Survived SN #2 lol

[imjusttired]

HI,
So this all happened in june but you know didn't really wanne talk about it but now I want to.
So idk if people remember my post about my first attempt but here it is: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/survived-sn.67214/
I will use (1) and (2) etc in this thread when I want to say something about it in the end of the post. So like a couple weeks after that attempt I did my second attempt only this time more serious. I prepared better. I did use capsules again tho cause me is scared af about the taste (which is horrible trust me don't know how people can drink that shit) . But smart me used smaller capsules this time lmao. I ingested like 15 mg at least. But stupid me pannicked again. And called for help right away. Yes its stupid and I hate myself for it cause if I had waited like just 10 minutes longer I would've been out. Anyways so there was much panic and ofc they called an ambulance. And I dont remember any of this but this is what they've told me. So it took 7 minutes before the ambulance was there (1) which was reaally fast. They told me I started throwing up (2). I walked to the ambulance myself. They choose to go to the hospital where I went last time because they still had the antidote there (because of my last attempt) (3) normally they don't have it in the er. Anyways in the hospital it went downhill faaast. I had a seizure and stopped breathing after that. They had to resuscitate me and put me on a ventilator. I was in a coma and on a vent for 5 days. I did miraculously make a full recovery. They told me I was supposed to be dead. They didn't understand how I lived. The things that I marked with numbers are all the small reasons I survived. Thats why I believed for some time that it was 'meant to happen'. I dont believe in it anymore it was just dumb 'luck' and it should've just ended there. And I hate that it didn't. But I'm slowly exposing myself to all the things that I'm afraid of so that I wont panic the next time. If you have any questions then ask me. If not leaving a comment would be sweet :P I;m lonely.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine it must have been very unpleasant to have to go through all that. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Nobuses]

well we know this is a serial issue but the way you say it sounds funny. Even that the hospital had the antidote for your previous failed attempt. Thank you for sharing your story i really appreciate it :).

 

[LittleJem]

You are brave and you also cannot help your instinctive response. Sorry you had to go through this ordeal.

 

[Crazy4u]

I hope you are feeling better now. May I ask about your attempts to recover? CTB is not a good idea if you are not sure about it

 

[rationaltake]

So sorry you've been through all this. It is so hard. Take care

 

[Wrennie]

Wow… that sounds like an overwhelming ordeal.

I'm thankful they didn't section you (it would've been terrible for them to traumatize you any further after what happened).
Did you tell them it was a CTB attempt or did you concoct an elaborate excuse as to why you'd consumed so much SN?

Did you notice any troubles with breathing while you were still conscious, or did that only start once you reached unconsciousness?

I hope that you're feeling better OP and that there's no remaining sequelae from your attempt.

 

[forgotten15]

I am so sorry you had to go through this experience once again, but I understand taking your life is an extremely hard decision so if you felt you had to call for help it means it wasn't you time. I am glad you are okay and there is no damage after this attempt I hope you are feeling a bit better mentally wise, even though it's not easy considering what you went through.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Hugs. It's hard. Sometimes we want so much to do it and yet panick after the act.

I did it once too and they didn't know it's SN cos I was out cold. They probably won't know if you kept quiet.

Hope you are ok.

If you went through like I did, I also had blood drawn from my thighs when I was unconscious and the ER doc had to hold down my hand when they drew blood from near my knuckles - it was bad.

 

[xLosthopex]

15mg ?

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm sorry for all that you've been through. It sounds like you were very close to death and were rescued. How do you feel about that? Are you happy you were saved? Will you try a 3rd time?

 

[deletednumber]

Sending to you a big hug...:)I'm so sorry you had to go throught all this...it's hard,and i think you are really brave!

 

[montana007]

HI,
So this all happened in june but you know didn't really wanne talk about it but now I want to.
So idk if people remember my post about my first attempt but here it is: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/survived-sn.67214/
I will use (1) and (2) etc in this thread when I want to say something about it in the end of the post. So like a couple weeks after that attempt I did my second attempt only this time more serious. I prepared better. I did use capsules again tho cause me is scared af about the taste (which is horrible trust me don't know how people can drink that shit) . But smart me used smaller capsules this time lmao. I ingested like 15 mg at least. But stupid me pannicked again. And called for help right away. Yes its stupid and I hate myself for it cause if I had waited like just 10 minutes longer I would've been out. Anyways so there was much panic and ofc they called an ambulance. And I dont remember any of this but this is what they've told me. So it took 7 minutes before the ambulance was there (1) which was reaally fast. They told me I started throwing up (2). I walked to the ambulance myself. They choose to go to the hospital where I went last time because they still had the antidote there (because of my last attempt) (3) normally they don't have it in the er. Anyways in the hospital it went downhill faaast. I had a seizure and stopped breathing after that. They had to resuscitate me and put me on a ventilator. I was in a coma and on a vent for 5 days. I did miraculously make a full recovery. They told me I was supposed to be dead. They didn't understand how I lived. The things that I marked with numbers are all the small reasons I survived. Thats why I believed for some time that it was 'meant to happen'. I dont believe in it anymore it was just dumb 'luck' and it should've just ended there. And I hate that it didn't. But I'm slowly exposing myself to all the things that I'm afraid of so that I wont panic the next time. If you have any questions then ask me. If not leaving a comment would be sweet :P I;m lonely.

Oh well. There goes that plan (method) out if the window just like that (for me I mean).

None of these pitfalls are mentioned in the user manual

But yeah. Thanks for so candidly posting about your experience. It is much appreciated. And was most entertaining thanks to the way you described your experience this time around. At this rate you're going to be on first name terms with the staff at the hospital.

Meh. I dunno about this SN shit.

May I ask: did you at ANY point,during these two attempts, ever actually lose consciousness? So far as I can tell no? Not talking about the coma (obviously).

The thing that I don't quite understand is how come, if this process is interrupted, then there's no brain damage? Because as I understand it (and if you read the PPH) hypoxia of any type (and that's the mechanism of action of SN when you actually get down to it) can cause brain damage no? Matter of fact it's stated that it's one of the reasons to be careful when using inert gases i.e. the process shouldn't be interrupted for this very reason.

I'm inclined to say glad you're still with us (but I'm guessing those are not really words that you want to hear).

 

[ThriveOrDie]

15mg ?

I was thinking the same. It must be a typo. It should be at least 15g

 

[Starchaser]

I'm so sorry for what you have been through, hope you're doing better at this moment!
If you don't care to answer, from 0 to 10, how uncomfortable it was? It was painful at all? Or pretty bearable?
Thanks for sharing your experience with us, wishing the best!~ ♥

 

[imjusttired]

I was thinking the same. It must be a typo. It should be at least 15g

Oh whopsie daisy yeah g ofcourse

I'm so sorry for what you have been through, hope you're doing better at this moment!
If you don't care to answer, from 0 to 10, how uncomfortable it was? It was painful at all? Or pretty bearable?
Thanks for sharing your experience with us, wishing the best!~ ♥

I don't really remember but it wasn't painfull it was very uncomfortable but thats just cause I hatee nausea and throwing up. But I didnt have any pain.

Wow… that sounds like an overwhelming ordeal.

I'm thankful they didn't section you (it would've been terrible for them to traumatize you any further after what happened).
Did you tell them it was a CTB attempt or did you concoct an elaborate excuse as to why you'd consumed so much SN?

Did you notice any troubles with breathing while you were still conscious, or did that only start once you reached unconsciousness?

I hope that you're feeling better OP and that there's no remaining sequelae from your attempt.

I dont really felt like I har any trouble with breathing but I did become blue very quickly. And then I just lost consciousness and stopped breathing.

Oh well. There goes that plan (method) out if the window just like that (for me I mean).

None of these pitfalls are mentioned in the user manual

But yeah. Thanks for so candidly posting about your experience. It is much appreciated. And was most entertaining thanks to the way you described your experience this time around. At this rate you're going to be on first name terms with the staff at the hospital.

Meh. I dunno about this SN shit.

May I ask: did you at ANY point,during these two attempts, ever actually lose consciousness? So far as I can tell no? Not talking about the coma (obviously).

The thing that I don't quite understand is how come, if this process is interrupted, then there's no brain damage? Because as I understand it (and if you read the PPH) hypoxia of any type (and that's the mechanism of action of SN when you actually get down to it) can cause brain damage no? Matter of fact it's stated that it's one of the reasons to be careful when using inert gases i.e. the process shouldn't be interrupted for this very reason.

I'm inclined to say glad you're still with us (but I'm guessing those are not really words that you want to hear).

Thanks! The second time I did get unconscious after my seizure and then I stopped breathing. I dont know exactly how it was possible that I dont have any brain damage they said that I was a miracle.

I'm sorry for all that you've been through. It sounds like you were very close to death and were rescued. How do you feel about that? Are you happy you were saved? Will you try a 3rd time?

Im certainly not happy I was saved and am really mad at myself about getting help cause I was so close and to make that step again is scary. I do have my SN ready again so yeah a third time might happen. But that wont ever be mentioned on this site cause then I wont survive

Wow… that sounds like an overwhelming ordeal.

I'm thankful they didn't section you (it would've been terrible for them to traumatize you any further after what happened).
Did you tell them it was a CTB attempt or did you concoct an elaborate excuse as to why you'd consumed so much SN?

Did you notice any troubles with breathing while you were still conscious, or did that only start once you reached unconsciousness?

I hope that you're feeling better OP and that there's no remaining sequelae from your attempt.

Noo I told them but it was very obvious since my history or mental health

 

[NormaJeane]

HI,
So this all happened in june but you know didn't really wanne talk about it but now I want to.
So idk if people remember my post about my first attempt but here it is: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/survived-sn.67214/
I will use (1) and (2) etc in this thread when I want to say something about it in the end of the post. So like a couple weeks after that attempt I did my second attempt only this time more serious. I prepared better. I did use capsules again tho cause me is scared af about the taste (which is horrible trust me don't know how people can drink that shit) . But smart me used smaller capsules this time lmao. I ingested like 15 mg at least. But stupid me pannicked again. And called for help right away. Yes its stupid and I hate myself for it cause if I had waited like just 10 minutes longer I would've been out. Anyways so there was much panic and ofc they called an ambulance. And I dont remember any of this but this is what they've told me. So it took 7 minutes before the ambulance was there (1) which was reaally fast. They told me I started throwing up (2). I walked to the ambulance myself. They choose to go to the hospital where I went last time because they still had the antidote there (because of my last attempt) (3) normally they don't have it in the er. Anyways in the hospital it went downhill faaast. I had a seizure and stopped breathing after that. They had to resuscitate me and put me on a ventilator. I was in a coma and on a vent for 5 days. I did miraculously make a full recovery. They told me I was supposed to be dead. They didn't understand how I lived. The things that I marked with numbers are all the small reasons I survived. Thats why I believed for some time that it was 'meant to happen'. I dont believe in it anymore it was just dumb 'luck' and it should've just ended there. And I hate that it didn't. But I'm slowly exposing myself to all the things that I'm afraid of so that I wont panic the next time. If you have any questions then ask me. If not leaving a comment would be sweet :P I;m lonely.

It is very difficult to commit suicide alone because humans have fear of death and survival instinct - most suicide attempts fail - and therefore all people should have the right of euthanasia.

 

[Z-bar]

This is why I'm opting for N or fentanyl as my way out. I don't want a racing heart, I want to drift off nod and peacefully ctb

 

[Oblivion]

How does it taste? isn't it a little bit salty only????

 

[Shu]

Thanks for sharing

 

[GongLiFang]

Thanks for sharing! I was wondering how you were doing because I read your first attempt and that sounded like quite the experience lol. But hopefully third time is the charm? I imagine you just want some peace from this world and I hope you can get it.