Survival Instinct

[Aliaiactaest]

How has this impacted your decision? I was all ready. Booked a hotel. Spent 3 days in the city. Then on the last night I did not do it. To be honest, it was down to the last hour. I was hungry from having not eaten much all day. Then I thought about how nice a good dinner would be. So, I'm back home now and I guess there's no reason I can't do it at home. The more I thought about it, I didn't like being found in a hotel. Of course, I don't like being found at home either. Doing it in a hotel in a big city, you can be fairly anonymous. That's the advantage there.

So, how does SI impact you and your plans?

 

[DreamCatcher]

SI always stops me at the last moment before the point of no return, no matter the method. I consider it the enemy, it is a living part of me that actively thwarts any attempt to CTB.

It's a game of chess, trying to find the escape and outsmart my SI is extremely difficult, but I think it can be done. I just need a method and plan that removes my ability to save myself.

 

[omoidarui]

I've never attempted before, so wouldn't know what it's like. I'm interested to see when the time comes how strong the SI will be for me.

 

[Soul]

There was some duke or other during the French Revolution who was warned that if he didn't escape asap he'd be next in line for the guillotine. So he leapt onto his best steed and galloped off. About an hour into the night and the woods, it started to rain. The duke huddled under a tree, cold, wet and miserable, thinking how much nicer it would be to be in his lovely warm dry featherbed. And he got back on his steed, galloped back to his manor, got in his lovely bed and was almost immediately captured and decapitated.

That's the kind of survival instinct I need.

 

[Throwaway9787]

I've attempted before. You really just have to say fuck it and do it on impulse. The more you think about it, the less of a chance that you actually go through with it.

 

[Aliaiactaest]

IMO, doing it entirely on impulse is likely to lead to failure. One needs to plan, but at the last moment, one also needs to execute. That's the tough part.

 

[Throwaway9787]

IMO, doing it entirely on impulse is likely to lead to failure. One needs to plan, but at the last moment, one also needs to execute. That's the tough part.

I never said don't plan, but when the time comes, do it on impulse. Drinking SN is like pulling a trigger. You just gotta down it.

 

[Lookingforabus]

I never said don't plan, but when the time comes, do it on impulse. Drinking SN is like pulling a trigger. You just gotta down it.

Everyone's different. I'm pretty sure the impulsive bit has been a dead end for me. The more I think about it, the more sure I am, and thinking back, I remember thinking along the lines of "you're being impulsive, not thinking this through, maybe things will get better" and then, tragically, living for another span of years or decades. Thinking it through rationally seems to be a better approach for me... if nothing's made me feel better in the past 30 years, nothing in the next 30 will either. When it comes to the moment of truth, my problem seems to be more with impulsive, spontaneous thoughts of delusional optimism than anything else.

I'm betting at least some people are in a similar boat, so rational analysis might be a better approach for some of us.

 

[Throwaway9787]

Everyone's different. I'm pretty sure the impulsive bit has been a dead end for me. The more I think about it, the more sure I am, and thinking back, I remember thinking along the lines of "you're being impulsive, not thinking this through, maybe things will get better" and then, tragically, living for another span of years or decades. Thinking it through rationally seems to be a better approach for me... if nothing's made me feel better in the past 30 years, nothing in the next 30 will either. When it comes to the moment of truth, my problem seems to be more with impulsive, spontaneous thoughts of delusional optimism than anything else.

I'm betting at least some people are in a similar boat, so rational analysis might be a better approach for some of us.

True, I usually latch on to bits of hope, which prevents me from doing the deed. If I just wake up and not think about it, I can do it. Im very delusional and think my life can be normal and somehow get better, it cant, and so I need to be a little reckless. I plan to use H pretty soon. 2 1gram injections into my thigh muscles.

 

[Lookingforabus]

True, I usually latch on to bits of hope, which prevents me from doing the deed. If I just wake up and not think about it, I can do it. Im very delusional and think my life can be normal and somehow get better, it cant, and so I need to be a little reckless. I plan to use H pretty soon. 2 1gram injections into my thigh muscles.

Not a recreational drug user myself (I figured it was too high a legal risk... heh, if I'd known then what I know now, right?), but aren't you supposed to inject into a vein for maximum speed and absorption into the bloodstream?

 

[Throwaway9787]

Not a recreational drug user myself (I figured it was too high a legal risk... heh, if I'd known then what I know now, right?), but aren't you supposed to inject into a vein for maximum speed and absorption into the bloodstream?

Im doing intramuscular so I can get 2 1gram injections in without passing out right away. This way ill have like 10 mins to do the first then the second, then passout.

 

[Amz_Falls]

How has this impacted your decision? I was all ready. Booked a hotel. Spent 3 days in the city. Then on the last night I did not do it. To be honest, it was down to the last hour. I was hungry from having not eaten much all day. Then I thought about how nice a good dinner would be. So, I'm back home now and I guess there's no reason I can't do it at home. The more I thought about it, I didn't like being found in a hotel. Of course, I don't like being found at home either. Doing it in a hotel in a big city, you can be fairly anonymous. That's the advantage there.

So, how does SI impact you and your plans?

I jumped off a massive bridge onto a motorway. I even stood there long enough for the police to close the road so that an innocent member of the public wouldn't be involved. I had to hold my nerve for almost 2 hours and once full closure etc was in place I just jumped.