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ihateearth

Member
Apr 1, 2024
89
A guy I loved or have known for years recently used me for sex under false pretenses. I wasn't upset at that versus his lying. Tonight I called him out and let him know I won't be around soon but to be honest with other people always.

I should have known as years ago he tried to cheat on his girlfriend with me but I said no. Other factors like health issues and depression are killing me. I hate being alive every day even with this. I need to die to be free. Please.

He thinks he's a good guy, but said he didn't want sex from me then practically forced it when together. I freeze In sexual situations where I say no with someone I trust and they push. Blame childhood rape and other things.

It felt good to let him know he hurt me but I didn't care as I wasn't as hard on him as I was on others who were up front about their intentions. You want sex? Ok, what do I get in exchange for you wanting to use my body?

I look forward to people no longer finding me attractive and victimizing me. Since being a kid I've had to be on guard or turn the situation in my favor or for something that helps me if I can't block it fully.

I was raped at 3 to 4, sold for sex by my mom two times, and still became successful but life catches up. I hate being alive. I wish someone could sell me drugs to get out of here! Every day is misery. I hate being alive so much I'm about to start seeking someone to kill me.

Someone who can end my life in any way would greatly help me and I'm gonna start searching for them and drug addicts with contacts for fent. I can't use the dark net. I need to get out of here please. I've been in a nightmare for many years. Please give me relief by dying. Please.

Pills and alcohol don't work. Wrist cutting doesn't work. I tried. Hanging didn't work. SN takes weeks to arrive. Please. I don't have guts to jump off a bridge. I tried and I couldn't. I was sober so maybe we have to be drunk. I hate being alive every day. Please help if you can but I have to get out of here. My hands also don't work normally & I'm in pain always. What can I do?

But at least he knows. As much as you can while alive, let these assholes know. They aren't the cause but how they hurt people matters. SN is taking forever I can't wait.
 
Last edited:
Silent_cries

Silent_cries

I wish I could delete my trauma...
Aug 10, 2021
862
I'm sorry, idk how to help, but if you already ordered sn try to find comfort in the fact that it will arrive eventually witch means that you will be freed soon. I always use ctb as a comfort to keep going if things get too rough. I wish you the best of luck! <3
 

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