Suicide seems to be the only way out deep hurt

[bigbang33]

Has anyone been hurt so deeply by another person that there just isn't a coming back?

The person who has vowed to love me forever has stabbed me with a knife over and over and over again. The pain is incredibly deep and I can't hold it anymore. It's too much. To exhausting.

I recognize I have borderline (among other things) which is likely making things feel worse. But knowing that doesn't take the pain away. The pain is constant. A 9/10 at all times. It hasn't stopped in a year. It's a constant fight or flight and I am exhausted.

I'm trying to hold on. For my pets. But, looking at my situation, there are quite a few reasons I should CTB.

My ex husband would finally be free of me, he could move on with his life without the guilt. I guess I really wasn't a good wife to him and right now I'm just an obstacle. He'd get a big life insurance check. His parents have supported me, and they'd be sad, but just for a while, but it would also be good if I'd be out of the picture as they wouldn't have to worry about any conflicts. Everyone could move on.

HE could have our dog back. It's not that I am keeping our dog from him. My door is always open so our dog can choose which room he is in but I have a strong bond with our dog and exH keeps his door closed. Likely bc he feels guilty and wants me to have the company. But I know he loves him, and he'd be happy to have him.

I genuinely feel like a waste of space. I don't see contributing anything positive to anyone's life, not even my own. If I do then it's just very little. Overall no significance.

The world wouldn't be a changed place without me, but I wouldn't have to endure the pain from the betrayal.

Has anyone ever hurt you so deeply you couldn't get past it?

 

[TheHolySword]

The hurt was something that I caused myself but it has pushed me over the edge. It was what I needed to finally cement that I am going to kill myself. I hurt someone else in the process and she will never talk to me again but it did exactly what I needed it to do. She will be free from me and never have to experience the pain of losing me to suicide and I will finally be free from the pain of my existence. Also Recently my younger brother told me something devastatingly painful, like a knife through my heart that has solidified my decision. Nothing he said was unjustified or untrue, I just never knew he thought or felt such things about me. He loves me, and I know this, but I know he will be better without me now.

 

[cazza82]

Everyone stabs me in the back to every time I trust someone I'm kinda brushing off the suicide talk since my session just before this one as I was in a bad way and told her just how bad it is. The thoughts are there all the time I'm kinda angry to that I give all these people so much power over me but when your told your useless you can't do anything right nothings ever good enough you end up believing that I've never felt so alone and worthless in my life if I keep telling my counsilor how I feel still I'm afraid she will get tired as though I'm not trying but I am the fact I'm still breathing means I'm trying but no one knows how much pain you go through just to get through the day. I kinda want to give her a chance because she's the only person that's ever not given up on me which is crazy But I dunno there's something about her that I trust I so hope I'm not wrong .