“Suicide doesn’t end the pain, it just passes it to someone else.”

[Breadbfra]

Do I have to be sincere?
That quote is tremendously true, for those who have loved ones. I've seen suicide survivors never recover, developing mental illnesses, trauma etc, parents killing themselves after their children.

But I find awful how some people use it to guil trip suicidal people. I've had one friend say to me something like "if you jump I jump" and I felt immediately worse because she made me feel like I was responsible for another person's death.

I do believe thought that it can help some. Sometimes reading to it makes me think about my mother, my father, and how much they suffered from a suicide attempt (pills in my 14s), and how they'd react from losing their only child.

 

[demuic]

Sadly statements like do seem to be an effective guilting statement (on me). The only reason I'm currently alive is because my mother would be absolutely distraught and not able to handle my CTB, and she needs me. Otherwise I would have bought my SN already and my corpse would be rotting away in my dorm room.

 

[ITryHard]

I am wrestling with this strongly. In my case, no one in my family has caused me to feel this way. It is simply 20 years+ of anxiety and depression taking it's toll, with the last two years being particularly unbearable. If it was up to me, no one would grieve for me, but I know for a fact that many will. It's a burden that I will be taking with me when I go. I just hope that those I leave behind ultimately understand that I love them all, but circumstances and mental illness have put me in this place. I pray they recover and hate that I will be putting such a burden on them.

 

[Drowning fish]

I'm not gonna lie. This is the main reason I haven't CTB yet. I love my mum so much. I love her as much as I'm suffering. So instead of CTB I am a walking dead. I eat, I sleep, I waste time. I'm alive for these people's sake, they shouldn't ask more of me than being alive.

 

[262653]

"better you than me. You deal with the pain."

Lol, yeah. And it was rephrased as not to sound like a manipulative asshole, or at least not too obviously for some... I'd take that phrase as an insult. To think I would by into such a cheap trick... The sad thing is that some people still feel guilty enough even if they know they're being manipulated. By people who say "I'd rather have you suffer than suffer myself", not that I blame people for putting their own well-being first, or for doing everything in their power to secure personal wants, even if it means to walk over the close ones... Aren't the close ones like partners in business? Isn't it personal interest of each party that keeps the partnership together? If whatever one party wants goes against the interests of the other party, doesn't it makes them enemies instead of friends? How can both participants be content in such relationship?

 

[Life_and_Death]

"suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"

this is what people that have ZERO understanding says. trying to get over a break up...yeah ok accuracy (im talking about a 15yr that THINKS their life is over and is doing it impulsively) years of abuse on the other hand......would one prolifer or another care to explain how taking medication to keep my mood stable and going to therapy until i die is a temporary problem??

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

So instead of CTB I am a walking dead. I eat, I sleep, I waste time. I'm alive for these people's sake, they shouldn't ask more of me than being alive.

If I had a terminal illness or debilitating disease that caused me immense and constant pain, I'd like to think that my mom would rather I be free of the pain than go on suffering. Herein lies the disconnect. People still undervalue mental health and treat it as something lesser.

 

[Lilacmoon]

I can echo that trapped feeling. There is no right answer and no escape. Either I keep on going with this dread and desperation and pain or someone I love has to bear it. But I don't know how long I can keep holding it, no matter how cruel, selfish, and disgusting I would be to burden the one I love with the trauma and pain of my passing.

 

[Ghost2211]

I can see the truth in it, but that doesn't mean we can always cope with our pain.

 

[AlreadyGone]

People eventually move on; just like I have moved on when other members of my family passed.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It's a bullshit statement. It's a subtle but powerful manipulation that dresses up like logic. It's a verbal wolf in sheep's clothing. It's fighting words dressed up like ethics.

If it were possible to pass on pain, one could find some asshole to pass it to and then go on in life free of the burden.

You know who makes a statement like that? Someone who has a victim mentality, and then gaslights others who are suffering that they have a victim mentality.


Here's a response to that statement:

Point fingers at own head and pretend to pull trigger. Say, "This is something I'm doing to me."

Then shoot them the bird and say, "This is something I'm doing to you. See the difference?"

Then walk tf away, because it's gonna take awhile to get through the FOG* they were spreading around.


*For those who don't know: fear, obligation, guilt.

 

[Shades of Grey]

I think there's a lot of truth to it, but I also think that there is a certain degree of selfishness in expecting others to keep going for you when quality of life no longer remains.

I am sure that some people will probably be negatively impacted by my passing to various degrees, and I hate that. But at a certain point, you can't just keep living for others.

(Or at least I can't.)

 

[Mr2005]

It is true there's no denying it. As for my parents I don't really care. They put this curse on me and deserve the same back. My girlfriend though is the real victim in this. How many times do we see people here because someone close to them killed themselves? Quite a lot

 

[Superdeterminist]

Yes, killing oneself can cause enormous grief to loved ones, nobody denies that. But their grief doesn't supersede one's own right to bodily autonomy.

 

[262653]

Then shoot them the bird and say, "This is something I'm doing to you. See the difference?"

Wait... why the bird?

 

[DeadButDreaming]

The pain wouldn't be passed on if we all commit suicide.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Wait... why the bird? View attachment 45650View attachment 45650

Middle finger.

 

[alfie]

It's meaningless. Every single suicical person on the planet could read and discuss the statement and it would have no effect on the numbers. We all know our deaths will impact our loved one. So let's do what we can about that and the reality that suicide is gonna happen rather than rehashing the passive-aggressive sentiment.

Passive-aggressive sentiment against suicidal people is a good way to describe what the quote represents

 

[Sinkinshyp]

there is some truth in it and it is guilt shaming at the same time. Of course those who love me will feel some pain. It wont be the same pain. My mom will take it hard, I know she will. As a bereaved mother I really am sad I will do it to her. They also need to realize when there is 0 happiness in life and has been that way almost 3 yrs I'm destined to live alone in my bedroom. What kind of life is that? the grief over my son is getting worse not better. I can't stand it to get worse staying for them is selfish on their parts to even ask or try to guild.. yes I've had that statement thrown at by my mom and my bro. Also by a person I considered my best friend- but when I'm in hysterics pouring my gutz out on facebook how many times has she called to say hey I'm here to listen? 0

 

[xLosthopex]

It's such a selfish thing to say. Why should I continue to suffer every single day of my life to keep others happy? It's MY life, MY body, MY choice.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

everybody experiences pain. they'll experience pain no matter what. so why should i agonize over causing someone else pain when there's no way i can prevent them from feeling that pain? anyways, i've got to put myself first at one point or another.

 

[ghostspace]

If I kill myself, my family and loved ones would never be okay.

They would never move on, they would never get over it, and they would never stop wondering who I would have become if I stayed. It would destroy them and leave gaping holes in their hearts that would hurt forever. Every single holiday, every special occasion or milestone reached would be tinged with grief due to my absence and the space I would have taken up in pictures or at tables.

I refuse to deny that because it is my reality. All actions have consequences.

But my pain wouldn't transfer to them; my pain is my own for me to cope with and their pain is their own for them to cope with.

If there is a point that I can't cope anymore, their grief will be because of my actions but it won't be my burden to carry. My choice to kill myself isn't with the intention to hurt anyone else, but to escape the pain that I'm in.

I'm still not sure whether or not I can do that to them.

Makes me feel like even more shit tbh. Creates this feeling of being trapped.

I feel like people who say that or that "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" don't understand how crippling the suicidal feeling is. It's an awful feeling.

I completely agree. The problem isn't so 'temporary' when it's the literal fact that I exist on this earth and am suffering every moment of it.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Even if it is selfish I still wouldn't give a fuck. If they didn't want this outcome then they should've done better. I spent so much of my life caring when nobody else cared and I see now how much of a waste it was.

 

[mooncake]

I look at it differently. I dont think the pain get transfered at all. If I ctb, I will create new pain. The people I leave behind won't feel the pain I once felt because they didnt make the experiences I did. I never felt the pain they might be feeling because I haven't lost anyone close to me to a bus.
I'm not even sure if I'd my pain would stop, philosophically. Because the way I see it, its me that stops, without knowing what its like not not be in pain. So als long as I exist, my pain exist. Once I don't exist, my loved ones pain exists separately, however caused by me.

 

[pleasethistime]

Same is true for giving birth

 

[DJJE]

Personally, I hate this attitude. It just shows a clear lack of understanding and selfishness on the person saying it.

If you have a friend that wants to die, you should support them. I'm not saying take them to a euthanasia clinic, you should help them proactively find things that they enjoy and a reason to keep living. But you should also respect the fact that every day is torture for a suicidal person. They are unlike to have the motivation to seek to improve their living circumstances if they can't see an path that would lead to a positive outcome. Many might have already tried to improve their situation and continued and repeated failure just compounds the problem.

You might be sad about losing a friend, but that will fade, and be for a few minutes a day - but I'm sure you wouldnt want to swap lives with them. You dont want to feel like we do. But you force them to get 'help' so you dont feel bad. In the mean time they are suffering 24/7 through just existing with no other hope of escape.

Guilt tripping them is selfish. It only makes things worse. It's not your life, it's not your choice.

Speaking from personal experience.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

I hope that's true! If I could designate to whom I would pass this pain, I would do it right now! Too bad one can't include it in a Will.

"To my son-in-law, XXX, I leave you all the pain and suffering you piled onto me these past years. Enjoy."

As for the two people who would truly care, today I am signing a new Will that leaves them enough to make them smile.

 

[TheSomebody]

I don't care at all if the "pain" "passes" to someone else. First that I don't owe anyone anything and second that nobody cares about me and third, if people don't care about me now, why would they care after I left forever? It is so hypocritical for you to neglect a person your whole life and be sad after a tragedy. People don't care about me, they just don't want to bother themselves with my demise.

 

[cyberlordsumit]

"Suicide doesn't end the pain, it just passes it to someone else."

Many of us have heard or read this quote.

What do you think and feel when you come across this?

Personally, it irritates me because the intention behind it appears to be to guilt-shame a person into not committing suicide. But at the same time I cannot deny that it is true. I find the guilt to be the biggest barrier to me killing myself.

For those of you with loved ones, how do you cope and rationalize or justify the fact that you would cause possibly irreparable damage to your loved ones that you leave behind?

I try not to think about those who depend on me, or think that i have tried stuff and it's just my time now

 

[Deleted member 94]

I guess I am fortunate that I'm alone in this world, unless the coroner suddenly got attached to me.