suicide

[Darkover]

It's the endless cycle of misery, wanting to get better, making changes in an effort to get better, starting to feel better, and hoping that this time around it will finally last, only to inevitably fall back into the same pit you were in to begin with and be forced to repeat the same process over and over again with no end in sight.

Medication, exercise, therapy, each time around trying even harder to get better than you did the time before thinking that if you just try hard enough, if you just put in enough effort this time, you'll finally feel better for good. Only for it to not only not pay off, but for it to backfire leaving you feeling worse than ever before.

An endless hamster wheel, with the false promise that things "will get better" as a carrot on a stick so you keep running and holding onto hope through sheer force of will as you become increasingly exhausted. There's only so long you can keep running for. There's only so much hope you can fuel yourself with.

Meanwhile the world around you continues to insist that you can feel better if you just make an effort but they don't understand that you've already been making an effort for as long as you can remember and you're so tired. So you think you must be the problem, your effort still isn't quite good enough. So you start the cycle again, because you know it's either that or nothing.

in the end there is no getting better for me there's only one way out of all this mess!

 

[TheMetalhead]

Been trying to get better for years, my friends or significant others tried and some still try to be of help.
I feel exactly as you said, as though I was chasing a carrot on a stick.
There's still some things to get done, but as I'm about to be unemployed and quite possibly homeless unless my parents decide to keep me in despite me doing nothing.
Well, I'm leaning towards CTB every single day.
Seeing how people here either try hard to live on or they decide to CTB, I feel like we all deserve peace of mind.
Sending love to you mate.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

Humans don't give a shit about your suffering or efforts. Deep down, they only value all the benefits they can reap from you. Hence, why they force you into this world (via procreation) and imprison you in existence at all costs. This includes constantly gavaging you with positivity, regardless of how it poisons your psyche or infects your wounds. The longer you exist, the more humans can exploit you.