Thank you all, and goodnight

[fastneasyTossout]

This will be my last transmission, and I can't thank everyone enough for being so kind and accepting.. this situation sucks, I won't lie, I could procrastinate this and go to bed and continue the loop tomorrow.. and I have a hard time following through with ctb, let alone almost every aspect of my life.. and this I just.. have to follow through with

I accept and understand there will be pain. I mean hell. I'm shooting myself, in the heart, with a 12 gauge shotgun. #00 buckshot.. there's gonna be a shit load of pain lol and a big ol hole lol...

I worry I will suffocate before I die, suffocate on the blood filling my lungs.. or lack there of. I try and hold my breath and I get an understanding of what that would feel like but every time I panic and breathe out before passing out.

I'm going into this, well, attempting to go into this with an excited mindset. Excited for what's to come. Excited to finally experience "death". Excited to finally leave this plane of existence. But SI breeds fear and fears hard to overcome…

I wanted to say thank you to everyone on here, and I hope you all find the same peace I have to find in a couple of hours.. maybe even I'll be re United with my mom.. however that works lol.

I'm going to miss the basic principles of earth and, being.. existing.. you know.. but I have seen the bigger picture and just can't ignore it and stay in my own la la land, work a job for 30 years, retire, and die.
I wanna press SKIP CUTSCENE and dive right into the next chapter :)

I still haven't decided where to go? But the note will be leaving will start the chain reaction , so once I lock this door and leave, there's no turning back.

I fear the shotgun may malfunction somehow, I fear I may wreck on the drive to the location, get pulled over, I feel like the universe will do whatever it can to keep me alive. But if I can arrive there safely, ultimately it's my time and I just have to battle SI with a single finger motion.

My mom was a trooper. She did anything for drugs.. she wrecked cars willingly, poured boiling hot water on her legs just to get pills… so… if I'm anything like my momma… I will do what ever it takes to get what I want. Even if it means blowing a hole in my heart and suffering for a few minutes. If my mom could do it, so can I.. I know totally different situations but I'm talking more mental state of mind.

I'm sadden there is no true way y'all will know if I passed or not, you'll only have my account activity to go off, but, I'm sure by the few details I have given out, there are some very impressively smart individuals here who I know can put together the pieces when my bus inevitably arrives.

I've also decided to send some last texts out, I scheduled them to send at a specific time in the future automatically, so by the time I've already departed, my phone will automatically send out last texts on my behalf to everyone who should Know.

I keep wanting to type out " I'm scared" but I know I need to change my line of thinking for excitement… I think once I put this phone down I will have better control.. anyway

I still need to empty out my truck and prepare. But after that's done, that's it. Right on schedule.. just drive

I'm ready for this next big adventure.. here we go ladies and gents :)

 

[rainysummer]

<3 much love and good luck. can i ask why the heart as opposed to the head?

 

[fastneasyTossout]

<3 much love and good luck. can i ask why the heart as opposed to the head?

Irrational fear that I'll no sight in the afterlife if I blow my head off.. I'd rather have a hole in my chest vs no head lol.. it's probably nothing and I'm making myself go through Angony for no reason but.. idk

 

[rainysummer]

Irrational fear that I'll no sight in the afterlife if I blow my head off.. I'd rather have a hole in my chest vs no head lol.. it's probably nothing and I'm making myself go through Angony for no reason but.. idk

ikwym; main reason i don't just buy a gun is bc i dont like the idea of my corpse having a hole in the head.

 

[Nightbird]

Sending you love

 

[Hollowillow]

This will be my last transmission, and I can't thank everyone enough for being so kind and accepting.. this situation sucks, I won't lie, I could procrastinate this and go to bed and continue the loop tomorrow.. and I have a hard time following through with ctb, let alone almost every aspect of my life.. and this I just.. have to follow through with

I accept and understand there will be pain. I mean hell. I'm shooting myself, in the heart, with a 12 gauge shotgun. #00 buckshot.. there's gonna be a shit load of pain lol and a big ol hole lol...

I worry I will suffocate before I die, suffocate on the blood filling my lungs.. or lack there of. I try and hold my breath and I get an understanding of what that would feel like but every time I panic and breathe out before passing out.

I'm going into this, well, attempting to go into this with an excited mindset. Excited for what's to come. Excited to finally experience "death". Excited to finally leave this plane of existence. But SI breeds fear and fears hard to overcome…

I wanted to say thank you to everyone on here, and I hope you all find the same peace I have to find in a couple of hours.. maybe even I'll be re United with my mom.. however that works lol.

I'm going to miss the basic principles of earth and, being.. existing.. you know.. but I have seen the bigger picture and just can't ignore it and stay in my own la la land, work a job for 30 years, retire, and die.
I wanna press SKIP CUTSCENE and dive right into the next chapter :)

I still haven't decided where to go? But the note will be leaving will start the chain reaction , so once I lock this door and leave, there's no turning back.

I fear the shotgun may malfunction somehow, I fear I may wreck on the drive to the location, get pulled over, I feel like the universe will do whatever it can to keep me alive. But if I can arrive there safely, ultimately it's my time and I just have to battle SI with a single finger motion.

My mom was a trooper. She did anything for drugs.. she wrecked cars willingly, poured boiling hot water on her legs just to get pills… so… if I'm anything like my momma… I will do what ever it takes to get what I want. Even if it means blowing a hole in my heart and suffering for a few minutes. If my mom could do it, so can I.. I know totally different situations but I'm talking more mental state of mind.

I'm sadden there is no true way y'all will know if I passed or not, you'll only have my account activity to go off, but, I'm sure by the few details I have given out, there are some very impressively smart individuals here who I know can put together the pieces when my bus inevitably arrives.

I've also decided to send some last texts out, I scheduled them to send at a specific time in the future automatically, so by the time I've already departed, my phone will automatically send out last texts on my behalf to everyone who should Know.

I keep wanting to type out " I'm scared" but I know I need to change my line of thinking for excitement… I think once I put this phone down I will have better control.. anyway

I still need to empty out my truck and prepare. But after that's done, that's it. Right on schedule.. just drive

I'm ready for this next big adventure.. here we go ladies and gents :)

Thank you for sharing with us. Someone couldn't go through a peaceful method, so it's ok if you come back to tell us you changed your mind. Shotguns have the highest success... But very brutal.

You don't have to be like your mother. You can start a new adventure with the same character, just customize different options.

But I understand if you want out... I wish you instant sleep.

Irrational fear that I'll no sight in the afterlife if I blow my head off.. I'd rather have a hole in my chest vs no head lol.. it's probably nothing and I'm making myself go through Angony for no reason but.. idk

It makes sense. I wanted to die in a panick attack, to overcome SI. But now I'm worried that the high energy will anchor me in the place of my death... Becoming a ghost... Instead of dispersing my energy peacefully.

 

[Shivali]

Good luck

 

[makethepainstop]

I sincerely hope that everyone here gets what they want, gets what they need, and none of us get what some think we deserve! Love and peace to all, and especially you my friend.

 

[mojabaka]

Don't worry, you'll probably die before feeling any pain. Good luck my friend, and may you rest in peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

Farewell, I wish you freedom from all suffering.

 

[Hope:-)]

Sending a lot of love your way xx

 

[Astronauta]

Que o outro lado seja gentil com você.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

Farewell my dude, I'm glad we got to talk a bit before you left.

 

[Alabama_death]

So sad to hear your story. I hope you found peace wherever you are now

 

[Finding Sirius]

I hope you found your peace, rest well.

 

[Zhendou]

Farewell and rest well.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I hope your plan works as desired for you and that you get to your peace. RIP friend.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Wishing you peace on your journey and that everything goes smoothly.

 

[GasMonkey]

See you on the Other Side.

 

[StarlightDreamer]

I hope you find the peace you deserve.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Rip man..

 

[StolenLife]

I hope you get a peaceful rest. Farewell.

 

[ojinzo]

Sending you peace, my friend.