Discussion Sum up your life story!

[nightnightnitrite]

I want to know more about you guys so I have more context to your comments! Always interested in others life stories but to make it fun and easy, sum it up like you are trying to sell a product! I'll go first:

Foster kid adopted at 9 months by my two dads. White picket fence life but struggled with mental health(adhd, depression, bipolar, anxiety). Father I'm closest to passes junior year in middle of divorce. Other father starts dating somebody else a month later who put his hands on me. Gets kicked out after hs. Goes to college one semester, fails all classes and drops out. Developed drug and alcohol problems. Lived in my car(3 years total) Finds birth family and I can't stand to be around them. Meets ex and lives in car with him during pandemic, gets apartment together and he ends up leaving me after a stupid fight. Now i'm here:,)

 

[articledon]

Damn, that's some journey there

 

[nightnightnitrite]

Damn, that's some journey there

My life was boring and normal until junior year then it goes down hill significantly from there:,) If I didn't get in a fight and leave my house the night of my fathers death I probably could have found him sooner and saved him and been in a totally different position.

 

[nolongerhuman]

Autistic kid grows up in fundamentalist Christian environment. Grows up homeschooled with the vast majority of social interaction being with the church. Parents get divorced just before hitting double digits in age. Fundamentalist Christian environment doesn't like autistic people, bisexual people, or people who start to doubt the religion is true very much. Severe anxiety disorder kicks in around the start of four years at a private Christian high school. School kids are about as friendly as church kids but at least academic performance is strong. Moves out of toxic home environment to study STEM at a state university. University life is better with more personal freedoms and after nearly four years of patience and hopping around from social group to social group manages to make some friends. Severe anxiety disorder gets worse. Suicidal ideation increases. Gets recommended Sanctioned Suicide by someone on social media saying it was helpful. Finishes last year of degree and here we are.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

Autistic kid grows up in fundamentalist Christian environment. Grows up homeschooled with the vast majority of social interaction being with the church. Parents get divorced just before hitting double digits in age. Fundamentalist Christian environment doesn't like autistic people, bisexual people, or people who start to doubt the religion is true very much. Severe anxiety disorder kicks in around the start of four years at a private Christian high school. School kids are about as friendly as church kids but at least academic performance is strong. Moves out of toxic home environment to study STEM at a state university. University life is better with more personal freedoms and after nearly four years of patience and hopping around from social group to social group manages to make some friends. Severe anxiety disorder gets worse. Suicidal ideation increases. Gets recommended Sanctioned Suicide by someone on social media saying it was helpful. Finishes last year of degree and here we are.

Are you still religious or have a belief that there is something else out there? Also I would really like to say congrats on completing a STEM degree! The time and strength it must have taken couldn't be easy especially for somebody on the spectrum<3

 

[nolongerhuman]

Are you still religious or have a belief that there is something else out there?

Not really tbh, I tried Buddhism for about a year to try to quell the anxiety but the bottom line is I can't get myself to believe in the supernatural without seeing it for myself.

Thank you for the congratulations, it means a lot.

 

[WornOutLife]

As a little boy, I had a great life until school came and I had bad luck only because of the people I decided to talk to. I was automatically tagged as a "loser" and completely ignored more and more, year by year. I thought about ctb for the first time at my 12s.

As a teenager, I was still being ignored but managed to kick some asses from time to time and fortunately, during the last two years I made some friends from other classes and things became much more doable.

In my 18s, I started studying english and information technology and met amazing people, fell in love, started going out, etc.

In my 30s, in spite of having had a decent and good life, my depression and bipolar disorder got worse and I finally exploded. I couldn't pretend anymore to be happy all the time and I decided to quit my job and become a NEET for almost 3 years.

Now, I'm finally 33 and my life is much better thanks to SS and my meds. At last, I've found people, YOU ALL, who really understand the way I feel.

It's an honor to be here. I hope things get better both for you and me.

It's quite summed up but that's basically my story.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[nightnightnitrite]

As a little boy, I had a great life until school came and I had bad luck only because of the people I decided to talk to. I was automatically tagged as a "loser" and completely ignored more and more, year by year. I thought about ctb for the first time at my 12s.

As a teenager, I was still being ignored but managed to kick some asses from time to time and fortunately, during the last two years I made some friends from other classes and things became much more doable.

In my 18s, I started studying english and information technology and met amazing people, fell in love, started going out, etc.

In my 30s, in spite of having had a decent and good life, my depression and bipolar disorder got worse and I finally exploded. I couldn't pretend anymore to be happy all the time and I decided to quit my job and become a NEET for almost 3 years.

Now, I'm finally 33 and my life is much better thanks to SS and my meds. At last, I've found people, YOU ALL, who really understand the way I feel.

It's an honor to be here. I hope things get better both for you and me.

It's quite summed up but that's basically my story.

Hugs and love,

Matt

I'm glad you found the right friend group in the end at school! Did you go to a university for english and information technology? Recently I have become a NEET myself and can't seem to escape it:,) Thank you for responding and I'm glad you are getting better, It's always nice to see you around here<3 I hope things only go up from here on out!

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm glad you found the right friend group in the end at school! Did you go to a university for english and information technology? Recently I have become a NEET myself and can't seem to escape it:,) Thank you for responding and I'm glad you are getting better, It's always nice to see you around here<3 I hope things only go up from here on out!

Thank you so much for your kind words!
At first, I only attended some English and Information Technology courses.
Then, I liked these "subjects" so much that I wanted to go to university but couldn't decide on which one so, I literally flipped a coin and...English won! haha
I'm an English and Spanish teacher now and I really like my job but sometimes I just don't wanna leave my bed.

Btw, I have a friend who became a NEET for 1 year but used that time to watch programming videos on youtube (JAVA course) and now he's working from his home and earning a lot of money! You could try something like that!

You know, as long as you have internet, it's amazing all the things you can actually do!

Wish you the best,

Matt

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

1. Parents give me weak genetics and raise me to be weak.
2. I become weak.
3. Want to die 24/7.

 

[Skathon]

A fatal mistake.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

Thank you so much for your kind words!
At first, I only attended some English and Information Technology courses.
Then, I liked these "subjects" so much that I wanted to go to university but couldn't decide on which one so, I literally flipped a coin and...English won! haha
I'm an English and Spanish teacher now and I really like my job but sometimes I just don't wanna leave my bed.

Btw, I have a friend who became a NEET for 1 year but used that time to watch programming videos on youtube (JAVA course) and now he's working from his home and earning a lot of money! You could try something like that!

You know, as long as you have internet, it's amazing all the things you can actually do!

Wish you the best,

Matt

Of course<3 And that's fun! I wanted to major in health and went to a uni but ended up getting kicked out because I couldn't pay my fees on time): Do you teach a grade or do you teach for private classes? I might have to look into that honestly, it would be a better use of my time!

1. Parents give me weak genetics and raise me to be weak.
2. I become weak.
3. Want to die 24/7.

Did you inherit a physical illness from them? My birth parents gave me a bad leg that I had to have surgery twice on and the rest is all mental:,)

 

[WornOutLife]

Of course<3 And that's fun! I wanted to major in health and went to a uni but ended up getting kicked out because I couldn't pay my fees on time): Do you teach a grade or do you teach for private classes? I might have to look into that honestly, it would be a better use of my time!

Hell yeah! You should give it a try! Sometimes, things improve when we least expect it to happen!

As for me, I only teach private lessons because I don't like the bureaucracy of institutions and schools. It wasn't easy at first, of course, because I couldn't get any students but little but little the amount increased and now I can make a living.
Crazy thing: A guy recommended me to an institute he works for and they want me to teach during a 4-month course. I might do it because the payout is quite good! lol

I have the feeling that you can really improve things. You're so nice!

Best of luck, my friend!

 

[MYStERY_Man]

Very boring, very unnecessary:

Shy kid, few friends.

A crush, high expectations, rejection.

Gaming, low self-esteem.

Another crush. Frozen with fear of rejection.

Self-hate. Isolation. More gaming. Suicide ideation. Set a date, give up. Figure living is a fair punishment.

Apathy, anhedonia, lack of motivation.

Decide to be alone throughout high school. Fail. Colleagues approach, I reciprocate.

Cancer. Accept surgery (painful, not too dangerous), reject chemo (hoping it comes back stronger).

Will to change, self-help. Effort, results. Feels like a chore, tired of people playing games I can't quite care about.

Still anhedonia. Figure as I'll never like anything, might as well choose my degree based on potential income.

Decide to be alone throughout college. Success. No discipline, no network.

Drugs and alcohol.

Finish college, trapped.

Brain fog, no energy.

SS.

Work, anxiety.

Psychologist.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

Hell yeah! You should give it a try! Sometimes, things improve when we least expect!

As for me, I only teach private lessons because I don't like the bureaucracy of institutions and schools. It wasn't easy at first, of course, because I couldn't get any students but little but little the amount increased and now I can make a living.
Crazy thing: A guy recommended me to an institute he works for and they want me to teach during a 4-month course. I might do it because the payout is quite good! lol

I have the feeling that you can really improve things. You're so nice!

Best of luck, my friend!

I love that for you! I feel it's better learning in a smaller group anyway! Big universities and insitututions lose personal connection and not a lot of students feel heard or seen, me especially, and I hated it when none of my advisors even realized I dropped out despite contributing the most to my classes. I recommend taking the opportunity because you may actually reach some of the students and change their lives! It seems you already value a personal connection and safer learning environment and it would be a nice change for them! Thank you for all the kind words and advice<3

Very boring, very unnecessary:

Shy kid, few friends.

A crush, high expectations, rejection.

Gaming, low self-esteem.

Another crush. Frozen with fear of rejection.

Self-hate. Isolation. More gaming. Suicide ideation. Set a date, give up. Figure living is a fair punishment.

Apathy, anhedonia, lack of motivation.

Decide to be alone throughout high school. Fail. Colleagues approach, I reciprocate.

Cancer. Accept surgery (painful, not too dangerous), reject chemo (hoping it comes back stronger).

Will to change, self-help. Effort, results. Feels like a chore, tired of people playing games I can't quite care about.

Still anhedonia. Figure as I'll never like anything, might as well choose my degree based on potential income.

Decide to be alone throughout college. Success. No discipline, no network.

Drugs and alcohol.

Finish college, trapped.

Brain fog, no energy.

SS.

Work, anxiety.

Psychologist.

Do you prefer consoles or pc gaming? What is one of your all time favorite games to play? I personally am not a big gamer but I love my lil decorating games(Animal Crossing on the Wii is always a fun way to pass time). Do you mind if I also ask what kind of cancer you had and if you still have it? I couldn't imagine finding out and what that would do to my mental health as well): Also becoming a psychologist is a hard task and I am proud you finished even with all the hardships faced! It couldn't have been easy what so ever!

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Hmm. I'll give it a try.

Dad was abusive. That drove me to simp for a girl who helped me study in 5th grade. She didn't actually like me but I stayed loyal for 9 years until I played Fire Emblem Awakening, married Lucina, and seriously considered her my wife.

In 2015 I became friends with a coworker at my fast food job and just when I was ready to confess to her, I found out I was too slow and got cucked from being with her. I stayed friends until 2017 when I couldn't take it anymore and purposefully cut her off because I knew she wouldn't leave him and being around her just made me feel worse and worse.

I wanted to commit suicide so badly in 2016 but she forced me to promise her I wouldn't though I crossed my fingers and altered the deal without her knowing to at least wait until age 30 and only commit suicide if I have no hope of getting a girlfriend. I spent the next few years wallowing in my misery over being metaphorically cucked until 2020 while I was on this site a user from this very website got my hopes up by telling me she was interested in me even in spite of all my faults. We messaged each other over Discord a lot over the next five days and found out we had so much in common until on the fifth day she cuts me off even though it was all her idea in the first place.

I don't blame her for it though. Even though I was so close to finally getting a relationship for the first time (and a good one too), there were just a few reasons even she couldn't be with me so she wisely backed out early. I tried to keep the conversation alive over the next few months but she has since deleted her account and self banned from SS meaning there's no way for me to contact her ever again.

Now that I've met her I realize that all hope truly is lost for me. Even this woman who was as close as I'm ever gonna get to a perfect partner had to abandon me. I've since decided to move my CTB year up to when I'm 28 which is next year. With still no girlfriend at this point that in itself is a huge red flag to any sane women so there's really no hope for an evil incel like me.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

Hmm. I'll give it a try.

Dad was abusive. That drove me to simp for a girl who helped me study in 5th grade. She didn't actually like me but I stayed loyal for 9 years until I played Fire Emblem Awakening, married Lucina, and seriously considered her my wife.

In 2015 I became friends with a coworker at my fast food job and just when I was ready to confess to her, I found out I was too slow and got cucked from being with her. I stayed friends until 2017 when I couldn't take it anymore and purposefully cut her off because I knew she wouldn't leave him and being around her just made me feel worse and worse.

I wanted to commit suicide so badly in 2016 but she forced me to promise her I wouldn't though I crossed my fingers and altered the deal without her knowing to at least wait until age 30 and only commit suicide if I have no hope of getting a girlfriend. I spent the next few years wallowing in my misery over being metaphorically cucked until 2020 while I was on this site a user from this very website got my hopes up by telling me she was interested in me even in spite of all my faults. We messaged each other over Discord a lot over the next five days and found out we had so much in common until on the fifth day she cuts me off even though it was all her idea in the first place.

I don't blame her for it though. Even though I was so close to finally getting a relationship for the first time (and a good one too), there were just a few reasons even she couldn't be with me so she wisely backed out early. I tried to keep the conversation alive over the next few months but she has since deleted her account and self banned from SS meaning there's no way for me to contact her ever again.

Now that I've met her I realize that all hope truly is lost for me. Even this woman who was as close as I'm ever gonna get to a perfect partner had to abandon me. I've since decided to move my CTB year up to when I'm 28 which is next year. With still no girlfriend at this point that in itself is a huge red flag to any sane women so there's really no hope for an evil incel like me.

Heartbreak is the worst thing to experience especially when you never 'officially' dating them. I'm sorry you found your perfect match but can't be with them): Would she have any way of finding out you ctb? Would you even want her to know even though she made you promise? I was always nervous of even making a friend on here because you never know when they might leave): it feels everybody around me leaves whether through their own accords or by death.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Heartbreak is the worst thing to experience especially when you never 'officially' dating them. I'm sorry you found your perfect match but can't be with them): Would she have any way of finding out you ctb? Would you even want her to know even though she made you promise? I was always nervous of even making a friend on here because you never know when they might leave): it feels everybody around me leaves whether through their own accords or by death.

No, the friend who I made the promise to has my phone number but that's about it. I doubt she remembers me though since it's been about 4 years.

As for the SS member, the only way she'd find out about me is if she went on this site after I've CTB'd but I doubt she will. I'm certainly way more hesitant to make other super deep relationships after that...

 

[nightnightnitrite]

No, the friend who I made the promise to has my phone number but that's about it. I doubt she remembers me though since it's been about 4 years.

As for the SS member, the only way she'd find out about me is if she went on this site after I've CTB'd but I doubt she will. I'm certainly way more hesitant to make other super deep relationships after that...

I'm sorry, losing faith in relationships is one of the worst feelings ever): humans aren't meant to be alone and I wish you had a supportive relationship that didn't make you feel that way<3

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Meek and berated child turned to meek man with a rebellious streak. A lot of unnecessary prescription drugs in between. Disastrous consequences.

 

[Desi]

Summing up everything i can't right now
i just want to make a confession: i'm not courageous, i lack courage in my everyday life, i have a very weak character, i admit it. That has led me to a depressing situation, i feel frustration at myself often and frustration can lead to being agressive, too.
i'm confused at how to toughen up

 

[nightnightnitrite]

Summing up everything i can't right now
i just want to make a confession: i'm not courageous, i lack courage in my everyday life, i have a very weak character, i admit it. That has led me to a depressing situation, i feel frustration at myself often and frustration can lead to being agressive, too.
i'm confused at how to toughen up

I'm sorry lovely): Do people ever try and take advantage over you because of that? I feel most people don't need to toughen up, others need to soften up:,)

 

[narval]

I'll try to summarize
born in Spain (i'm from one of the islands which i'll not say).
Various house changes.
My father dies.
Moved to peninsula with my negligent mother with 6 years
Various house changes
A mother with an alcoholic boyfriends along the time.
Little bullying.
I land in a house for many years. i live with shitty family (not only mother)
More bullyng. I overcome it. a hit in the bulli's face and push to the floor to another helped
Another alcoholic boyfriend for my mother.
Alcoholic mother for a while.
Despite all, I reach "high school". I learn programming.
Various temporary and shitty jobs.
I get away from there, i land in grandmother house, but the damage is done.
2 more shitty jobs, ansiety, very very bad habits, little obesity, depression, suicidal thoughts, NEET, etc


I forgot things for sure, but this is the most.

 

[Desi]

i'm not really agressive against others.
the truth is i hate myself more than anyone. I'm in a vicious circle of self hate, anxiety, depression, isolation, failure , shame and again and again.
that and the horrible truth: it's incredibly difficult to commit suicide, i don't even think i have the right to, that would hurt some people,
thank you for your kind words nighnighnitrite
i'm trying to fight right now, i have been spiralling down lately but i'm trying, i have to try harder. For me but also for the others, they deserve better than me.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Did you inherit a physical illness from them? My birth parents gave me a bad leg that I had to have surgery twice on and the rest is all mental:,)

No, my physical health is ok. But I can't work, study or have relationships (due to genes and environment). So it's just a matter of how long I can survive in the basement while constantly failing at school or work attempts. My method is painful so suicide is something that tends to get postponed for me.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

No, my physical health is ok. But I can't work, study or have relationships (due to genes and environment). So it's just a matter of how long I can survive in the basement while constantly failing at school or work attempts. My method is painful so suicide is something that tends to get postponed for me.

I'm sorry): I wish things were different for you and you were able to survive easier<3 What is your method you are thinking of using?

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I'm sorry): I wish things were different for you and you were able to survive easier<3 What is your method you are thinking of using?

I'll try to stab/slash a carotid artery with a sharp knife. The strategy is one violent thrust "downwards" to get as much diagonal length opened as possible. I'm not sure about whether to drink alcohol or not, or how much, beforehand. It takes some precision to get the carotid, so can't be too wasted (or even tipsy, perhaps), if I fail at my first attack the attempt could be over due to pain + screaming (location/cloth in mouth, maybe).

Another approach is slowly and methodically cutting deeper and deeper, trying to tank the pain and continuing to open up more and more of the carotid even after it has started pulsating out a fairly good stream (this should happen from a small puncturing, even). With this method it makes more sense to drink, since missing the carotids a couple of times wouldn't matter. In preparation I'd want to do pain meditation for weeks and perhaps cutting arms and legs and stuff (with another knife, want to have maximum sharpness).

Oh, and I actually got more confident with this method after being able to close the carotids with fingers due to leaning my head back. It exposes the carotids or sum.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

PTSD

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

I'll try to stab/slash a carotid artery with a sharp knife. The strategy is one violent thrust "downwards" to get as much diagonal length opened as possible. I'm not sure about whether to drink alcohol or not, or how much, beforehand. It takes some precision to get the carotid, so can't be too wasted (or even tipsy, perhaps), if I fail at my first attack the attempt could be over due to pain + screaming (location/cloth in mouth, maybe).

Another approach is slowly and methodically cutting deeper and deeper, trying to tank the pain and continuing to open up more and more of the carotid even after it has started pulsating out a fairly good stream (this should happen from a small puncturing, even). With this method it makes more sense to drink, since missing the carotids a couple of times wouldn't matter. In preparation I'd want to do pain meditation for weeks and perhaps cutting arms and legs and stuff (with another knife, want to have maximum sharpness).

Oh, and I actually got more confident with this method after being able to close the carotids with fingers due to leaning my head back. It exposes the carotids or sum.

Bloody hell, you're either filled with self hatred, desperate, or completely insane.
Not only is this method painful and messy, there also appears to be a high risk of failure with terrible aftermath.
I do, however, believe that you have given this a lot of thought and might have valid reasons to chose this method, because no one in their right mind would resort to this as a first means of ending their life.

 

[DoodleBug]

A Polish boy born into a family from a long line of anxious addicts, some more violent than others. Parents are good people, but they never taught him and his brothers how to live, every crisis was full of empty arguements and gaslighting. Family's issues were always kept hidden.

Bullied hard in kindergarten and elementarny School. Was beat up and forced to do horrible things like drinking cola mixed with piss by people 5 years older than him. Its was a private School with 12 grades. A super shy, awkward kid bullied by teachers despite decent grades. Slowly spiraling into deep depression. Any honest contacts were a joke. Family is starting to rot, he couldnt find ways to vocalise his feelings. Randomly attacked, chloroformed and probably raped at 17 while omw to school on an empty Field. Perception od self and sexuality ruined. Found one good friend to whom he could vent and save himself.

He was always stressed out and got avoidant to the point of a personality disorder. At 19 he had his first drink while getting a useless degree at college. Aced bachelors while on 0,5l of cheapest whisky a day. Its carried on for 5 years, hes lucky that the alcoholic Gene came with an amazing liver. Dropped out of masters due to depression, extreme anxiety, depersonalization issues and acute alcoholism. He broke down into tears while trying to explain his trauma to parents after dropping out. The only reaction was to report it to the Police, but, despite having two similar situation in his supposedly safe district at that time, there was nothing they could do. In the meantime he got tied to two abusive narcissists with whom he felt less lonely while getting high. Nowadays he is going to work after a relapse before he was to be a year sober. He had a decent jon and changed his life somehow, but the thirst to ctb and awful doping mechanisms are rampant. Hes still distant to his broken brothers, but its mainly his fault. Hes still walking on glass, a 10 year old in a 25 year old body, his life story mainly a set of small, boeing tragedies, addiction and doomerism that feels way too cringey to explain.