Story The Cautionary Tale of the Suicidal Vampire

[GoodPersonEffed]

My signature says to watch out for vampires who try to feed off of genuine need and altruistic intentions.

Vampires are not always evil, they are not always aware. But sometimes they are. Does it really matter when it's your own blood?

They seek to seduce to get their needs met by dangling carrots of promises they can't or won't fulfill. While the victim goes for the bait, they sneak in and take things that aren't explicitly offered, things left unprotected because the intended victim's attention is on the carrot.

Oftentimes times the vampires do not know how to ask directly in order to get their needs met. Other times, they fear hearing a no if they directly ask, so they manipulate to try to increase the odds of their getting what they seek. They dangle a lure that appeals to a genuine need and/or the desire to help others.

They promise: Feed me and I'll feed you. But they are never satisfied. Neither are you.

This is a boundary issue. A big one.

The following is the story of a suicidal vampire who drew a lot of energy from me until I finally knocked that shit off.

But wait! you may already be yelling at me. You sound uncompassionate! You are cruel!

Better to protect myself than him.

But he needed help!

Ah, but pity is a ruse. It promises that if you don't protect yourself, you will be rewarded by having protected someone else. Then you're undefended, and it turns out that the someone else didn't really want protection from the danger they claimed. They wanted things you never offered, or worse, that you had previously offered and they explicitly rejected, only to later steal it without permission.

This is the story:

When I was 14, my boyfriend committed suicide with no warning.

He is not the titular suicidal vampire of this tale.

When he did, I was already socially and emotionally unstable. I was very caring and supportive. I was an awkward, extroverted nerd. My family was abusive and negating. I needed and sought connection with others. All this made me a target for unhealthy people who would try to manipulate me to serve their own needs and wants.

There was another boy in my social group who began to target me after my boyfriend's suicide. He was on the periphery of the group. He was introverted. He was different.

And he told me he was suicidal.

Of course I wanted to save him! I couldn't save my boyfriend, I hadn't even known it was coming, but this time the darkness was made known, and I could shine light!

For over six months, he dangled the carrot.

He was suicidal.

He was not.

He was undecided.

I was his friend.

We would leave notes in each other's lockers at school. It was our pre-Internet suicide forum.

Day to day, I never knew what might happen to him. At long last, he said he was going to decide.

I waited for the answer.

One afternoon he left a handmade object on the front doorstep of my home. Inside was a tiny, rolled-up note.

I unfurled the note, expecting, at last, a definitive answer. The words were a cryptic poem that I was supposed to decipher.

I crushed the object. I crumpled the note.

I called him. I chewed his ass out. I yelled, "Fuck you!" I told him to never speak to me again.

A week or two later, I was cleaning out my locker and found a note from him. He happened to be waking by. I yelled at him in front of everyone around and told him to leave me the hell alone.

He acted surprised.

Perhaps the note was old and had gotten lost in the mess of my locker. I felt guilty about that, to eventually lessening degrees, for at least two decades.

Over thirty years later, I now know playing innocent is a manipulation tactic. I didn't feel badly enough to take the bait and soothe him, but guilt and pity sucked on my attention, my energy and the goodness of my heart for a very long time.

Today, this illustrates for me the potential danger of seeking a ctb partner or answering a private communication on a forum. I share here what I've learned from the past and the present, should you seek this knowledge. If not, this a good place to stop reading and I hope you got something of value from reading my tale.


If someone dangles a carrot, then they are like the vampire outside the window seeking permission to enter.

Be wary. The red flag has flown.

If your gut says something is off, it is off. You are not the one who is off, they are.

Be wary. The red flag has flown.

If someone's actions are confusing, they may be seeking to confuse you in order to disarm and control you.

Be wary. The red flag has flown.

If interacting with someone feels draining, they are already draining you.

Be wary. The red flag has flown.

If they respect your boundaries, autonomy, and safety, then their actions, not their words, will consistently demonstrate that. Then, maybe, they are safe. It takes a very long time to prove such things before you can trust someone has good and honorable intentions.

Sometimes a con is a long game.

By all means, have compassion. Compassion has boundaries. It is empathy with a desire to help. If help is not accepted, you can move on knowing your heart is good and you did your best.

If you feel pity, though, you've already been targeted to give more than you are willing to give, or are being set up to have stolen from you what you would have been willing to freely give. Pity is a clear signal to disengage and don't look back.

The red flag is flapping hard.

Resist the pull to go back and comfort the other because they may have been hurt by your harsh words, by your rejection, by your ghosting them. They depend on you to feel badly and to return to them in order to soothe yourself.

You are responsible for you.

They are responsible for them.

If they don't have the tools to manage, they didn't have them before you met them, and it's not tools they seek.

If they are unaware, they were unaware before you met them, and it's not awareness they seek.

Vampires are perpetually hungry. They always seek to feed. When you deny them access, they will seek to feed elsewhere.

Value yourself first above all others. You can't live without your own blood.

Save your own neck.



EDIT:

In retrospect, I should have titled the thread A Cautionary Tale of a Suicidal Vampire. The current title sounds like I'm pontificating. Oops.

Not meaning with this story to label and criticize folks, but definitely the dude who vampired on me.

We all have our patterns of not feeling safe to get our needs met by direct means, or feeling uncomfortable when someone directly asks. Vampiring is a metaphor, but its use can create monsters, making it harder to see such a pattern in ourselves, and heightening fear rather than awareness.

I just find it helpful to view things as story and metaphor, they reveal more information to me.

 

[Ghost2211]

Very good info, well Said.

 

[escapefromabuse]

If someone dangles a carrot, then they are like the vampire outside the window seeking permission to enter.

Be wary. The red flag has flown.

If your gut says something is off, it is off. You are not the one who is off, they are.

Be wary. The red flag has flown.

If someone's actions are confusing, they may be seeking to confuse you in order to disarm and control you.

Be wary. The red flag has flown.

If interacting with someone feels draining, they are already draining you.

Be wary. The red flag has flown.

If they respect your boundaries, autonomy, and safety, then their actions, not their words, will consistently demonstrate that. Then, maybe, they are safe. It takes a very long time to prove such things before you can trust someone has good and honorable intentions.

Sometimes a con is a long game.

By all means, have compassion. Compassion has boundaries. It is empathy with a desire to help. If help is not accepted, you can move on knowing your heart is good and you did your best.

Value yourself first above all others. You can't live without your own blood.

Save your own neck.

Well put. It can be hard to notice those red flags when you're in the middle of it. That love bombing stage feels sooo good.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

^

@escapefromabuse, see how I love-bombed you there?

Haha, I kill me! (Oh look, a suicide joke to boot!)

 

[EndItQuickly]

Interesting read. I thought for sure this was going to be a story about a literal suicidal vampire, and how every time he tried to kill himself he just made his life worse because he's immortal.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Interesting read. I thought for sure this was going to be a story about a literal suicidal vampire, and how every time he tried to kill himself he just made his life worse because he's immortal.

New link for the Resources Megathread:

Vampire CTB Methods

Includes dark web sources for silver bullets, best positions for self-impaling on stakes, how to over come the bat-transition instinct, uses of garlic and crosses as potentiators.

Edit: shit, silver bullets are for werewolves. This is why you should never rely on random people on a forum. Some vampire probably already saw this post and is still undead right now because s/he didn't do the research.

 

[faust]

New link for the Resources Megathread:

Vampire CTB Methods

Includes dark web sources for silver bullets, best positions for self-impaling on stakes, how to over come the bat-transition instinct, uses of garlic and crosses as potentiators.

Edit: shit, silver bullets are for werewolves. This is why you should never rely on random people on a forum. Some vampire probably already saw this post and is still undead right now because s/he didn't do the research.

Yes, Vampire N will be holy water, vampire partial suspension will be crucifix, vampire meto will be chalk.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Your cautionary tale demonstrated to me that there is a line that can be crossed. We all (well, most of us) seek understanding and we reach out for compassion from others for whatever reason. When this reaching crosses the line, we can call it seeking pity and it becomes psychic vampirism. I think the line is drawn when such interaction becomes draining for those that are offering support.
Personally, my situation has gone from bad to worse and my sister has all but abandoned me. Why? Because I'm deteriorating physically, so needing more care that she's unable to give. My interactions with her have now become draining to her, so she cuts herself off from me to protect herself and her family. I understand this, but I miss my sister and regret that i cannot meet her standards unless I pretend to be doing better than I am.
I am now the vampire. And the harsh truth is that when you meet such a creature, you must cut yourself off from them in order to be protected. I now don't talk to my sister because i know that an honest conversation with her will drain her and not benefit me.

 

[Jean4]

Your cautionary tale demonstrated to me that there is a line that can be crossed. We all (well, most of us) seek understanding and we reach out for compassion from others for whatever reason. When this reaching crosses the line, we can call it seeking pity and it becomes psychic vampirism. I think the line is drawn when such interaction becomes draining for those that are offering support.
Personally, my situation has gone from bad to worse and my sister has all but abandoned me. Why? Because I'm deteriorating physically, so needing more care that she's unable to give. My interactions with her have now become draining to her, so she cuts herself off from me to protect herself and her family. I understand this, but I miss my sister and regret that i cannot meet her standards unless I pretend to be doing better than I am.
I am now the vampire. And the harsh truth is that when you meet such a creature, you must cut yourself off from them in order to be protected. I now don't talk to my sister because i know that an honest conversation with her will drain her and not benefit me.

You aren't one to me. I'm here if you need me.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

You aren't one to me. I'm here if you need me.

Thank-you and I appreciate that. And ofc the same goes to you.
I feel it is a bit different online. Interactions are in some way more open because of anonymity and also because you can realistically bug out at any time it gets too much. it doesn't of course negate any perceived obligation, but it is still easier to protect oneself.

 

[Jean4]

Thank-you and I appreciate that. And ofc the same goes to you.
I feel it is a bit different online. Interactions are in some way more open because of anonymity and also because you can realistically bug out at any time it gets too much. it doesn't of course negate any perceived obligation, but it is still easier to protect oneself.

In a way, it is more difficult online. One has to read, and sometimes words can sound harsh, just because those words can be misinterpreted.

The anonymity makes things easier, because that anonymity makes it easier to express the truth, and that can trigger something in you, or to an untrained person, could be rather difficult to hear.

Plus and negatives in all. Vampires only work on those who are not trained, and can't set boundaries.

Personally, I have no family I can leech off of, which is a good thing. No person who is not trained or is actually going through personally what I am going through can ever understand or help... despite good intentions.

Plus and minus' in both in my opinion.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Your cautionary tale demonstrated to me that there is a line that can be crossed. We all (well, most of us) seek understanding and we reach out for compassion from others for whatever reason. When this reaching crosses the line, we can call it seeking pity and it becomes psychic vampirism. I think the line is drawn when such interaction becomes draining for those that are offering support.
Personally, my situation has gone from bad to worse and my sister has all but abandoned me. Why? Because I'm deteriorating physically, so needing more care that she's unable to give. My interactions with her have now become draining to her, so she cuts herself off from me to protect herself and her family. I understand this, but I miss my sister and regret that i cannot meet her standards unless I pretend to be doing better than I am.
I am now the vampire. And the harsh truth is that when you meet such a creature, you must cut yourself off from them in order to be protected. I now don't talk to my sister because i know that an honest conversation with her will drain her and not benefit me.

This is really interesting. You're self-aware. You recognize the pity line and are willing to recognize and respect it. But there is no willingness on her end to negotiate a new boundary that is healthy and mutually beneficial. She sets impossible standards for you to meet because she doesn't want you to meet them; I suspect if you meet the bar, it will be moved and/or raised. This indicates to me you get put in the position of taking all the weight of blame. You're a monster locked out because no one can fix you and you are hideous to behold -- oh, bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. More like she offers you addictive toxicity masked as ambrosia and expects you to drink the poison and beg for more. I am so sorry you are isolated and denied basic goodness. Along with your illness, it is cruelty upon cruelty. Sure, she's sick, too, but she's not on an online support forum that I'm a member of, and I doubt she would seek something that may guide her toward reciprocity, self-awareness, and emotional health. There's a clear scapegoating pattern here and I am so sorry you're the victim of it. I have been in that position many times.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

This is really interesting. You're self-aware. You recognize the pity line and are willing to recognize and respect it. But there is no willingness on her end to negotiate a new boundary that is healthy and mutually beneficial. She sets impossible standards for you to meet because she doesn't want you to meet them; I suspect if you meet the bar, it will be moved and/or raised. This indicates to me you get put in the position of taking all the weight of blame. You're a monster locked out because no one can fix you and you are hideous to behold -- oh, bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. More like she offers you addictive toxicity masked as ambrosia and expects you to drink the poison and beg for more. I am so sorry you are isolated and denied basic goodness. Along with your illness, it is cruelty upon cruelty. Sure, she's sick, too, but she's not on an online support forum that I'm a member of, and I doubt she would seek something that may guide her toward reciprocity, self-awareness, and emotional health. There's a clear scapegoating pattern here and I am so sorry you're the victim of it. I have been in that position many times.

Its not something she does consciously, she just doesn't know how to cope. All that she has done is out of trying to help me, but she doesn't understand and is unable to listen. My brother and sister both forced me to give them power of attorney so they could force me to move house and get their share of the sale. They made me sign under duress on threat of abandoning me. Now THAT hurt. But they did it because they thought they were helping as well as getting the money.
However, they then bullied me relentlessly into panic buying a house and I bought the wrong one (I'm lucky I had that resource though, but I wanted to wait and make a more considered purchase; I've now misspent my entire inheritance in one go). She also took my credit card details without my consent and bought house insurance in may name. That is fraud. But again, she did it because she thought she was helping as at the time I wasn't capable of thinking of such a thing.

So its complex for me. But I do feel like I've been put away like a monster. As long as I keep quiet I won't be persecuted. But I agree, she should be willing to negotiate a new boundary that helps both of us, because in the long term, her attitude will hurt both of us. I want to do this for her benefit as well as mine because I worry about her, she used to lean on me so much for emotional support and I regret that I can't give that to her because I'm shut out. If only she would connect with me and listen, then maybe I could make her see.

Everything in this life comes back to get you tenfold. There is no escape.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Other-control is often enacted with an ostensible motivation to help. This pseudo-help is a self-delsuion, and other-delusion, to justify negating and overriding the boundaries and autonomy of the other and the self.

Help doesn't result in abuse, fraud, and isolation. It results in trust, togetherness, and mutually beneficial reciprocity.

Of course there are root causes she could not control, but the result is that she is blind. She does not seek correction to achieve clear vision. You do. Because of that, you consistently earn admiration and respect from me, because boundaries, autonomy, self-determination, and awareness are what I love and seek above all else. You are a safe person to have in my close proximity, and so I value that you are.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Well thank you, I certainly appreciate your earnest attitude.

Help doesn't result in abuse, fraud, and isolation. It results in trust, togetherness, and mutually beneficial reciprocity.

You are correct there.
Its not my place to determine what she thinks or how she feels, but my dumb old heart does not recognise that. I miss my sister. its that simple.
I used to be a person that 'acted'. I would take charge of a situation if I felt the confidence to do so, and by the age of 40 odd, I felt confident in most situations. Now I do not, so I have to resort to guile & cunning. I have to persuade others to act how I want them to by modulating my words and behaviour so they will come to their own conclusions and feel that they have arrived at that decision without my coercion. I continue to try and get her to realise she has to deal with my situation one way or another, even if she chooses to ignore it, but that's all I can do.

Edit: sorry, I appear to have hijacked the thread

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Well thank you, I certainly appreciate your earnest attitude.

You are correct there.
Its not my place to determine what she thinks or how she feels, but my dumb old heart does not recognise that. I miss my sister. its that simple.
I used to be a person that 'acted'. I would take charge of a situation if I felt the confidence to do so, and by the age of 40 odd, I felt confident in most situations. Now I do not, so I have to resort to guile & cunning. I have to persuade others to act how I want them to by modulating my words and behaviour so they will come to their own conclusions and feel that they have arrived at that decision without my coercion. I continue to try and get her to realise she has to deal with my situation one way or another, even if she chooses to ignore it, but that's all I can do.

Edit: sorry, I appear to have hijacked the thread

Not highjacked at all.

To me, this says a lot about you: that you resorted to guile and cunning, and yet you seek to not coerce. For some, all three are go-to methods, and I stay away from them when I become aware of their MOs. You display adaptability, yet keep it limited by the boundaries of your values.

I once had a potential roommate situation. He was waffling. I played a card. I disclosed to him what had happened in the current living environment and why I wanted out. It pushed him to make a decision, he chose in my favor. I got my need met, and I got a roommate I actually wanted. We had so much fun. I used pity, I used guile, I used cunning, but there was no intention to harm or bleed off of him. I don't feel a hundred percent great about what I did, but sometimes in life, we just gotta do our best with what we have and try to not be intentionally abusive dicks. Coercion is always persuasion; persuasion is not always coercion (undue influence).

And I'm sorry you miss your sister and grieve the loss.

________________

Back to the OP a sec, about pity. Here's a great example:

Those old Sally Struthers commercials with her literally whining and pleading about starving children in Africa. Look at their swollen bellies! Look at the flies on their faces! PITY!!!! Give up what you hold dear to save others! Give your money. Less than one dollar a day! Make an investment! Feel pain in your heart, your soul, your being!!! PITY!!!!!!!

Now go research how much of that money actually goes to the actual starving actual children. Find actual donors and ask them if their monthly contributions were enough, or if they were regularly prodded to give just a little more, for just a little longer. Ask them what they stopped protecting in order to protect others. Ask them what they really lost. Yeah I know, I created strawmen donors. But such stories exist. I ain't gonna go researching for links. If you doubt me, you can say eff you to me, or you can research it if that benefits you.

On a funny side note, Trevor Noah says, and I paraphrase because I am lazy, "Yeah, there's starvation in Africa, and help is needed, but we at least know how to swat flies off our faces!"

 

[Deleted member 1465]

To me, this says a lot about you: that you resorted to guile and cunning, and yet you seek to not coerce. For some, all three are go-to methods, and I stay away from them when I become aware of their MOs. You display adaptability, yet keep it limited by the boundaries of your values.

It seems my Art of War is coming in handy.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It seems my Art of War is coming in handy.

Well, shit. Ethical war? Is there a Cliff Notes version you can refer me to???

 

[foreveryoung]

Strange huh? I actually had a dream of a vampire coming into my room and wanted my blood the day before you posted this. Then I woke up and something happened which I never thought would ever happen that put off all my plans to book a flight and go to my ctb destination.. I was so determined too. I read your thread later on the day. Something is trying to extend my stay here, thats why i'll take head of your warning. Something is definitely not right.

 

[porfin1234]

Ive been guilty of this.
Why I need to back off and cut people out of my life. I am just draining.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Ive been guilty of this.
Why I need to back off and cut people out of my life.

This piqued my curiosity, but I don't want to intrude or cause discomfort, so please don't respond if you don't want to.

What I'm curious about:

Have you done this because you do not want to ask directly for someone to meet your needs or wants?

Were you consciously aware of what you were trying to drain from the person, or was it more instinctive?

Were you aware of dangling a promise you couldn't/wouldn't fulfill, or did you have every intention of keeping it but then found you were unable or unwilling to?

Would you have answered the question with an indecipherable puzzle? If yes, what would be the benefit for you of doing so?

 

[porfin1234]

This piqued my curiosity, but I don't want to intrude or cause discomfort, so please don't respond if you don't want to.

What I'm curious about:

Have you done this because you do not want to ask directly for someone to meet your needs or wants?
No... I just have been told I'm self absorbed self centered and depended too much on my SOs in the past and constantly talked about my suicidal ideation to which I was finally told is a form of abuse.

Were you consciously aware of what you were trying to drain from the person, or was it more instinctive?
I was not purposefully trying to drain someone, no. But I realize now my expectations have been ridiculous and I've been extremely needy and self centered. I get extremely attached to people sometimes .. and it's unfair to them.
I used to get upset when told that but now I get it. I haven't been a good friend, partner, or even teacher. I also see now how unbalanced my relationships have been. I was once told by a guy I was seeing "you are not my priority". I get it now. I don't keep myself busy enough on my own and rely too much on others.


Were you aware of dangling a promise you couldn't/wouldn't fulfill, or did you have every intention of keeping it but then found you were unable or unwilling to?
It was not on purpose. No. I just didn't try hard enough to heal myself, and failed others.Ive always been clear there are things I may want but I may end up not being around to fulfill them. I will say I wasted a lot of money going to wellness centers and not following through with the therapy which was incredibly frustrating to my SO and again, I understand now.

Would you have answered the question with an indecipherable puzzle? If yes, what would be the benefit for you of doing so?
Whether not I would off myself?
Ummm.. no. That's just weird.
I have been suicidal but then change my mind a lot. And I understand how draining that must be to others. And that I need to take care of myself instead of talking to others about it as much.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@porfin1234, thank you so much for your response.

The last answer in particular was, to me, so insightful.

This made me chuckle: "Ummm.. no. That's just weird." It indeed was. But your response to he weirdness made me laugh, I needed that.

I often enjoy your articulate and insightful posts. Thank you for sharing one here.

This part of the comment was the progression my writing here led to, like journaling. I got some self-awareness, then what I already knew about cultural vampiring patterns, and then an epiphany about the titular vampire. This reinforces for me how dangerous the partnering thread can be. So if anyone cares to read....

I became aware of how I once vampired off of someone and felt awful about it. He loved me and I didn't love him, but I liked a lot about him. I got benefit, but what he was offering was everything, and wanted everything in return. I hurt him. He didn't have the boundaries and high self-regard to cut ties. He always let me come back, and I came back just for the things I liked. I wanted to love him, he was truly worthy of that, but the physical attraction just wasn't there, and there was something missing that would have otherwise overcome the one physical flaw and perhaps even made him beautiful to me.

Seducer/seducee patterns are part of human nature, and even play out in cultures. The one seduced has boundary issues as much as does the seducer, or else they would more quickly protect and either establish firm and impenetrable boundaries or disengage. For the most part, the patterns persist because of unawareness, not intention. When there is intent, that's sociopathy.

I think the suicidal vampire I encountered was not sociopathic, but in retrospect, I could see him becoming a killer like Dahmer. There was a kind of dark sickness there that could turn simultaneously inward and outward. I just realized that now while writing. I always think of him as sick, because I feel sick in response to the twisted darkness I sense in him but was blind to as a teenager. I had to build boundaries, awareness, and self-regard to get to the point that I say fuck pity, that's some sick shit, yell a very loud warning and run. That's the kind of shit one can come across on the partners thread.

 

[SadHam]

Yup this is all totally true. I expressed to my now ex partner the battle that rages in my head between desire to CTB and live life. Yes I was shit and not that capable for good portions of time but I loved her deeply and cared. In reality I just wanted her and everyone else to know that if I lose the battle (or win depending on what you think about CTB) then it was not ever anyones problem or fault but mine. But I was always the draining vampire as it turns out. This post illustrates exactly why all those years trying to talk about it, to try and stay alive, is and was ultimately a burden and painful experience for all those around me.
This forum and everyone's experiences is both comforting and a reminder of how futile it feels to express without being shamed away into one category or another.