Cyagangy
Self Immolation fr fr
- Apr 27, 2024
- 114
My story is long and you might not have a ton of time so I put a TL:DR at the bottom of this post.
It was September 15th, the month beforehand I had gotten baptized to prepare myself for my end. I ate my last meal,drank my last drink and feasted. My room was clean for the last time I did the dishes and I had recorded all of my suicide audios for my friends and family. I had printed out a paper that linked my Google drive so my family could have my will and my last words. I say it neatly up on my chair and turn my LED's purple. I got out my turkey bag,ratchet strap and bean bags. I take two Tylenol and get into bed for the last time. Throughout the day I made myself a "good bye" playlist of all the music I listened to during my suicide. My last movie was "A silent voice". I put on my earbuds and play the song "Introduction to the snow" by miracle musical. I put the turkey bag over my head then the bean bags over my trachea before tightening my ratchet strap and laying down fully. Vividly I remember holding my Bible to my chest as I accepted death. I said my final prayers and began to suffocate. It was uncomfortable but not agonizing. My body wanted sleep but couldn't so I ended up taking my bag off and letting my ratchet straps finish me. My adrenaline also kicked in since either feared being caught but I continued. That was my first attempt in the night. I went to sleep as the next song began playing "Dream sweet in sea major". It put me at ease and YouTube played more calming music before I reattempted 20 minutes later. It would be hilarious if it wasn't pathetic. Regardless I reattempted after my other reattempt failed but I struggled more as it was 4 am. I would have to go into school soon. Still that didn't work and I ended up going to school with agonizing respiratory issues.
The next night I did more research and retried the night night method with two straps. I was PISSED it failed but I would get it this time. Again the bag method failed but I retried that night. I failed once more. I make a post with my frustrations and on Wednesday I buy gorilla tape to use with the straps.
Third night of attempts and I do several different positions and attempts, I yield nothing. I have about 12 attempts by this point and I wake up again. This time I'm late for school and my mom was going to catch me with my ratchet strap and gorilla tape. I feel my mind reeling, "God how could you do this so? I only wished to accept my fate but you deny me so. Again and again and again, embarrassing me."
4th night I take advantage of my clean room. I put my chair under my bed and I make a noise with the ratchets and tie something hard to the bean bags so it actually presses on my trachea. I drug myself again and I lay down with my neck in my make shift noose. I lay down as the opening of "dream sweet in sea major" played. As I drifted and choked I held my Bible closer. I smiled softly but I didn't cry. I was ready to be in the loving embrace of God. It was a gorgeous scene. Death was beautiful, I could never recreate that feeling. Thinking about it now it brings a tear to my eye the perfection of it! I laid down neck crooked as my song played in my ear buds. My body helping to dim the purple LED's around me as my clean room made my body the only thing to stand out there. On my side was my nite being held by a plushie and it was beautiful. This time I genuinely felt death grasp me. I dance with her once more im ready to accept fate. But I wake up at 3 am and retry again. I give up and go to sleep on my couch chair. The next morning I didn't bother removing my loft bed noose. I just let it be, I return back and it's still there left untouched.
3 nights after that I was alone in bed. I wanted to curse the good lords name but I held back and forth that God rewarded me. He came to me in a vision and told me how the world was going to end, tribulations was near and my suffering would suffice. He showed me the biblical end of times. Angels slaying man both tongue and blade with buildings crumbles about. People screaming in agony and I couldn't help but laugh. Not a laugh of enjoyment or hopelessness but it was one of relief. I let go of my inhibitions, it was 2 am my mom was in her room awake and I began laughing realizing it was over. It was inappropriate paradoxical laughter but a laugh I required so. I just wanted to dedicate this story to telling everyone how beautiful death truly is and how God can work in mysterious ways.
TLDR: I attempted to CTB 14 times with the night-night method but I'm a dumbass so it didn't work. Had a really cinematic almost death and planned it perfectly. 3 days after my last attempt God showed me the end of the world and I had a good laugh after receiving my biblical vision.
sanctioned-suicide.net
sanctioned-suicide.net
sanctioned-suicide.net
sanctioned-suicide.net
It was September 15th, the month beforehand I had gotten baptized to prepare myself for my end. I ate my last meal,drank my last drink and feasted. My room was clean for the last time I did the dishes and I had recorded all of my suicide audios for my friends and family. I had printed out a paper that linked my Google drive so my family could have my will and my last words. I say it neatly up on my chair and turn my LED's purple. I got out my turkey bag,ratchet strap and bean bags. I take two Tylenol and get into bed for the last time. Throughout the day I made myself a "good bye" playlist of all the music I listened to during my suicide. My last movie was "A silent voice". I put on my earbuds and play the song "Introduction to the snow" by miracle musical. I put the turkey bag over my head then the bean bags over my trachea before tightening my ratchet strap and laying down fully. Vividly I remember holding my Bible to my chest as I accepted death. I said my final prayers and began to suffocate. It was uncomfortable but not agonizing. My body wanted sleep but couldn't so I ended up taking my bag off and letting my ratchet straps finish me. My adrenaline also kicked in since either feared being caught but I continued. That was my first attempt in the night. I went to sleep as the next song began playing "Dream sweet in sea major". It put me at ease and YouTube played more calming music before I reattempted 20 minutes later. It would be hilarious if it wasn't pathetic. Regardless I reattempted after my other reattempt failed but I struggled more as it was 4 am. I would have to go into school soon. Still that didn't work and I ended up going to school with agonizing respiratory issues.
The next night I did more research and retried the night night method with two straps. I was PISSED it failed but I would get it this time. Again the bag method failed but I retried that night. I failed once more. I make a post with my frustrations and on Wednesday I buy gorilla tape to use with the straps.
Third night of attempts and I do several different positions and attempts, I yield nothing. I have about 12 attempts by this point and I wake up again. This time I'm late for school and my mom was going to catch me with my ratchet strap and gorilla tape. I feel my mind reeling, "God how could you do this so? I only wished to accept my fate but you deny me so. Again and again and again, embarrassing me."
4th night I take advantage of my clean room. I put my chair under my bed and I make a noise with the ratchets and tie something hard to the bean bags so it actually presses on my trachea. I drug myself again and I lay down with my neck in my make shift noose. I lay down as the opening of "dream sweet in sea major" played. As I drifted and choked I held my Bible closer. I smiled softly but I didn't cry. I was ready to be in the loving embrace of God. It was a gorgeous scene. Death was beautiful, I could never recreate that feeling. Thinking about it now it brings a tear to my eye the perfection of it! I laid down neck crooked as my song played in my ear buds. My body helping to dim the purple LED's around me as my clean room made my body the only thing to stand out there. On my side was my nite being held by a plushie and it was beautiful. This time I genuinely felt death grasp me. I dance with her once more im ready to accept fate. But I wake up at 3 am and retry again. I give up and go to sleep on my couch chair. The next morning I didn't bother removing my loft bed noose. I just let it be, I return back and it's still there left untouched.
3 nights after that I was alone in bed. I wanted to curse the good lords name but I held back and forth that God rewarded me. He came to me in a vision and told me how the world was going to end, tribulations was near and my suffering would suffice. He showed me the biblical end of times. Angels slaying man both tongue and blade with buildings crumbles about. People screaming in agony and I couldn't help but laugh. Not a laugh of enjoyment or hopelessness but it was one of relief. I let go of my inhibitions, it was 2 am my mom was in her room awake and I began laughing realizing it was over. It was inappropriate paradoxical laughter but a laugh I required so. I just wanted to dedicate this story to telling everyone how beautiful death truly is and how God can work in mysterious ways.
TLDR: I attempted to CTB 14 times with the night-night method but I'm a dumbass so it didn't work. Had a really cinematic almost death and planned it perfectly. 3 days after my last attempt God showed me the end of the world and I had a good laugh after receiving my biblical vision.
What song will you play during your suicide?
Grace by Jeff Buckley is possibly the perfect farewell song. Although being about death in general I think it can fit in the context of suicide as well.
sanctioned-suicide.net
Attempting one last time with Night-Night
At this point I might be the biggest Night-Night defender out there but I managed to get some help from a friend in tying down the damn ratchet. Now I can properly attempt it. If I don't post anything for 2 days then I succeeded but if I survive this one then I'm really just going to quit it and...
sanctioned-suicide.net
Failed 5 times in 2 days
I said I would just take it as a sign to live if I fail once but failing five fucking times in two nights has me feeling even more pissed off. I think I might try partial suspension or sum.
sanctioned-suicide.net
My final day on earth+last meal
Welp today is Sunday! Made my final meal last night, went to church and got right with God this morning, hopped on call with my family and friends said goodbye. I have my tape,scissors, ratchet strap,turkey bag and bean bags ready. For my last meal I had Fried Oreos,"Kuzunoha" (drink I made up...
sanctioned-suicide.net
