Venting "Suicide transfers the pain." Well, maybe I want that.

[nopointinlivingg]

I'm trying really hard not to CTB before my Mom dies (which could be a long time so I'm not confident that I'll make it, she is in relatively good health). But I really don't care otherwise if my exit transfers my pain onto anyone else. Matter of fact, there are certain people who I would be excited to transfer my pain onto. Users, abusers, ghosters, bullies, all the people who collectively brought me to this point. Depressed since puberty from getting saddled with an extremely dysfunctional family, but I really chose the wrong friends and relationships growing up too. You mean to tell me that these people don't deserve at least a little bit of the intense, continuous pain I feel every day? Where's the logic in that? Why should I care how they feel? Why should I care whether they can cope or not? They coped just fine with the results of their abuse, so tough shit! I get told to "just cope," "everybody has to cope in life," when I open up about my pain, but I'm guilted into staying here so shitty people who treated me like I was less than nothing don't have to? Fuck you! Welcome to the club asshole, enjoy your stay!

 

[Slow_Farewell]

You're right, and I get where you're coming from.
It's just, and I say this with all the kindness and gentleness i can muster through text, they won't really care, will they?
Some people are like that.
I find your post to be one of the more honest and frank ones I've come across, I just hope that the eventually, the reason for your CTB isn't because of other people.

 

[ceilng_tile]

People always say that ctb is selfish but sometimes people have a right to be selfish.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I mean, even if you die a natural death, the pain will still be transferred. So provided that your loved ones, or whoever else is in the question for transferring pain to, is alive by the time you die naturally, the reaction they'll have will basically be similar. And death is inevitable anyway. So, in other words, provided that you don't outlive them, they'll inevitably have to go through the reaction of experiencing loss which means it doesn't really matter whether you die now or in 30 years

 

[mortuarymary]

Death is painful however you do it for others. But it's YOU that's important and your feelings