Terrified of aging and it's consequences

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

As I am approaching the end of my mid 20s, I'm struck with the extesential dread of a ticking time bomb that makes me feel closer and closer to death than life. Now, I know someone will inevitably say that I am young, and don't know what I'm talking about, but I feel as if I have lived through experiences that age you a lifetime and teach you very harsh lessons about this world.

I don't want to get even older and experience more tragedy, loss, and bodily decay. I've witnessed and experienced enough to know that would be my tipping point, a boundary of no return, where the despair would be all consuming. I know that with time, things will get even worse for me, and not better, and that is the main driver underlying why I just want to be done.

All of my family members except a couple are dead or have nothing to do with me. My alcoholic father, who didn't want me anyway, dead early in my childhood. My mother has been absent essentially my whole life, only making guest appearances at family gatherings or the rare ocassions when she was forced to actually acknowledge her offspring by my grandmother. My only aunt is dead, my grandfather is dead, my other grandmother who I was estranged from due to her abusive nature also dead, all my great aunts and uncles who I grew up around are all dead now too. I have no cousins, and foster family/siblings never contact me or have anything to do with me even when I tried to reconnect.

The only living soul in this world that loves me is my grandmother, who is very old and has suffered poor health for several years now and has been telling me ever since that I need to be prepared when she is gone. But I have nobody in this world, I am completely alone. It was hard enough as a teenager to watch my grandfather become completely enfeebled and delirious, and slowly die over the span of several months. But knowing when my grandmother inevitably dies within the next few months to years, and I will be completely by myself? It is heartbreaking beyond belief. And this is a part of getting older, watching everything you know and everyone you love, slowly wither and die. I can't bear this grief anymore.

As I get older, opportunities dry up like withered fruit falling from an old tree. There are not many paths one can take past a certain age, if you have no family support, or a spouse, or a skilled career that is bringing in money, or your health is not up to par, your options to completely turn your life around are slim. Especially for someone like me.

I have always been a very curious person interested in research and science, and developing chronic fatigue and brainfog completely fucked my life up, in addition to spinal problems that will continue to get worse as I age. My career is fucking dead, and I lived for my career. Yet people would tell me to accept that and be happy doing nothing, if that were an option? When that was what I worked so hard to break free from. You just don't get it.

At my stage of life, most people are at their peak, but I've already hit the plateau and then the bottom. My memory, my energy levels, my focus, my back, are all considerably damaged, and there's nothing I can do. It will only get worse with time though, and I have lost so much. I can't bear the thought of aging anymore. Being autistic as well, my behaviours might have been cute or endearing as a child, but now they severely limit how others view you. When you are noticeably autistic, no matter how hard you try to act neurotypical, how much you put on a mask, people can tell there is something different about you and they infantalize you and treat you with a marked lack of respect.

Being autistic and having PTSD severely limits my ability to connect with people, especially the older I get when people put up more defenses and your social skills are meant to be top notch. Most people cannot relate to me, and I cannot relate to them, due to how poor my upbringing was and my autism. I am the butt of everyone's jokes, even people who claim to be my friends. This only gets worse with age as I find I have less and less in common with people, particularly in a professional setting.

With my level of trauma and genetic illnesses running in the family, I will never be having kids. I am simply not able to provide what they need, and to nurture adequately. Yet I have been told so many times that I must marry and have kids or I'll die alone, and that every potential partner, male or female, is going to want kids. I feel like a complete failure at life because of my fear of pregnancy and unwillingness to have children. Other people work towards these things, while I'll be forever stuck in stasis as some kind of girlfailure.

Enjoying yourself supposedly has an age limit, not an official one, but when you become an adult you're expected to give up many parts of your soul to pursue a career, to marry, and raise kids. And I'm sorry but I don't see how a barely functioning chronically ill autistic woman is meant to survive in such an individualistic hell. People think I can change inherent qualities that I was born with, or things that arose at an early age due to the sexual, emotional, and physical abuse I suffered as a child, they think I can somehow change these fundamental facets of myself and become a normal person.

I may be in my mid 20s, but I've lived long enough to see too much. I can't do decades more of this with worsening health and further isolation. A few months ago I was riding in the car with a friend and her parents, and they were all laughing and talking animatedly, discussing family gatherings and holidays. I never had that and never will have that, and this is a pain that's going to eat at my soul until I die, the older I get the more this void stings. When you become an older adult, the world no longer cares.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Being autistic and having PTSD severely limits my ability to connect with people, especially the older I get when people put up more defenses and your social skills are meant to be top notch. Most people cannot relate to me, and I cannot relate to them, due to how poor my upbringing was and my autism. I am the butt of everyone's jokes, even people who claim to be my friends. This only gets worse with age as I find I have less and less in common with people, particularly in a professional setting.

With my level of trauma and genetic illnesses running in the family, I will never be having kids. I am simply not able to provide what they need, and to nurture adequately. Yet I have been told so many times that I must marry and have kids or I'll die alone, and that every potential partner, male or female, is going to want kids.

I'm also autistic, I also have PTSD, these two make me very distrustful of people. I made the mistake of telling some people I talk to on discord that I was autistic and they sometimes "jokingly" tell me how I will never be in a relationship and how I'm 23 and never touched a woman (or man) and make fun of me for being a loner who never goes outside. I would love to go outside with people if I knew how to make friends. I'd love to be in a relationship and have children if I knew how to be a boyfriend, a husband, a father. I have a niece, and I just don't know how to be an uncle. I try to avoid her since she's so young and at an important developmental stage and would rather have those who are equipped for caring for her do it. I'll just sit back.

My mother has for years nagged me about getting a girlfriend. I don't know why she thinks it's such a big deal. I don't think I can maintain a relationship like that if I can't maintain simple friendships. It's also hard being 23 never having been in a relationship, you're supposed to be experienced, and inexperience is off-putting. Plus online dating is an absolute shithole but it's extremely difficult to date otherwise. Whatever, who cares? Better to die alone without kids than enter a failed relationship.

Enjoying yourself supposedly has an age limit, not an official one, but when you become an adult you're expected to give up many parts of your soul to pursue a career, to marry, and raise kids. And I'm sorry but I don't see how a barely functioning chronically ill autistic woman is meant to survive in such an individualistic hell. People think I can change inherent qualities that I was born with, or things that arose at an early age due to the sexual, emotional, and physical abuse I suffered as a child, they think I can somehow change these fundamental facets of myself and become a normal person.

I always thought I could change. I thought that when I entered college I could leave my trauma and my failures behind and become a new person. I was going to be the smart successful guy, not the autistic loser. I was wrong. You're right, I genuienly see no way to survive an individualistic hell, especially on your own. They expect you to be the perfect image. The tell you that your differences make you unique and interesting, but that's a lie. I don't know why they tell that lie, it's always pissed me off.

But knowing when my grandmother inevitably dies within the next few months to years, and I will be completely by myself? It is heartbreaking beyond belief. And this is a part of getting older, watching everything you know and everyone you love, slowly wither and die. I can't bear this grief anymore.

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother. I loved my grandparents but I was too young to ever appreciate them. Too messed up to be able to properly recognize the significance of their deaths. I really hope you get to spend more time with your grandmother.

I may be in my mid 20s, but I've lived long enough to see too much. I can't do decades more of this with worsening health and further isolation.

At 23, I've felt like I've lived a lifetime. I'm sure those who are older will chuckle at this. I think it's because we've lived a life of so much negativity with so few things to enjoy. We look into the future and see nothing but worsening pain. During childhood you still have a future, you still have opportunities. Once you hit adulthood that's all gone, or at least severely limited. Even when I was young and dealing with the fucked up crap I dealt with I still had hope for the future. I thought adulthood would be the best time of my life. Now I look back at my traumatic childhood with longing.

A lot of "normal" people don't get this. They blame our unhappiness on us. They don't realize we have to put in way more effort for a lot less reward, if any. I had always hoped that my struggle would be rewarded, that's how it's supposed to work right? You overcome the challenges you face to get the reward. For many people, this is simply not the case. I don't want to continue the cycle into my 30s. I don't want to see myself slowly decay and look back on my life and grieve for how much of a life I didn't get to live.

I am sorry this is what you have to go through. It is unfair. You are not "entitled" just because it is unfair. You are entitled to better because of how much you've had to go through compared to so many others. I wish you the best in the future.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think I understand. Aging is definitely something that's terrifying and screw those that invalidate your experiences just because "you're young", your thoughts are still valid and true. I also relate to being autistic too, it truly is hell. Either way, I hope that you find peace soon and I wish you the best of luck

 

[returntothevoid]

Aging is just dying slowly

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I'm also autistic, I also have PTSD, these two make me very distrustful of people. I made the mistake of telling some people I talk to on discord that I was autistic and they sometimes "jokingly" tell me how I will never be in a relationship and how I'm 23 and never touched a woman (or man) and make fun of me for being a loner who never goes outside. I would love to go outside with people if I knew how to make friends. I'd love to be in a relationship and have children if I knew how to be a boyfriend, a husband, a father. I have a niece, and I just don't know how to be an uncle. I try to avoid her since she's so young and at an important developmental stage and would rather have those who are equipped for caring for her do it. I'll just sit back.

My mother has for years nagged me about getting a girlfriend. I don't know why she thinks it's such a big deal. I don't think I can maintain a relationship like that if I can't maintain simple friendships. It's also hard being 23 never having been in a relationship, you're supposed to be experienced, and inexperience is off-putting. Plus online dating is an absolute shithole but it's extremely difficult to date otherwise. Whatever, who cares? Better to die alone without kids than enter a failed relationship.


I always thought I could change. I thought that when I entered college I could leave my trauma and my failures behind and become a new person. I was going to be the smart successful guy, not the autistic loser. I was wrong. You're right, I genuienly see no way to survive an individualistic hell, especially on your own. They expect you to be the perfect image. The tell you that your differences make you unique and interesting, but that's a lie. I don't know why they tell that lie, it's always pissed me off.


I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother. I loved my grandparents but I was too young to ever appreciate them. Too messed up to be able to properly recognize the significance of their deaths. I really hope you get to spend more time with your grandmother.

At 23, I've felt like I've lived a lifetime. I'm sure those who are older will chuckle at this. I think it's because we've lived a life of so much negativity with so few things to enjoy. We look into the future and see nothing but worsening pain. During childhood you still have a future, you still have opportunities. Once you hit adulthood that's all gone, or at least severely limited. Even when I was young and dealing with the fucked up crap I dealt with I still had hope for the future. I thought adulthood would be the best time of my life. Now I look back at my traumatic childhood with longing.

A lot of "normal" people don't get this. They blame our unhappiness on us. They don't realize we have to put in way more effort for a lot less reward, if any. I had always hoped that my struggle would be rewarded, that's how it's supposed to work right? You overcome the challenges you face to get the reward. For many people, this is simply not the case. I don't want to continue the cycle into my 30s. I don't want to see myself slowly decay and look back on my life and grieve for how much of a life I didn't get to live.

I am sorry this is what you have to go through. It is unfair. You are not "entitled" just because it is unfair. You are entitled to better because of how much you've had to go through compared to so many others. I wish you the best in the future.

Thank you for your very detailed and considerate post, I am truly sorry that you've experienced many of the same struggles in life. I am only a year older than you, so a lot of this resonated with me deeply.

It is so cruel that your friends make fun of you for what is by textbook definition an incurable developmental disability, they do not understand how painful it is to be an autistic person and to desire companionship and socialization while being treated like an alien, or feeling as if you're in a foreign country where everyone speaks the language except you. You deserve to have those bonds just as much as any neurotypical person does.

People who judge based on lack of experience do not realize how privledged they are to have such encounters during their formative years. Being an older person who has not had an extensive history with romantic relationships does not make someone a bad person or a bad partner, it just means one hasn't yet encountered the learning experiences that others may take for granted. It is a terrible shame that you aren't even given a chance to learn and grow in these interactions because of people passing their bullshit judgements.

Most of my relationships have been disastrous and not beneficial for both parties, so I can't say that they are all that worthwhile, especially if you end up in a toxic situation where your partner doesn't understand you or hurts you. I have been through so much emotional and sexual abuse, I don't even know what a normal relationship is supposed to look like or if I am capable of it. One of my ex boyfriends who was an older man that went after me at 18/19 told me I lived to serve him and forced me into painful and frequent sex acts, having absolute control over my life. I don't know how to deal with anyone not controlling me. Since I committed myself to ctb, I feel similarly that I don't have what it takes to love someone properly.

My childhood was also very traumatic, and much like you I find myself reminiscing about those times despite the pure helplessness I felt as a child, much like a bird in a cage. I think you are absolutely correct in your assumption that we are sold a lie that hard work and toil automatically brings about success. I did work hard and have nothing to show for it except a weakened body ailing from unexplained chronic illnesses. Education did allow me to develop my social skills to a certain point, but I will never be at a level where I can successfully blend in with neurotypicals. All of my close friends have been other autistic people.

You have had to face so much for diminutive rewards, and it is deeply unfair. Life feels like a zero sum game. I have an advanced degree and can't even use it because my cognitive abilities are in the toilet and I make people uncomfortable due to being unable to emulate them socially. At every job I've had I've been told off for being an idiot and even straight up called "retarded" before because like you say, people think we have control over so much more than we actually do.

I think I understand. Aging is definitely something that's terrifying and screw those that invalidate your experiences just because "you're young", your thoughts are still valid and true. I also relate to being autistic too, it truly is hell. Either way, I hope that you find peace soon and I wish you the best of luck

Thank you. I really hope we can all find peace, in whatever form that may manifest in. For me, I know I have to ctb eventually and that's how I will achieve relief from this neverending torment, I just struggle massively with taking the final steps. I have a method and a solid plan for how to enact it, but I know the second that I book a hotel there's no turning back. The consequences of failure would be dire and result in a host of new trauma for me if I were to survive. I still don't know why I can't take these final steps, when I am so prepared in every other regard and have no desire to live any longer and continue suffering, as I've been chronically ill for 7 years now and had PTSD for nearly 20. I know this is all permanent, and yet somehow I still haven't ctb. It baffles me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Thank you. I really hope we can all find peace, in whatever form that may manifest in. For me, I know I have to ctb eventually and that's how I will achieve relief from this neverending torment, I just struggle massively with taking the final steps. I have a method and a solid plan for how to enact it, but I know the second that I book a hotel there's no turning back. The consequences of failure would be dire and result in a host of new trauma for me if I were to survive. I still don't know why I can't take these final steps, when I am so prepared in every other regard and have no desire to live any longer and continue suffering, as I've been chronically ill for 7 years now and had PTSD for nearly 20. I know this is all permanent, and yet somehow I still haven't ctb. It baffles me.

I hope that we all find peace as well and, for me, that peace will come in the form of permanent non existence. Also, it's understandable to me that you still haven't ctb yet as it's an incredibly hard task to do and, like you said, the consequences of failing a ctb attempt would be dire. This is why I hope that, if you were to attempt it, you wouldn't have to face through the aforementioned consequences due to how painful it can be. I wish that people like us could have a peaceful escape out of this but unfortunately we have to take risks due to how hard society has made ctb be.

I'm sorry that life gave you abuse and chronic pain which is severe enough to cause you to be trapped in this situation in the first place. Life is so unfair and shitty

 

[Linda]

In my experience, there are both pluses and minuses of getting older. (The main minus is that your body starts to let you down.) It's not all negative. As regards your chronic fatigue, do you know what caused it? I had 10 years of chronic fatigue probably cuasd by a general anesthetic for an operation, until a very smart doctor advised me to strictly avoid caffeine. That fixed the problem for me. It won't fix it for everyone, as "chronic fatigue" is a catch-all term for group of diseases, all with different causes, but you lose nothing by trying. I noticed a difference within 7 days of stopping caffeine.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Me too. Nothing to really add that I haven't already told you before.

I'm already in my 30's though and at the end of the road and have long been so. My circumstances are beyond repair. I don't have the 20's shield of "figuring things out" any longer.

I guess I would suggest that you continue to try your hardest to live as if you are not going to CTB till the day you die, CTB or not. My situation at my age speaks for itself.

Sending care.

 

[astonishedturnip]

I completely understand. Life is a mf scam. I spent so much of my life excited to grow up and explore all of life's rich opportunities and it's like as soon as I got there, loved ones started dropping like flies. I hate watching my surviving loved ones age, constantly dreading what the future might bring -- a painful illness, a tragic decline, or a sudden death I can't prepare for -- and dreading changes in myself as well. My best case dream scenario is to die in my sleep, but considering that low probability I instead fear what it will be like to age. For me and my loved ones. You can hold off the clock but you can never turn it back. And considering I'm single with zero romantic prospects, I'm looking at a future of having to fend entirely for myself and I do NOT have the salary for it. Yet in life you only have a brief window of relative health and youth and you spend most of it in school or struggling at starter jobs unless you were lucky enough to be born hot and wealthy. I feel like Livia from The Sopranos begging God to take me now lmfao.

 

[Ambivalent1]

The older I get and the more health problems I experience has led to a heightened awareness of being a biological machine made of organs, blood, etc. This body is disgusting and a horror show.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

In my experience, there are both pluses and minuses of getting older. (The main minus is that your body starts to let you down.) It's not all negative. As regards your chronic fatigue, do you know what caused it? I had 10 years of chronic fatigue probably cuasd by a general anesthetic for an operation, until a very smart doctor advised me to strictly avoid caffeine. That fixed the problem for me. It won't fix it for everyone, as "chronic fatigue" is a catch-all term for group of diseases, all with different causes, but you lose nothing by trying. I noticed a difference within 7 days of stopping caffeine.

Wow, that is so crazy that there was such a relatively simple fix all along, did the improvement happen gradually for you upon quitting caffeine or did you notice a difference immediately?

Unfortunately, dietary changes and stopping medications hasn't done anything for me. I think mine is genetic and stemming from autoimmune issues that have impacted quite a few people in my family. I've had loads and loads of tests that are unfortunately inconclusive. At one point I had antibodies of autoimmunity in my blood, now I don't.

As much as I despise doctors, one of them did give me a lasting piece of wisdom that I may just have to accept that there's no definitive diagnosis for a lot of things, and that doesn't make it any less of a challenge but it does mean that there may not be any sort of treatment for my problems at this time. Others have told me to accept the CFS label, but this also means that I've exhausted any avenue of treatment.

It feels deeply unfair because I didn't have a youth either, and now I'm getting older and unhealthier. I've had health problems since I was 17, but even before that was quite sickly and weak, unable to play sports, and prone to bruising easily. I was neglected a lot as an older adolescent and didn't get enough to eat in my foster home, so that probably contributed.

I think adulthood is probably far more fun for people who can survive the day to day without issue and have exciting careers. Having such health problems blocks me from enjoying any of that freedom or being able to properly take on responsibilities. Hell, I even went on a trip I dreamed about going on since I was a child about a year ago and could not enjoy it due to the ever present fatigue and struggling to get up, move around, be present etc.

The pressure is cracking me because now I'm at the age where I'm meant to have a career, but I can only work part time and do not perform well in my basic admin job even on limited hours. The money is not enough to survive on my own, but having such a neubulous, misunderstood condition like chronic fatigue means there's no real acknowledgement or accomodation. I cannot imagine getting even older when I'm in such a sorry state at age 24!

I completely understand. Life is a mf scam. I spent so much of my life excited to grow up and explore all of life's rich opportunities and it's like as soon as I got there, loved ones started dropping like flies. I hate watching my surviving loved ones age, constantly dreading what the future might bring -- a painful illness, a tragic decline, or a sudden death I can't prepare for -- and dreading changes in myself as well. My best case dream scenario is to die in my sleep, but considering that low probability I instead fear what it will be like to age. For me and my loved ones. You can hold off the clock but you can never turn it back. And considering I'm single with zero romantic prospects, I'm looking at a future of having to fend entirely for myself and I do NOT have the salary for it. Yet in life you only have a brief window of relative health and youth and you spend most of it in school or struggling at starter jobs unless you were lucky enough to be born hot and wealthy. I feel like Livia from The Sopranos begging God to take me now lmfao.

I'm so sorry that you're in this sort of situation too. Life is so incredibly hard with no safety net, and in this day and age most people cannot simply fend for themselves. Where I live most people have to house share or live with their family, I know very few people who live in studios or alone with a partner. It simply is not affordable or feasible especially when landlords want huge deposits and you lose large amounts of your money in taxes for public services that hardly function.

Much like you I've always wanted to seize the day and chase opportunities but my health is in such a sorry state I cannot actively participate in life and feel like a brain-dead spectator. Life is so difficult for so many of us and the thought of turning the clock back to simpler times is a super comforting one. I don't believe in the concept of an afterlife but I honestly wish there was one so I could be together with my family again when things were good. If I look at any picture from when I was a child in most of them I'm the only one still existing and the rest are ghosts.

My grandma's health has worsened in the past few weeks and there is a real possibility that I will be alone soon. We all deserve to have someone who has our back rather than to toil away in isolation. You deserve that, rather than fighting for scraps in a rough job market and trying to stake it alone.

The older I get and the more health problems I experience has led to a heightened awareness of being a biological machine made of organs, blood, etc. This body is disgusting and a horror show.

Having studied the human body and diseases for years, I agree with this. The sheer potential for disaster at any given moment is horrifying, all it takes is one pathogen, one slip up in a biochemical pathway, one accident, for everything to go haywire.

There is also so much we don't know about most of this biological machinery which is a massive bane to medicine. Especially the brain. I have studied this stuff for years in both of my degrees and it's truly shocking how much is still unknown and yet to be elucidated. There is a lot of guess work and huge gaps in research priorities.

Worst of all, thi means that if a disease or affliction is not affecting massive amounts of people or heavily publicised, there will be absolutely no research funding allocated towards investigating it. This creates an artificial barrier against gaining a better understanding of the human body and actually helping the sick and infirm, if their condition is not deemed "important enough" to millionaires who write the checks keeping universities, clinical trials, and laboratories running.

 

[Linda]

Wow, that is so crazy that there was such a relatively simple fix all along, did the improvement happen gradually for you upon quitting caffeine or did you notice a difference immediately?

Unfortunately, dietary changes and stopping medications hasn't done anything for me. I think mine is genetic and stemming from autoimmune issues that have impacted quite a few people in my family. I've had loads and loads of tests that are unfortunately inconclusive. At one point I had antibodies of autoimmunity in my blood, now I don't.

As much as I despise doctors, one of them did give me a lasting piece of wisdom that I may just have to accept that there's no definitive diagnosis for a lot of things, and that doesn't make it any less of a challenge but it does mean that there may not be any sort of treatment for my problems at this time. Others have told me to accept the CFS label, but this also means that I've exhausted any avenue of treatment.

It feels deeply unfair because I didn't have a youth either, and now I'm getting older and unhealthier. I've had health problems since I was 17, but even before that was quite sickly and weak, unable to play sports, and prone to bruising easily. I was neglected a lot as an older adolescent and didn't get enough to eat in my foster home, so that probably contributed.

I think adulthood is probably far more fun for people who can survive the day to day without issue and have exciting careers. Having such health problems blocks me from enjoying any of that freedom or being able to properly take on responsibilities. Hell, I even went on a trip I dreamed about going on since I was a child about a year ago and could not enjoy it due to the ever present fatigue and struggling to get up, move around, be present etc.

The pressure is cracking me because now I'm at the age where I'm meant to have a career, but I can only work part time and do not perform well in my basic admin job even on limited hours. The money is not enough to survive on my own, but having such a neubulous, misunderstood condition like chronic fatigue means there's no real acknowledgement or accomodation. I cannot imagine getting even older when I'm in such a sorry state at age 24!

I'm so sorry that you're in this sort of situation too. Life is so incredibly hard with no safety net, and in this day and age most people cannot simply fend for themselves. Where I live most people have to house share or live with their family, I know very few people who live in studios or alone with a partner. It simply is not affordable or feasible especially when landlords want huge deposits and you lose large amounts of your money in taxes for public services that hardly function.

Much like you I've always wanted to seize the day and chase opportunities but my health is in such a sorry state I cannot actively participate in life and feel like a brain-dead spectator. Life is so difficult for so many of us and the thought of turning the clock back to simpler times is a super comforting one. I don't believe in the concept of an afterlife but I honestly wish there was one so I could be together with my family again when things were good. If I look at any picture from when I was a child in most of them I'm the only one still existing and the rest are ghosts.

My grandma's health has worsened in the past few weeks and there is a real possibility that I will be alone soon. We all deserve to have someone who has our back rather than to toil away in isolation. You deserve that, rather than fighting for scraps in a rough job market and trying to stake it alone.


Having studied the human body and diseases for years, I agree with this. The sheer potential for disaster at any given moment is horrifying, all it takes is one pathogen, one slip up in a biochemical pathway, one accident, for everything to go haywire.

There is also so much we don't know about most of this biological machinery which is a massive bane to medicine. Especially the brain. I have studied this stuff for years in both of my degrees and it's truly shocking how much is still unknown and yet to be elucidated. There is a lot of guess work and huge gaps in research priorities.

Worst of all, thi means that if a disease or affliction is not affecting massive amounts of people or heavily publicised, there will be absolutely no research funding allocated towards investigating it. This creates an artificial barrier against gaining a better understanding of the human body and actually helping the sick and infirm, if their condition is not deemed "important enough" to millionaires who write the checks keeping universities, clinical trials, and laboratories running.

My CF lifted pretty much completely within 7 days. It was amazing. Within a week I went from being exhausted after an hour's work to being completely normal. I now can, and usually do, work 9 or 10 hours a day and at worst I only feel "ordinary tired" at the end of it.

"... prone to bruising easily ..." Have you ever been examined by a hematologist? That symptom suggests that something is wrong with your blood. Bruising does seem to be slightly more common in people with CF than in other people, but it's not a common symptom of CF.

 

[Goku Black]

Aging is just dying slowly

And it won't be a swift or peaceful death