Surviving a suicide attempt, what was it like?

[overidk]

What prompted you to try? How did you feel right before you tried to kill yourself? What did you feel when your life was fading?

 

[hikikomorizombie]

it was nice. there was no dramatic fading into blackness or losing consciousness. i took the pills, got into bed & scrolled on my phone for a while, then i woke up a day later in the hospitali've survived 2 OD attempts unfortunately, & that always leads to involuntary hospitalization. that's why next time can't be an attempt, it has to be it.

beforehand, i felt the same as i always do, + a bit nervous & shaky.

 

[Raven_Nevermore]

When I came to in the hospital, I've ALWAYS been pissed off EVERY time I FAIL. Why can't I fucking at least get THIS right?!

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

prompted? rather not type that long, feelings before? last one was just numbness. sadly i never got the fading effect.

 

[parallelluniverse]

The prompt was long time unhappiness and some strong resolve for it.

I tried CO method with charcoal and kicked over the coals, not the best method. Also tried a nitrogen breather than didn't work. Both felt like losing air and all that faded was my intentions...

I didn't feel much before attempting, mainly frustration, anger, and determination. Almost impatience. And as for fading thinking it was working, it was just waiting to fall asleep really...

I've been to tall buildings as well... talked myself out of it... been to cliffs... the wandering in the dark and rain sort of burned out my enthusiasm... also having been drunk many times I've felt like I just want to end things, hoping the right chain of events takes me out... also contemplated trains a lot... I don't know if that's an attempt... or every time I see a very fast moving truck... when I think about it... I've had thousands of failed attempts... maybe 2 or 3 really tailored one's though...

Oh I rolled my car once (it was a soft top) narrowly escaped that... probably an unconscious attempt... totally thrilling... until it's not and it all happens in a split second... until you wake up upsidedown thinking... oops... I missed the turn...

Also I was in the Army, we had guns, we made jokes, we knew it was half serious because we put ourselves in that para-suicidal situation to begin with... I don't know if that counts...

Oh I bought SN and was about to do it but didn't thought I would throw up and didn't actually like the method after all. It's wild pig bait anyway, they use it to control populations and exterminate hundreds at a time, with SN... didn't fancy it...

I know where there are tall buildings though... the next attempt has already started I suppose... just thinking about it... quietly... waiting I suppose...

They are all the same... intense feelings, memories, passion, frustration determination... the light stays on though.

 

[itsover090]

it was nice. there was no dramatic fading into blackness or losing consciousness. i took the pills, got into bed & scrolled on my phone for a while, then i woke up a day later in the hospitali've survived 2 OD attempts unfortunately, & that always leads to involuntary hospitalization. that's why next time can't be an attempt, it has to be it.

beforehand, i felt the same as i always do, + a bit nervous & shaky.

what did you try with? You can say?
sry bad english

 

[hikikomorizombie]

what did you try with? You can say?
sry bad english

1st attempt was with over the counter sleeping pills, Unisom. i took 1 full bottle. 2nd attempt was with street xans, i think i took 5 bars

 

[FutureHanger]

Technically is depending on what you define an attempt as since the rope didn't tighten on my neck , I deliberately spent a few minutes thinking of bad things to put me in a bad mood then was very pissed off on the way home after i realised the short drop height was the reason it didnt tighten

 

[Bouquet]

that feeling that my life was worthless made me finally do it, I just felt very nervous in the process, after taking the pills I went to sleep, I wasn't feeling sad or nervous, I wasn't feeling anything.
It was really disappointing to wake up again.

 

[misthios2040]

When I tried to ctb in high school, the dean of students found me and sent me to the hospital where they resuscitated me back to life. I was so close yet so far from death its unbelievable. Just for once I wish I was successful in ctb. The aftermath of that ctb attempt in high school led to years of PTSD, psychosis, paralyzing depression and anxiety. If you ctb, make sure its one and done because the aftermath is terrible. Too this day, I still hear voices and see shit. My family just blamed me for my problems instead of seeing the fact that I ctb because I was getting bullied in school, and sexually assaulted. Life is an infinite chaos of pain and disappointment. Don't ever let anyone talk to you out of ctb. They just don't want to live in this delusional world by themselves and they are more psychotic than you are because they want to see you in pain. They want you to be miserable.

 

[luneylonegirl]

What prompted you to try? How did you feel right before you tried to kill yourself? What did you feel when your life was fading?

I try because everything went bad, suffering from a toxic relationship, and academia stuff. I feel relieved and i think it's gonna work (i researched online it's an OD dose before i go to this forum). Nothingness. I also feel panicked. The urge to seek help. Then i just went to sleep for 2 days. No one search for me except my best friend.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

If you ctb, make sure its one and done because the aftermath is terrible.

I think that's what I worry about a lot, it has to be a one and done otherwise the aftermath will be far worse than ending up dead.

Truly heartbreaking to see what you've been through and that no one even had the empathy to recognize how much it was hurting you.

 

[indignity]

When I came to in the hospital, I've ALWAYS been pissed off EVERY time I FAIL. Why can't I fucking at least get THIS right?!

Skill issue tbh. Better to not attempt at all than to attempt and fail.

 

[RemainingDubious]

What prompted you to try? How did you feel right before you tried to kill yourself? What did you feel when your life was fading?

Repugnance for life prompted me to attempt to escape many times over the years.

Sometimes i've been at peace assuming i would soon be free from this hell. Sometimes i've been full of rage that i exist and sometimes i've been completely indifferent.

Being faced with the reality that your efforts to escape were in vain and you have to continue to exist is indescribable. i've often felt at rock bottom when attempting to ctb. Upon realising i still exist and stuck here longer i discovered there's a whole other level below what i wrongly assumed was rock bottom.

 

[MrsNobody]

My first time was in 2004. My very last time was 2023.

It was traumatic.

I decided to try to partially hang myself due to annoying rib pain & Covid.. but I had a benzo or two before I did so to calm me down. The next thing I know, 80 billion cops are busting down the door & aggressively yanking an extended belt from around my neck.

It was embarrassing to say the least. Then the ER nurses or whomever they were treated me like complete shit.

I'd rather shoot myself.

 

[UKscotty]

Depends how you define attempt.

I have had too many times to count where I have got ready, like minutes away then the SI kicked in.

Actual proper attempts failing felt terrible, like a complete waste and a failure, can't even doing something as simple as die. Slowly got over it and found the importance of research how to do it right.

But yeah, in the immediate days after a failure, you will feel shitty.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I've tried shooting myself before but never actually pulled the trigger so I don't know if that counts. In the moment I felt nothing at all. When I couldn't do it, I felt extremely frustrated with myself that I simply couldn't use a pound of pressure to pull a trigger, and felt utter hatred for the world that I had to continue to live in. I overheard the ER nurses saying outside the room I was in during the time I had to go to the ER "you can't keep coming to the hospital just because you're suicidal you have to get over it" which only made me more dejected.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Surviving an attempt shouldn't even be called surviving. You wake up and get committed for an involuntary stay and then everyone watches you like a hawk. No privacy. Just continued bullshit and it's all the same.

 

[theboy]

I have had 3 attempts and in all 3 I have felt differently. But in short it's like "oh no, I failed again".

 

[barkbark]

What prompted you to try? How did you feel right before you tried to kill yourself? What did you feel when your life was fading?

i was having a prolonged mental health crisis over a week. it was severely worsened by side effects of meds and both of these factors followed after a year of worsening mental health and addiction to sh which led me to just impulsively try to ctb.

just before downing about half of the pills i was really working myself up to it trying to overcome SI. i was an absolute wreck panicking and breaking down, but when i finally did i felt everything sort of become numb. at first i only swallowed about half the pills and i felt my stomach drop when i did but i told myself "this is it, you're in too deep and it's too late to back out. you have to go through with this fully" and downed the rest of them. i ended up messaging some online friends of mine who i assumed were going to be offline for a while a suicide note and it turns out they were up early. they managed to get my address and threatened cops if i didn't go to hospital myself. i really didn't want the cops to show up and shoot the dogs (america) so i ended up having to go.

while on my way there i started to feel really tired and out of it and once i got to the ER about fifteen minutes from getting my bed i eventually went unconscious — not sure if i properly passed out or if i was tired. i think everything just faded out but around that time i apparently have very patchy memory probably because of serotonin syndrome. i do remember waking up in the icu briefly hooked up to a bunch of stuff.

over the next few days i was apparently visited by family while having no recollection of it so that's fun

also, you know that likely misleading statistic that gets thrown around about suicide attempt survivors regretting? yeah fuck that, i don't buy it. the only regrets i have are that i told my friend and that i failed. i've gone on to try more times but abort the attempts or half ass it because i'm too scared to commit.

 

[Ironborn]

I tried to drown myself, drank a bottle of whiskey beforehand, swam out into the reservoir and just enjoyed being in the cold water in the dark under the night sky.
Blacked out and somehow washed up on the edge and next thing I remember is stumbling through my front door.
Didn't even catch a cold lol.
But seriously being in the water was the most at peace I've been in years, thinking it was finally over.

 

[thetruetato]

What prompted you to try? How did you feel right before you tried to kill yourself? What did you feel when your life was fading?

Right before the majority of my past attempts, I felt this crushing feeling deep in my chest. After I failed, I was overwhelmed with utter disappointment.

 

[feelsohelpless]

I had many attempts as a young teenager. But my first one as an adult, I told the social worker or whoever it was, that I was suicidal and had written my note. her exact words reply was "oh but you arent really suicidal, it is all passive." needless that night I did my CTB attempt. I was somehow found and was in ICU on a ventilator for 5 days. Then it was a trip to the mental hospital. I was upset that I hadnt been successful. I had done the "right" (by society's view) thing by asking for help. I was still SO angry with how I had been treated when I had given reaching out for help, a go. But I resolved to be more careful for my next attempt. Unfortunately that didnt happen. It was a few months later. I was not in the right frame of mind, snuck in pills down my bra when on day leave. Where NOT to do a CTB attempt? In a mental health unit where you are checked on regularly. 48 hours in ICU, then back to the unit for me.

Every time I have woken up after my attempt, it was soul crushing. Anger was definitely present but it was anger at myself. My upcoming CTB will be VERY well thought out. and carefully planned I live alone so being found wont be an issue which is a good start. A lot of emotions involved feeling numb, alone, despair, anger, apathetic. An emotional whirlpool

 

[lostinwoe]

it was nice. there was no dramatic fading into blackness or losing consciousness. i took the pills, got into bed & scrolled on my phone for a while, then i woke up a day later in the hospitali've survived 2 OD attempts unfortunately, & that always leads to involuntary hospitalization. that's why next time can't be an attempt, it has to be it.

beforehand, i felt the same as i always do, + a bit nervous & shaky.

what did you OD on

 

[Meteora]

Not nice at all. You always hear of people who are soooooo happy they re still alive... well, I was not and still am not.
It was horrible, I remember being at hospital not telling the doctors what I had taken cause I didnt want to get counter treatment. . I couldnt hide it anymore when I had to get up after the talk with doctor, nurse because I fell to the ground and couldnt get up anymore. The left me there, alone on the ground and I panicked and started crying for help.
Next thing I remember is the ICU with cables and peeping machines.
I remember a creepy guy who watched me through a curtain whenever my body was bare for examination. Guess it was some kind of a pervert nurse .

At some point they released me from ICU and I was brought to closed psych ward. I remember I couldnt get up and go to toilet. I was too weak. Guess I was in delirium for about 3 to 4 days.

Was very traumatizing everything. Never again I want to experience it.

 

[heisenberg]

my one and only attempt was in 2019, my stepbrother was on a bunch of medications. i took all the bottles, mainly antipsychotics, id estimate about 100 pills in all. physically i only had tachycardia and was getting increasingly tired. i ended up telling my parents and my mom drove me to the hospital, within 2 minutes of wheeling me in i passed out. i woke up intubated and was in the ICU for about 4 days then held in a psych ward for about 2 weeks. a lot of times i wish i never told my parents so i could have just died.

 

[hadenough58]

Initially I was relieved and made myself promises that everything would be different and I would turn my life around and be happy ever after?
How naive I was and all that I have achieved is another 25 years of misery and a battle to convince myself that my life is worth living.
It is a battle I am destin to lose, hopefully sooner rather than later

 

[slightoverlooked]

couldnt sleep for 3 days. it felt natural to me in that moment...i dont even remember making the conscious decision though. i only remember bits and pieces. i was gone for a bit but when i woke up in the intensive care unit a doctor talked to me...he laughed at me bc he didn't take me seriously since apparently, the reason why i wanted to die was funny to him...the nurse looked on the verge of tears. then i was brought to the psych ward against my will.
my method was overdosing on some meds that my dad had to take after his surgery but never finished. as i said dont remember anything so idk why i decided to try this method. I think after waking up in a very shaky way i tried to cut but it didn't work. after that, i lost consciousness for longer. (i dont remember the cutting part but i noticed them when i was at the psych ward. my mom told me that's how she found me).

 

[ilovecats]

dreadful

 

[Punpun Onodera]

What prompted you to try? How did you feel right before you tried to kill yourself? What did you feel when your life was fading?

Wont go into what prompted me, but when I starting taking the large amounts of pills, I didnt feel anything. I just felt numb. Sadly I didnt get fading, but I did get some intense hallucinations before and while I was in the ER. Not fun