Suicide attempt. Not what I expected

[Cornelius777]

I wanted to share my experience.
So I mixed alcohol with a combination of pills and went to sleep. Just like that. A spontaneous attempt.
I've been fantasizing about suicide for more than ten years. I have had two attempts, and the recent one was more serious. I still think there is not much for me in this life, and the struggle of living with mental illness is fucking hell but...
The next morning I went to the hospital. I was sick and nauseous, my vision was going black. etc. I wasn't thinking too much about anything, I just felt sad about my boyfriend who was crying his eyes out and shaking from stress. So we went to the doctor and my bf showed him the two boxes of pills I used, to which the doc replied that there is no way I ate it all because I would be dead If I had. In other words, I was just a few pills away from death. He was right, one of the boxes was only half full... A few freaking pills away from death.

"You'd be cold and not moving If you had drank all of these."
After hearing this sentence my feet got cold and I felt a wave of sickness sweep over me. I couldn't look my boyfriend in the eyes...
I think no matter how much you think you want to die, you don't. Somewhere inside you, you understand that it is wrong, unnatural...
I'm still suicidal, but I have changed my mind about the whole thing. Like it or not it is a sickness... and if it's a sickness, you can cure it.

 

[tinyghost]

im so sorry you went through that. attempts are hell. for some people a suicide attempt makes them more motivated to stay alive but in my case i was planning my next attempt as soon as i was released from the hospital. from the moment i woke up after failure, i wanted to be dead and it never went away. i dont think everyone secretly wants to live deep down.

 

[AnonymousL]

Your body is programmed to have a survival instinct. That doesn't mean u don't want to actually die.

It depends on the person.

 

[Germanicus]

So I mixed alcohol with a combination of pills and went to sleep.

What pills did you take?

 

[Cornelius777]

What pills did you take?

yeah, like I want someone's death on my shoulders. Look for your own methods.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm not sure if you're just speaking about your personal feelings but if you are speaking about other people as well by using "you", then just because you feel a certain way about your own situation doesn't mean that this applies to other people.
As in my case existence is the problem and wishing to be permanently relieved from all future suffering is all that makes sense to me, I'd always prefer to not exist.

 

[gods_lonely_man]

I think no matter how much you think you want to die, you don't. Somewhere inside you, you understand that it is wrong, unnatural...
I'm still suicidal, but I have changed my mind about the whole thing. Like it or not it is a sickness... and if it's a sickness, you can cure it.

i know youre speaking on your personal experience but as someone with a failed ctb attempt that according to the doctors i shouldnt have survived i can say that i genuinely want to die.
i am not afraid of death. i remember in the hour or so after that attempt before i passed out and woke up in hospital was blissful, i still see it as the best time of my life. i was prepared for SI to take over once i had done it and started dying so i took measures to try to not let it interfere but i was surprised by just how at peace i was with my own death. it was so serene, probably the only time i can remember feeling at peace. what will always stick with me was just thinking im dying!....im dying is how it felt when the panic melted away once i realised it was finally going to be over and i cant describe the feeling other than complete peace
however i do recognise that my experience is not common as SI and the pathological fear of death is a biological mechanism hardwired into man

wishing anyone reading this the best in life and death :)

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

Like it or not it is a sickness... and if it's a sickness, you can cure it.

Not every sickness in this world is curable. If suicide was a "sickness", a curable one on top of that, suicide rates wouldn't be constantly getting higher every single year.

 

[Klophy]

Huh, my attempt didn't result in some new lease on life. Can you put a name on the feeling? Do you think seeing your boyfriends reaction played a big role?

I can see that last sentence ruffling a few feathers on this site, certainly ruffled mine! Still, i'm glad you've got a more positive outlook regarding your wellbeing.

 

[Germanicus]

yeah, like I want someone's death on my shoulders. Look for your own methods.

The whole point of this place is to exchange ideas... I think you're full of shit, you didn't attempt.

 

[Meditation guide]

I think no matter how much you think you want to die, you don't. Somewhere inside you, you understand that it is wrong, unnatural...
I'm still suicidal, but I have changed my mind about the whole thing. Like it or not it is a sickness... and if it's a sickness, you can cure it.

I really do want to die. No it's not wrong or unnatural. What my problems are can be cured by death. You are entitled to your opinion but you can only speak for yourself, not the rest of us.

 

[Abyssal]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I felt similar once when I was found by my father. There's a level of not quite guilt but expectation I had for myself to convince everyone I had made a mistake and would get better. I know it's somewhat hypocritical of me because I'm still here and planning, but I feel that you should try and channel that exposure into recovery. I did get better for a couple years following my past attempt, I think you may have what it takes to find happiness if just for a bit longer.

 

[Life_and_Death]

The whole point of this place is to exchange ideas... I think you're full of shit, you didn't attempt.

not everyone is comfortable with assisting others. ive seen lots of people on this site say theyre not comfortable with helping someone kill themselves as that is assisted suicide, so illegal and can weight extremely heavily on a person.
this site isnt to "exchange ideas" its a place to find comfort and peace when youre at your lowest.
just because someone isnt comfortable sharing doesnt make them a fake.

 

[Germanicus]

not everyone is comfortable with assisting others. helping someone kill themselves as that is assisted suicide, so illegal and can weight extremely heavily on a person.
this site isnt to "exchange ideas" its a place to find comfort and peace when youre at your lowest.

There is a literal handbook so, yes, exchanging ideas is part of it.
No, it isn't "assisted suicide" to name a pill.
I find their story suspicious.

 

[tunnelV]

I don't actually want to die. I want to end suffering. I'm not going to pretend to understand those who have money and a good family wanting to do it. I understand why I turned out this way. I've had a shitty life and just dislike most people now. My brain has been destroyed due to all of the collective bad experiences.

 

[Life_and_Death]

part of it.

PART of it, not ALL of it. they have zero obligation to tell you anything

I find their story suspicious.

thats perfectly fine, youre allowed to have your own opinion. but theres a saying, if you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all. if what they are saying is true, they dont need someone kicking them when theyre down

I find their story suspicious.

thats perfectly fine, youre allowed to have your own opinion. but theres a saying, if you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all. if what they are saying is true, they dont need someone kicking them when theyre down

 

[Orange Cat]

Suicide is not as simple as you are making it out to be. In order to be cured of suicidal thoughts, the root cause would have to be identified and solved. The reason is different for everyone. Suicide isn't considered a mental illness in itself or something easily cured.

 

[Cornelius777]

Your body is programmed to have a survival instinct. That doesn't mean u don't want to actually die.

It depends on the person.

Not every sickness in this world is curable. If suicide was a "sickness", a curable one on top of that, suicide rates wouldn't be constantly getting higher every single year.

Why are you all so desperate to prove me wrong?
I wrote this message for those who want to get better, not for people like you who try to contribute to the problem. I have 10+ years of experience with HEAVY depression. I know what I'm talking about.
People are killing themselves, and always will be, because this world is messed up beyond fixing. A lot of people live tough lives, they have no support... they end their lives, I understand that... I'm trying to say that suicide is not the answer for everyone. There are people who have a lot of potential in them to do good in the world, they have a chance to get help.

Yes. It depends on the person.

Suicide is not as simple as you are making it out to be. In order to be cured of suicidal thoughts, the root cause would have to be identified and solved. The reason is different for everyone. Suicide isn't considered a mental illness in itself or something easily c

I think no matter how much you think you want to die, you don't. Somewhere inside you, you understand that it is wrong, unnatural...
I'm still suicidal, but I have changed my mind about the whole thing. Like it or not it is a sickness... and if it's a sickness, you can cure it.

I really do want to die. No it's not wrong or unnatural. What my problems are can be cured by death. You are entitled to your opinion but you can only speak for yourself, not the rest of us.

In no way I am speaking for others. Actually, looking at the responses here I see I have offended quite a lot of people. I already wrote in one comment how I get it. People are born sick, unfit, poor, alone, abused... I understand why people want to die... and sadly it will happen again and again... I also still fight suicidal feelings! I still remain strong that you can always get help... burn down everything that is pinning you down, if there is nothing to lose, just go for life... then again If you are depressed there is nothing you want, you lie in bed just wishing to die... I'm not here to offend anyone... shit, I thought I would at least fit among suicidal people... turns out I was wrong.
All in all, feel your pain and I wish you the best. hugs.

I'm not sure if you're just speaking about your personal feelings but if you are speaking about other people as well by using "you", then just because you feel a certain way about your own situation doesn't mean that this applies to other people.
As in my case existence is the problem and wishing to be permanently relieved from all future suffering is all that makes sense to me, I'd always prefer to not exist.

Why are you all so offended? Do you think I just did suicide for fun and then came here to write about it?
I know what it's like to have a hard life, I know how it is to not be wanted anywhere, to be bullied, to be a loser, to be alone, to be depressed, and to have psychotic breaks. I still want to die. I'm just saying that I would like to get better... will that happen? Probably no. But I wrote this as an inspiration for people who want to get better.
I'm sorry I'm just pissed that there are so many people talking as if my experience was fake, Im an idiot and I don't know what I'm talking about. You don't know anything about my life and views.

It depends on the person.

 

[Anon7b8]

Why are you all so desperate to prove me wrong?

I get you, just that i think you're in the wrong part of the forum, there's a recovery section. For those who want to get better and are getting better.

 

[Cornelius777]

I get you, just that i think you're in the wrong part of the forum, there's a recovery section. For those who want to get better and are getting better.

You could have started with that.
Best wishes

 

[suicidestyle]

The whole point of this place is to exchange ideas... I think you're full of shit, you didn't attempt.

hey man, i think everyone has their own thoughts on this, because original poster didnt share the pills they used doesnt mean anything, they may not be comfortable with it. please keep this a comfortable place for everyones experiences and preferences.

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

Why are you all so desperate to prove me wrong?

You can have your opinion and people are allowed to disagree with it.

I wrote this message for those who want to get better, not for people like you who try to contribute to the problem.

You're typing it all in "Suicide Discussions", no1 here wants to listen to toxic positivity about "how life is great and it will get better". People look for understanding and someone to relate here. There's "Recovery" section for those who see suicide as a "problem" as you called it. Most people on this side of the forum have similar view on suicide as me and by saying that I "contribute to the problem" by not being pro-life insults not only me but most members. The way you said it also reminds me about BBC article about Lamarcus Small. About how all people on this site are awful murderes until they ctb - then they become victims.

I have 10+ years of experience with HEAVY depression. I know what I'm talking about.

No1 shares your thoughts and feelings, this is your experience and your journey. You can't speak for every1 because something worked out for you the way it did. There is no 1 magic cure for every person in the world. You saying that you know what you're talking about proves just how ignorant you are to other people's feelings.

People are killing themselves, and always will be, because this world is messed up beyond fixing. A lot of people live tough lives, they have no support... they end their lives, I understand that... I'm trying to say that suicide is not the answer for everyone. There are people who have a lot of potential in them to do good in the world, they have a chance to get help.

In your original post you talked about how suicide in general is a sickness and can get cured. You generalised again when saying that every1 wants to live no matter what they think. You called it wrong and unnatural when death itself is part of our lives and every1 should have a choice over ending it on their own terms instead of being forced to continue their suffering.

I don't quite understand how you could choose this wording and yet you seem not to understand what is that made other people angry about it. You came to safe place for suicidal people, insulted them and belittled their feelings/ way of thinking and acted all surprised when got negative response. What exactly did you expect?

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I wanted to share my experience.
So I mixed alcohol with a combination of pills and went to sleep. Just like that. A spontaneous attempt.
I've been fantasizing about suicide for more than ten years. I have had two attempts, and the recent one was more serious. I still think there is not much for me in this life, and the struggle of living with mental illness is fucking hell but...
The next morning I went to the hospital. I was sick and nauseous, my vision was going black. etc. I wasn't thinking too much about anything, I just felt sad about my boyfriend who was crying his eyes out and shaking from stress. So we went to the doctor and my bf showed him the two boxes of pills I used, to which the doc replied that there is no way I ate it all because I would be dead If I had. In other words, I was just a few pills away from death. He was right, one of the boxes was only half full... A few freaking pills away from death.

"You'd be cold and not moving If you had drank all of these."
After hearing this sentence my feet got cold and I felt a wave of sickness sweep over me. I couldn't look my boyfriend in the eyes...
I think no matter how much you think you want to die, you don't. Somewhere inside you, you understand that it is wrong, unnatural...
I'm still suicidal, but I have changed my mind about the whole thing. Like it or not it is a sickness... and if it's a sickness, you can cure it.

With all do respect, I do agree 100% it is a sickness, however... I don't think there's a cure. If so we wouldn't have pedophiles in this world ether.

 

[Germanicus]

PART of it, not ALL of it. they have zero obligation to tell you anything

hey man, i think everyone has their own thoughts on this, because original poster didnt share the pills they used doesnt mean anything, they may not be comfortable with it. please keep this a comfortable place for everyones experiences and preferences.

Not sharing the pills is not my main issue with og, it's the story I don't buy. But whatever, you're right, I'll be more respectful.

 

[Meditation guide]

Not sharing the pills is not my main issue with og, it's the story I don't buy. But whatever, you're right, I'll be more respectful.

I have a problem with it too so just to let you know you're not alone in your opinion.