T Minus 12 hours until I will be departing to my destination to CTB. All of this has, really, has been much faster paced than anticipated.
The only thing left to go do is pickup a cheap unlocked iPhone off the marketplace, go to any phone carrier and put the phone under a new plan. and leave my "phone" at home, so I cannot be tracked to my location. Granted I know if I wanted to be super paranoid about being tracked I would pick up a GPS. But I plan on sending out one final text message to my sig, as a means to my ctb note. So I will be needing a phone with at least a basic data plan.
Other than that, every step of this plan has been finalized, to pre filling my gas tank, to purchasing the shotgun, shortening the shotgun, and finally purchasing #00 buckshots….etc..
Sometimes I really do wish there was an alternative way off this plane of existence, like a button you press that's engraved into the back of everyone's head. Like an off switch. Of course you couldn't just go pushing other peoples off switches, because somehow and someway, it only works when the host presses it. After that, lights out. Easy. Peaceful. Painless.
We put our animals down when their QOL gets to be too horrible, too much suffering, but we can't do that for our own species? It boggles my mind.
I will feel bad however for leaving behind my cat, who is 12 years old and he was a rescue off the side of the highway. I found him when he was 8 or 10 weeks old. He's been the only consistent thing in my life as sad as that sounds. But it is true. Hopefully my family takes care of him and just doesn't throw him up for adoption..
Not to mention the state of the United States right now.. hell, the state of the entire world is shit! The times we are living in now scare the shit out of me, not to mention the utter disgust I've grown for this country.. from the abortion shit that's been in the news, to the lgbt stuff, to the war in Ukraine.. everything in between just disgusts me.
Humans are by far, the lowest civilization on the totem pole when it comes to the universe. There's just no way we are alone, and sure we have what we think is advanced technology, but that's not what puts us at the bottom. The way we treat fellow humans in every god damn situation does. We are so divided on earth we are a laughing stock to the rest of this damnned universe.
And sure a lot of people say be the good you want to see, but that is a bunch of bullshit. I've been nothing BUT the good I've wanted to see in this world, and obviously nothing has come of it if I'm writing this post. I've only gotten fucked over in the end.
I'm being kicked out of the house and I've got a week to get. So this is mainly why my plan had to be drastically accelerated to 16 hours from now. I've got no-where to go and I'm just tired. Tired of being displaced so much, tired of being tired. So mentally exhausted getting up out of bed has been a struggle. Going to bed has been a struggle, and I need to either drink a fitth or smoke a bowl of Indica to conk out. Showering has been exhausting, even when the hottest temperature doesn't quite sting like it used to.
I'm just ready to go, it's a shame I won't be able to experience life here anymore, but maybe, just maybe I can experience somthing better from beyond..
Because there has to be somthing bigger out there, right? I mean, everyone has their different opinions and views on what comes after, but nobody truly 100% knows. Yes, it is a little bit scary, it makes my palms sweat and drip sweat like it's 130 degrees outside.. but I just try and imagine all of the anxiety, the nerves, the panic, is just an ignition sequence, it's the body preparing to do somthing it has never done before.
Or you can call it SI. Whichever tickles your pickle.
I will miss the beauty of planet earth, but again, here's to hoping I can experience it from beyond..
and if what's after is just nothingness. Black. The same as when you close your eyes.. I'm not exactly ok with that, but it's a bet I'm willing to take. I tell myself that ctb is a bad idea, but I've made worse decisions in the past so this obviously can't be too bad!
The only thing left to go do is pickup a cheap unlocked iPhone off the marketplace, go to any phone carrier and put the phone under a new plan. and leave my "phone" at home, so I cannot be tracked to my location. Granted I know if I wanted to be super paranoid about being tracked I would pick up a GPS. But I plan on sending out one final text message to my sig, as a means to my ctb note. So I will be needing a phone with at least a basic data plan.
Other than that, every step of this plan has been finalized, to pre filling my gas tank, to purchasing the shotgun, shortening the shotgun, and finally purchasing #00 buckshots….etc..
Sometimes I really do wish there was an alternative way off this plane of existence, like a button you press that's engraved into the back of everyone's head. Like an off switch. Of course you couldn't just go pushing other peoples off switches, because somehow and someway, it only works when the host presses it. After that, lights out. Easy. Peaceful. Painless.
We put our animals down when their QOL gets to be too horrible, too much suffering, but we can't do that for our own species? It boggles my mind.
I will feel bad however for leaving behind my cat, who is 12 years old and he was a rescue off the side of the highway. I found him when he was 8 or 10 weeks old. He's been the only consistent thing in my life as sad as that sounds. But it is true. Hopefully my family takes care of him and just doesn't throw him up for adoption..
Not to mention the state of the United States right now.. hell, the state of the entire world is shit! The times we are living in now scare the shit out of me, not to mention the utter disgust I've grown for this country.. from the abortion shit that's been in the news, to the lgbt stuff, to the war in Ukraine.. everything in between just disgusts me.
Humans are by far, the lowest civilization on the totem pole when it comes to the universe. There's just no way we are alone, and sure we have what we think is advanced technology, but that's not what puts us at the bottom. The way we treat fellow humans in every god damn situation does. We are so divided on earth we are a laughing stock to the rest of this damnned universe.
And sure a lot of people say be the good you want to see, but that is a bunch of bullshit. I've been nothing BUT the good I've wanted to see in this world, and obviously nothing has come of it if I'm writing this post. I've only gotten fucked over in the end.
I'm being kicked out of the house and I've got a week to get. So this is mainly why my plan had to be drastically accelerated to 16 hours from now. I've got no-where to go and I'm just tired. Tired of being displaced so much, tired of being tired. So mentally exhausted getting up out of bed has been a struggle. Going to bed has been a struggle, and I need to either drink a fitth or smoke a bowl of Indica to conk out. Showering has been exhausting, even when the hottest temperature doesn't quite sting like it used to.
I'm just ready to go, it's a shame I won't be able to experience life here anymore, but maybe, just maybe I can experience somthing better from beyond..
Because there has to be somthing bigger out there, right? I mean, everyone has their different opinions and views on what comes after, but nobody truly 100% knows. Yes, it is a little bit scary, it makes my palms sweat and drip sweat like it's 130 degrees outside.. but I just try and imagine all of the anxiety, the nerves, the panic, is just an ignition sequence, it's the body preparing to do somthing it has never done before.
Or you can call it SI. Whichever tickles your pickle.
I will miss the beauty of planet earth, but again, here's to hoping I can experience it from beyond..
and if what's after is just nothingness. Black. The same as when you close your eyes.. I'm not exactly ok with that, but it's a bet I'm willing to take. I tell myself that ctb is a bad idea, but I've made worse decisions in the past so this obviously can't be too bad!
