supplies gathered. will be ctbing tmrw morning

[howtodisappearr]

Hi ya'll, I made a post earlier this year about needing help with the inert gas method. After some research and a lot of procrastinating i finally picked up the last part that I need to finish building my setup. I'll be putting everything together this afternoon and going through with it tmrw morning. Could also be sometime early on next week if I wake up feeling like shit (currently experiencing SNRI withdrawal due to missed doctors appointments:( ).

I'm so scared but at the same time so relieved that I have a way out. My original plan was to ctb by the end of January (I started planning in November), but the guilt is so overwhelming I've been delaying as long as I could. I get nightmares all the time about my roommates finding me, my mom finding out, my method failing… Too many people rely on me for things. I am too many people's only or closest friend. My biggest regret was not trying harder to push people away leading up to this. If I am remembered as an asshole at least no one will be hurt by my choice. Does anyone have any ideas for how to make my roommates don't find me and see me in that state? I could lock my bedroom door as it is pretty much impossible to unlock from the outside, even with the key that opens it. I'm just afraid that they might try and kick the door down instead of calling an ambulance, and find me. I'm so scared but this is my only option and a decision I made a long long while's ago. I just wished I lived alone and no one knew who I was, I have so many close friends and people who look up to me and think I happy and succeeding in life, I know 100% this will be a huge shock to them.

Unsure if anyone will actually read this but I just needed to rant as I am not leaving a note or anything and obviously have not shared my plan with anyone outside this site. Will update tmrw

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I wish you all the best with your plan and I hope you find peace! Your friends will eventually get over it when they understand in how much pain you've been. Relief is what we all are searching for.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans and I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[SVEN]

Best wishes in your plans.

 

[restless.dreams]

I can understand the guilt and worry. The last thing I want is to hurt my family, but the pain is too much. Can you schedule a delayed message to emergency services? Have them find you instead of your roommates?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Wishing you peace and freedom from this horrible world.

 

[saunabliss]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I wish you all the best with your plan and I hope you find peace! Your friends will eventually get over it when they understand in how much pain you've been. Relief is what we all are searching for.

I don't agree with this statement. Most likely your closest friends and family will be traumatized by your suicide. I slowly pushed away everyone in my life because I'll probably CTB in the future. I don't ever want my mom to experience my suicide cause it would devastate her. Better that I die of an accident, natural cause, or go missing in a foreign country.

 

[howtodisappearr]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I wish you all the best with your plan and I hope you find peace! Your friends will eventually get over it when they understand in how much pain you've been. Relief is what we all are searching for.

i hope this is true. at this point it's my only option. thank you for the support

I can understand the guilt and worry. The last thing I want is to hurt my family, but the pain is too much. Can you schedule a delayed message to emergency services? Have them find you instead of your roommates?

i'm not sure how to do that, but i'll try and figure out if there's a way. i was thinking about maybe leaving a note on my door

I don't agree with this statement. Most likely your closest friends and family will be traumatized by your suicide. I slowly pushed away everyone in my life because I'll probably CTB in the future. I don't ever want my mom to experience my suicide cause it would devastate her. Better that I die of an accident, natural cause, or go missing in a foreign country.

thanks for your honesty. i've really been trying to but it seems that people just start to lean on me more. i would much prefer to die of one of those reasons but i don't know how i would guarantee death, i don't even care if it was a bit more painful i just have zero clue how i would pull something like that off

Hi ya'll, I made a post earlier this year about needing help with the inert gas method. After some research and a lot of procrastinating i finally picked up the last part that I need to finish building my setup. I'll be putting everything together this afternoon and going through with it tmrw morning. Could also be sometime early on next week if I wake up feeling like shit (currently experiencing SNRI withdrawal due to missed doctors appointments:( ).

I'm so scared but at the same time so relieved that I have a way out. My original plan was to ctb by the end of January (I started planning in November), but the guilt is so overwhelming I've been delaying as long as I could. I get nightmares all the time about my roommates finding me, my mom finding out, my method failing… Too many people rely on me for things. I am too many people's only or closest friend. My biggest regret was not trying harder to push people away leading up to this. If I am remembered as an asshole at least no one will be hurt by my choice. Does anyone have any ideas for how to make my roommates don't find me and see me in that state? I could lock my bedroom door as it is pretty much impossible to unlock from the outside, even with the key that opens it. I'm just afraid that they might try and kick the door down instead of calling an ambulance, and find me. I'm so scared but this is my only option and a decision I made a long long while's ago. I just wished I lived alone and no one knew who I was, I have so many close friends and people who look up to me and think I happy and succeeding in life, I know 100% this will be a huge shock to them.

Unsure if anyone will actually read this but I just needed to rant as I am not leaving a note or anything and obviously have not shared my plan with anyone outside this site. Will update tmrw

update: woke up and every part of me aches and hurts, and i have the energy of a seed (lol), there's no way i can go through wit this today i'll just have to wait i guess