Venting Talking About My Feelings has Started to Hurt My GF

[puella]

My gf has always been supportive and loving. She recognizes that a psych ward would be very harmful to my mental health. I feel safe talking to her about anything. She has said that she would always be proud of me for trying my best. I like to think this means even if I fail and have to CTB.

But she is rightfully afraid of the idea of my death. We had to switch to an LDR when I moved states, and she's gotten more worried about my safety without being there to watch over me.

I have been going through antidepressant withdrawals, and I acted in ways I know were dumb and scary. I feel guilty. I haven't eaten in days, I want to SH, I've been an emotional wreck, and I've been saying my feelings without thinking first.

She sounds so sad when she's worried about me—it breaks my heart. I think I've only been making everything worse. She's one of the only people I trust to be open with, while I wait to get a therapist, but I don't want to be a burden on her.

 

[Chr0nicAnhedonic]

It sounds like she loves you a lot if she's willing to endure all of that.

I get what you mean, though. Suicidal people aren't fun to deal with, I've worn out my share of people with it. Sounds like you're on a decent path with getting therapy, for as shitty as everything's sounding. Hope you and her can hold out.