Suicide inevitably hurts the living- how do you handle guilt?

[wordsonscreen]

I've been through a lot. I want to die. I deserve rest. I'm suffering and I have no energy to try to heal or work towards the life I wanted. I have tried. I have done everything I'm supposed to. I just want to leave. I spoke with my mom today and she knew. Without me saying anything, she is afraid for me. I live alone on the other side of the planet. I'm afraid me dying will kill her. I worry about my whole family. I do not know how to make it better. They all love me so much but they cannot help me. My help is the SN by my bed. I actually was going to leave on the 11th of december but I am here ONLY so I can do final calls and pack etc so my family hurts less. I have been a zombie for over a month- WAY past the point of what my mind or body or soul can handle just so I can do things that will help others when I am dead. I hope they know that. I hope people see that I am not trying to hurt anybody. I hope it is clear that I am literally doing my fucking best. I am so sorry. I just need to do this to end my pain and to be at rest. I want to leave with as little emotional baggage as possible.

I do believe that we should try to help others and cause as little harm as possible. I do feel responsibility for "doing good". But jesus- I have experienced so much fucking trauma. Clearly people dont live by the same rules. But how do I give myself permission to do something for myself that will hurt others? I am totally pro choice but just talking to my family hurts. I feel helpless. They cannot help me and what I will do will hurt them. It is just inevitable at this point.

How do you process this? Suicide will inevitably cause hurt to people. That is just how the setup is right now. I want your thoughts.

 

[life-eternal]

Hey Sunbug, what you mentioned that suicide will inevitably cause hurt to people is true, there isn't any other way around it i think. Wish i had the answer as the thought of causing trauma to my family because of me committing suicide is always on my mind and i hate it :( I am also very tired of living, i cannot do anything anymore. Just suicide on my mind all day, i can't do anything else, and i don't want to do anything else. Just want to stop existing and go back to the void. Would really like to hear other people's opinions who are in similar situation with family.

 

[Mentalmick]

Unfortunately, there is no way possible to limit the pain your mother will feel if you kill yourself. The guilt is what has kept a lot of us alive even though we don't want to be. I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you.

 

[Gonjoolie]

The first thing I did was try to find a method with no blood and gore. I imagine my family would rather just see me peacefully laying in my bed compared to my brain being splattered against the wall. The second thing I'm gonna do is write a suicide note, tape it to my door, and explain what they're gonna see before they open it. I'm personally using the SN method so I imagine seeing my skin be blue would cause a lot of shock. There will be no way to completely limit the shock unless your family just hates you. I'm just gonna try to limit the pain they'll feel as much as I can

 

[WornOutLife]

I do believe that we should try to help others and cause as little harm as possible.

I think this is the key.
You can do less harm by leaving notes and telling your family and friends how much you love them, gonna miss them and how "happy" you're with the decision of leaving this world. Also, you could record some videos.

At least that what I'll do if I ever ctb!

Good luck!!

 

[wordsonscreen]

Hey Sunbug, what you mentioned that suicide will inevitably cause hurt to people is true, there isn't any other way around it i think. Wish i had the answer as the thought of causing trauma to my family because of me committing suicide is always on my mind and i hate it :( I am also very tired of living, i cannot do anything anymore. Just suicide on my mind all day, i can't do anything else, and i don't want to do anything else. Just want to stop existing and go back to the void. Would really like to hear other people's opinions who are in similar situation with family.

I feel you. This is a very painful place to be. Sending you hugs <3

I think this is the key.
You can do less harm by leaving notes and telling your family and friends how much you love them, gonna miss them and how "happy" you're with the decision of leaving this world. Also, you could record some videos.

At least that what I'll do if I ever ctb!

Good luck!!

This is my plan. Hopefully it is enough to mitigate the fallout.

 

[Birdie]

That's why I've decided to CTB only after my mother passes, so she won't have to deal with my loss. It has been incredibly painful to live and not being able to do end my suffering but I'll try my best to handle it.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

The bit I can't get over is at some points later on in their lives, when suffering, alone, they'll cry in dispair over why I abandoned them to deal with this wasteland on their own. I have ASD plus depression with anhedonia so empathy isn't always accurate for me, I should make a reference list of all the pain I'd cause others. It's easy to forget how long life will be for those we leave behind, too. It's a long time for them to hold any number of unresolved issues, (made much worse assisted suicide being illegal).

I'm of the view now that society prevents suicide mainly because of the hurt it causes to many people. In that way, my suffering is placed below that of others. Figures. As long as the people that help feel like they've done a good deed afterwards.

I imagine euthanasia countries have the luxury of psychologists at the various stages of a relatively long process to remove the unresolved issues that a traumatic suicide causes? But you will be missing from their lives for the rest of their lives, some left behind might never recover.

I wonder how selfish I could be. I get very angry about how society's trapped me here. They put up all these barriers. Maybe I can take some down to make suicide more likely for me, but that's a conscious, rational decision that needs to consider all the pain it would cause. I think this is what euthanasia countries try to do. Put up enough barriers and support to make sure people leaving have really considered the harm they'd do to others and to prevent impulsivity etc.

If you're feeling guilty, I'd ditch the SN or at least make it harder to get, make a note to yourself to read before you consider it again, to remind yourself of all the times you'd be missed, all the situations that would remind them of you, all the times they'd want nothing more than to speak to you. It's the hardest decision we can make, I think. It's easier knowing how much pain we'll face? Or is it?

 

[Symbiote]

You minimize the amount of connections you have with people, family, friends, and pets so that when you decide to pass on, it won't disrupt their livelihood. One of the common signs of suicide is a person giving away possessions and tying up loose ends, even pushing people away over time because they don't want them drawn in to the grief cycle. When you have no one, absolutely no one that knows you, they wouldn't care if you died because you just be a stranger to them.

"Symbio...who? Oh that loser, yeah, definitely can see that coming, oh well, tough life"

 

[blue_muse]

There's no right or wrong way to ending one's life. Consider how much the continued suffering outweighs other things. Ultimately, as much as others express and show their love for someone they are not the person in constant turmoil - you. Remember, there's no rush to cease existence. These are your experiences, thoughts, feelings, pain and so forth. There is no invisible threshold that says you must endure maximum anguish to say "Okay, I'm done". Try not to be hard on yourself sunbug .

 

[wordsonscreen]

The bit I can't get over is at some points later on in their lives, when suffering, alone, they'll cry in dispair over why I abandoned them to deal with this wasteland on their own. I have ASD plus depression with anhedonia so empathy isn't always accurate for me, I should make a reference list of all the pain I'd cause others. It's easy to forget how long life will be for those we leave behind, too. It's a long time for them to hold any number of unresolved issues, (made much worse assisted suicide being illegal).

I'm of the view now that society prevents suicide mainly because of the hurt it causes to many people. In that way, my suffering is placed below that of others. Figures. As long as the people that help feel like they've done a good deed afterwards.

I imagine euthanasia countries have the luxury of psychologists at the various stages of a relatively long process to remove the unresolved issues that a traumatic suicide causes? But you will be missing from their lives for the rest of their lives, some left behind might never recover.

I wonder how selfish I could be. I get very angry about how society's trapped me here. They put up all these barriers. Maybe I can take some down to make suicide more likely for me, but that's a conscious, rational decision that needs to consider all the pain it would cause. I think this is what euthanasia countries try to do. Put up enough barriers and support to make sure people leaving have really considered the harm they'd do to others and to prevent impulsivity etc.

If you're feeling guilty, I'd ditch the SN or at least make it harder to get, make a note to yourself to read before you consider it again, to remind yourself of all the times you'd be missed, all the situations that would remind them of you, all the times they'd want nothing more than to speak to you. It's the hardest decision we can make, I think. It's easier knowing how much pain we'll face? Or is it?

I see what you mean. Thank you for typing it so I dont have to.

I actually did this for myself. I read up fully on ethics, morality, laws around suicide over the years in different parts of the world and came up with a system for myself mimicking the best euthanasia policies. I've gone through all the steps. I wrote notes to myself, did all the things I am supposed to. I guess it still feels hard because people will never support me. They will always see me as wrong somehow. Regardless of how much I try to prevent the fallout. But yeah I did everything you mentioned. I made it super hard for myself for years to make sure I REALLY REALLY want it. And I do.

I guess we just have to accept that people will always get hurt.

There's no right or wrong way to ending one's life. Consider how much the continued suffering outweighs other things. Ultimately, as much as others express and show their love for someone they are not the person in constant turmoil - you. Remember, there's no rush to cease existence. These are your experiences, thoughts, feelings, pain and so forth. There is no invisible threshold that says you must endure maximum anguish to say "Okay, I'm done". Try not to be hard on yourself sunbug .

Thank you. This is so kind. Our beings are so often invalidated by everything around us trying to keep us alive.

"There is no invisible threshold that says you must endure maximum anguish to say "Okay, I'm done"."
This. I forget this. I keep suffering because I feel like I can endure more but it is inhumane. Just because I can still stay alive/exit/eat doesnt mean I have to. I dont deserve this much pain. We all deserve peace and kindness in whatever form it takes. Thank you.

 

[262653]

Rationalization is my bestest friend in dealing with "moral" emotions.

Someone is going to get hurt anyway, either me before my suicide or others after my suicide. Whose pain and suffering do I feel more, mine or those of others?

I also don't remember giving consent to giving birth to my body, so I don't feel the need to recieve the consent of others for my suicide. (My body to have, my choice to make.)

Anything we do to reduce our pain and suffering is justified. I think it's perfectly justified to avoid something we don't want to experience, and strive towards what we want to experience.

 

[Pookie]

This is the reason I wish I could just die a natural/accidental death because my family would find that easier to accept. But alas, it doesn't look like that's going to happen anytime soon and I can't keep on suffering for decades to keep others comfortable while they're out enjoying their lives. I have no life, I feel dead already.

 

[Zhontafly]

Better question: Death is inevitable, it comes for all the living (been this way for billions of years), so WHY can't the living (some, not all) come to terms with the obvious verifiable reality?

And when each of us is born, it should also be clearly understood that we will at some point or any time expire. The parents should understand that reality WELL before they bring kids into this, so they should be ready for it at any time and they should teach their offspring about death and train them to be emotionally mature about it.

But those are just my thoughts about it. Of course everyone is free to be delusional, have fantasies with their own 'personal reality' and be emotionally retarded about the subject.

 

[wordsonscreen]

I can't keep on suffering for decades to keep others comfortable while they're out enjoying their lives.

yes yes yes. tf is this nonsense. We have to advocate for ourselves.

Better question: Death is inevitable, it comes for all the living (been this way for billions of years), so WHY can't the living (some, not all) come to terms with the obvious verifiable reality?

And when each of us is born, it should also be clearly understood that we will at some point or any time expire. The parents should understand that reality WELL before they bring kids into this, so they should be ready for it at any time and they should teach their offspring about death and train them to be emotionally mature about it.

But those are just my thoughts about it. Of course everyone is free to be delusional, have fantasies with their own 'personal reality' and be emotionally retarded about the subject.

haha I love this. thank you

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

For me, I try to make people understand that I'd hurt them and many others more just by staying alive. Even besides my ravenous consumption, I'm basically a waste of resources and I manipulated all those around me into caring about me. I only hope they'll come to realize that after I'm gone.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

I see what you mean. Thank you for typing it so I dont have to.

I actually did this for myself. I read up fully on ethics, morality, laws around suicide over the years in different parts of the world and came up with a system for myself mimicking the best euthanasia policies. I've gone through all the steps. I wrote notes to myself, did all the things I am supposed to. I guess it still feels hard because people will never support me. They will always see me as wrong somehow. Regardless of how much I try to prevent the fallout. But yeah I did everything you mentioned. I made it super hard for myself for years to make sure I REALLY REALLY want it. And I do.

I guess we just have to accept that people will always get hurt.

Thank you. This is so kind. Our beings are so often invalidated by everything around us trying to keep us alive.

"There is no invisible threshold that says you must endure maximum anguish to say "Okay, I'm done"."
This. I forget this. I keep suffering because I feel like I can endure more but it is inhumane. Just because I can still stay alive/exit/eat doesnt mean I have to. I dont deserve this much pain. We all deserve peace and kindness in whatever form it takes. Thank you.

What about your country though? Maybe there it's not enough. In some countries criminal of you to rob the world of yourself. It's probably a sign of how much damage it can cause. Maybe make a better list and keep improving it? I wasn't thorough at all, and it's you who needs to write it

 

[Frauw]

I simply do not care.

 

[Yiyo123]

I don't think about others. That's has been one of the problems. Depressed people tend to care too much about what others think or do. So when i'm geeling really low and suicidal I think about me, what I feel, what I want. It's not that i don't give a damn about others, but people tend to ignore the signs of suicidal people. They don't understand. So that's what i think and feel.

 

[booray]

Tbh, I don't feel any guilt for wanting to ctb. I'm experiencing so much pain and suffering just thinking about killing myself every waking moment that I don't have the capacity to empathize with how my family and friends will feel once I'm gone. I'm just trying to work up the courage to simply do it sometime in the next few months. In the meantime, there are things I need to be doing, such as making a will, that I'm avoiding because I'm squandering what little time I have by staying in bed all day crying and having panic attacks. It's an awful vicious cycle and if I start feeling guilty about it, then that will only make things worse.

 

[Kbeau]

I've been through a lot. I want to die. I deserve rest. I'm suffering and I have no energy to try to heal or work towards the life I wanted. I have tried. I have done everything I'm supposed to. I just want to leave. I spoke with my mom today and she knew. Without me saying anything, she is afraid for me. I live alone on the other side of the planet. I'm afraid me dying will kill her. I worry about my whole family. I do not know how to make it better. They all love me so much but they cannot help me. My help is the SN by my bed. I actually was going to leave on the 11th of december but I am here ONLY so I can do final calls and pack etc so my family hurts less. I have been a zombie for over a month- WAY past the point of what my mind or body or soul can handle just so I can do things that will help others when I am dead. I hope they know that. I hope people see that I am not trying to hurt anybody. I hope it is clear that I am literally doing my fucking best. I am so sorry. I just need to do this to end my pain and to be at rest. I want to leave with as little emotional baggage as possible.

I do believe that we should try to help others and cause as little harm as possible. I do feel responsibility for "doing good". But jesus- I have experienced so much fucking trauma. Clearly people dont live by the same rules. But how do I give myself permission to do something for myself that will hurt others? I am totally pro choice but just talking to my family hurts. I feel helpless. They cannot help me and what I will do will hurt them. It is just inevitable at this point.

How do you process this? Suicide will inevitably cause hurt to people. That is just how the setup is right now. I want your thoughts.

I have gradually walked away from/reduced all of my important relationships. I see/visit/call/text less and less. That will lessen the impact if/when I ctb.

 

[wordsonscreen]

I don't think about others. That's has been one of the problems. Depressed people tend to care too much about what others think or do. So when i'm geeling really low and suicidal I think about me, what I feel, what I want. It's not that i don't give a damn about others, but people tend to ignore the signs of suicidal people. They don't understand. So that's what i think and feel.

You're right. Us focusing on others is part of the problem

Tbh, I don't feel any guilt for wanting to ctb. I'm experiencing so much pain and suffering just thinking about killing myself every waking moment that I don't have the capacity to empathize with how my family and friends will feel once I'm gone. I'm just trying to work up the courage to simply do it sometime in the next few months. In the meantime, there are things I need to be doing, such as making a will, that I'm avoiding because I'm squandering what little time I have by staying in bed all crying and having panic attacks. It's an awful vicious cycle and if I start feeling guilty about it, then that will only make things worse.

I understand. I'm in a very very similar place myself. It has been terrible. I am here if you ever want to check in <3 You seem very kind!

 

[Sprite_Geist]

This will sound insensitive and dismissive to some parties, but my answer is: You do not have to handle it at all.

We are told constantly by society, preachers, social media influencers and life coaches that nobody is responsible for our happiness and/or feelings except ourselves. If this is true then it should work both ways; which means that a suicidal person like you is not responsible for the happiness, or rather unhappiness of others either. From this point of view you do do not have to handle any guilt since it is not yours in the first place.

 

[nasblue]

My suffering can exclusively and directly be traced back to other people and their egoistic irresponsibility. I don't owe the world shit. If I had loving parents and didn't live in a decaying society maybe, but not like this.

 

[wordsonscreen]

This will sound insensitive and dismissive to some parties, but my answer is: You do not have to handle it at all.

We are told constantly by society, preachers, social media influencers and life coaches that nobody is responsible for our happiness and/or feelings except ourselves. If this is true then it should work both ways; which means that a suicidal person like you is not responsible for the happiness, or rather unhappiness of others either. From this point of view you do do not have to handle any guilt since it is not yours in the first place.

I see. People I have loved have cut me slowly and watched me get to this point. The ones I am worried about hurting played a role in bringing me to this point. It goes both ways.

My suffering can exclusively and directly be traced back to other people and their egoistic irresponsibility. I don't owe the world shit. If I had loving parents and didn't live in a decaying society maybe, but not like this.

I agree. Yes.

 

[greyhound]

Yes ultimately I feel guilty as my parents have really been good to me. It's not their fault I'm chronically ill (well, maybe their genes, dunno).
My mom knows I'm probably going to go fairly soon, and she seems to understand because of the pain I'm in. But she still guilt trips me like how it'll crush my dad and she won't be able to live without me etc etc.

My main argument is exactly how much do I have to suffer in order for them to have their child show up at xmas and other family events. Yes they may suffer if I CTB, but in the grand scheme of things I will suffer way more trying to stay alive for another few decades. So ultimately me CTBing is reducing the overall level of suffering in the world.

 

[soap]

Not like they'll be happy seeing me on diapers and a wheelchair. Would be easier on them if i were dead, and easier for me too.

Yes ultimately I feel guilty as my parents have really been good to me. It's not their fault I'm chronically ill (well, maybe their genes, dunno).
My mom knows I'm probably going to go fairly soon, and she seems to understand because of the pain I'm in. But she still guilt trips me like how it'll crush my dad and she won't be able to live without me etc etc.

My main argument is exactly how much do I have to suffer in order for them to have their child show up at xmas and other family events. Yes they may suffer if I CTB, but in the grand scheme of things I will suffer way more trying to stay alive for another few decades. So ultimately me CTBing is reducing the overall level of suffering in the world.

What's ur illness?

 

[greyhound]

Not like they'll be happy seeing me on diapers and a wheelchair. Would be easier on them if i were dead, and easier for me too.

What's ur illness?

Lyme

 

[magick'sgone]

Short answer, you don't.

I will even add that you didn't reach the point where pain is unbearable that suicide is the only option left. You still have the luxury to think and write lenghty boring posts.

Edit: You are from that category of people in this website that are not simply looking for actionable methods to get the job done (or practical solutions to try to live). You are that kind of spoiled kid, attention seeker piece of crap that comes here to pollute our minds with your boring life which we don't give a shit about. Sorry about the rant but I left this site some time ago and the main reason was because of people like you. Talking about YOU YOU and only YOU, and siphoning the little energy left in many of us. It is tiring to read such posts. Congrats you've got your 15 minutes of fame!

Who are you talking to?

 

[Water-Lily]

Trauma kills you. I know that for a fact. If suicide was easy I would not be here. My mom, sexual abusers, "friends" "family" and so many people broke me. I wish those fuckers would have there revenge, but mostly I just want to escape my pain. If I have that in death then I know I will be ok