TFW a small change in your past could have saved you

[Black Rose Bunny]

I'm sure many of you can relate to that feeling when like you do or don't do something and everything kind of spirals out of control over it? And now you have to kill your self?

for me personally, I wish I could have told my parents about my feelings of being trans when I was little.. I knew I wanted to transition, I had dreams about it and I often thought about like running away and transitioning, there was even another trans girl in my school. But like I knew my parents were anti trans and I was really scared and thought I could just like "fix" myself. It really sucks because it took more effort to hide it than it would do push for it, and not pushing it really destroyed my life. I had to go through male puberty and that completely destroyed my body, no amount of hormones or surgery can fix that now. It's crazy to think I could have been normal had I not been so scared. But I was scared so now I have to ctb

 

[Mr2005]

I can't say it any better than you just did. I didn't know what I was doing at the time was suicide or I wouldn't have done it

 

[HadEnough1974]

I'm sure many of you can relate to that feeling when like you do or don't do something and everything kind of spirals out of control over it? And now you have to kill your self?

for me personally, I wish I could have told my parents about my feelings of being trans when I was little.. I knew I wanted to transition, I had dreams about it and I often thought about like running away and transitioning, there was even another trans girl in my school. But like I knew my parents were anti trans and I was really scared and thought I could just like "fix" myself. It really sucks because it took more effort to hide it than it would do push for it, and not pushing it really destroyed my life. I had to go through male puberty and that completely destroyed my body, no amount of hormones or surgery can fix that now. It's crazy to think I could have been normal had I not been so scared. But I was scared so now I have to ctb

Hello. I can't know your pain, I'm not trans. I'm gay, I'm part of the rainbow. We are family. I understand that you feel it's too late for you. Wishing you had the courage earlier on. I wish I came out earlier. I was afraid to.

I can't tell you that it gets better, I know that it doesn't for everyone. Sometimes it gets shittier. But what if all trans people killed themselves because it was too late for them? Then there wouldn't be trans people.

Some people transition later on in life. Some people come out later on in life. I know it's not the same thing. I hope you would consider other options. Have you tried the Trevor support line? It's specifically for lgbtq people. We are family. Hugs.

 

[Black Rose Bunny]

Hello. I can't know your pain, I'm not trans. I'm gay, I'm part of the rainbow. We are family. I understand that you feel it's too late for you. Wishing you had the courage earlier on. I wish I came out earlier. I was afraid to.

I can't tell you that it gets better, I know that it doesn't for everyone. Sometimes it gets shittier. But what if all trans people killed themselves because it was too late for them? Then there wouldn't be trans people.

Some people transition later on in life. Some people come out later on in life. I know it's not the same thing. I hope you would consider other options. Have you tried the Trevor support line? It's specifically for lgbtq people. We are family. Hugs.

Thank you for the support and thank you for supporting trans people. Honestly though, I've tried really hard to make this work, I've gone to therapists, doctors and psychiatrists, I've been in hormones for 2 years. I think it's just time to face reality, there is nothing feminine about my body, and that won't change.

I wish I could do more for the trans and lgbt community, but honestly there's not much I can do. And hopefully my death will help bring awareness to trans issues, maybe it will speak louder than if I were alive.

 

[HadEnough1974]

Thank you for the support and thank you for supporting trans people. Honestly though, I've tried really hard to make this work, I've gone to therapists, doctors and psychiatrists, I've been in hormones for 2 years. I think it's just time to face reality, there is nothing feminine about my body, and that won't change.

I wish I could do more for the trans and lgbt community, but honestly there's not much I can do. And hopefully my death will help bring awareness to trans issues, maybe it will speak louder than if I were alive.

Dear, only you can speak and make a difference while you're alive. If you end your life, because you're trans, what message does it send to other trans people?

If black and brown people didn't stand up and demand the right to equality and the right to vote, would Obama have been elected Presiddnt?

If you decide to ctb because you're trans, what message does it send to others?

Your life matters. Masculine and feminine are societal concepts. I can be a flaming queen if I wanted to be and as macho alpha male when I want to be. I can embrace both worlds.

I'm going to google something for you and I'll be back.

Dear, only you can speak and make a difference while you're alive. If you end your life, because you're trans, what message does it send to other trans people?

If black and brown people didn't stand up and demand the right to equality and the right to vote, would Obama have been elected Presiddnt?

If you decide to ctb because you're trans, what message does it send to others?

Your life matters. Masculine and feminine are societal concepts. I can be a flaming queen if I wanted to be and as macho alpha male when I want to be. I can embrace both worlds.

I'm going to google something for you and I'll be back.

Ok I found it.

Chris Beck (Navy SEAL) - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

He was a navy seal, a bad ass rough and tough guy. He transitioned. There is a documentary as well, videos. It's worth watching. It's not easy, I know.

Have you met other people like yourself? Others who are going through issues surrounding body image, etc...

Forget about how society views masculine vs feminine traits. Focus on starting to like the smallest things about yourself, and growing from there. Hugs.

 

[Pryras]

I dwell a lot about my past with a lot of "what if I didn't say...." or "I should've never..." but then I realize I probably would repeat the same mistake with what I knew at the time.
I hear this a lot but it's something I agree with. Most of us didn't know the consequences of our actions otherwise we probably would have chosen different

 

[waterbottleman]

My dad cock blocked me from losing my virginity at 17 and it "only" took me 12 years later at 29 to lose my virginity.

I was about to have sex with my girlfriend at 17 when my dad drove to her house and was all angry/pissy (he has anger management problems and often gets super angry over really minor inconveniences) forcing me to leave and come home. So I didn't get to have sex with her even though she said she wanted me to fuck her at that moment and we were both on a bed naked. We had been fooling around for hours before that point.

At the time I didn't think it was a big deal, I thought to myself "oh well, the opportunity will come again soon enough." Little did I know that the so called opportunity never arrived and it would only be 12 years later that I actually got to have sex.

This story isn't really relevant to the thread honestly, I don't think having sex at 17 would have changed my life in any radical way (but who knows, maybe it would have made me more confident, boosted my self esteem, and made me feel less unwanted/alienated by people idk) but I think the story is hilarious. I laugh when I look back at how fucking wrong I was in brushing aside that loss of an opportunity.

I also thought she was absolutely beautiful and I was head over heels for her, so it sucks that my dad ruined it for me.

 

[Black Rose Bunny]

Dear, only you can speak and make a difference while you're alive. If you end your life, because you're trans, what message does it send to other trans people?

If black and brown people didn't stand up and demand the right to equality and the right to vote, would Obama have been elected Presiddnt?

If you decide to ctb because you're trans, what message does it send to others?

Your life matters. Masculine and feminine are societal concepts. I can be a flaming queen if I wanted to be and as macho alpha male when I want to be. I can embrace both worlds.

I'm going to google something for you and I'll be back.


Ok I found it.

Chris Beck (Navy SEAL) - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

He was a navy seal, a bad ass rough and tough guy. He transitioned. There is a documentary as well, videos. It's worth watching. It's not easy, I know.

Have you met other people like yourself? Others who are going through issues surrounding body image, etc...

Forget about how society views masculine vs feminine traits. Focus on starting to like the smallest things about yourself, and growing from there. Hugs.

I think other trans people will be ok, and my death will like draw more attention to the issues we face than I would be able to if I were alive.

and it's somewhat true that masculinity and femininity are social constructs, but secondary sex characteristics are not. I have tons of male secondary sex characteristics and almost no female ones. This is by far my biggest reason for wanting to ctb. I know that I will forever look like a man, on top of that I also know that I will forever have male biology and I can't change that. If I can't live with these things my only choice is death

and I'm sorry if this sounds really rude/mean but honestly even the example you showed me you can tell by their face that they are trans and you can't even see their body that well... most trans people won't pass, unless they start before puberty.

I really appreciate your help and support but honestly I see this as inevitable

My dad cock blocked me from losing my virginity at 17 and it "only" took me 12 years later at 29 to lose my virginity.

I was about to have sex with my girlfriend at 17 when my dad drove to her house and was all angry/pissy (he has anger management problems and often gets super angry over really minor inconveniences) forcing me to leave and come home. So I didn't get to have sex with her even though she said she wanted me to fuck her at that moment and we were both on a bed naked. We had been fooling around for hours before that point.

At the time I didn't think it was a big deal, I thought to myself "oh well, the opportunity will come again soon enough." Little did I know that the so called opportunity never arrived and it would only be 12 years later that I actually got to have sex.

This story isn't really relevant to the thread honestly, I don't think having sex at 17 would have changed my life in any radical way (but who knows, maybe it would have made me more confident, boosted my self esteem, and made me feel less unwanted/alienated by people idk) but I think the story is hilarious. I laugh when I look back at how fucking wrong I was in brushing aside that loss of an opportunity.

I also thought she was absolutely beautiful and I was head over heels for her, so it sucks that my dad ruined it for me.

I'm sorry :( There isn't really anything wrong with waiting that long to have sex, I feel like if anything it makes it more special. And the whole situation is rough, but honestly maybe it's for the best, if something like that caused her not to want to be with you, than maybe you deserve better :)

 

[Pony]

Is it ok for me to ask how old you were when you started hrt?

 

[k75]

The change I desperately want to make would probably kill me anyway, but I'd give anything to be able to go back and not have the surgery that ruined my life.

I could also have moved to where I am sooner. Maybe the person I love wouldn't have given up on us if I hadn't dragged my ass doing that. But I was scared and let that dictate everything.

Almost every awful thing that has happened that's contributed to me being suicidal can be traced back to those two things. I think about it a lot.

 

[Black Rose Bunny]

Is it ok for me to ask how old you were when you started hrt?

I was 18

 

[Pony]

You are still quite young then, hrt can still do quite a lot. Ofc it isnt magic, have you tried doing exercises to grow muscle in places you would like to be bigger/more toned? Also may I ask what you are currently taking? I started last year when I was 19 with sublingual estradiol but have just switched over to injections at the start of march, you could try asking your doctor to switch to patches/injections if you are still on tablets.

Whatever you do please dont give up, there are trans women who started transitioning in their late 20s who pass and are very pretty