Does anyone else's suicidal ideation stem from thinking they're ugly?
Low self esteem.
Being told you are ugly by bullies and other people might have you standing in front of a mirror thinking to yourself, "I'm ugly." This low self esteem can be so toxic. What's funny is when psych "professionals" call that "hearing voices" - but those are really just your own thoughts. That's when they toss you a pill bottle, and you swallow each one and hallucinate. While some abuser stalker rapist laughs at you after he held you captive and continued to do so.
funny thing about it.
"Ugly" is subjective, I think all people can be beautiful and ugliness is within.
His father called him ugly all the time and I thought it was just him being mean about Matt's physical appearance - it turns out he was ugly inside and out and would not stop being a piece of human filth.
so me, as an "ugly" in appearance person and a "ugly inside if provoked" person, I have learned to get over it. Remember the episode of spongebob cartoon, "I am ugly and I am proud!"? (Laughs) I'd rather be ugly than narcissistic. You can look ten different ways depending on lighting, angles, perspective, makeup, lack thereof and so on. Attractiveness is a soul, not an exterior.
Everyone is so preoccupied with physical appearance (looking disheveled isn't necessarily a good or bad thing, it's just the constant part of it that is kind of unacceptable socially) - you know. I think people are just too nit picky.
I've made a lot of money and made very little. While money is a tool, it is also unfortunately used as a weapon in many different ways. I have been deprived of jobs, had people play games and not sign my timesheet since I can pay my rent, I've had social security cards stolen, bridges intentionally burned, possessions taken, all of those things due to piece of shit abusers. The good thing is I am no longer near that. But there is still a problem, that I could not finish my education, that they stole and lied and stole and lied and stole and lied and played stupid little games. I was an adult years ago and they wanted to play greed and pretend. Pretend to make up. Let's talk about you instead of talk to you. No I swear I didn't do that. Yeah. I hope they all rot in their own misery for what they did. It's a game. The sickest game of them all.
I proved that I could do all of these things but I could not get out of abuse without finding another abuser. That's what's so sick about having a mother that had a hard on for continuing stalking, abusing, attempting to bribe, bribing rapists and bribing criminals and thinking that I wouldn't eventually catch on, I always knew that and this is why she and I could never get along and I could never forgive her or her other creep daughters. To hell with them and their little bulls hit, you give an inch and they run a mile just like the rest of these bastards.
They call it "life" or "recovery" but I've been so fucking traumatized that all of that is just a sick illusion. They were all just sick in the head and would never listen, never help, never respect, I snapped, I snapped. Do I regret it? Not really. I regret ever lending them a second of misplaced trust. Lunatics. Obsessed with destruction and bribes and arguments. Being control freaks. Lying and lying and then saying I'm so ashamed that my daughter hates me. We know why.