Fading flower
Member
- Apr 26, 2022
- 10
In the autumn of 2020, Martin drives on a deserted country road to his brother Peter's farm. It's a little after 3.30pm and he's a few minutes late. His brother has asked him to pick up a friend from his home. It's not the only reason Peter invited him here this afternoon, but he doesn't know this yet. Martin turns into the yard in his grey Saab. When he gets out, he thinks of his brother. Peter is a 64-year-old physiotherapist who can solve the most complex physical problems with his hands. But for the past year, he has been unable to muster the energy for it. He suffers from depression. He has already let his family know a few times that he would prefer to be dead.
When Martin walks into the kitchen, he sees that his brother and his wife are not there. Only the friend is sitting at the kitchen table. 'Where are they?' Martin asks. "They've gone up to the bedroom," the friend says. 'It is that time again. I don't know what's happening there." Then they hear a loud scream. Martin storms upstairs. There he sees his brother, half lying next to his bed. His wife is with him. 'Have you taken that rubbish substance now?' Martin shouts angrily.
It is now more than a year later. Martin and his other brother Guy are sitting opposite two journalists from a Dutch Newspaper to talk about what happened that day. They want to talk about Substance X, the suicide powder their brother Peter used. On that autumn day in 2020 they were, after all, surprised by his death. Peter was the pacesetter of the family. Funny and sensitive. You could laugh terribly with him, they say. It was never quiet around him. Martin and Guy are not their real names: for privacy reasons they wish to remain anonymous. The men, both retired, had good jobs in business. They worked in communications and in organizational psychology. Now they want to warn others.
According to them, the stories about a humane death using Substance X are not correct.
Substance X is a white powder, a preservative, for sale at chemical wholesalers. It was 'discovered' in 2017 as a suicide powder by Cooperative Last Will (CLW), the Dutch organization that fights for a way to humanely end life without the intervention of a doctor. Initially, the drug seemed "ideal"- it was cheap, deadly, easy to store, little was needed and there was no antidote. But doctors and scientists were extremely sceptical from the start about whether the drug is so humane. Nursing home doctor Bert Keizer warned in a medical trade journal that : "There is a significant risk of dying thrashing about."
But is this true? Until now, hardly any detailed eyewitness reports about the dying process using the 'X" suicide powder have appeared in the media. For the newspaper, the story of the brothers was the start of an investigation into experiences with 'Substance X'. What does this powder do? What do people experience who take the recommended 2 or 3 grams? Does it lead to a humane death? The suicides are described by eyewitnesses. It is their experience of the events. Only they were there, which makes it difficult to control. But all witnesses were questioned in detail and an attempt was made to check the stories for inconsistencies. In one case, there were two physical witnesses to a death.
Before turning to Substance X, Peter has been severely depressed for years. He does everything he can, but his mental health professionals are unable to help. "His psychiatrist prescribed him medication," Guy says. "But he didn't look for the cause of Peter's depression." First Peter tries to drown himself in the canal near his house. He stands in the living room, soaking wet and crying. Then he asks his doctor for euthanasia, but he does not want to accept the request. Peter then gets in touch with someone from the Cooperation Last Will (CLW). The man says he wants to look him in the eye first. 'My brother went there with his wife', Martin explains. "His wife was desperate. She was incredibly angry that he wanted to die, but she also saw that he was sinking further and further. She said: " If you do it, please don't do it with a train or in the water." The conversation lasts half an hour. "The man from CLW told me how it would go. He said: you sit on a chair, take it and slowly fade away."
Martin backs out when his brother asks if he would like to attend his self-chosen death. "I said, 'Are you crazy? The last thing I want is to help kill you!" All his life, Peter had been strongly against the artificial termination of life, that's why I went against it hard. But Peter only answered: " Well, that will be a nice mess then.'
A Carefully Planned Death
On that Friday in 2020, Peter takes 'Substance X' as soon as he hears Martin enter the kitchen. His wife and his brothers are pretty sure afterwards that he planned it exactly that way, not to leave her alone that day. In the bedroom, Peter lies on the floor in convulsions. "Help me," he shouts. 'Help me.' Martin puts him back on the bed, together with his wife. " Vomit it up, Vomit it up!" he yells. For a moment he considers sticking a finger down his brother's throat, but he doesn't. He knows that Peter made this decision himself. Next to his bed is a letter stating that he wants to die. His brother keeps calling for help. He has cramps. Every now and then he tries to get up, but then he falls right back down – convulsing.
'What can we do?' Martin shouts. "Should we call the ambulance Peter? You said you wanted to die, that you didn't want help. If you don't say anything, I'll call. If you don't want that, you have to say it now." His brother looks at him and stays silent. So Martin calls emergency services. When the dispatcher asks if he knows what his brother has taken, Peter's wife approaches with a piece of paper, a kind of manual for 'Substance X'. Martin reads the name of the substance to the emergency service. The operator says the ambulance is on its way. Martin sees something else on the same page - it says there is no going back after ingestion.
In his bedroom, after a while, Peter starts to feel hot. "I'm on fire," he shouts. He begins to pull at his shirt. With savage, uncontrolled movements he tries to tear it from his body. He also starts to scream. It takes minutes. And it goes to the bone. Martin and Peter's wife look on helplessly. "Give me a knife," Peter yells. "Then I'll put an end to it." "We're not going to do that," his brother yells. "Help is coming!" He walks outside to meet the paramedics. Peter does not oppose them. He doesn't scream anymore. The paramedics check his breathing, his blood pressure, his heart rate. They also give him a sedative. "This is all we can do," the rescuer says. "I think we should take him to the emergency room."
"Do you want that, Peter?" his brother asks. But he doesn't answer. Martin insists a few times. And then his brother finally says something. "Nobody can help me," he says. It's not an answer, and yet it is. In fact, everyone in the room knows that it no longer makes sense. Martin sees how his brother loses consciousness and how his breathing becomes more irregular. He also has an epileptic seizure that lasts about fifteen minutes – foaming at the mouth. When the doctor arrives, it takes a few more minutes. It is 4:53 pm when Peter dies, in his own bedroom. Seventy-three minutes after he took 'Substance X'.
Substance X : the reported side effects of Drug X vary from 'none' to severe headache, foaming at the mouth, panic, dizziness, shortness of breath, vomiting, cramps, seizures and cardiac arrhythmias.
From the scientific literature, its clear that Substance X causes a strong reduction in blood pressure in all cases. The direct result is often that people pass out or collapse. The mechanism of action of Substance X has not yet been fully unravelled, but it is clear that the agent blocks cell respiration, says a toxicologist at the NVIC poison center. "Cells need oxygen for their energy balance, but the drug blocks this process. Cells suffocate, as it were. Some tissues can go without oxygen for a while, but vital organs, such as the heart or brain, cannot. The brain is very sensitive to oxygen deprivation, the feeling of tightness may explain why some people panic." "In any case, things don't always go quickly and not always peacefully," notes toxicologist Antoinette van Riel of the NVIC poison centre. "It is a distorted view that this is an ideal tool."
Is Substance X humane or not?
"We tell our members that in many cases, things go well and peacefully, comparable to a natural death," says Jos van Wijk, chairman of Cooperative Last Will. "But there are exceptions, due to eye rolls and twitches." On average, it takes half an hour for a person to lose consciousness, according to the figures, and an hour and three quarters of an hour to death. It should be noted that the information was recorded by next of kin, so may not be accurate.
Philip Nitschke, author of The Peaceful Pill, predicts that Drug X will become a cocktail of drugs in the future. "CLW finds 'Substance X' attractive because it is simple," he says. "But there are very good reasons to add medication." Painkillers and anti-emetic drugs alone are not enough, he thinks. "You can add a sedative. Once asleep, cramps and a drop in blood pressure are no longer a problem. I think that Substance X could eventually develop into a pretty perfect end-of-life pill. According to Nitschke, drug X has a number of properties that make it a 'useful suicide drug', such as the fact that it can be obtained legally.
Furious
Peter's brothers look at things very differently since his death. They are still furious, particularly because the suicide powder solution is irrevocable and there is no antidote. 'I am convinced that my brother did not know that this could happen,' says Martin. "He must have thought: I'm just going to be slipping away." For a while they wondered what to do with their unease. "We are not the type that immediately goes to a lawyer," says Guy "Moreover, Peter had very emphatically chosen this himself. But that Last Will maintains that 'Substance X' ensures a humane death – I actually think that's criminal. They have been blinded by their idealism."
(Source: excerpts from the 2021 'Exit International' website article regarding Substance X, with certain grammatical corrections made)
When Martin walks into the kitchen, he sees that his brother and his wife are not there. Only the friend is sitting at the kitchen table. 'Where are they?' Martin asks. "They've gone up to the bedroom," the friend says. 'It is that time again. I don't know what's happening there." Then they hear a loud scream. Martin storms upstairs. There he sees his brother, half lying next to his bed. His wife is with him. 'Have you taken that rubbish substance now?' Martin shouts angrily.
It is now more than a year later. Martin and his other brother Guy are sitting opposite two journalists from a Dutch Newspaper to talk about what happened that day. They want to talk about Substance X, the suicide powder their brother Peter used. On that autumn day in 2020 they were, after all, surprised by his death. Peter was the pacesetter of the family. Funny and sensitive. You could laugh terribly with him, they say. It was never quiet around him. Martin and Guy are not their real names: for privacy reasons they wish to remain anonymous. The men, both retired, had good jobs in business. They worked in communications and in organizational psychology. Now they want to warn others.
According to them, the stories about a humane death using Substance X are not correct.
Substance X is a white powder, a preservative, for sale at chemical wholesalers. It was 'discovered' in 2017 as a suicide powder by Cooperative Last Will (CLW), the Dutch organization that fights for a way to humanely end life without the intervention of a doctor. Initially, the drug seemed "ideal"- it was cheap, deadly, easy to store, little was needed and there was no antidote. But doctors and scientists were extremely sceptical from the start about whether the drug is so humane. Nursing home doctor Bert Keizer warned in a medical trade journal that : "There is a significant risk of dying thrashing about."
But is this true? Until now, hardly any detailed eyewitness reports about the dying process using the 'X" suicide powder have appeared in the media. For the newspaper, the story of the brothers was the start of an investigation into experiences with 'Substance X'. What does this powder do? What do people experience who take the recommended 2 or 3 grams? Does it lead to a humane death? The suicides are described by eyewitnesses. It is their experience of the events. Only they were there, which makes it difficult to control. But all witnesses were questioned in detail and an attempt was made to check the stories for inconsistencies. In one case, there were two physical witnesses to a death.
Before turning to Substance X, Peter has been severely depressed for years. He does everything he can, but his mental health professionals are unable to help. "His psychiatrist prescribed him medication," Guy says. "But he didn't look for the cause of Peter's depression." First Peter tries to drown himself in the canal near his house. He stands in the living room, soaking wet and crying. Then he asks his doctor for euthanasia, but he does not want to accept the request. Peter then gets in touch with someone from the Cooperation Last Will (CLW). The man says he wants to look him in the eye first. 'My brother went there with his wife', Martin explains. "His wife was desperate. She was incredibly angry that he wanted to die, but she also saw that he was sinking further and further. She said: " If you do it, please don't do it with a train or in the water." The conversation lasts half an hour. "The man from CLW told me how it would go. He said: you sit on a chair, take it and slowly fade away."
Martin backs out when his brother asks if he would like to attend his self-chosen death. "I said, 'Are you crazy? The last thing I want is to help kill you!" All his life, Peter had been strongly against the artificial termination of life, that's why I went against it hard. But Peter only answered: " Well, that will be a nice mess then.'
A Carefully Planned Death
On that Friday in 2020, Peter takes 'Substance X' as soon as he hears Martin enter the kitchen. His wife and his brothers are pretty sure afterwards that he planned it exactly that way, not to leave her alone that day. In the bedroom, Peter lies on the floor in convulsions. "Help me," he shouts. 'Help me.' Martin puts him back on the bed, together with his wife. " Vomit it up, Vomit it up!" he yells. For a moment he considers sticking a finger down his brother's throat, but he doesn't. He knows that Peter made this decision himself. Next to his bed is a letter stating that he wants to die. His brother keeps calling for help. He has cramps. Every now and then he tries to get up, but then he falls right back down – convulsing.
'What can we do?' Martin shouts. "Should we call the ambulance Peter? You said you wanted to die, that you didn't want help. If you don't say anything, I'll call. If you don't want that, you have to say it now." His brother looks at him and stays silent. So Martin calls emergency services. When the dispatcher asks if he knows what his brother has taken, Peter's wife approaches with a piece of paper, a kind of manual for 'Substance X'. Martin reads the name of the substance to the emergency service. The operator says the ambulance is on its way. Martin sees something else on the same page - it says there is no going back after ingestion.
In his bedroom, after a while, Peter starts to feel hot. "I'm on fire," he shouts. He begins to pull at his shirt. With savage, uncontrolled movements he tries to tear it from his body. He also starts to scream. It takes minutes. And it goes to the bone. Martin and Peter's wife look on helplessly. "Give me a knife," Peter yells. "Then I'll put an end to it." "We're not going to do that," his brother yells. "Help is coming!" He walks outside to meet the paramedics. Peter does not oppose them. He doesn't scream anymore. The paramedics check his breathing, his blood pressure, his heart rate. They also give him a sedative. "This is all we can do," the rescuer says. "I think we should take him to the emergency room."
"Do you want that, Peter?" his brother asks. But he doesn't answer. Martin insists a few times. And then his brother finally says something. "Nobody can help me," he says. It's not an answer, and yet it is. In fact, everyone in the room knows that it no longer makes sense. Martin sees how his brother loses consciousness and how his breathing becomes more irregular. He also has an epileptic seizure that lasts about fifteen minutes – foaming at the mouth. When the doctor arrives, it takes a few more minutes. It is 4:53 pm when Peter dies, in his own bedroom. Seventy-three minutes after he took 'Substance X'.
Substance X : the reported side effects of Drug X vary from 'none' to severe headache, foaming at the mouth, panic, dizziness, shortness of breath, vomiting, cramps, seizures and cardiac arrhythmias.
From the scientific literature, its clear that Substance X causes a strong reduction in blood pressure in all cases. The direct result is often that people pass out or collapse. The mechanism of action of Substance X has not yet been fully unravelled, but it is clear that the agent blocks cell respiration, says a toxicologist at the NVIC poison center. "Cells need oxygen for their energy balance, but the drug blocks this process. Cells suffocate, as it were. Some tissues can go without oxygen for a while, but vital organs, such as the heart or brain, cannot. The brain is very sensitive to oxygen deprivation, the feeling of tightness may explain why some people panic." "In any case, things don't always go quickly and not always peacefully," notes toxicologist Antoinette van Riel of the NVIC poison centre. "It is a distorted view that this is an ideal tool."
Is Substance X humane or not?
"We tell our members that in many cases, things go well and peacefully, comparable to a natural death," says Jos van Wijk, chairman of Cooperative Last Will. "But there are exceptions, due to eye rolls and twitches." On average, it takes half an hour for a person to lose consciousness, according to the figures, and an hour and three quarters of an hour to death. It should be noted that the information was recorded by next of kin, so may not be accurate.
Philip Nitschke, author of The Peaceful Pill, predicts that Drug X will become a cocktail of drugs in the future. "CLW finds 'Substance X' attractive because it is simple," he says. "But there are very good reasons to add medication." Painkillers and anti-emetic drugs alone are not enough, he thinks. "You can add a sedative. Once asleep, cramps and a drop in blood pressure are no longer a problem. I think that Substance X could eventually develop into a pretty perfect end-of-life pill. According to Nitschke, drug X has a number of properties that make it a 'useful suicide drug', such as the fact that it can be obtained legally.
Furious
Peter's brothers look at things very differently since his death. They are still furious, particularly because the suicide powder solution is irrevocable and there is no antidote. 'I am convinced that my brother did not know that this could happen,' says Martin. "He must have thought: I'm just going to be slipping away." For a while they wondered what to do with their unease. "We are not the type that immediately goes to a lawyer," says Guy "Moreover, Peter had very emphatically chosen this himself. But that Last Will maintains that 'Substance X' ensures a humane death – I actually think that's criminal. They have been blinded by their idealism."
(Source: excerpts from the 2021 'Exit International' website article regarding Substance X, with certain grammatical corrections made)
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