Bokunatsu03
I like sunflowers (she/her)
- Jun 5, 2024
- 1
Hi, I'm new to the forum and although I don't know if this is the right way I would like to create this post to vent about a specific situation that has been plaguing me since I basically started seriously considering ctb.
It's a feeling I've dubbed "stasis" (I know it's corny, give me a break)
"Stasis" is that voice that ruminates in the head of those of us who have to coexist at the same time with the urge to want to end it all and with thanatophobia. That visceral sensation of knowing that you will not be able to end the suffering that you seem to be experiencing.
It is different from terror or anxiety, when these invade my mind they are usually accompanied by a series of symptoms (accelerated pulse, cold sweats, shortness of breath) that do not occur when "stasis" visit me.
It is a kind of empty hopelessness, one in which one fears what one longs for, in a kind of dance that can only end up bringing you pain.
Wen I plunge into it, I am like a small animal being swept away by a strong current, my only way out seems to be a shore on a coast that I do not know and that terrifies me, and yet I am aware that I cannot even reach it, for my legs are not strong enough to carry me to it.
((Sorry in advance if something is misspelled or doesn't make sense, I'm just rambling and English is not my first language).
It's a feeling I've dubbed "stasis" (I know it's corny, give me a break)
"Stasis" is that voice that ruminates in the head of those of us who have to coexist at the same time with the urge to want to end it all and with thanatophobia. That visceral sensation of knowing that you will not be able to end the suffering that you seem to be experiencing.
It is different from terror or anxiety, when these invade my mind they are usually accompanied by a series of symptoms (accelerated pulse, cold sweats, shortness of breath) that do not occur when "stasis" visit me.
It is a kind of empty hopelessness, one in which one fears what one longs for, in a kind of dance that can only end up bringing you pain.
Wen I plunge into it, I am like a small animal being swept away by a strong current, my only way out seems to be a shore on a coast that I do not know and that terrifies me, and yet I am aware that I cannot even reach it, for my legs are not strong enough to carry me to it.
((Sorry in advance if something is misspelled or doesn't make sense, I'm just rambling and English is not my first language).
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