Venting The concept of living feels so wrong

[HappiestAngel]

Lately everytime I get reminded that i am actually alive i suddenly feel really sick. It's like the same feeling i get when i see/read something horrible. Like seeing/reading about really bad gore or horrible things happening to kids.
I remember before I turned 18 I had this feeling that I would definitely be dead before 18. But I am still alive and it feels like I'm not supposed to be. I kind of feel like a husk. Might be because of my medication but without it I am an emotional wreck.

 

[FuneralCry]

It also feels like something so wrong to me, I see it as something so dreadful and terrible having the ability to exist as a conscious being that is destined to suffer and decay. Only the eternity of death is all I've ever wished for, existence will always feel like a horrific mistake to me.