill condition x". They seem different to me, though now that I write it out I am seeing the spiritual link.

Stupid immediate example: I took to cocktail making a couple of months ago though I don't really drink anymore. I'd been having fun learning recipes, seeking out ingredients, and sampling the results. But my tolerance never quite returned, and after a while I was feeling like it had some other undesirable effects on my body. Tonight I'd been hoping to mix Up something but I've had a stupid stomachache all day, likely from the poison food work is always giving out, so I'm doing the smart thing and passing. But even without this immediate malaise I can't be concocting as often as I'd like without wasting the results given my body doesn't seem to tolerate alcohol great anymore.

I've also hit the wall after making most of the things that seemed tasty and now I have no one to share the experience with. I might be getting into unrelated territory here but I just feel like I can't give a shit about anything for long because I want to connect with others over things, and my social circle is nothing more than a few dots following a curved line despite several attempts at increasing and maintaining it.

Oh, sorry. I understand now. Yes, it's horrible when our bodies start to give up on us.

Imagine cocktail making is something better to do with friends. Do see your point. I'm sorry things have worked out like they have. Don't know what to suggest I'm afraid. I have huge social anxiety, so try to avoid people wherever possible. I can understand it must be very lonely though if you crave social connection. I hope you are able to find some more like minded people and wish you all the best.

 

[Looking4Answers2]

Just another late night, sleep-avoiding point of contemplation - a thought I've had before, but for some reason, am often reminded of when I see a particular kind of sunset, I'm wondering if any others here feel/have felt this, and maybe can share some perspective on their experiences.

For me, one of the biggest factors that has led me here is the combined explicit and implicit loss of potential at this point in life. When I was younger, there were things I really wanted to do, to accomplish, and so on. Many of them I did, was able to do, could've done but never did, etc. But now, I find most of the things I want or want to do are beyond my reach. Either because of physical limitations, mental ones, or the fact that the world is just kinda shitty and, y'know, the whole "not everyone will grow up to be an astronaut-pirate" realization thing.

In a less grand sense, I used to feel a sense of freedom and ability to alter my circumstances in ways that would lead to a sense of enjoyment or satisfaction (travelling, partaking in whatever random experience, etc.). But now, when what I desire is physical/mental wellbeing, a real social/support network, and a vocation/regular use of my time that makes me feel like I having a meaningful impact on the world...I don't.

Sure, I have tons of potential when compared to someone who has any greater number of limitations over them than me, but I think it's more about the sense of being able to do things you find have value and meaning. One example is that, despite having a few things I've been wanting to do/places I've wanted to go this summer, I've basically done none of them because outings are taxing, I haven't had anyone to go with and feel I'd just be wasting my time going alone.

I think this has descended into rambling so I'd better wrap it up. Should probably stop delaying sleep too, as little as I want to stop and have to face my psyche head on, then wake up and face another day. Hopefully will have some responses to read here at least. Peace and love

Basically you are eloquently saying what's going on in my head. Thank you. I don't feel crazy.

 

[Rounded Agony]

Basically you are eloquently saying what's going on in my head. Thank you. I don't feel crazy.

Woah, surprised to see someone dig up this oldie. I'm glad what I wrote made a positive difference to someone. Funny, having been here as long as I have since writing that, I think it's a tragically common thing for many of us.,,