Help Telling my therapist about SN

[webawl]

Hi all, I have an appointment with a new therapist soon and I'm wondering if I should mention having SN and my intentions with it. I'm at a point where I don't see myself going through with any plans to ctb this year but eventually I will and want the peace of mind of having access to SN, especially with sources becoming increasingly sparse. I feel like any mention of SN will raise some red flags and that they may try to get me to give it up, or worse, hospitalize me for simply having a concrete plan and means of going through with it. So my question is how should I approach something like this? Should I just say I have a plan to ctb, or is even that too much to say? I'm at a crossroads because I legitimately want make an attempt at feeling better, and I feel that being honest with my therapist is imperative to that goal, but I also don't want to lose my SN or be hospitalized.

Currently I'm thinking to give it a few sessions before mentioning "I have a plan in place"; nothing any more specific than that and gauging their response from there. Has anyone here benefited from telling a therapist about their plans? I would obviously stress that I don't want to go through with any plans right this moment, rather, that it's something I'm constantly thinking about and want some relief from.

 

[Arachnid_Antichrist]

I personally wouldn't bring it up. What happens if you bring up stuff like that is that they thy to put you in inpatient. Inpatient sucks so bad and you do not wanna go through that.

 

[h4yate]

dont tell them. the risk of facing some sort of consequence/reprimand for bringing up sn is too high.

 

[_smile_]

Hi there. They will encourage you to give it up. I've heard this same situation time and time again. However, you do what is best and right for you. Maybe telling them about it, and their encouragement for you to turn it in, will be the final ending to a chapter where you can then focus on getting better.

Losing my SN from the IC checks has been an extremely unsettling experience, and I feel a bit lost without having a way out.

Best of luck

 

[hiddenbpd]

Try to determine why you want to bring it up. Is it because you want to take a try at a full recovery and want to be fully honest? If so, maybe the SN could hold you back and you can dispose of it yourself (although I understand wanting to have the back up plan, believe me).
Ultimately, figuring out the reason behind why you feel compelled to tell them will determine what your action should be.
I told my therapist I was going to buy SN (back before it became unavailable). For me, a lot of wanting to tell my therapist was to see the reaction, to see if recovery was worth it, to see if someone cared enough when I started taking steps to ctb. Sure it was for attention, but isn't attention what we lack that brings us here in the first place? The intense loneliness and feeling abandoned or like a burden. It's okay to want attention if that's the driving factor for you. Wanting to have someone give a shit about you, isn't weak or attention seeking, it's being a normal human.

 

[day]

Would recommend against this, people like therapists may come off as understanding but it's their job to do so. This will likely end up with you in the ward or even worse losing the SN entirely which here soon may be almost impossible to get.

I would beat around the bush with it if you want to talk about it with a medical professional but being honest and an open book will probably cause more pain for you.

Best wishes OP, hope you get the answers you're looking for.

 

[_smile_]

Try to determine why you want to bring it up. Is it because you want to take a try at a full recovery and want to be fully honest? If so, maybe the SN could hold you back and you can dispose of it yourself (although I understand wanting to have the back up plan, believe me).
Ultimately, figuring out the reason behind why you feel compelled to tell them will determine what your action should be.
I told my therapist I was going to buy SN (back before it became unavailable). For me, a lot of wanting to tell my therapist was to see the reaction, to see if recovery was worth it, to see if someone cared enough when I started taking steps to ctb. Sure it was for attention, but isn't attention what we lack that brings us here in the first place? The intense loneliness and feeling abandoned or like a burden. It's okay to want attention if that's the driving factor for you. Wanting to have someone give a shit about you, isn't weak or attention seeking, it's being a normal human.

If I was an eloquent, capable person able to put their thoughts into words, this is what I would have said

 

[NoHorizon]

It'll depend on your relationship with your therapist, but I've always been completely honest with mine. I talk about my suicidal thoughts a lot and told them I have SN etc and not once have they tried to convince me to get rid of it or escalated things. I can basically say anything short of "I'm going to kill myself today" which is helpful for having open conversations.

I'm not trying to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, I just wanted to offer an alternative experience to the comments that you'll be sent to a psych ward or they'll take your SN etc.

 

[chloramine]

I would start with getting to know your therapist. You can mention that you've experienced suicidal ideation in the past and you want to be really clear about what their policy is around those issues to get a baseline without exposing yourself to as much risk.

I'm fairly honest with my own therapist, but I don't think I'd tell her if I had a plan because it puts her in an unfair position. She doesn't believe it would be helpful for me to ever be hospitalized and she's aware doing so would likely make things significantly worse. On the other hand if I die after telling her that then she's potentially placed in a bad spot legally. I believe she'd look for alternatives, but I still just don't want to put her or myself in that position so I'm careful about what language I use.