Taking Myself Too Seriously

[ma0]

Look at Mr. Depressed Man, pondering the very existence of life, feeling betrayed by the same systems that promised to bring him peace, yearning for a future of fulfillment, but entrapped in an endless cycle of dreams that will never come to be...

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm just some guy that spends most of his time watching youtube and jerking off to anime girls, and yet I'm trying to make something big out of it, as if whining like a 19th century author is going to change the situation I'm in.

There's a simple truth I've been forgetting lately, that being: I'M NOT SPECIAL!! AS MUCH AS I WISH I WAS! There's thousands, no, millions just like me, and I'm still trying to act like my life is some great unique tragedy. I got myself in this mess, trying to stand out among the trash pile won't do shit.

It's a difficult balance, because I'm constantly trying to find meaning in things, while also catching myself when I sound like a teen's first attempt at an edgy novel. Literally what am I doing?

So like... Anyone else feel like this? I just felt like screaming into the void to be honest, and I think it should go without saying, but don't be as hard on yourself as I am right now. You're all allowed to be verbose about things, it's just that I'm not.

 

[Grog]

I feel pretty much exactly like that to a tee most of the time. And I've come to the same point of self-awareness as you have. So no, you're not alone.
I wish I was special. Sometimes I like to think I'm very smart, but I'm just as lost as many here. I try to rationalize everything with what are probably just cliché platitudes.

 

[lost_one]

I am sorry, that is tough. That is a hard set of fellings and thoughts to deal with, , you didn't write a long post but it feellike there is a lot to unpack.

I have two recomendations, Mob psycho 100. (So good). and a song (very girly sorry) You are not special babe, by orla garland.

I think very few people if any at all are special in this world. Being "special" is also very subjective, right!? Mob is so special, but so ordinary, and I love it. and in the end what makes him special are not his awesome powers, but his "heart" the way he cares about people.

I am a nihilist, but I try and fail constantly to be an optimist nihilist, by that I mean I belive nothing matters, and nothing has a inherent meaning or a point, we have to create the meaning, and it doesn't matter if it is clever or not. But again I am here in this site, so I am failing.

Also your feeling are valid, they usually are, even if you are "wrong". I hate mine always. and that is a problem. So it's ok to feel them, just try to not get stuck in them.

I agree with your sentiment, there is always a voice in my head when I comment here: "oh, ho look at this beautiful gem of wisdom she is writing down, if you are so clever why are you stuck, or are you seeking some attention today? and it just keeps mocking me and de-motivating me, but the purpose of my comments are usually to try and make someone feel better even if they are dumb and shallow. I just always hated when I posted something here or on reddit, and post got completely ignored. I just want you and everyone I comment on to feel seen. Heard.

good luck.

 

[EquinoxAlchemist]

yeah...either i don't take myself seriously at all or too seriously. It's the same like "im better than everyone else" and "oh my god i suck so much" that some people have. I only sometimes feel like "wow im such a great friend and boyfriend!" and then suddenly it flips and im the worst person on eath...fun times. I think its not bad to be existential and "edgy". be cringe and be free and all that.

 

[ChainedCrow]

I too wish to be special, to be finally someone who is taken seriously, daydreaming has become my nightmare for as long as i remember. Dont think of your thoughts as lesser or your need suicidality as whining we all are as deep as any author, artist or just anybody its just the fact no one wants to put our suffering into pretty words. I always catch myself coming to that realization that we are as deep as anybody popular when i read a short biography u can shorten it to 3 words like depressed drug addict and it sounds so different. Like someone said above me BE CRINGE and be free the 19th century author was also cringe and no one special as there was probably like millions of people who had the same thoughts/experience as him its just that he wraped it around in pretty words and got popularity from people who thought or/and had experiences like him. Romanticize the hell out of your suffering make it have some use other than pain
I saw u around couple of times in the forum and i couldnt find anyone like you :3
MUCH MUCH LOVE