Suicide because I have failed to have my life together

[FireFox]

All i ever wanted was to be happy, have a real meaningful purpose in life, a man who loved me for me and an exciting life with adventure and exploring.

There was so much I wanted to do with my life maybe it wasnt meant to be. The future scares me so much i don't want to see the next 10 years.

I am absolutely disappointed in myself because i have failed to have my life together at 23. I am not young anymore. My youth is gone

How can I celebrate my 24th birthday next month when I have achieved nothing with my life. No career, living with parents in the same neighbourhood I grew up in, single, confused , immature and I have no massive achievements.

Seeing people my age achieving massive things like the forbes under 30 list, Times Magazine features of youth activism and seeing reality TV stars in thier 20s etc. It feel like i have wasted my life not doing big things before 30.

Greta Thunberg has achieved so much in at such a young age. Nadia Whittome is a Member of the Parliament at 23 years old. She is Britians youngest MP.

We live in a culture which constantly magnifies youth success no other generation ever had to put up with this.

If an individual is young and successful society puts that individual on a pedestal.

It is hard not to feel like a loser when people within your age group are doing massive things. In the normal world i see the people i used to attend school and university with having careers, moving house, getting married and doing massive things with thier lives. This is another painful reminder of how I have not progressed with my life .

I have failed to have my life together at 23 and it is so embarrassing. Legally i am adult but have failed to be one. I dont know anything ie how to pay a bill, how to drive and anything adults are expected to know.

I am no one where near where i supposed to be. At 23 I should be in a stable job, a relationship and knowing everything adults are supposed to know.

My family say they are proud of me . I am embarrassment to my family. My family would be devastated if i killed myself but thier lives would be better off without me ie no more worrying about me anymore. I am a loser.

Every day i wish it was me who died covid19. The doctors , nurses and care workers had so much to live for. They were married, had children and above all had a real purpose in life which was to heal.

I am lost individual who walks in confusion and struggles to find her real place in this world. I dont deserve to be alive. People who die are the lucky ones they dont have to deal with life anymore. Why are the perfect people dying who have everything to live for but dysfunctional individuals like myself with nothing going for them still alive. It is not fair. I should be dead.

My real nature is warm, loving, free spirited and unconventional but its not enough for this world. I am too weak for this world.
I cant do it compete with people to get the job , being strong when things arent working out and i am cant stop crying i shouldnt be crying at this age

I am never going to find my real place in this world.

I have failed to be a real adult and failed to have my life together this is the biggest reason why I want to kill myself.

 

[Toptock]

It's ok to feel this way, but you must understand none of it will follow anyone.

Just for comparison, I squandered all my finances, maxed out all the student loans just so I could have fun and enjoy life. Now I can't get a degree because I ran out of money and had to leave school. But you know what? I had fun. I will carry all my happy memories with me. These people have a drive we don't, and that's absolutely ok.
People say you shouldn't compare yourself to others, but it's hard when you actually know people who have that same drive. Nobody ever said they had to, just like nobody said you had to.

You can live in shame of your lack of success, or when you decide to Ctb you can understand that you're moving on to something better. The world is a dark, disturbing place in which some people make their mark while others live in suffering. For every Musk, or Thurnburg, there's a Junko Furuta. The world isn't any sort of narrative in which you NEED to build your beautiful story. Sometimes it's just about exercising your right to have fun and feel good until the good stops.

23 is so young. So young you have no idea. I'd murder my mother to be 23 again. I'm not saying you have no right to feel this way, but you have no right to compare yourself to your friends or those on the forbes list. Most people don't achieve success without manipulation, cunning and subterfuge. If you have feelings of being weak hearted, it's probably because you're somehow trying to fight the idea that the world is a place that you need to fit into.

Let me frame it like this. We're raised to believe you can do great things, but that is assuming the world has a spot for you. If it doesn't then it doesn't. Objectively, the world is a massive place, we're limited by social constructs like finances, ambitions and goals. I never had ambition, but when I think about how massive the universe is, the more I grow comfortable in my failures, because at least I knew what the taste of fun was. I got to make my decisions, and I lived in shame long enough to grow numb to it, and now you can too. I'm still going to go, because there's not much else I can do in this world, and it sounds like you've come to a similar conclusion. But don't let that convince you that your parents have no reason to be proud of you, don't let that convince you that there's not something you can do to pull just a bit more joy out of life.

I'm sorry, sincerely sorry that you're in this position. Please believe me when I say you don't need to blame yourself, or feel as dark as you may be feeling. Sure, the world feels like there's some kind of role they need to fill, but that's self-absorbed of them. I'd sooner die in poverty, knowing the depths of joy that can be felt, than be empty surrounded by shallow friends.

If you still follow your decision, I'll happily greet you on the other side and get you a beer. We'll share stories and become good friends. But breath, and breath fresh, free air. Know that you get the rare opportunity of being in a position of seeing the world from the outside, unburdened by a false narrative put on you by people who tell stories, and elevate the work of others in admiration.

Don't live in shame, embrace who you chose to be, who you worked to be. Love yourself and hold your own hand when it's time to go. Because you are the only one you'll take with you, you're the only thing you'll need to think about.

 

[motel rooms]

How can I celebrate my 24th birthday next month when I have achieved nothing with my life. No career, living with parents in the same neighbourhood I grew up in, single, confused , immature and I have no massive achievements.

Seeing people my age achieving massive things like the forbes under 30 list, Times Magazine features of youth activism and seeing reality TV stars in thier 20s etc. It feel like i have wasted my life not doing big things before 30.

Greta Thunberg has achieved so much in at such a young age. Nadia Whittome is a Member of the Parliament at 23 years old. She is Britians youngest MP.

We live in a culture which constantly magnifies youth success no other generation ever had to put up with this.

If an individual is young and successful society puts that individual on a pedestal.

It is hard not to feel like a loser when people within your age group are doing massive things. In the normal world i see the people i used to attend school and university with having careers, moving house, getting married and doing massive things with thier lives. This is another painful reminder of how I have not progressed with my life .

I have failed to have my life together at 23 and it is so embarrassing. Legally i am adult but have failed to be one. I dont know anything ie how to pay a bill, how to drive and anything adults are expected to know.

I am no one where near where i supposed to be. At 23 I should be in a stable job, a relationship and knowing everything adults are supposed to know.

How about comparing yourself to some regular people? There are 8 billion human beings in this world & by your standards only celebrities are not utterly worthless. I'm sorry, but that's simply ridiculous. Btw, 90 % of the tv & social media "stars" you now think are massive successes will be completely forgotten in a matter of years, if not months lol

 

[Amumu]

This is the part I understand the least about your speech.
So if I understand well you define "achieving things" by "being famous".
But are you aware that 99.99% of people aren't famous?

Ask yourself the appropriate questions:
Why do you want to be famous? Why do you think you need to be famous to be happy?
I understand that people fantasise about love, looks, wealth but why fame?

 

[sunsetintehwoods]

All i ever wanted was to be happy, have a real meaningful purpose in life, a man who loved me for me and an exciting life with adventure and exploring.

Oh, dear, i'm guy but with this specific wording - man can be ok for me too.

But!
My inner critique tell me almost the same.

There is no reason just to compare yourself with everybody success story. I can bet my life(lol) on line that all of that Forbes guys struggle the same existence, shit their pant time to time and pretty couple of them left their brains on the street annually.

I conjure you - hapiness is not about success and knowing how to pay less taxes.

 

[TheSomebody]

How about comparing yourself to some regular people? There are 8 billion human beings in this world & by your standards only celebrities are not utterly worthless. I'm sorry, but that's simply ridiculous. Btw, 90 % of the tv & social media "stars" you now think are massive successes will be completely forgotten in a matter of years, if not months lol

even against regular people, someone with that kind of life will still feel like shit. Achievements like sex, friendship and employment are the basics of life.

 

[motel rooms]

even against regular people, someone with that kind of life will still feel like shit. Achievements like sex, friendship and employment are the basics of life.

One thing's for sure - if you demand perfection of yourself, no amount of achievements will satisfy you. FireFox obviously treats herself like shit for no good reason. My guess would be that some or all of the authority figures in her childhood were fascists who expected her to be perfect. She should try psychotherapy, sometimes it works

 

[bad luck]

Greta Thunberg or whatever you write is a fraud. Her parents are actors and she has had a lot of support behind. She has not achieved it alone. It is a manipulated doll.

 

[FireFox]

One thing's for sure - if you demand perfection of yourself, no amount of achievements will satisfy you. FireFox obviously treats herself like shit for no good reason. My guess would be that some or all of the authority figures in her childhood were fascists who expected her to be perfect. She should try psychotherapy, sometimes it works

All the pressure comes from me. It all comes from me.

When i look in the mirror i see an unattractive female. I have gotten compliments from men and women in the past but they dont see what I see. I hate myself constantly I feel like a failure.

I dont feel young anymore and feel like my life is just gone. I lost my early 20s to depression and i will lose my entire 20s to the pandemic

I wanted to do all these amazing things since leaving school. I am just disappointed i havent got it together.

I have missed on out so much as a teenager ie never having a close circle of friends that most teens have, never having a boyfriend, always being builled at school, struggling to fit in, having one of my friends leave me when they become popular at school and never being invited to cool house parties and concerts.

I was always expecting my 20s to be better. I am just disappointed it isn't .
Once you reach mid twenties everything changes.

 

[motel rooms]

You're definitely too young to declare that your life is broken beyond repair... No offense, but some of your expectations are totally unrealistic. If you think that the average 23-year-old in your country already has a career & a stable relationship, you are delusional. Ask for help, try therapy, you have nothing to lose & a lot of perspective to gain

 

[FireFox]

How about comparing yourself to some regular people? There are 8 billion human beings in this world & by your standards only celebrities are not utterly worthless. I'm sorry, but that's simply ridiculous. Btw, 90 % of the tv & social media "stars" you now think are massive successes will be completely forgotten in a matter of years, if not months lol

Regular people are also doing better than me. The evidence is all around me . This is my life pre pandemic that i am describing below.
This is my reality which is i am a failure and a loser.

Everyone has something good going for them except me.

My university friends went travelling around the world after graduating. My other university friend's were training to be teachers so thier lives are effectively sorted because teaching is a job for life and so stable. After graduating my mental health declined and was constantly struggling to figure my entire life out.

In 2019 I went to a party at my local church.

The people at the party some of them I used to attend school with.
Just seeing my classmates having careers , partners and thier lives all together I feel like have not progressed at all with my life.. One of my classmates she is married at 23 and has a respectable job in PR, another classmate is an NHS doctor, other class mates have stable careers.

One of the women in the church she is asked me what I have been doing lately . I said looking for a job since i graduated university . It is so embarrassing telling people you are looking for work while everyone around you is employed.

Her daughters are studying at the top universities in the UK and are living in different cities.

I went shopping a couple of months later after the party and a girl I used to attend school with recognised me. We were catching up.

She has a baby at 23 and asked me if i have boyfriend. I said no it is just a reminder of how I have not progressed at with my life at all. I always thought i would no longer be single once i reach my 20s.

Just bumping in to my classmates and hearing of how they have made it in life.

People are having all these exciting things in thier lives i am just confused with mine

I want to kill myself because living in this world makes me feel like a loser and not good enough. I cant cope with these feelings anymore.

 

[motel rooms]

You either come from a privileged background & you have no clue what life is like for most 23-year-olds these days or you choose to compare yourself exclusively to people who are currently doing better than you. The bar you have set for yourself is insanely high & you're not thinking clearly. Ask for professional help, start therapy.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

First of all, I just want to say that I'm sorry you have been feeling so ashamed, and like you haven't achieved anything.

We live in a society that emphasizes achievement and tends to downplay or talk less about struggle in a truly honest and candid way, so it's understandable.

What you see in social media and what you're told during brief encounters is a very narrow lense into other people's lives, often through rose-tinted glasses.

People often feel compelled to showcase their "best" selves, but that isn't necessarily who they truly are - it's not reality. People are so eager to avoid discussing struggle and pain, that they scramble to hide it.

That person with a career could be struggling to manage a seemingly neverending workload. It might not be as "secure" as it seems, as zero hour contracts are increasingly widespread, such as in healthcare positions.

The woman who married young could be terrified of being a mother. She could be in an abusive relationship. She could have a massive mortgage already.

Those people already in relationships could be in unhappy relationships, because they'd rather be in an unsuitable relationship than be alone. Maybe some of them secretly wish they could be single for a while.

I'm not saying these statements are definitely true, I'm simply saying you don't know. You don't know these people - you know the person they choose to portray to the world. You don't know their feelings, their fears, their dark secrets, their histories. You only know what they are prepared to let you see, and in my experience, real life is rarely as perfect and fun as people say it is.

What people tell you during a brief catch up at church or at a reunion means very little. No-one is going to say they had a major breakdown last year and got sectioned. No-one is going to admit that their life is falling apart. Most people will try to make everything seem fine. Even I have done this - I have told people I'm doing okay and tried to give examples of things I'm doing, even though I'm suicidal and struggle to eat and shower. But during past social events, no-one would have ever guessed that I'm struggling so much because my public façade was very convincing.

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh dear, I guess telling you something like "You might've failed but you're still on time to change things around" won't work right?
I know what being in hell and faling feels like so, I can relate to your words.

Whatever it happens, you know you can count on me.

Feel free to pm me if you need to talk.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[TheSomebody]

Look at the bright side, at least your parents don't pressure you and are still proud of you. It would be much worse if they were two idiots, who make your life more hellish because you don't meet their expectations.

 

[Bergamot]

I feel the same but,focus on valuing who you are, not what you do. When people look to their accomplishments to validate that they are worthy, their sense of feeling good about themselves rides on those accomplishments. So, if you perform well, you will feel good about yourself. If you perform poorly, your will feel less worthy. But you are more than your accomplishments. Just as every infant is born into this world as a worthy human being, you are worthy just for being you.

 

[motel rooms]

Greta Thunberg or whatever you write is a fraud. Her parents are actors and she has had a lot of support behind. She has not achieved it alone. It is a manipulated doll.

People, please don't be jealous of Greta. Seeing a troubled, lost kid fighting for a lost cause as a success is really silly. Almost as silly as believing that the a-holes who run this world give a rat's ass about the inevitable climate disaster

 

[FireFox]

Look at the bright side, at least your parents don't pressure you and are still proud of you. It would be much worse if they were two idiots, who make your life more hellish because you don't meet their expectations.

My family are happy that I am at home with them but I want a life of my own.

I love my family but I want a life of my own.

They frequently love and care about me but they dont understand my real nature. This is the problem. I am a complex person.

I am someone who loves moving around and i hate being in the same place . I love change in environment for me i embrace it.

Before the pandemic I would go travelling by myself to museums, radical literature book stores, parks etc. I enjoyed travelling on my own.

When I wake up every morning at home I feel like I have not progressed at all with my life at all. I have lived in the same neighbourhood for 23 years. I love my neighbourhood but it gets tiresome seeing the same faces , same shops and being in the same area every day. I want change of scenery and excitement in my life.

I feel like a burden and embarrassment on my family.

When my relatives phone my home and ask my grandmother if am working. My grandmother says no. I feel like I have really let them down.

One time I was talking to my grandmother about this lonely elderly woman in at the local church who is struggling with living on her own .

My grandmother says" living on your own may seem fun at first but it can get lonely "

Living on my own means i can do whatever I want and more say over my life.

My family are always interfering in matters relating to my health ie always asking if had a meal , telling me to take particular vitamins, expressing concern if i lose too much weight. My mum is always telling me to take these vitamins .

I used to have a history of fainting due to lack of eating and doctors diagnosing me as anaemic . I am fine now but my mum is just overreacting

If i don't want to eat and massive argument breaks out. I lie a lot about my eating.

I am fine . I love losing weight and having a smaller frame but I am fine.

You either come from a privileged background & you have no clue what life is like for most 23-year-olds these days or you choose to compare yourself exclusively to people who are currently doing better than you. The bar you have set for yourself is insanely high & you're not thinking clearly. Ask for professional help, start therapy

I always have a plan B and I love having plans because it makes me feel in control and gives me a sense of security which I find comforting. I plan and a plan . I have always been worried about failing.

This is my personality.

My depression started at 21 after my 21st birthday I just felt like my life was an entire failure. The feelings of failure got worse after graduating.

When I graduated from university I didn't have any plans for life after university for the the first time in my life i didnt know what I wanted it absolutely scared me. I always thought i would be in relationship after graduating and have a clear vision for the future.

My classmates had all these cool plans ie going travelling around the world, a new internship in a city, masters degree etc. I didn't know what I wanted and i struggled to cope with life after university. At university i had a purpose and identity as a student now my student identity is gone i just didnt know my place in the world anymore. The months after graduating i just fell apart. The job rejections didnt help either.

Living in this world makes me feel weak and inadequate. I am just stupid, weak and immature. Life is isnt for me at all. The pandemic has shown me i dont belong here in this world. Sucide is best option. I never going to find a man who will love me, i am never going to get a job and i will never find my real place in this world.

I cant talk to my family they dont understand. Everyone in my family is strong and just know how to do everything naturally.

My mum cant relete to my problems at all. My mum is strong and always knows how to do everything you are supposed to know as an adult. My mum is smart anyway.

My family completely reject my argument when i said this.

My grandmother would say " if you're mum was clever she wouldn't have not met your useless father who left her to struggle throughout her life "

Older people forget their lives anyway which is why most parents are awful at listening to their children and dont understand their children at all


We are always told at 18 you are an adult the longer I continue to live past 18th the less younger and younger I feel.

I feel very old turning 24 next month.
I dont see it ever getting better. I hope one day I can forget this period of my life. Older people forget being young especially if they had difficulties .
I hope one day I can forget this period of all of it

 

[FireFox]

Greta Thunberg or whatever you write is a fraud. Her parents are actors and she has had a lot of support behind. She has not achieved it alone. It is a manipulated doll.

A lot of criticism of Greta Thunberg comes from right wing news outlets and cynical older people so i dont really believe she is fraud.

I actually think she genuinely cares about the environment and wants to make the world a better place.

It's ok to feel this way, but you must understand none of it will follow anyone.

Just for comparison, I squandered all my finances, maxed out all the student loans just so I could have fun and enjoy life. Now I can't get a degree because I ran out of money and had to leave school. But you know what? I had fun. I will carry all my happy memories with me. These people have a drive we don't, and that's absolutely ok.
People say you shouldn't compare yourself to others, but it's hard when you actually know people who have that same drive. Nobody ever said they had to, just like nobody said you had to.

You can live in shame of your lack of success, or when you decide to Ctb you can understand that you're moving on to something better. The world is a dark, disturbing place in which some people make their mark while others live in suffering. For every Musk, or Thurnburg, there's a Junko Furuta. The world isn't any sort of narrative in which you NEED to build your beautiful story. Sometimes it's just about exercising your right to have fun and feel good until the good stops.

23 is so young. So young you have no idea. I'd murder my mother to be 23 again. I'm not saying you have no right to feel this way, but you have no right to compare yourself to your friends or those on the forbes list. Most people don't achieve success without manipulation, cunning and subterfuge. If you have feelings of being weak hearted, it's probably because you're somehow trying to fight the idea that the world is a place that you need to fit into.

Let me frame it like this. We're raised to believe you can do great things, but that is assuming the world has a spot for you. If it doesn't then it doesn't. Objectively, the world is a massive place, we're limited by social constructs like finances, ambitions and goals. I never had ambition, but when I think about how massive the universe is, the more I grow comfortable in my failures, because at least I knew what the taste of fun was. I got to make my decisions, and I lived in shame long enough to grow numb to it, and now you can too. I'm still going to go, because there's not much else I can do in this world, and it sounds like you've come to a similar conclusion. But don't let that convince you that your parents have no reason to be proud of you, don't let that convince you that there's not something you can do to pull just a bit more joy out of life.

I'm sorry, sincerely sorry that you're in this position. Please believe me when I say you don't need to blame yourself, or feel as dark as you may be feeling. Sure, the world feels like there's some kind of role they need to fill, but that's self-absorbed of them. I'd sooner die in poverty, knowing the depths of joy that can be felt, than be empty surrounded by shallow friends.

If you still follow your decision, I'll happily greet you on the other side and get you a beer. We'll share stories and become good friends. But breath, and breath fresh, free air. Know that you get the rare opportunity of being in a position of seeing the world from the outside, unburdened by a false narrative put on you by people who tell stories, and elevate the work of others in admiration.

Don't live in shame, embrace who you chose to be, who you worked to be. Love yourself and hold your own hand when it's time to go. Because you are the only one you'll take with you, you're the only thing you'll need to think about.

Is 24 young?

 

[Good4Nothing]

I'm 48 and still haven't got my life together. I'm barely holding on here.
Your 20s are for growing up and trying to fashion the life you want for yourself, trying to figure out who you are and what you want to be. There's no magic button you push to suddenly have everything you want. It takes work. Myself and most of my friends spent our 20s farting around, trying NOT to grow up. It wasn't until most of were in our thirties that things started coming together.

 

[FireFox]

This is the part I understand the least about your speech.
So if I understand well you define "achieving things" by "being famous".
But are you aware that 99.99% of people aren't famous?

Ask yourself the appropriate questions:
Why do you want to be famous? Why do you think you need to be famous to be happy?
I understand that people fantasise about love, looks, wealth but why fame?

I dont want to famous but i feel like we live in a culture which magnifies youth success ... There more awarness and over promotion of famous young people . No other generation ever had to deal with this.
It it is constant reminder how i have wasted my life not doing this massive huge thing before 30.

I am someone who wanted to do something meaningful with thier lives and have an exciting life with adventure.
I missed out so on much as a teenager see so i was always looking forward to life after school.

The pandemic has made me feel so purposeless and ultimately shown me there i have no place in this world. All i ever wanted was a purpose. I can cope without the socialisation but cant cope with not having a purpose.

I am not a hero doctor and nurse. I am not an essential key worker keeping the country going. I am not someones wife or mother. I am not a scientist who discovered the vaccine

I am just nothing. I dont deserve to be alive. All the people who died from covid19 has everything to live for and their lives were just perfect but i have absolutely nothing going for me and I dont know my real place in the world. I am the one that is alive.

If i had a something good to look forward too every day, a man who adored me , a job and my own independence I would no longer find sucide as attractive.

I will want to live . Everything is a mess i want out from this world.

I'm 48 and still haven't got my life together. I'm barely holding on here.
Your 20s are for growing up and trying to fashion the life you want for yourself, trying to figure out who you are and what you want to be. There's no magic button you push to suddenly have everything you want. It takes work. Myself and most of my friends spent our 20s farting around, trying NOT to grow up. It wasn't until most of were in our thirties that things started coming together.

How can I celebrate my birthday next month when every thing is just a mess.
I will be 24 next month and I dont even know who I am anymore . I dont know my place in the world
I dont feel young and I feel very old approaching 24 and beyond.
I am tired of living and dont want to see the next 20 years of my life.

I am not strong for this world.

Why i am alive ? Most of the people who died from covid19 had everything to live for and i am just a confused who doesnt know her place.

The nurses and doctors had so much to live for.

I dont deserve to be alive. I wish covid19 can kill me .

 

[motel rooms]

... ... ...

I can't help but notice you haven't reacted to my suggestion that you ask for professional help & start therapy. Do you know what rumination is? It is the compulsively focused attention on the symptoms of one's distress, as opposed to its solutions - the process of incessantly thinking the same negative thoughts. You definitely suffer from it (you keep repeating the same 5-10 thoughts from your 1st post) & only a therapist can help you.

 

[SweetDreams500]

I feel the *exact* same way. The guilt I feel because of my failure to have achieved anything is insurmountable.

 

[bad luck]

A lot of criticism of Greta Thunberg comes from right wing news outlets and cynical older people so i dont really believe she is fraud.

I actually think she genuinely cares about the environment and wants to make the world a better place.

Is 24 young?

Behind Greta there are many interests and many organizations that are not exactly environmental in nature. I don't want to start a debate about it, but look further, do your research. Not all his detractors are right-wing people. All the best.

 

[Aeathelina]

26 and I truly feel like I've failed in life in every form. No higher education, no love, have nothing of my own.
Those younger than me are achieving their independence but I'm just existing. Just tired of living because I never expected to live to see this age

 

[lonerclown666]

I hope I die before I turn 23 I couldn't stand to be a 23 year old virgin