Discussion Suicide as a sacrifice, a way to make people care.

[martina]

My girlfriend of four years and I had a horrible breakup and fall-out, which was only worsened when i found out she cheated on me with one of her friends. They've been dating for a couple months now, and I can't stop thinking about them going out, kissing, spending time together, having awesome sex, doing all the things I used to do with her. Honestly I find it absolutely fucking repulsive, it's life ruining it really is. Before I discovered the cheating, I tried my best to remain as friends and she would often offer to ''help'' me, but everytime I attempted to do so her response would be dry at best, and sometimes nonexistant. Hell, she would sometimes bring up her new fucking guy and talk about him as if it had anything to do with our conversation. She hasn't cared about my mental health whatsoever after the breakup, she does not give a fuck about me or my life.

I've always been a very depressive and mentally ill person, and of course the breakup (and especially the months of absolute carelessness that ensued after it happened) has left me even more broken than usual. A lot of cancelled suicide attempts, self-harm, pushing my friends away, making a fucking sactioned suicide account, and having tons of sexist and misogynystic thoughts (it's stupid self-hatred really, as I'm a trans girl). Not only because I'm sad it's over, but also because she does NOT care, as I've said before.

But a few days ago I had a pretty clever idea, if I say so myself. I'll just force her to care!

I'd kill myself as the ultimate sacrifice, an attempt at revenge, and a great punishment for cheating on me, and especially for not caring at all until after I killed myself. People like this only tend to care after they realize how grave their mistake is, and I'm sure this is what would make her wake up in that regard. It'd scar her FOREVER. I don't want to hurt her physically at all (though I'll admit I've had dreams of slapping her boyfriend, I HATE that guy), but emotional damage is something she absolutely deserves after all she put me through, and I want to give it to her so bad. Calling her horrible things is not enough, saying she's a slut and a disgusting whore is not enough, saying I hate her is NOT enough. I want to seriously hurt her and hurting myself REAL bad is one hell of a way to do it. Just letting those two dumbasses know I killed myself BECAUSE of them... it's just, wow. Gives me a rush just thinking about it.

What do you guys think? Have you ever had similar thoughts like this?

 

[theboy]

Will you leave a note to let her know?

 

[sunnydaysahead]

My girlfriend of four years and I had a horrible breakup and fall-out, which was only worsened when i found out she cheated on me with one of her friends. They've been dating for a couple months now, and I can't stop thinking about them going out, kissing, spending time together, having awesome sex, doing all the things I used to do with her. Honestly I find it absolutely fucking repulsive, it's life ruining it really is. Before I discovered the cheating, I tried my best to remain as friends and she would often offer to ''help'' me, but everytime I attempted to do so her response would be dry at best, and sometimes nonexistant. Hell, she would sometimes bring up her new fucking guy and talk about him as if it had anything to do with our conversation. She hasn't cared about my mental health whatsoever after the breakup, she does not give a fuck about me or my life.

I've always been a very depressive and mentally ill person, and of course the breakup (and especially the months of absolute carelessness that ensued after it happened) has left me even more broken than usual. A lot of cancelled suicide attempts, self-harm, pushing my friends away, making a fucking sactioned suicide account, and having tons of sexist and misogynystic thoughts (it's stupid self-hatred really, as I'm a trans girl). Not only because I'm sad it's over, but also because she does NOT care, as I've said before.

But a few days ago I had a pretty clever idea, if I say so myself. I'll just force her to care!

I'd kill myself as the ultimate sacrifice, an attempt at revenge, and a great punishment for cheating on me, and especially for not caring at all until after I killed myself. People like this only tend to care after they realize how grave their mistake is, and I'm sure this is what would make her wake up in that regard. It'd scar her FOREVER. I don't want to hurt her physically at all (though I'll admit I've had dreams of slapping her boyfriend, I HATE that guy), but emotional damage is something she absolutely deserves after all she put me through, and I want to give it to her so bad. Calling her horrible things is not enough, saying she's a slut and a disgusting whore is not enough, saying I hate her is NOT enough. I want to seriously hurt her and hurting myself REAL bad is one hell of a way to do it. Just letting those two dumbasses know I killed myself BECAUSE of them... it's just, wow. Gives me a rush just thinking about it.

What do you guys think? Have you ever had similar thoughts like this?

I think about killing myself as a way of sacrifice a lot. I think you'd have a 50/50 chance of her caring (not because you're a bad person, but because she may have absolutely no empathy.) You wouldn't know if you hurt her or not, because you're dead. I suppose it wouldn't matter a whole lot, since like I said you're dead. I have the same feelings about hurting my grandparents for not accepting me, but I think about it for a second, and I'm not sure if they deserve it. I think that maybe killing yourself would not matter to her, because she sounds pretty evil. Just keep this in mind. I wish you good luck either way you go.

 

[martina]

Will you leave a note to let her know?

i'm not sure it's entirely neccessary really. she's well aware of how i feel and how much this whole ordeal has affected me. i mean one of her latest tweets is "damn bitch get over me" lol

I would love for someone in her family to give her the news about my passing. Maybe her mom, since she's a very emotional person and there'd be a lot of tears involved. Would be absolutely fucking brutal

 

[pleaserethink]

My girlfriend of four years and I had a horrible breakup and fall-out, which was only worsened when i found out she cheated on me with one of her friends. They've been dating for a couple months now, and I can't stop thinking about them going out, kissing, spending time together, having awesome sex, doing all the things I used to do with her. Honestly I find it absolutely fucking repulsive, it's life ruining it really is. Before I discovered the cheating, I tried my best to remain as friends and she would often offer to ''help'' me, but everytime I attempted to do so her response would be dry at best, and sometimes nonexistant. Hell, she would sometimes bring up her new fucking guy and talk about him as if it had anything to do with our conversation. She hasn't cared about my mental health whatsoever after the breakup, she does not give a fuck about me or my life.

I've always been a very depressive and mentally ill person, and of course the breakup (and especially the months of absolute carelessness that ensued after it happened) has left me even more broken than usual. A lot of cancelled suicide attempts, self-harm, pushing my friends away, making a fucking sactioned suicide account, and having tons of sexist and misogynystic thoughts (it's stupid self-hatred really, as I'm a trans girl). Not only because I'm sad it's over, but also because she does NOT care, as I've said before.

But a few days ago I had a pretty clever idea, if I say so myself. I'll just force her to care!

I'd kill myself as the ultimate sacrifice, an attempt at revenge, and a great punishment for cheating on me, and especially for not caring at all until after I killed myself. People like this only tend to care after they realize how grave their mistake is, and I'm sure this is what would make her wake up in that regard. It'd scar her FOREVER. I don't want to hurt her physically at all (though I'll admit I've had dreams of slapping her boyfriend, I HATE that guy), but emotional damage is something she absolutely deserves after all she put me through, and I want to give it to her so bad. Calling her horrible things is not enough, saying she's a slut and a disgusting whore is not enough, saying I hate her is NOT enough. I want to seriously hurt her and hurting myself REAL bad is one hell of a way to do it. Just letting those two dumbasses know I killed myself BECAUSE of them... it's just, wow. Gives me a rush just thinking about it.

What do you guys think? Have you ever had similar thoughts like this?

i think that if you want to end it and you are 100% sure about it that's up to you. Blaming it on others/ trying to punish people seems a bit silly to me. I can understand how you would feel that way. I personally believe that people are allowed to make mistakes, this does not excuse their behaviour obviously. Revenge only sometimes feels good and especially when you're going to ctb anyway you're not going to have slim chance of actually enjoying your "revenge".
This might probably fall on some deaf ears and that's okay but imho the best revenge on people like you describe is cutting contact to a degree and then work on yourself/your goals/ whatever drives you or makes you happy to show the people you don't care about them or what they did to you anymore. Slippery slope that is though.
Best of luck to you anyhow, hope life turns around for you!

Peace & love to everyone

i'm not sure it's entirely neccessary really. she's well aware of how i feel and how much this whole ordeal has affected me. i mean one of her latest tweets is "damn bitch get over me" lol

I would love for someone in her family to give her the news about my passing. Maybe her mom, since she's a very emotional person and there'd be a lot of tears involved. Would be absolutely fucking brutal

She deffo sounds childish af tho. I can see how this would make for an awful human and bad experiences mingling with those. I still stand by my other post though.

Peace & love to everyone

 

[martina]

I think about killing myself as a way of sacrifice a lot. I think you'd have a 50/50 chance of her caring (not because you're a bad person, but because she may have absolutely no empathy.) You wouldn't know if you hurt her or not, because you're dead. I suppose it wouldn't matter a whole lot, since like I said you're dead. I have the same feelings about hurting my grandparents for not accepting me, but I think about it for a second, and I'm not sure if they deserve it. I think that maybe killing yourself would not matter to her, because she sounds pretty evil. Just keep this in mind. I wish you good luck either way you go.

yeah, there's a big chance it wont really matter to her especifically, but her family and probably her boyfriend would be very sad about it. Like i'm definitely gonna be a big topic of discussion in that household no matter what. I don't want her family to suffer because they're genuinely nice people, BUT if she were to see her parents suffer than maybe she'll suffer as well! I just know i'd cause a big shakeup there. No one could ever say my name again.

 

[TransMagical]

My girlfriend of four years and I had a horrible breakup and fall-out, which was only worsened when i found out she cheated on me with one of her friends. They've been dating for a couple months now, and I can't stop thinking about them going out, kissing, spending time together, having awesome sex, doing all the things I used to do with her. Honestly I find it absolutely fucking repulsive, it's life ruining it really is. Before I discovered the cheating, I tried my best to remain as friends and she would often offer to ''help'' me, but everytime I attempted to do so her response would be dry at best, and sometimes nonexistant. Hell, she would sometimes bring up her new fucking guy and talk about him as if it had anything to do with our conversation. She hasn't cared about my mental health whatsoever after the breakup, she does not give a fuck about me or my life.

I've always been a very depressive and mentally ill person, and of course the breakup (and especially the months of absolute carelessness that ensued after it happened) has left me even more broken than usual. A lot of cancelled suicide attempts, self-harm, pushing my friends away, making a fucking sactioned suicide account, and having tons of sexist and misogynystic thoughts (it's stupid self-hatred really, as I'm a trans girl). Not only because I'm sad it's over, but also because she does NOT care, as I've said before.

But a few days ago I had a pretty clever idea, if I say so myself. I'll just force her to care!

I'd kill myself as the ultimate sacrifice, an attempt at revenge, and a great punishment for cheating on me, and especially for not caring at all until after I killed myself. People like this only tend to care after they realize how grave their mistake is, and I'm sure this is what would make her wake up in that regard. It'd scar her FOREVER. I don't want to hurt her physically at all (though I'll admit I've had dreams of slapping her boyfriend, I HATE that guy), but emotional damage is something she absolutely deserves after all she put me through, and I want to give it to her so bad. Calling her horrible things is not enough, saying she's a slut and a disgusting whore is not enough, saying I hate her is NOT enough. I want to seriously hurt her and hurting myself REAL bad is one hell of a way to do it. Just letting those two dumbasses know I killed myself BECAUSE of them... it's just, wow. Gives me a rush just thinking about it.

What do you guys think? Have you ever had similar thoughts like this?

As someone with O.L.D, I have thought of doing it as revenge when I get rejecting many times.
But I didnt, mainly as I thought "I dont feel empathy for my actions(I feel *some* for actions but not much), why would they feel empathy if they made me do this?"
And I didnt know how I would commit.

If you need to vent Im here, just pm me.

 

[martina]

i think that if you want to end it and you are 100% sure about it that's up to you. Blaming it on others/ trying to punish people seems a bit silly to me. I can understand how you would feel that way. I personally believe that people are allowed to make mistakes, this does not excuse their behaviour obviously. Revenge only sometimes feels good and especially when you're going to ctb anyway you're not going to have slim chance of actually enjoying your "revenge".
This might probably fall on some deaf ears and that's okay but imho the best revenge on people like you describe is cutting contact to a degree and then work on yourself/your goals/ whatever drives you or makes you happy to show the people you don't care about them or what they did to you anymore. Slippery slope that is though.
Best of luck to you anyhow, hope life turns around for you!

Peace & love to everyone

She deffo sounds childish af tho. I can see how this would make for an awful human and bad experiences mingling with those. I still stand by my other post though.

Peace & love to everyone

Of course I still have plans for my future. I'm still working on my projects, making art, and TRYING to get out of this hole everyday. There IS a chance I might pull through and get to shove all my success and happiness in that bitch's face. Really the whole suicide thing is more of a plan B thing I love fantasizing about, usually when I'm in an especially dark moment like right now. It definitely is a little childish if we're being honest, but im also just in LOVE with the idea - I keep imagining what it would look like in my head. It makes me feel powerful, when I mostly feel powerless and weak most of the day.

 

[theboy]

i'm not sure it's entirely neccessary really. she's well aware of how i feel and how much this whole ordeal has affected me. i mean one of her latest tweets is "damn bitch get over me" lol

I would love for someone in her family to give her the news about my passing. Maybe her mom, since she's a very emotional person and there'd be a lot of tears involved. Would be absolutely fucking brutal

Some sociologists postulate that the CTB is a revenge of the individual on a cruel society

I don't think you should do this because your emotions are too strong, which prevents you from thinking rationally. It is difficult to recover from a breakup but it can be done with help

I am not lying to you. I have also thought about doing CTB as revenge but I think it would cause more harm to those who are not involved

 

[pleaserethink]

Of course I still have plans for my future. I'm still working on my projects, making art, and TRYING to get out of this hole everyday. There IS a chance I might pull through and get to shove all my success and happiness in that bitch's face. Really the whole suicide thing is more of a plan B thing I love fantasizing about, usually when I'm in an especially dark moment like right now. It definitely is a little childish if we're being honest, but im also just in LOVE with the idea - I keep imagining what it would look like in my head. It makes me feel powerful, when I mostly feel powerless and weak most of the day.

Your message made me light up a bit my friend :)
Seems like you got yourself a little fantasy to help you get through the dark times and that's perfectly fine!
Hope the rocky road get's smoother for you sooner than later and sometimes negative emotion can help you pull through really tough times, remember that!
I'll hopefully be allowed to DM sometime in the future , i'd love to see the art you work on if you're willing to share!
have a wonderful night my friend


Peace & love to everyone!

Some sociologists postulate that the CTB is a revenge of the individual on a cruel society

I don't think you should do this because your emotions are too strong, which prevents you from thinking rationally. It is difficult to recover from a breakup but it can be done with help

I am not lying to you. I have also thought about doing CTB as revenge but I think it would cause more harm to those who are not involved

Bless you my friend. Got sources for that? Would love to read up on that one

Peace & love to everyone!

 

[martina]

As someone with O.L.D, I have thought of doing it as revenge when I get rejecting many times.
But I didnt, mainly as I thought "I dont feel empathy for my actions(I feel *some* for actions but not much), why would they feel empathy if they made me do this?"
And I didnt know how I would commit.

If you need to vent Im here, just pm me.

well all people are different really, and they'd react in a variety of ways. Most will cry, some will be a little bummed, and a few wouldn't care. It's really more about how the closest people would react, the people you know are basically guaranteed to mourn you if you were to go away forever.

What's O.L.D, by the way?

 

[TransMagical]

well all people are different really, and they'd react in a variety of ways. Most will cry, some will be a little bummed, and a few wouldn't care. It's really more about how the closest people would react, the people you know are basically guaranteed to mourn you if you were to go away forever.

What's O.L.D, by the way?

Obsessive love disorder.


Aka im a mini yandere [I dont like that term, but a exfriend called me "yancake", so I go with it to remeber them (Idk em irl, but if they were truthful/requests were followed on what happens with there body after death, turned to ash and sent to space. Real thing that ppl can pay for), so yeah it stuck with me].

 

[jodes2]

It doesn't seem like a good idea to me. After what she did, she's obviously not going to make a big deal of your death. It would be more sensible just to move on and try and live a better life without you. She's just in the honeymoon phase with her partner, things will wear off, don't worry. You can do the same once you heal. Don't do anything rash, it's not worth it. I know you're super angry. But you need to find healthy ways of dealing with this. Go on a dating app or site. Meet people. Go out and try to have fun. Don't dwell in misery.

 

[Sapphire]

I'm sorry about your girlfriend cheating on you, but she isn't worth dying over. It's not a good idea to try to get revenge on someone by killing yourself. You may think that your ex and her new boyfriend will blame themselves and feel guilty for your death, but they most likely won't blame themselves. They will just move on with their lives. They will be happy, and you will be dead.

 

[martina]

It doesn't seem like a good idea to me. After what she did, she's obviously not going to make a big deal of your death. It would be more sensible just to move on and try and live a better life without you. She's just in the honeymoon phase with her partner, things will wear off, don't worry. You can do the same once you heal. Don't do anything rash, it's not worth it. I know you're super angry. But you need to find healthy ways of dealing with this. Go on a dating app or site. Meet people. Go out and try to have fun. Don't dwell in misery.

She'll be at least a little bit bummed in the worse case scenario, but I'm sure i would affect her surroundings greatly. Her parents still love me, her boyfriend would have to be very weary around her going forward, and the mood of everyone around her would get worse. And then, maybe she'll be sad as well. So even if she's not sad directly, those feelings will eventually come. Shock, sadness, and then guilt will come. I won't live to see it of course, but I find comfort in knowing I'd fuck her up in one way or another when all is said and done.

Like i told @pleaserethink , i am still actively trying to push all these goddamn feelings away and work around them. This is just an insane sick fantasy I have that I could do on a really, really bad day. Or maybe not

 

[jodes2]

She'll be at least a little bit bummed in the worse case scenario, but I'm sure i would affect her surroundings greatly. Her parents still love me, her boyfriend would have to be very weary around her going forward, and the mood of everyone around her would get worse. And then, maybe she'll be sad as well. So even if she's not sad directly, those feelings will eventually come. Shock, sadness, and then guilt will come. I won't live to see it of course, but I find comfort in knowing I'd fuck her up in one way or another when all is said and done.

Like i told @pleaserethink , i am still actively trying to push all these goddamn feelings away and work around them. This is just an insane sick fantasy I have that I could do on a really, really bad day. Or maybe not

I still think it's being optimistic that it would affect her that negatively. I don't think suicides have that much effect in this way. On the other hand, your family would be devastated

 

[martina]

I'm sorry about your girlfriend cheating on you, but she isn't worth dying over. It's not a good idea to try to get revenge on someone by killing yourself. You may think that your ex and her new boyfriend will blame themselves and feel guilty for your death, but they most likely won't blame themselves. They will just move on with their lives. They will be happy, and you will be dead.

Yeah they're very much aware of my mental instability, and there's a chance they'll blame that aspect of me before they even realize what they're responsible for. Honestly thinking about it makes me hate them even more

I love the phrase ''she isn't worth dying over''. I really want to take it into consideration.

 

[starbright2155]

My girlfriend of four years and I had a horrible breakup and fall-out, which was only worsened when i found out she cheated on me with one of her friends. They've been dating for a couple months now, and I can't stop thinking about them going out, kissing, spending time together, having awesome sex, doing all the things I used to do with her. Honestly I find it absolutely fucking repulsive, it's life ruining it really is. Before I discovered the cheating, I tried my best to remain as friends and she would often offer to ''help'' me, but everytime I attempted to do so her response would be dry at best, and sometimes nonexistant. Hell, she would sometimes bring up her new fucking guy and talk about him as if it had anything to do with our conversation. She hasn't cared about my mental health whatsoever after the breakup, she does not give a fuck about me or my life.

I've always been a very depressive and mentally ill person, and of course the breakup (and especially the months of absolute carelessness that ensued after it happened) has left me even more broken than usual. A lot of cancelled suicide attempts, self-harm, pushing my friends away, making a fucking sactioned suicide account, and having tons of sexist and misogynystic thoughts (it's stupid self-hatred really, as I'm a trans girl). Not only because I'm sad it's over, but also because she does NOT care, as I've said before.

But a few days ago I had a pretty clever idea, if I say so myself. I'll just force her to care!

I'd kill myself as the ultimate sacrifice, an attempt at revenge, and a great punishment for cheating on me, and especially for not caring at all until after I killed myself. People like this only tend to care after they realize how grave their mistake is, and I'm sure this is what would make her wake up in that regard. It'd scar her FOREVER. I don't want to hurt her physically at all (though I'll admit I've had dreams of slapping her boyfriend, I HATE that guy), but emotional damage is something she absolutely deserves after all she put me through, and I want to give it to her so bad. Calling her horrible things is not enough, saying she's a slut and a disgusting whore is not enough, saying I hate her is NOT enough. I want to seriously hurt her and hurting myself REAL bad is one hell of a way to do it. Just letting those two dumbasses know I killed myself BECAUSE of them... it's just, wow. Gives me a rush just thinking about it.

What do you guys think? Have you ever had similar thoughts like this?

Yes, I've had very similar thoughts. However, at the risk of sounding like I'm minimizing your issue -- I promise I'm not -- fighting fire with fire will only create a bigger fire. You may find comfort in that larger fire, but it will greatly hurt those around you. This individual you used to date hurt you significantly, yes, but you do not need to harm someone else to ease your pain. A safer way is to address, analyze, understand, and recover from your pain.

I may sound crazy, but I firmly believe your self-inflicted death won't bring about the retribution you seek. As someone who has been cheated on in a very similar way, I felt like I needed my revenge... that I needed my ex to feel pain. However, now that I've gotten older, gone to therapy, taken medication, and practiced establishing healthier relationships, I'm grateful I didn't punish my ex via suicide. Not only would it have wrecked her, but it would've also wrecked everyone who knew me. In the words of my favorite musician, Frank Zappa, killing yourself to force her to care would be like "treat[ing] dandruff by decapitation." It just won't work. I have my life, and she has hers. I'm happy, and I hope she is, too.

My family was also very helpful during those challenging times. What is your relationship with your family? While I'm sure they don't know about this specific plan, do they know that you're struggling so much?

i am still actively trying to push all these goddamn feelings away and work around them. This is just an insane sick fantasy I have that I could do on a really, really bad day. Or maybe not

Pushing your feelings away will not help in the long run. For example: if your roof is leaking and you don't address it -- opting instead for quick fixes -- you will sustain more damage over time than just repairing it immediately. You're more likely to spiral when you don't address complicated feelings when they arrive.
ALSO, I wrote all of this before reading the entire thread, so if I address things that have already been said, my apologies.

 

[FireWalkWithMe]

Just an opinion but I think it would be doing it for the wrong reasons. It's putting way too much power in the hands of this girl. I understand she meant everything to you, but by killing yourself for the reason of making her feel bad, you have quite literally put your life in her hands.

Some people can really, really disappoint and I'm sorry with what happened to you. But I think you should consider your life on your terms. What is right or wrong for you.

 

[martina]

Yes, I've had very similar thoughts. However, at the risk of sounding like I'm minimizing your issue -- I promise I'm not -- fighting fire with fire will only create a bigger fire. You may find comfort in that larger fire, but it will greatly hurt those around you. This individual you used to date hurt you significantly, yes, but you do not need to harm someone else to ease your pain. A safer way is to address, analyze, understand, and recover from your pain.

I may sound crazy, but I firmly believe your self-inflicted death won't bring about the retribution you seek. As someone who has been cheated on in a very similar way, I felt like I needed my revenge... that I needed my ex to feel pain. However, now that I've gotten older, gone to therapy, taken medication, and practiced establishing healthier relationships, I'm grateful I didn't punish my ex via suicide. Not only would it have wrecked her, but it would've also wrecked everyone who knew me. In the words of my favorite musician, Frank Zappa, killing yourself to force her to care would be like "treat[ing] dandruff by decapitation." It just won't work. I have my life, and she has hers. I'm happy, and I hope she is, too.

My family was also very helpful during those challenging times. What is your relationship with your family? While I'm sure they don't know about this specific plan, do they know that you're struggling so much?

Pushing your feelings away will not help in the long run. For example: if your roof is leaking and you don't address it -- opting instead for quick fixes -- you will sustain more damage over time than just repairing it immediately. You're more likely to spiral when you don't address complicated feelings when they arrive.
ALSO, I wrote all of this before reading the entire thread, so if I address things that have already been said, my apologies

Honestly i wish i could see what you mean, but I just can't at the moment. Im too angry, too broken, too depressed to see. I've been hurt too bad for me to wish anything other than bad things to her, and I just don't want her to be happy - she doesn't deserve to be, and I dont want her to be. And if I can do anything to make her sad or at least annoy her a little, I will. Mental health is a sacred thing that no one should EVER play with and she's fucked with mine over and over without a care in the world, and I hold absolutely no sympathy for her - and I won't for a long time, unless she somehow breaks up with that homewrecking motherfucker and apologizes to me a million times. And it's rich coming from me because I'm VERY peaceful, I'm super loving and sweet and I hate any sort of conflict. I love ALL people the same, and I love giving them second, third, and fourth chances. But not this time, not when my mental health is being stepped on relentlessly. I've done bad things, i've called the two of them awful things, but I don't deserve THIS amount of shit, I just don't. I hate her so much, and that's where those awful ideas and feelings come from. Maybe if I become happy again and find someone good for me I'll be able to calm down and find a proper way to heal, but right now? No, not a chance in hell

Thank god I have really beautiful, loving friends, and I've never felt lonely or absolutely helpless because of this. I've just felt sick, crazy and depressed like i've never been before. I have a great circle of people, and they love me no matter how horrible the things I say can get.

About the ''pushing my issues away'' aspect of it, honestly that was just a weird way for me to phrase it. I am very much aware that ignoring these things is NOT the way to go. In fact i am adressing these issues by making them hurt me this much - but i genuinely cant get around to fixing them just now. I can go entire days without feeling even slightly Ok because of it, it's absolutely life-ruining. And for that same I can't find the strength to work through this and actually heal just now. I need to consider every possible solution, and think every possible thing i can, every single nuance on these issues. And considering suicide is just one of the many things i've thought about during this process. I'm trying to get the most out of it though. Making art about it, learning, trying to make fun of it with my friends. I've considered drugs and alcohol as well but they seem fleeting and I'm just not about that life if I'm being honest. But considering suicide was just one of the more unhealthy things I've done

Just an opinion but I think it would be doing it for the wrong reasons. It's putting way too much power in the hands of this girl. I understand she meant everything to you, but by killing yourself for the reason of making her feel bad, you have quite literally put your life in her hands.

Some people can really, really disappoint and I'm sorry with what happened to you. But I think you should consider your life on your terms. What is right or wrong for you.

Putting ''my life in her hands'' so to speak, sounds sick. It's like the worst possible punishment someone could ever get. That's why it sounds so appealing to me, it's absolutely brutal. But, honestly? I see what you mean. my depression has worsened because of her but it obviously doesn't just come from her, there's a ton of different factors like dysphoria, sexual trauma i've dealt with, and my lack of professional success (i still have faith in myself though, in that regard). But i wont lie, she's the main problem in my life at the moment, and the worst part about it.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

I've been hurt too bad for me to wish anything other than bad things to her, and I just don't want her to be happy - she doesn't deserve to be, and I dont want her to be. And if I can do anything to make her sad or at least annoy her a little, I will.

This made me think of a old Bill Hicks bit. I'll just leave it here, maybe you'll get something from it.

 

[Vitya]

Thank you for sharing your story with us! The things you have experienced are hurtful enough to even bring somebody with strong wellbeing. I totally understand your wish to get back at such selfish, uncaring and maybe even evil person. I definitely won't sympathize for someone doing such vile things behind my back, breaking my trust, causing me mental health problems, trust issues and more. Even if the emotional damage does not inflict on her directly it will it will surely inflict those around her, make people look at her in different light which will lead to her narcissistic mind collapsing due to the lack of attention or the bad attention she would be getting. You won't be alive enough to care if you ctb but I'm sure event like that would cause chain reaction and she will be caught in the catastrophy and you will be free of your pain <3

 

[Ra4v]

My girlfriend of four years and I had a horrible breakup and fall-out, which was only worsened when i found out she cheated on me with one of her friends. They've been dating for a couple months now, and I can't stop thinking about them going out, kissing, spending time together, having awesome sex, doing all the things I used to do with her. Honestly I find it absolutely fucking repulsive, it's life ruining it really is. Before I discovered the cheating, I tried my best to remain as friends and she would often offer to ''help'' me, but everytime I attempted to do so her response would be dry at best, and sometimes nonexistant. Hell, she would sometimes bring up her new fucking guy and talk about him as if it had anything to do with our conversation. She hasn't cared about my mental health whatsoever after the breakup, she does not give a fuck about me or my life.

I've always been a very depressive and mentally ill person, and of course the breakup (and especially the months of absolute carelessness that ensued after it happened) has left me even more broken than usual. A lot of cancelled suicide attempts, self-harm, pushing my friends away, making a fucking sactioned suicide account, and having tons of sexist and misogynystic thoughts (it's stupid self-hatred really, as I'm a trans girl). Not only because I'm sad it's over, but also because she does NOT care, as I've said before.

But a few days ago I had a pretty clever idea, if I say so myself. I'll just force her to care!

I'd kill myself as the ultimate sacrifice, an attempt at revenge, and a great punishment for cheating on me, and especially for not caring at all until after I killed myself. People like this only tend to care after they realize how grave their mistake is, and I'm sure this is what would make her wake up in that regard. It'd scar her FOREVER. I don't want to hurt her physically at all (though I'll admit I've had dreams of slapping her boyfriend, I HATE that guy), but emotional damage is something she absolutely deserves after all she put me through, and I want to give it to her so bad. Calling her horrible things is not enough, saying she's a slut and a disgusting whore is not enough, saying I hate her is NOT enough. I want to seriously hurt her and hurting myself REAL bad is one hell of a way to do it. Just letting those two dumbasses know I killed myself BECAUSE of them... it's just, wow. Gives me a rush just thinking about it.

What do you guys think? Have you ever had similar thoughts like this?

I don't know if suicide is the best option. I think being direct is the best option, she should see what a monster she is, how broken she left you because of her egoism. I get the feeling that you're resentful, and i'd be too... but idk if it's the best decision. Try and ask for help, i think your best option is to break her with your words, she should see what she has done to you, show her scars, tell her about suicidal thoughts, scar her for life, teach her a lesson. I'm sorry that you had the bad luck of meeting this fucker and that she managed to make things worst for you... Even though i get the feeling, i wish you'd think this through rationally if you get to calm down, talk about this with a friend or someone close to you. Idk, i'd love to help, i feel so bad that you want to do this just for her to finally realize how she hurt you, i'm just a random person on this site and maybe i can't make you change your mind since you must think i'm odd for caring... i'm not just saying this, i went through something similar, i wanted to ctb too to show some people that if they don't care about what i feel and what i have to say when i'm obviously reaching out for help, their desinterest have consequences, but i don't think they deserve to take away my life because they're the fuckers that made my life hell, they woudn't care in 1 or 2 years after i die. This person OBVIOUSLY doesn't care about you, if you wanna haunt her you should torment her while you're alive. Trust me, being alive is far more effective than being dead to torment someone forever. You don't even have to think about what others would feel when you're dead, be selfish about this. Stay strong, i know nihilism is a thing here, but if we're following that philosophy we should be able to see that death is nothing for someone that doesn't care.

 

[Monkeyman]

Someone who tweets silly indirect attacks like "damn bitch get over me" doesn't sound like she's worth dying for, IMO. I don't think she'll be nearly as upset over it as you hope. You may be better off just blocking her on every social media and focusing your anger on other things. She definitely sounds like a total bitch.

 

[Ra4v]

Someone who tweets silly indirect attacks like "damn bitch get over me" doesn't sound like she's worth dying for, IMO. I don't think she'll be nearly as upset over it as you hope. You may be better off just blocking her on every social media and focusing your anger on other things. She definitely sounds like a total bitch.

Agreed

 

[hellispink]

The truth is she won't care even if you are buried in a grave or turn into ashes. And even if she cries, a few months after she will live on happy and smiling regardless. In this world no one really cares and nothing you can do to make them care. Death doesn't make people care either. They can cry but they will continue replacing a few days after. If one must die one must want it , for revenge is like well kind of like a waste since this person be fine regardless.

 

[martina]

This made me think of a old Bill Hicks bit. I'll just leave it here, maybe you'll get something from it.

jesus christ haha, it's very intense. i liked that

I don't know if suicide is the best option. I think being direct is the best option, she should see what a monster she is, how broken she left you because of her egoism. I get the feeling that you're resentful, and i'd be too... but idk if it's the best decision. Try and ask for help, i think your best option is to break her with your words, she should see what she has done to you, show her scars, tell her about suicidal thoughts, scar her for life, teach her a lesson. I'm sorry that you had the bad luck of meeting this fucker and that she managed to make things worst for you... Even though i get the feeling, i wish you'd think this through rationally if you get to calm down, talk about this with a friend or someone close to you. Idk, i'd love to help, i feel so bad that you want to do this just for her to finally realize how she hurt you, i'm just a random person on this site and maybe i can't make you change your mind since you must think i'm odd for caring... i'm not just saying this, i went through something similar, i wanted to ctb too to show some people that if they don't care about what i feel and what i have to say when i'm obviously reaching out for help, their desinterest have consequences, but i don't think they deserve to take away my life because they're the fuckers that made my life hell, they woudn't care in 1 or 2 years after i die. This person OBVIOUSLY doesn't care about you, if you wanna haunt her you should torment her while you're alive. Trust me, being alive is far more effective than being dead to torment someone forever. You don't even have to think about what others would feel when you're dead, be selfish about this. Stay strong, i know nihilism is a thing here, but if we're following that philosophy we should be able to see that death is nothing for someone that doesn't care.

i can almost see what you're saying, it makes a lot of sense to me. But the thing is, i've already tried my best to make her understand how i feel about this whole ordeal, but it hasn't worked. I've sent her huge walls of text explaining how i've been suicidal, begging her to talk to me, trying to get her to give me a call every once in a while. But she just ignored me, gave dry responses, drifted into other issues, or literally got angry at me. I've been as honest and as open as i could with all my feelings - i even confronted her about the cheating, and she claimed it wasn't true but i just don't fucking buy it and that's that.

But what is the ''damage'' i could do now? I don't want it to ever get physical, only emotional. Like, even after all my sad, emotional messages, and how much i've opened up, she still doesn't care AT ALL about me or what i do, or what i feel. there's just not much else i can really try to make her come to her goddamn senses and stop acting like a literal sociopath with me. Yes i've acted like a goddamn idiot with her - I'm no saint - I kept her nudes well after the breakup when i should have deleted them WAY sooner, i called unrelated friends bad things out of anger, i've called her so many demeaning things. But in the end i KNOW i'm right about all this, and i just want some justice. And if that justice has to come as a sacrifice, then so be it. I can at least rest easy knowing i've tried to fix things by talking before, and it didn't work.

 

[martina]

The truth is she won't care even if you are buried in a grave or turn into ashes. And even if she cries, a few months after she will live on happy and smiling regardless. In this world no one really cares and nothing you can do to make them care. Death doesn't make people care either. They can cry but they will continue replacing a few days after. If one must die one must want it , for revenge is like well kind of like a waste since this person be fine regardless.

well i don't agree. because to me it seems that people do "care" about others. but at the same time, one can only care about something for so long, even if it's something important or hurtful in this case. Care for others exists, but it can be fleeting, that's the thing. It's not always that way though

Someone who tweets silly indirect attacks like "damn bitch get over me" doesn't sound like she's worth dying for, IMO. I don't think she'll be nearly as upset over it as you hope. You may be better off just blocking her on every social media and focusing your anger on other things. She definitely sounds like a total bitch.

You're right, but at the same time it's hard to shake this need for justice i have. I need some closure and a quick way to get it is by causing the biggest amount of harm as possible in the shortest amount of time. Like she's actively taunting me and making fun of me with the things she says and it makes me want to bite back with something genuinely concerning and scary like a suicide, or at least a suicide attempt. Just so she knows i'm not fucking around

 

[Anzhe]

My girlfriend of four years and I had a horrible breakup and fall-out, which was only worsened when i found out she cheated on me with one of her friends. They've been dating for a couple months now, and I can't stop thinking about them going out, kissing, spending time together, having awesome sex, doing all the things I used to do with her. Honestly I find it absolutely fucking repulsive, it's life ruining it really is. Before I discovered the cheating, I tried my best to remain as friends and she would often offer to ''help'' me, but everytime I attempted to do so her response would be dry at best, and sometimes nonexistant. Hell, she would sometimes bring up her new fucking guy and talk about him as if it had anything to do with our conversation. She hasn't cared about my mental health whatsoever after the breakup, she does not give a fuck about me or my life.

I've always been a very depressive and mentally ill person, and of course the breakup (and especially the months of absolute carelessness that ensued after it happened) has left me even more broken than usual. A lot of cancelled suicide attempts, self-harm, pushing my friends away, making a fucking sactioned suicide account, and having tons of sexist and misogynystic thoughts (it's stupid self-hatred really, as I'm a trans girl). Not only because I'm sad it's over, but also because she does NOT care, as I've said before.

But a few days ago I had a pretty clever idea, if I say so myself. I'll just force her to care!

I'd kill myself as the ultimate sacrifice, an attempt at revenge, and a great punishment for cheating on me, and especially for not caring at all until after I killed myself. People like this only tend to care after they realize how grave their mistake is, and I'm sure this is what would make her wake up in that regard. It'd scar her FOREVER. I don't want to hurt her physically at all (though I'll admit I've had dreams of slapping her boyfriend, I HATE that guy), but emotional damage is something she absolutely deserves after all she put me through, and I want to give it to her so bad. Calling her horrible things is not enough, saying she's a slut and a disgusting whore is not enough, saying I hate her is NOT enough. I want to seriously hurt her and hurting myself REAL bad is one hell of a way to do it. Just letting those two dumbasses know I killed myself BECAUSE of them... it's just, wow. Gives me a rush just thinking about it.

What do you guys think? Have you ever had similar thoughts like this?

Do you think that your ex-partner is for you something like a thing that should belong only to you? If you loved your ex-girlfriend, you would wish her happiness in her new relationship. Maybe your disgusting attitude made her leave you and start a new relationship? People are polygamous, take it easy))

 

[martina]

Do you think that your ex-partner is for you something like a thing that should belong only to you? If you loved your ex-girlfriend, you would wish her happiness in her new relationship. Maybe your disgusting attitude made her leave you and start a new relationship? People are polygamous, take it easy))

i don't think you understood that she cheated on me