It puts me at ease a little bit to watch it.
The Russian guy with the long hair (video 1440) seemed to be the most fast and painless out of them all. I'm going to use a 12 gauge slug. Ideally getting high on heroin and Benzos beforehand should bypass that survival instinct even benzos alone should work as they make you not care about nothing, they are designed to shut you down not turn you on.
Mainly designed to make life for people around them better not for the patient themselves otherwise they'd be giving everyone heroin.
Mainly designed to make life for people around them better not for the patient themselves otherwise they'd be giving everyone heroin.
I wanted to use a .357 Magnum to the head but I got arrested before I could do it.
You could buy another one or use someone else's gun. I have a record too. My "friend" is buying me the shotgun and Said he will destroy it after I get done with it. Leave a nasty mess of brains, chunks of skull, blood and all that other crap. That said the record was caused by a family member ratting me out snitch POS. Snitches get stitches wind up in ditches floating in the river with the fishes they say. Snitching and ratting is a big no-no I'm sure that family who did it will regret it when I'm not around to care for him.
I wasn't even guilty either, as I was simply defending myself from someone trying to cut my hair without my consent and destroying my property, selling my shit behind my back, throwing my belongings away, spitting in my face etc. Charges were dropped but charges stay on record even if they're dropped in my area expungment and pardon is extremely difficult.
SO I have a 9mm that I owned for years but I don't trust a 9mm to be enough as I have a rather large head. A 12 gauge deer slug should be enough. If that doesn't do it I KNOW I'm cursed. I'll have to saw down the barrel to 18" or shorter to reach the trigger in order to hold the muzzle against the side of my head pointing towards brain stem as I'm a really small guy 5'8 120lbs pretty much built like a petite Asian girl smaller than a lot of them even, better off if I could transition but that's another thing altogether. The video 1444 is pretty much gona be the same gruesome way I die unfortunately.
with that being said velocity will be lost when you shorten the barrel. Should not be significant as long as it's 16" and above. Shotguns use slow burning powder and operate at low pressure compared to rifles and even pistols.
Might have to find a shell optimized for short barrel shotguns. I decided on a 1oz 600grain hollow point slug. I'm sure that'll put my miserable ass to rest. You agree think it would be fast and totally painless?
The good news Is I have a way to ensure my parents go to prison for causing this. At the very least they will be forced to lawyer up but my friend will report to the police that My parents caused it hours after im dead. And I'm gonna do it in the bathroom or bedroom to make as large of mess as possible. It's always a good thing to leave a mess for your deadbeat parents to clean up.
I'll get the final laugh that dad will be in prison getting beaten half dead for not caring for his disabled child. Inmates in prison hate pedophiles, snitches and child abusers the worst.
Hope for me that I succeed and that I drop like a sack of bricks after I pull that trigger. Thinking of livestreaming so I'm remembered forever and as a message for parents to take their kids seriously. Give them what they need or they will end up just like me, in a room all alone dead with brains chunks on the floor. Caused by parent neglect.
Especially since my parents are legally obligated to care for me but they won't admit it. Autism is a disability and that's only ONE of the other 6 things I have.
Mainly from yanking me off meds that I desperately need and ignoring physical problems I have like heart problems.
Burn in hell "mom" and "dad" you worthless sacks of shit. Having a skank whore for a mother and a narcissistic father with the mind of a 12 year old is not conducive to a successful life. Both have the mind of a little boy.
With my luck might feel some pain. But as stated the dude with the long hair died pretty fast In the video. What's weird is that I look somewhat similar to him, a skinny small version, except I've always had waist length hair but I'm shaving it bald before I CTB to give me a final "no going back" reason to follow thru and bypass the survival instinct. Plus having all the thick hair out of the way will allow me to better aim towards the brainstem area. And hair is my identity and my personality, cut it off and I'm miserable even if I had Heroin. People always knew me for my hair and its thick wavy pattern, classic hippie/androgynous appearance and I love it.
That video is said to be "cursed" too on the news. Coincidence since I look somewhat similar just better looking. And that's sad actually. People say I look good enough to be a professional model, just to have my brains blown out. It's really sad. I'm living proof "good looks" don't mean shit if you ain't got no money and poor upbringing. Every relationship I've ever had was torn apart by my shit parents not getting a good job and working hard.
Gonna be fucked. Might post my parents address so they get blackmailed and ridiculed for forcing their kid to kill his self. That's on the level of a pedophile if not worse.
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Thank you for sharing. I appreciate you're vulnerability. I could buy a gun from anyone. There's a website I used to get the first gun. They sell to you without a license.
The problem is my dumb ass decided to try and do it under a bridge when I had a warrant for my arrest so the cops stopped me before I got to the bridge.
I have a double barrel shotgun too but my ex father in law took it from me back in 2020 and won't give it back because he knew I wanted to kill myself.
If you have a warrant do it somewhere where no cops will find you before you do it. My parents are so deadbeat they don't care if I kill myself and even offered to buy the gun for me, but I'd rather have my friend buy it.
On a morbid note you could have whiped that 357 sucker out when the police stopped you lmao but that would be a more painful death than shooting yourself in the head. Sometimes I think resisting the shitty ass country we live in is a good feeling. I hate this vile place and I'll burn the flag before I ctb since this shit country is also responsible for my decline as a person. Giving fucking ukraine billions of dollars while the American people suffer. If ya wanna help Ukraine fine but send a couple billion to your own people FIRST. No wonder why we have a opioid epidemic.
Countries like Norway are laughing at us how primitive and pathetic America is. Letting people go homeless and die of preventable disease like tooth abcesses.
Keep your suicidal thoughts to yourself if you live around people who don't understand it. My family doesn't care, my whole family is a wreck of rapists, pedophiles, deadbeats, drug addicts, mental illness, poverty etc. Drugs are fine but take care of your kid first. I'm probably the most pro-drug person there is, all drugs both soft and hard drugs and everything in between, however I will state amphetamines are not sustainable long term, better off as a "treat" so to speak, but opioids and heroin are better for lifelong use. Meth caused me to hear terrifying voices eventually that were hard to get rid of.
Anyways now mainly I'm slowly dying of a tooth abcess. My dad has a 50 grand keyboard but he refuses to sell it and rather me suffer and die instead.
Think I should destroy it before CTB? anyone who puts material things over their dying child is a degenerate piece of filth.
Mind telling me your reason to CTB if you don't mind?
By all means get a shotgun if you can. They are the cheapest guns there are at only 150-300 for a 12 gauge with a 3" chamber for slugs. More than enough power to burst open a human skull and throw the brains onto the floor literally.
Iirc pain signals transfer at 400mph while a slug even out of a short barrel is a bare minimum 1350fps. Longer Barrels with hot loads push 1500+ fps consistently.
I do wish I had a .50 BMG or 300 win mag or .308 with a hollow point though. Better yet nembutal the same procedure used to put animals to sleep, one can dream right?
Make damn sure you aim slightly above the ear toward the brain stem. Never the temple. Like video 1444 but aimed slightly downwards vs upwards like he did. May be splitting hairs though, with a 9mm shot placement is critical, with a 12 gauge you can be slightly off room for error but always aim at the same area. Even if it doesn't hit the brainstem directly the Shockwave and just simply destroying so much brain tissue will cause death. It seems with a 9mm or 357 you have to hit the stem to cause death but a shotgun will blow the whole skull apart making resuscitation impossible. Just dont be an idiot and shoot your face off without hitting the brain (look it up people shoot their face off with their tongue hanging out it looks ridiculous but he lived.) Shotguns aren't foolproof but there's slightly more room for error. Get some benzos for the survival instinct.
Don't know what more else to say. It hurts talking about this because I don't want to die but My parents made living conditions so bad I'm being forced into it. It's fucked.
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