The Big Day

[TimeToPackUp]

Well, ever since I failed my SN attempt, I needed an alternative method. I'm lucky enough to be able to CTB via self-inflicted gun wound now. I'm thinking sometime next week because that's when I'm officially homeless with nowhere to go. I'm glad there's a place I can say this with no judgement. I'm glad most of you won't tell me, "Have you tried talking to anyone?". I'm fed up with that, if I talk to someone, that's not magically going to build me a house. Also, that's just going to be more money out of my pocket. A fucking top of their class therapist wouldn't be able to help me financially or mentally. So I definitely don't care about free therapist options that might be available, as we all know that'll be as garbage as a public defender. I know what they might ask me though, what led me here, what led me to be homeless. Well it's my mental health, my financial burdens are a product of how I'm fucked up in the head. Couldn't hold a steady job, can't finish anything without quitting, I hate myself. It's irreversible, it's not something talking to anyone about would change or fix. I've tried therapy in the past, I'm just too far gone, it doesn't work. It pisses me off how pro lifers think talking to someone or calling these suicide hotlines is the magic potion to dissolve all your problems. I am in a prisoner right now, my mind is a prison, everyday I'm in agony because I have to wake up here again. You people take peaceful methods away, and think telling us "go talk to someone", or "your life is valuable", or any of those other bullshit lines you guys love to spew out will change us. Maybe for some but not me, and it isn't fair to people like me. You guys make life a fucking prison, I'm an adult, I know what's best for me. I don't like the idea of anyone telling me I'm not thinking straight, especially someone who hasn't had my experiences. We all experience things differently, this cookie cutter method to prevent suicide is a load of bullshit and it involves a bunch of gaslighting. Let me die in peace, I've earned the right, luckily I can now, I'm just angry for those who can't, who are living in the prison of the mind everyday. They're not being taken seriously. Pro lifers would paint me as immoral, but you guys are the ones that are immoral, taking away choices. Taking away peaceful methods, knowing people will use harsher more painful methods anyway. I've learned to king of like Switzerland, the way they do things I respect much more. I know what some others would say too, "You wouldn't be homeless if you worked". Well, I don't blame anyone for my being homeless, and solely being homeless isn't my only reason for CTB, like I said, my mental ailments are why I've ended up homeless, and no therapy is going to help me or my situation. I have a wish to die, which should be respected. I'm an adult, I know what's best for me, I don't need anyone telling me what's best for me.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Sorry that life brought you to this point. The world out there and our society is so cruel sometimes. I fully understand your decisions.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Do what's best for you and wish you all the best with that… Also I'm jealous when it comes to you having a gun ( that's a ctb method with a high success rate)

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to read about your predicament and I hope that you will find the peace you are looking for on "the big day". I too, share similar sentiments as you do, the incessant bombardment of pro-life rhetoric, platitudes, and sentiments in day to day life. These pro-life bastards will never respect us and sadly, it's up to us to take our own matters into our own hands. Anyways, I wish you the best and peace.

 

[Zegers]

Best wishes

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes- I absolutely agree with you. Why should some stranger think they know more about the way we think- more about the way we SHOULD think than we do? We're not white goods for God's sake- our brains don't have a single set way of operating. Plus- how is it 'normal' to face life's very real problems like homelessness and bankrupcy with a sense of optimism?!!

I'm so sorry for your situation. My life isn't quite at the stage of homelessness (I feel so bad for you) but still- I'm tired of playing this game. I don't see why we should be forced to.

 

[FuneralCry]

Those pro-life people just come across as so insane to me, they are blinded by their insensitive delusions, it's really disgusting to try and make people prisoners to this existence and slaves to their suffering, suicide is a human right and nobody should be obligated to delay the inevitable, it's like they forget that we are all going to die anyway so it's really disgusting wanting to prolong other people's meaningless and unnecessary suffering all for the sake of it.

I bet many of the pro-lifers will change their views once they end up all tortured by health problems as the reality is that existence can very easily get much more unbearable for anyone, we are all destined for nowhere but to be tormented by old age. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans and I hope that you eventually find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[Zegers]

face life's very real problems like homelessness and bankrupcy with a sense of optimism?!!

This reminds me of when someone told me that i was too negative just because i had a disability.

 

[Vizzy]

Well, ever since I failed my SN attempt, I needed an alternative method. I'm lucky enough to be able to CTB via self-inflicted gun wound now. I'm thinking sometime next week because that's when I'm officially homeless with nowhere to go. I'm glad there's a place I can say this with no judgement. I'm glad most of you won't tell me, "Have you tried talking to anyone?". I'm fed up with that, if I talk to someone, that's not magically going to build me a house. Also, that's just going to be more money out of my pocket. A fucking top of their class therapist wouldn't be able to help me financially or mentally. So I definitely don't care about free therapist options that might be available, as we all know that'll be as garbage as a public defender. I know what they might ask me though, what led me here, what led me to be homeless. Well it's my mental health, my financial burdens are a product of how I'm fucked up in the head. Couldn't hold a steady job, can't finish anything without quitting, I hate myself. It's irreversible, it's not something talking to anyone about would change or fix. I've tried therapy in the past, I'm just too far gone, it doesn't work. It pisses me off how pro lifers think talking to someone or calling these suicide hotlines is the magic potion to dissolve all your problems. I am in a prisoner right now, my mind is a prison, everyday I'm in agony because I have to wake up here again. You people take peaceful methods away, and think telling us "go talk to someone", or "your life is valuable", or any of those other bullshit lines you guys love to spew out will change us. Maybe for some but not me, and it isn't fair to people like me. You guys make life a fucking prison, I'm an adult, I know what's best for me. I don't like the idea of anyone telling me I'm not thinking straight, especially someone who hasn't had my experiences. We all experience things differently, this cookie cutter method to prevent suicide is a load of bullshit and it involves a bunch of gaslighting. Let me die in peace, I've earned the right, luckily I can now, I'm just angry for those who can't, who are living in the prison of the mind everyday. They're not being taken seriously. Pro lifers would paint me as immoral, but you guys are the ones that are immoral, taking away choices. Taking away peaceful methods, knowing people will use harsher more painful methods anyway. I've learned to king of like Switzerland, the way they do things I respect much more. I know what some others would say too, "You wouldn't be homeless if you worked". Well, I don't blame anyone for my being homeless, and solely being homeless isn't my only reason for CTB, like I said, my mental ailments are why I've ended up homeless, and no therapy is going to help me or my situation. I have a wish to die, which should be respected. I'm an adult, I know what's best for me, I don't need anyone telling me what's best for me.

How did you fail your sn attempt?

Why you wanna change your method?

 

[TimeToPackUp]

How did you fail your sn attempt?

Why you wanna change your method?

I poured my SN into two water bottles, one for backup. I chickened out of drinking my first one right away, so I just went to sleep. When I woke up, I took four sips but stopped there because it was unbearably salty. Felt sick for like two days, lips turned blue/grey and I threw up. It felt a little worse than a bad hangover.

 

[Vizzy]

I poured my SN into two water bottles, one for backup. I chickened out of drinking my first one right away, so I just went to sleep. When I woke up, I took four sips but stopped there because it was unbearably salty. Felt sick for like two days, lips turned blue/grey and I threw up. It felt a little worse than a bad hangover.

I don't see any pain, why can't you go with the sn method again? Instead of firearms

So failed attempt is because of your si right?

 

[TimeToPackUp]

I don't see any pain, why can't you go with the sn method again? Instead of firearms

So failed attempt is because of your si right?

You're right, I wasn't in any real pain. Since IC is compromised I wouldn't know where to get more of that quality. Also I don't have an address to ship it to. I like the gun method because it's quicker and I think it'll be easier to fight my anxiety and just pull the trigger.