telling the truth about s ideation - your experiences

[dinosavr]

I feel closer and closer to making a decision to ctb. I never felt so close to actually doing it.
I believe none of my friends and family expects that though.
Do you think telling the truth would make it better/easier for them?

I am thinking about telling my psychiatrist about me having almost everything ready to ctb and that sometimes I realize I feel like a completely different person who doesn't have much control of what she's doing.

If they commit me to the hospital, that would be a warning for my family. I will be able to see their reactions, etc. Maybe it will help and make me want to recover?? Or if not, at least they will be less shocked when I die and I believe it helps with grief, right?



Have you ever told anyone you wanted to ctb for real? What was their reaction? Did you regret it?

 

[reallysleepy]

Hi! I'm sorry you are in this situation.

I told my previous psychiatrist about my suicidal ideation and planning and she committed me.
Idk if you have ever been to the psych ward but, at least from my experience in my country and in that specific ward, I don't think it's for everyone. You are in a closed space being monitored by an authority and you have to interact with the other patients. If the nurses, doctors and patients are nice and the structure of the place is ok (has a good routine, a place to feel the sun and get out and a good visits structure) you maybe can overcome the crisis and leave feeling better and ready to recover. But that's not always the case.
After leaving ppl close to me knew about my suicidal tendencies. My mom and my bf took care of me and my friends were present too. This ofc is not everyone's reality either.
I tried to ctb recently and the doctor at the hospital asked my mom if she wanted to commit me but she said no so now I'm under her surveillance instead. I've told her and my bf that I'm eventually going to ctb, that I'm broken and that I'm never going to be ok. They are always keeping track of where I am, what I'm doing, how Im feeling, etc. They are really sad about the situation but still giving the support needed for me to get better.

So that's my experience, my advice is the following: if you want to try to recover, you should talk honestly about how you feel with the people around you and be clear with the fact that you need their support to overcome this. You should talk with you therapist and psychiatrist about your ideation so that they can help you and adjust the meds accordingly. I wouldn't tell them about the actual plans yet, I would first see if talking about the ideations helps me enough to start recovering. If you still feel like you are going to ctb during a crisis and you don't want that, then maybe you can talk with your psych about going to the psych ward to overcome the general crisis state and talk about it with the ppl in your life too so that they can stop you if necessary.
Now, if you want to ctb, talking about it will make it harder. Ppl may be looking at signs and maybe will try to stop you. Some shrinks maybe even commit you if you just tell them that you have ideations.

I also think ctbeing will be hard for our loved ones in any case, I don't think we can make it easier by letting them know in advance.

I hope you can find peace of mind soon

 

[dinosavr]

Hi! I'm sorry you are in this situation.

I told my previous psychiatrist about my suicidal ideation and planning and she committed me.
Idk if you have ever been to the psych ward but, at least from my experience in my country and in that specific ward, I don't think it's for everyone. You are in a closed space being monitored by an authority and you have to interact with the other patients. If the nurses, doctors and patients are nice and the structure of the place is ok (has a good routine, a place to feel the sun and get out and a good visits structure) you maybe can overcome the crisis and leave feeling better and ready to recover. But that's not always the case.
After leaving ppl close to me knew about my suicidal tendencies. My mom and my bf took care of me and my friends were present too. This ofc is not everyone's reality either.
I tried to ctb recently and the doctor at the hospital asked my mom if she wanted to commit me but she said no so now I'm under her surveillance instead. I've told her and my bf that I'm eventually going to ctb, that I'm broken and that I'm never going to be ok. They are always keeping track of where I am, what I'm doing, how Im feeling, etc. They are really sad about the situation but still giving the support needed for me to get better.

So that's my experience, my advice is the following: if you want to try to recover, you should talk honestly about how you feel with the people around you and be clear with the fact that you need their support to overcome this. You should talk with you therapist and psychiatrist about your ideation so that they can help you and adjust the meds accordingly. I wouldn't tell them about the actual plans yet, I would first see if talking about the ideations helps me enough to start recovering. If you still feel like you are going to ctb during a crisis and you don't want that, then maybe you can talk with your psych about going to the psych ward to overcome the general crisis state and talk about it with the ppl in your life too so that they can stop you if necessary.
Now, if you want to ctb, talking about it will make it harder. Ppl may be looking at signs and maybe will try to stop you. Some shrinks maybe even commit you if you just tell them that you have ideations.

I also think ctbeing will be hard for our loved ones in any case, I don't think we can make it easier by letting them know in advance.

I hope you can find peace of mind soon

Thank you a lot for this answer
I will definitely rethink it all before I decide anything.
I hope you find your peace too, you deserve it so much :(

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Avoid the psych ward at all costs. It's not like it appears on TV and in the movies. It's a essentially a prison and more often than not you will be contained with other people with criminal histories, as mental "illness" does not discriminate.

And I can't tell you from experience that there may be a good chance that your family will not react the way you envisioned or desired. The dismay of this may lead you further into the abyss. I'm not trying to deter you from doing anything, just trying to prevent you from setting yourself up for possible disappointment. I actually encourage you to speak to them. It could very well end up saving you. Just be prepared for any reaction that may come.

Have you ever told anyone you wanted to ctb for real? What was their reaction? Did you regret it?

I actually just told my sister 7 hours ago about my plans to. And only because she asked me what my problem was and I gave her an honest answer. She basically told me to suck it up and stop being such a "loser", as if I'm going out my way to feel this way, when all I am doing is sacrificing my own life to take care of my our elderly parents. Pretty much insinuating that my wish to die was an inconvenience to the family.

But I love it. All it did was push me closer to the edge of CTB. If she feels remorse when I am dead for not taking me seriously, then so be it.

 

[Abyssal]

I think you should take a step back before telling anyone, think about who you wish to talk to, and consider how they may react. You know those people better than we do.

You'll hear a lot of "don't tell anyone" and "it's a bad idea" and all that on here. I don't think that's always the case and that if you are seriously considering telling someone about what you are experiencing that you have a reason. There's no guarantee they will send you to a psych ward (and even then maybe that could be beneficial to you? Read the other replies and decide for yourself with room for error) and if you are anything like me, you speak to others about what you are going through because their words and thoughts towards you are meaningful in a way that can help you recover. I think reaching out is a good way of getting help, even if I'm a hypocrite for saying it.

Some tips that may or may not work:
• Find a medium you can be open on. I can only reach out through text, face to face or through voice chat makes it hard for me to be honest.
• Ask if the person is comfortable talking about dark topics, imply your mental health has been at an all time low. Test the waters by asking outright.
• Be clear in whether or not you wish to simply talk or wish to seek advice/help.
• "I would tell a therapist but [give reason you can't or don't want to, and be honest] and I really trust you.
• Don't tell them you are actively planning, in fact specify you aren't and that you are at no risk.

Good luck.

 

[dinosavr]

Avoid the psych ward at all costs. It's not like it appears on TV and in the movies. It's a essentially a prison and more often than not you will be contained with other people with criminal histories, as mental "illness" does not discriminate.

And I can't tell you from experience that there may be a good chance that your family will not react the way you envisioned or desired. The dismay of this may lead you further into the abyss. I'm not trying to deter you from doing anything, just trying to prevent you from setting yourself up for possible disappointment. I actually encourage you to speak to them. It could very well end up saving you. Just be prepared for any reaction that may come.

I actually just told my sister 7 hours ago about my plans to. And only because she asked me what my problem was and I gave her an honest answer. She basically told me to suck it up and stop being such a loser as if I'm going out my way to feel this way, when all I am doing is sacrificing my own life to take care of my our elderly parents. Pretty much insinuating that my wish to die was an inconvenience to the family.

But I love it. All it did was push me closer to the edge of CTB. If she feels remorse when I am dead for not taking me seriously, then so be it.

Oh I'm really sorry for her reaction:(
And thank you for your advice. I'm quite terrified of psych ward but there seems to be one in my area that is not so bad, according to the opinions. Anyway, leaving my room to go anywhere is not an option for me right now. It's my safe space. I guess I'll just have to tell the truth to my shrink and see what she thinks.
I would rather be hospitalized first and then tell my family just to be taken seriously. And I wouldn't want to cause stress on them so when they'll know I'm in "good" hands, it will be easier for them.

I think you should take a step back before telling anyone, think about who you wish to talk to, and consider how they may react. You know those people better than we do.

You'll hear a lot of "don't tell anyone" and "it's a bad idea" and all that on here. I don't think that's always the case and that if you are seriously considering telling someone about what you are experiencing that you have a reason. There's no guarantee they will send you to a psych ward (and even then maybe that could be beneficial to you? Read the other replies and decide for yourself with room for error) and if you are anything like me, you speak to others about what you are going through because their words and thoughts towards you are meaningful in a way that can help you recover. I think reaching out is a good way of getting help, even if I'm a hypocrite for saying it.

Some tips that may or may not work:
• Find a medium you can be open on. I can only reach out through text, face to face or through voice chat makes it hard for me to be honest.
• Ask if the person is comfortable talking about dark topics, imply your mental health has been at an all time low. Test the waters by asking outright.
• Be clear in whether or not you wish to simply talk or wish to seek advice/help.
• "I would tell a therapist but [give reason you can't or don't want to, and be honest] and I really trust you.
• Don't tell them you are actively planning, in fact specify you aren't and that you are at no risk.

Good luck.

Thank you a lot!! I will definitely try to rethink it all again before I decide anything. Your tips will help for sure!

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I understand. Just be aware that the psych ward that in your area with good reviews that you are eying is likely a private, voluntary admittance facility that may only accept cream of the crop insurance policies.

If your shrink get you committed, it is almost guaranteed to be one of the many state-run, low-funded, dilapidated horror houses around the country.

 

[dinosavr]

I understand. Just be aware that the psych ward that in your area with good reviews that you are eying is likely a private, voluntary admittance facility that may only accept cream of the crop insurance policies.

If your shrink get you committed, it is almost guaranteed to be one of the many state-run, low-funded, dilapidated horror houses around the country.

It's not perfect of course, it's just acceptable. It's for women with affective disorders so it already helps a little not having to be afraid of some schizophrenic elderly creep by your bed at night or whatever. Luckily it's not private too. I assume you're right though if I get committed by the shrink I probably don't get to choose where I go and I don't think this place is filled with empty beds waiting for patients lol.
Thank you for bringing me back to earth!

 

[Mayonaise]

Do you think telling the truth would make it better/easier for them?

I am thinking about telling my psychiatrist about me having almost everything ready to ctb.

If they commit me to the hospital, that would be a warning for my family. I will be able to see their reactions, etc. Maybe it will help and make me want to recover?? Or if not, at least they will be less shocked when I die and I believe it helps with grief, right?

I believe telling your family may be worth. It means that you trust them and that you're struggling to get help. Both are good things in my opinion.
I told my mother more than once and don't regret doing it, although it wasn't easy for her. But at that time I wanted to be completely honest, I felt like I owed it to her.
It wouldn't be of much relief if you eventually decided to ctb though, nothing you could say could "prepare" them should you decide to leave for good.

I am glad you're seeing a psychiatrist, that means you still have some fight left. Mental health professionals are well aware that suffering can breed suicidal thoughts so I don't think he/she will be shocked by the subject. I did tell my docs about that and nobody threatened to commit me, I guess that professional conduct varies according to state regulations.
Anyway, as the other members have pointed out, I wouldn't emphatize the fact that you're actively planning - you're seeking help regardless of your suffering, that's all that matters. You don't need to say anything more.

I believe you can commit yourself to a mental hospital voluntarily if you feel like - that should be an option regardless of where you live. Before eventually doing so, please discuss the subject with your docs. It might not be the best option for you, I highly doubt it will be a "pleasure trip", but it may be good for you.
Again, I don't think that being committed could prepare your family for your eventual demise.

What the other members wrote is legit and makes complete sense. I'm glad you had some quality answers.
Much love to you - you seem like a caring, kind soul. Truly hope things get better for you.

 

[vitbar]

I was completely honest with my therapist and doctor and haven't regretted it.

Told them about the recurring thoughts of mutilating, maiming, and killing myself. That I would bet money on that being how I went. That I could feel it getting closer with time.

Obviously they didn't deem me to be an imminent threat to myself as I didn't get sectioned.

 

[raindrops]

I thought the same as you, op

If they commit me to the hospital, that would be a warning for my family. I will be able to see their reactions, etc. Maybe it will help and make me want to recover??

but this is a scary thought.

you will be contained with other people with criminal histories, as mental "illness" does not discriminate.

 

[dinosavr]

What the other members wrote is legit and makes complete sense. I'm glad you had some quality answers.
Much love to you - you seem like a caring, kind soul. Truly hope things get better for you.

Thank you for your answer and for sharing your experience. I still have a week left before my appointment but I think that's what I'm going to go for - telling the truth but with no specifics. Hopefully they'll be able to help without committing me or anything.
You too seem very caring. I hope you find your happiness and peace someday somewhere <3

I was completely honest with my therapist and doctor and haven't regretted it.

Told them about the recurring thoughts of mutilating, maiming, and killing myself. That I would bet money on that being how I went. That I could feel it getting closer with time.

Obviously they didn't deem me to be an imminent threat to myself as I didn't get sectioned.

What did they tell you? As you didn't get sectioned, did they help you in any other way?

I thought the same as you, op


but this is a scary thought.

EXACTLY. I would love psych wards to be at least as okay as "normal" hospitals where you can feel kinda safe. It sucks we can't even reach out for help when we feel like we need it because we're aware we might end up feeling even worse than before lol

 

[Rhizomorph1]

I just opened up to my family and a close friend I can trust. I deem it worth it in my context.

I really think it can be helpful for one to either recover or to emotionally prepare for dying by saying their goodbyes.

But different families and cultures will react differently and depending on the reaction it may result in further isolation. My family and friends were thankfully very understanding.

They of course are trying to convince me to go to treatment and I've agreed (for now just to appease them) but in the long run I think it will help them to prepare and cope, and it makes the time I spend with them more special.

Every person's context will vary. But I think if you are able to be open, you should be. Nobody should have to die alone or in silence.