Telling family

[prince345]

Apologies if this has already been disscused. I'm currently wrestling between telling my mother that I will most likely ctb, or not telling her. She's told me before that if I die, she's have to be committed or worse. It scares me bwcause I'm her only child, and I don't want to cause her immense pain from losing me. Regardless, I don't see myself outliving her and my life will definitely end by ctb. Im just trying to figure out if telling her beforehand, no matter the timeline, will be better or worse than just suddenly exiting her life with no warning and leaving her to blame herself. Any advice would help.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

Telling her is slow torture til it happens. Better to talk to a professional. Ctb feels extremely personal so I keep it to myself.

 

[lostmyacc]

I can't see any situation where this goes well. From personal experience people react in a very strange and unpredictable way.
Prewarning them only makes them feel worse if you do go onto commit suicide as their natural reaction would be, 'i. should of stopped this'

 

[prince345]

Telling her is slow torture til it happens. Better to talk to a professional. Ctb feels extremely personal so I keep it to myself.

Yeah, I understand. I'm just terrified of her having unbearable pain for the rest of of her life and feeling at blame for not "getting me help" or not knowing the signs, or whatever else
. At the same time I know I can't live solely for her. Thanks for the advice

I can't see any situation where this goes well. From personal experience people react in a very strange and unpredictable way.
Prewarning them only makes them feel worse if you do go onto commit suicide as their natural reaction would be, 'i. should of stopped this'

Thanks for your advice

 

[starryeyedgemini]

I have often thought about opening up to family or certain friends about how I'm feeling. However I just end up worrying about how they react or what the consequences will be. My best advice would be to speak to a professional as they would be in the best position to help you. Even if it's to help get things off your chest.

 

[befree]

"Telling her is slow torture til it happens." I agree.
"Better to talk to a professional." I don´t agree, unless you wanna end up in psych. ward. Never tell anyone about your plan !

 

[prince345]

"Telling her is slow torture til it happens." I agree.
"Better to talk to a professional." I don´t agree, unless you wanna end up in psych. ward. Never tell anyone about your plan !

definitely agree with this.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

"Telling her is slow torture til it happens." I agree.
"Better to talk to a professional." I don´t agree, unless you wanna end up in psych. ward. Never tell anyone about your plan !

Even just talking? I understand a failed attempt. But, I've talked to my therapist about suicide and wasn't committed.

 

[prince345]

Even just talking? I understand a failed attempt. But, I've talked to my therapist about suicide and wasn't committed.

Honestly I'm too tired to seek help again. My only concern right now is hurting my family and having my ctb cause horrible circumstances. I know I'll be miserable if I live only for them though. Catch 22

 

[befree]

No talking, no telling. As soon as a therapist gets the impression that you are suicidal, he might decide to put you in psych. ward.
If you have friends and family you will never be able to avoid hurting someone. I think suicide is something where you have to be a bit selfish.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's an extremely difficult decision. I understand your dilemma.

Is the hope in telling her that she will have more time to mentally prepare for it? I'm not sure that people can even mentally prepare themselves to loose someone to suicide (unless I suppose their loved one is in visible constant pain- I think psychological issues are more misunderstood and less sympathised with). I think maybe, they might have more understanding if they have felt suicidal themselves.

I guess how I see it is like this- if you do tell her, I would imagine she will try and 'save' you. If you truly believe you can't and don't want to change your mind, then she will have failed. Plus, she will live in massive anxiety until you do or don't do it.

I know parents like to think we can tell them anything but I kind of feel if it's something they truly can't help with (and the 'help' in this case will have been to convince you not to do it. I doubt many parents would support a suicide wish), then I personally feel it's kinder not to tell them.

I guess it's a cop out but I always hoped that if I plucked up enough courage to ctb, that I would leave behind a lengthy letter trying to explain my actions. I always thought I would say that I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want them to try and stop me- or- even worse- tried everything they could but still failed.

On the other hand, if there is any hope left that you feel like you might be able to turn things around and choose not to ctb, then I think it is worth considering telling her. If she can help, she will have saved your life- which both of you could end up being grateful for. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

 

[prince345]

It's an extremely difficult decision. I understand your dilemma.

Is the hope in telling her that she will have more time to mentally prepare for it? I'm not sure that people can even mentally prepare themselves to loose someone to suicide (unless I suppose their loved one is in visible constant pain- I think psychological issues are more misunderstood and less sympathised with). I think maybe, they might have more understanding if they have felt suicidal themselves.

I guess how I see it is like this- if you do tell her, I would imagine she will try and 'save' you. If you truly believe you can't and don't want to change your mind, then she will have failed. Plus, she will live in massive anxiety until you do or don't do it.

I know parents like to think we can tell them anything but I kind of feel if it's something they truly can't help with (and the 'help' in this case will have been to convince you not to do it. I doubt many parents would support a suicide wish), then I personally feel it's kinder not to tell them.

I guess it's a cop out but I always hoped that if I plucked up enough courage to ctb, that I would leave behind a lengthy letter trying to explain my actions. I always thought I would say that I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want them to try and stop me- or- even worse- tried everything they could but still failed.

On the other hand, if there is any hope left that you feel like you might be able to turn things around and choose not to ctb, then I think it is worth considering telling her. If she can help, she will have saved your life- which both of you could end up being grateful for. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

I resonate with everything you said. Yes, my thought of telling her was so she wouldn't be taken by surprise or feel it was her fault for not being able to tell how I was feeling. Also, I just moved into her home a little bit ago after 4 years on my own in another state. Out of sight, out of mind.. I wish I'd ctb then. Apparently she could tell I wasnt doing good and she made up a reason why I should come be with family, so I did. I regret coming
to live with her because now she keeps tabs on me because my depression worries her.

I don't want to be saved, I can go get help from a therapist without telling my mom my plans to ctb, if I really did want help.

Thank you for your response much appreciated

I can't see any situation where this goes well. From personal experience people react in a very strange and unpredictable way.
Prewarning them only makes them feel worse if you do go onto commit suicide as their natural reaction would be, 'i. should of stopped this'

Yeah I know, I just wish there was a situation where it was "I know this was inevitable and I respect her decision even though I'll be devastated" instead of "I could have stopped this, it's all my fault, it was so sudden, etc" But that's wishful thinking and impossible

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

I don't want to cause her immense pain from losing me.

If you CTB, I don't think there's any way around it. Telling her or not telling her will just determine how much turmoil and chaos there is in the interim.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally would never see it as a good idea to tell family members about wanting to ctb. After all we live in a world where suicide is so stigmatised and our right to die is not respected. I do wish that we could be open about our plans to ctb and be able to tell others in advance and they would accept our decision. I think that I would personally choose to write a note which could act as a form of closure for those left behind and would mean that they are not left with unanswered questions.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I resonate with everything you said. Yes, my thought of telling her was so she wouldn't be taken by surprise or feel it was her fault for not being able to tell how I was feeling. Also, I just moved into her home a little bit ago after 4 years on my own in another state. Out of sight, out of mind.. I wish I'd ctb then. Apparently she could tell I wasnt doing good and she made up a reason why I should come be with family, so I did. I regret coming
to live with her because now she keeps tabs on me because my depression worries her.

I don't want to be saved, I can go get help from a therapist without telling my mom my plans to ctb, if I really did want help.

Thank you for your response much appreciated

Yeah I know, I just wish there was a situation where it was "I know this was inevitable and I respect her decision even though I'll be devastated" instead of "I could have stopped this, it's all my fault, it was so sudden, etc" But that's wishful thinking and impossible

I'm so sad for you. It must be really difficult. It's clear that you think the world of your Mum. Of course you don't want to hurt her. Sometimes I wish people could experience what we feel- just for a short time- so that they could understand why we want a release from all this. I'm so sorry.

 

[GentleJerk]

I can understand wanting to talk about it. Do what you feel is right. Just don't expect understanding and acceptance if you decide to tell her.

 

[prince345]

Update, I didn't even have to say anything. I've never mentioned it or even given hints. She told me she's scared that I'll kill myself a few days ago, and that I'm the only person she has. So now it feels worse planning my ctb. This sucks, I should have just gotten it over with before I moved over here.