Chronic pain and multiple physical illnesses and conditions over the course of my life (I'm 52) is the main driving reason I want to ctb.
I started suffering stomach issues when I was around 6. I had other weird ailments as a child that I look back on now and wonder if they were all a part of some condition or disease that still remains undiagnosed (for example, a few years ago I started having heart issues and the cardiologist I saw asked if I had Mafan's syndrome, which I'd not heard of ever before but when I looked up about it, I had a number of the criteria for it including being born with flat feet, so I don't know...). Otherwise, I have: endometriosis, which caused decades of pain and bleeding and took away my fertility; osteoporosis either from the drugs used to "treat" the endometriosis, or possibly from another condition (this was told to me by a couple doctors. no one checked my baseline bone density so it's possible my osteoporosis was there before the endo drugs were prescribed. so again, no real answers, which sucks); lifelong GI issues including chronic nausea (this one thing was horrible enough and has made my life hell for as long as I can remember), IBS, general abdominal pain besides the abdominal pain from the endometriosis); underactive thyroid; an undiagnosed mass in my pelvis; blood disorder that causes low white cells and platelets; eye issues that cause redness, pain, and floaters; severely underweight which comes with a host of miserable issues; rectal bleeding from various reasons going back to when I was a teenager (terrifying AND embarrassing to talk to anybody about, especially when you're so young); and then in the last year and half I have been dealing with a c. difficile infection which is something I'd not wish on my worst enemy. Finally, lifelong anxiety and severe depression that has only worsened over the years from all the health issues and what those health issues have done to my life (the anxiety comes along with a bunch of physical symptoms too and has led to a benzo dependence so getting of them was rough and then I got put back on Klonopin b/c of the added anxiety from the c. diff)
What I hate most besides what all these health issues and pain have stolen from me and how they've ruined my life is HOW HARD I'VE TRIED to life a healthy life, have avoided things that might be detrimental or harmful to my health in an effort to BE more healthy, and how many things I've avoided or turned down because I couldn't trust my own shitty body to be reliable enough TO do certain things, or avail myself of certain opportunities. My poor health and lousy body have ruled my life and I hate it and am so done with it. Especially at my age. Whats the point anymore? I used to hold onto the hope that I still had time to do some things I always wanted to or that I could still create a life if I got healthier...but now I realize that was all a pipe dream and wishful thinking. I'm a 52 year old, sickly non-person who has never done anything with her life and never will, and i'm tired of the useless procedures, doctor appointments, all the ER visits, the empty days full of only pain and fatigue and pointlessness. I'm just DONE. I don't want to feel sick and in pain anymore, or face any MORE health issues and I know that's all that's in store for me in this 'life'. I'm so tired.
I hope the specialists will eventually be helpful. I understand about the slow going and how little these doctors seem to care. It's good you are still pursuing finding answers though -- that's a great victory in itself as I know how discouraging the continual doctor visits and tests can become. I will send good thoughts that you will soon get some answers, and relief from your pain.
Always here if you ever need or want someone to talk to who has been through similar experiences. And thank you for YOUR kind words and well wishes
