Venting Text

[BecomingTired]

I wanted to die as soon and silently as possible without telling anyone or making a goodbye message on Sasu, but on every attempt that wasn't sabotaged by some external party, it always comes down to me being unable to take the last step and it's tearing me apart rn; my mind is an utter mess I'm failing at such a fundamentally simple task because of my lack of willpower, I can't tell what I really want anymore I'm just so fucking frustrated and angry over everything to the point it's making me nauseous again. I don't understand why I can't bring myself to go on with the final step, yet I still severely loathe every bit of living anymore; not even the things that bring me the slightest bit of joy are enjoyable anymore I genuinely spend my whole day asleep if I'm not at work or classes; Im severely starting to despise every single moment I even attempt to have fun at something because it just makes me even more frustrated that I can't enjoy it moments later. i dont even want to talk to my online(sasu) friends rn because of how bad its getting, it's just a constant cycle of of eventually leading me to hate myself and life even more. I don't get why I'm like this i really hate myself in every way imaginable

what was all this even for