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pony No.2

pony No.2

Pony
Oct 22, 2024
10
Self harming for me, cutting, burning, hitting, is something I do occasionally. I do it because I want to, and because emotions can be too much for me to handle, specifically anger and sadness. And because I also want scars. Haven't done any of that in a while, probably because of medication. I plan on doing so, and I'm considering stopping meds.

Why don't I want help? Because I don't like the process of doing so (such as going to the emergency room and going through the humiliating requirements and being put in uncomfortable see through clothing), and I don't want people in my business. I also don't want people to label me I want to have freedom and continue my methods of coping. I actually favor having a choice. I also don't understand why it's anyone's business if I cut myself, I'm not harming another person, I'm not doing anything illegal, I'm coping in my own way.

I hate that it's a law where they can force help onto someone, which will do more harm than good to their psych. Getting help should ultimately be a one's choice, regardless of laws and whatever people think. That's ultimately one's right and freedom.

Psych wards never helped me, one of the nurses felt intimidating and in general I felt like I was losing my mind in there. It's insanely boring and dehumanizing, to me at least. Getting everything taken away and never having real privacy is fucking awful. They don't even have TVs in the patient rooms to encourage socializing, for what? To complain about our problems with the assholes who are part of the situation we're in and are the reason we can't leave? And then you can't even refuse to have blood drawn. They don't care about what the patient wants, they only care about doing their job and not getting fired. Being in a psych ward feels like a punishment because it basically is, you don't act a certain way? There you go.


So yeah, this is the only place I can truly talk about my problems without getting my freedom revoked for my "safety". I'm considering stopping therapy too. I don't think I'll ever understand why psych holds and involuntary commitment is legal, if someone doesn't want help then offer support instead of forcing it. As you can tell, I hate society and value having a voice along with freedom.
I mean, it's my fucking body. Tattoos and piercings can also be a form of self harm.
 
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