Venting The best thing you can do is leave

[hermestrimegistus]

Coming to the depressing conclusion that the best thing you can do for people you care about is to get out of their lives. I thought at first this was just my usual self sabotage but I've come to realize its just objectively true. Family, friends, friendly acquaintances, online strangers. The more you care for someone the less you should want them to have to deal with the side effects of your trauma and bullshit. Its only because I'm selfish and want to stop being completely isolated that I contradict myself and try to interact with others but its like I'm a social vampire and very out of touch of how people interact in this time period or maybe I'm just socially retarded and can't read the cues I'm given. I'm both very shy but also bluntly honest and forward once I trust and/or get to know someone. I know I'm a lot to handle. I want to be there for other people but I don't think anyone should have to deal with me or empathize with me. Does anyone else have a similar walking-contradiction mentality or am I just a fucking alien?

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Yeah, I'm in a similar position.
I'm very shy, and always have been. I also suffer from aspergers.
I've been isolating myself for at least 2 years now from my family and don't have any friends because I find relationships difficult and I'm no good at social cues and figuring people out.
This is why I choose to be alone now. I care about people but I find it best to isolate because I'm a fuck - up becauseof my mental health problems.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

Yeah, I'm in a similar position.
I'm very shy, and always have been. I also suffer from aspergers.
I've been isolating myself for at least 2 years now from my family and don't have any friends because I find relationships difficult and I'm no good at social cues and figuring people out.
This is why I choose to be alone now. I care about people but I find it best to isolate because I'm a fuck - up becauseof my mental health problems.

Its just getting worse now though. Like the little bit of family I still have left I am completely lying to and pretending I am okay. I spend my free time getting drunk and crying. The few social media accounts I had I deleted. I had one internet acquaintance I talked to on discord with for a while who was probably the only person on earth who was rooting for me to sober up and get better and I literally just deactivated my account and disappeared because I can't deal with relying on other people for support. I feel like a parasite. I just want to stop existing. All I do is hurt people