23 years old, unemployed, bipolar, someone who does not feel welcome...
I'll make a cut from when I tried CTB the first time (of course it's just the tip of the iceberg). It was in 2018 (Water overdose), it could have worked... SI spoke louder, although the rest of the year life tried to deceive me that it would be different after that (like an abusive relationship based on lies, that everything will get better ). That year I remember that I received an honorary title of nobility from Africa (without much detail) and I met a special girl before that... But in the end it was illusion, the girl (fictitious name: sofia) really liked me and I liked her, but the family (mine and hers) messed up everything. Okay, let's move on... after all me and Sofia could still be friends (and for those who really like the person she is, that's enough). 2019 I just started to notice everything getting worse and many tragedies around me, I lost my dog (he was so special) but we're still going on right (after all, life promised, she didn't see lying, things get better... [sarcastic way ]). At least I graduated from graduation
2020... Well no comment, pandemic and more! but we're still going on (after all, life gets better and it's "just" an unexpected pandemic). It was in 2020 that I officially became an unemployed person (doesn't study or work)... but it was in 2020 that I started to realize that mental illnesses always take a back seat (after all, who thought about this "risk group"?).
But I was very hopeful that 2021 would be different (and then the biggest punch in the face)
Already in the first days of 2021 we observed a crisis in Manaus, which the whole of Brazil would later experience (March, April and May were hellish months)... For me, the second wave was particularly frightening, I lived at home, my grandmother, my mother, my cousin (a minor) and a mentally handicapped uncle... suddenly my grandmother and my mother fell ill in the Intensive Care Unit, several family members (who didn't even care before) accuse me of various things (neglect, even of have contaminated everyone at home... look, in fact I didn't even go out before the pandemic...)
we were stuck at home in a situation of food insecurity, all the mental damage I received had to bear it alone (no one wanted to know how I was doing, but how my relatives were... that offends me).
after my grandmother died and my mother recovered I had to take responsibility and everything people were charging me (as if I wasn't being grateful and taking care of my mother... and fuck my basic needs)... .but everything would get worse!
From May until July (which was the time for me to recover from these things) I was losing even more people close to me, until "Sofia", my girlfriend at the beginning of the story, died of diabetes too... But people I was denied the right to sue all that grief (of losing relatives, friends, people I loved....)
Calculate for a bipolar person to go through several simultaneous mournings and a few days later a robbery still (there's this detail still) it is expected that the person will be spared for a while! But it wasn't like that... People preferred to throw it in my face that I'm unemployed, that I didn't help anymore even in volunteer services (I had to give up a course and what did they do? They told me I'm weak, I don't start what I finish... writing this makes me hate and despair)
People are mean... they think they're better than us even for having a job. These idiots told me that everyone was the same and that no one was better than no one when I was at my peak (and I believed and humbled myself...)
I want to end this anyway!
I'll make a cut from when I tried CTB the first time (of course it's just the tip of the iceberg). It was in 2018 (Water overdose), it could have worked... SI spoke louder, although the rest of the year life tried to deceive me that it would be different after that (like an abusive relationship based on lies, that everything will get better ). That year I remember that I received an honorary title of nobility from Africa (without much detail) and I met a special girl before that... But in the end it was illusion, the girl (fictitious name: sofia) really liked me and I liked her, but the family (mine and hers) messed up everything. Okay, let's move on... after all me and Sofia could still be friends (and for those who really like the person she is, that's enough). 2019 I just started to notice everything getting worse and many tragedies around me, I lost my dog (he was so special) but we're still going on right (after all, life promised, she didn't see lying, things get better... [sarcastic way ]). At least I graduated from graduation
2020... Well no comment, pandemic and more! but we're still going on (after all, life gets better and it's "just" an unexpected pandemic). It was in 2020 that I officially became an unemployed person (doesn't study or work)... but it was in 2020 that I started to realize that mental illnesses always take a back seat (after all, who thought about this "risk group"?).
But I was very hopeful that 2021 would be different (and then the biggest punch in the face)
Already in the first days of 2021 we observed a crisis in Manaus, which the whole of Brazil would later experience (March, April and May were hellish months)... For me, the second wave was particularly frightening, I lived at home, my grandmother, my mother, my cousin (a minor) and a mentally handicapped uncle... suddenly my grandmother and my mother fell ill in the Intensive Care Unit, several family members (who didn't even care before) accuse me of various things (neglect, even of have contaminated everyone at home... look, in fact I didn't even go out before the pandemic...)
we were stuck at home in a situation of food insecurity, all the mental damage I received had to bear it alone (no one wanted to know how I was doing, but how my relatives were... that offends me).
after my grandmother died and my mother recovered I had to take responsibility and everything people were charging me (as if I wasn't being grateful and taking care of my mother... and fuck my basic needs)... .but everything would get worse!
From May until July (which was the time for me to recover from these things) I was losing even more people close to me, until "Sofia", my girlfriend at the beginning of the story, died of diabetes too... But people I was denied the right to sue all that grief (of losing relatives, friends, people I loved....)
Calculate for a bipolar person to go through several simultaneous mournings and a few days later a robbery still (there's this detail still) it is expected that the person will be spared for a while! But it wasn't like that... People preferred to throw it in my face that I'm unemployed, that I didn't help anymore even in volunteer services (I had to give up a course and what did they do? They told me I'm weak, I don't start what I finish... writing this makes me hate and despair)
People are mean... they think they're better than us even for having a job. These idiots told me that everyone was the same and that no one was better than no one when I was at my peak (and I believed and humbled myself...)
I want to end this anyway!
