Venting Suicide is keeping me alive

[Zer0]

I can't stand being me, I wake up every day feeling terrible and think about killing myself several times a day everyday for the past 8 years, but the only thing that make me give life a try is knowing there will always be a way out. I'm about to move to another state for a job, I have no hope of living a normal life there and I see no point in working my whole life as I don't have any ambition worth living, but I'll give it a try anyway because I know that if something goes wrong (even something small and irrelevant) I can just end myself and nothing will matter anymore. I will always have a way out.

 

[Enlighten]

I really empathize with that mentality and i think it's great. It allows you to take way more action.

 

[manuel1056x]

Hi, I'm sorry for how you feel. I think that you do the right decision. Sometimes in live, thangs happen very unexpected. Good things or bad things. The decision to keep living and try to live, is right in my opinion. Like you said, you can decide later about ctb, to be honest, I think it only could get better. Personally, I agree. Suicide, the thought that I can end it all if I want, keeps me also at the moment alive. I wish luck, and that you will become happy.

 

[peace_van]

I can relate, but my battery is running out, and I could finally enter a dead end of my life where there's no way out.
That's when I have to ctb.

 

[NumbItAll]

Having a safety valve is very valuable, which is something that suicide prevention losers don't understand. Even just being able to talk about it without being treated like a criminal is very valuable.

 

[Zer0]

I can relate, but my battery is running out, and I could finally enter a dead end of my life where there's no way out.
That's when I have to ctb.

I guess that is what I'm waiting, I can only cbt when I feel there is nothing else to try. I can only die if I know I tried to live.

 

[gardenfairy]

i have the same mentality. i always tell myself that if everything goes to shit then i can do it. there's something comforting about that, i just wish it were easier to achieve.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've often had this thought too. The idea of suicide has long felt like a comfort to me. Of course- the practicality of doing it is something else entirely. That is sadly fraught with as much fear and risk as living. Worse- a failed attempt can lead to living a much harder life. I wish the act was as easy as making the decision.