Discussion Suicide as a sacrifice, a way to make people care.

[Ra4v]

Do you think that your ex-partner is for you something like a thing that should belong only to you? If you loved your ex-girlfriend, you would wish her happiness in her new relationship. Maybe your disgusting attitude made her leave you and start a new relationship? People are polygamous, take it easy))

Uhh... Idk what happened before the cheating. But i guess it wasn't a polygamous relationship, those are agreed upon. I get OP's feelings, you can't ask to take it easy when your trust is destroyed. It's infuriating to be cheated on.

 

[looking_for_peace]

was considering doing the same at one point... but you WILL move on. even if it feels like you couldn't possibly love anyone else right now. at least give it some time before you take your life over some shitty individual and their loser boyfriend. if they cheated on you with your FRIEND they clearly don't give a fuck about you, and would probably feel some measure of relief if you're completely out of the picture.

 

[martina]

Uhh... Idk what happened before the cheating. But i guess it wasn't a polygamous relationship, those are agreed upon. I get OP's feelings, you can't ask to take it easy when your trust is destroyed. It's infuriating to be cheated on.

It wasn't ever a poly relationship, neither of us ever liked the idea. she left me because im trans, and hypersexual, which is something we had a lot of discussions about. But mainly because she found this normal, fit, straight cis guy and preferred him instead. And i only found out after the fact

 

[Ra4v]

It wasn't ever a poly relationship, neither of us ever liked the idea. she left me because im trans, and hypersexual, which is something we had a lot of discussions about. But mainly because she found this normal, fit, straight cis guy and preferred him instead. And i only found out after the fact

I know, the other dude said that it wasn't a problem and to not take it seriously

 

[Faejin]

I'm giving any advice in this post, but just stating my mind.

I don't think suicide should be used like a statement. I think it should be a decision from what you and just you want, only you and no one else should be in the equation.

You can do what you want, but I see life, even a sufferable one as being worth more than a single statement.

I have no say in this, it's fully your decision. You can use your life like a bullet if you want to, but it seems a bit impulsive in my eyes.

Especially over someone who cared so little as to throw you under the buss for fun and picked up a new toy behind your back. Are they really worth all this attention? They did some awful stuff to you, but is it really worth dedicating your entire life to just making on person feel slightly worse for a few months? Is this really what you want or is it what you wish would happen?

I get if you're trying to kill two birds with one stones, finally get to leave and get revenge on a dirty ex who treated you like a tool, but is this you really what you want to throw everything away for?

 

[Anzhe]

i don't think you understood that she cheated on me

I have read it. Yes, this is a disgusting meanness that she committed. I work in the field of escort, and according to my observations, in most cases, men hire prostitutes because their wives or girlfriends treat them terribly, make scandals, consider them their like their things, humiliate them, and do not have sex with them. It's obvious that you think that it's like some kind of your thing. Why don't you admit the idea that a spark ran between your girlfriend and her new partner and they fell in love? After all this, she ended her relationship with you after what happened and entered into a new relationship. You should wish her happiness and spend the night with someone else)

 

[martina]

was considering doing the same at one point... but you WILL move on. even if it feels like you couldn't possibly love anyone else right now. at least give it some time before you take your life over some shitty individual and their loser boyfriend. if they cheated on you with your FRIEND they clearly don't give a fuck about you, and would probably feel some measure of relief if you're completely out of the picture.

It's nice to hear it from someone's who's been there, thank you. Funny enough i've actually been somewhat attracted to new people, this whole thing hasn't made me uncapable of loving or anything like that. I had a thing going on with this girl called effie in December but it didn't go anywhere, we're still good friends though. When i was trying things out with her I wasn't even thinking about my ex, I was just genuinely happy, which is a good sign. I feel like i need someone to be around me in that way. But eh, maybe it'll work out later.

This whole thing has definitely made it more difficult for me to trust people though, along with a host of other insecurities and issues that arose when i found out about the cheating ordeal

I have read it. Yes, this is a disgusting meanness that she committed. I work in the field of escort, and according to my observations, in most cases, men hire prostitutes because their wives or girlfriends treat them terribly, make scandals, consider them their like their things, humiliate them, and do not have sex with them. It's obvious that you think that it's like some kind of your thing. Why don't you admit the idea that a spark ran between your girlfriend and her new partner and they fell in love? After all this, she ended her relationship with you after what happened and entered into a new relationship. You should wish her happiness and spend the night with someone else)

Honestly i don't get what your point is haha. Are you implying that cheating is a normal thing to do? or that i shouldn't care that much about it or something like that? lol

 

[Anzhe]

Uhh... Idk what happened before the cheating. But i guess it wasn't a polygamous relationship, those are agreed upon. I get OP's feelings, you can't ask to take it easy when your trust is destroyed. It's infuriating to be cheated on.

It's still difficult for me to understand how to feel deceived - I never expected a good relationship from someone, and even more so, I never demanded a good relationship)) I meant that all people are polygamous in nature. It's just that some people get so hung up on their ex because they never thought of other options. Or dont have other options. Okay, I got into this discussion in vain. I am cynical about my line of work and have never had a love relationship. I don't think I should discuss such things.

 

[martina]

I'm giving any advice in this post, but just stating my mind.

I don't think suicide should be used like a statement. I think it should be a decision from what you and just you want, only you and no one else should be in the equation.

You can do what you want, but I see life, even a sufferable one as being worth more than a single statement.

I have no say in this, it's fully your decision. You can use your life like a bullet if you want to, but it seems a bit impulsive in my eyes.

Especially over someone who cared so little as to throw you under the buss for fun and picked up a new toy behind your back. Are they really worth all this attention? They did some awful stuff to you, but is it really worth dedicating your entire life to just making on person feel slightly worse for a few months? Is this really what you want or is it what you wish would happen?

I get if you're trying to kill two birds with one stones, finally get to leave and get revenge on a dirty ex who treated you like a tool, but is this you really what you want to throw everything away for?

I love the way you described it, "using your life as a bullet". I can't really tell you if this is really what i want to do, or if it'll always stay as a fantasy, but it's something i've been considering for some time now. You're right about my life not having to be a statement, but man, it would be one hell of a statament, you know? It'd be something that would change the lives of my ex and her family forever if it goes well. But at the same time, i could also take the long road and heal slowly, until i get to shove my success and new found happiness on these asshole's faces until i'm satisfied.

Also you're right, i am very impulsive! that's something she wasn't too big of a fan of, and i will always admit it's my fault.

 

[looking_for_peace]

It's nice to hear it from someone's who's been there, thank you. Funny enough i've actually been somewhat attracted to new people, this whole thing hasn't made me uncapable of loving or anything like that. I had a thing going on with this girl called effie in December but it didn't go anywhere, we're still good friends though. When i was trying things out with her I wasn't even thinking about my ex, I was just genuinely happy, which is a good sign. I feel like i need someone to be around me in that way. But eh, maybe it'll work out later.

that's good to hear! it's easy to forget that there are genuinely good people out there. imo, it isn't your duty to "fix" your ex. if someone must die in order for her to learn empathy/loyalty then fuck her. LOL her current boyfriend should be the one to worry about that. keep putting yourself out there, meet new people, and you might wake up one day and realize your ex hasn't crossed your mind in ages.

 

[martina]

It's still difficult for me to understand how to feel deceived - I never expected a good relationship from someone, and even more so, I never demanded a good relationship)) I meant that all people are polygamous in nature. It's just that some people get so hung up on their ex because they never thought of other options. Or dont have other options. Okay, I got into this discussion in vain. I am cynical about my line of work and have never had a love relationship. I don't think I should discuss such things.

yeah i would imagine it's hard to really understand the many nuances in these topics if you haven't experienced them first hand. It's okay really! There's still a ton of time for you to try new things and experiment if it sounds like something you'd be into. I'm not mad at you

 

[Anzhe]

Honestly i don't get what your point is haha. Are you implying that cheating is a normal thing to do? or that i shouldn't care that much about it or something like that? lol

I see this every day and apparently I have become very cynical because I think that everyone cheats. I have never been in a relationship and have never cheated on anyone. I just think people are polygamous by nature. Every day I see how men cheat on their wives. I perfectly understand that any man wants to fck a beauty chik like Jenna Jameson and if he has such an opportunity, he will cheat on his wife. I mean, I don't approve of it, it's just natural and of course women will behave the same way. Of course, not all people are the same. I guess I just got used to the fact that I see this shit so often and my overton window, unfortunately, no longer has borders.

 

[martina]

that's good to hear! it's easy to forget that there are genuinely good people out there. imo, it isn't your duty to "fix" your ex. if someone must die in order for her to learn empathy/loyalty then fuck her. LOL her current boyfriend should be the one to worry about that. keep putting yourself out there, meet new people, and you might wake up one day and realize your ex hasn't crossed your mind in ages.

Yeah it's not my duty to fix her or to teach her a lesson, but it's not like her boyfriend is an angelic moral person either haha. I mean he had a fat crush on her for almost an entire year before she broke up with me. He's also boring and honestly kinda ugly but that doesnt matter. All this time he was just sorta looking for the perfect moment to get in there and steal my badass girl who i fucking adored, and turn her into this weird uncaring douchebag bitch. The difference between her then and her now is super weird, seriously.

But hey a girl can dream. I'm trying to keep my faith in relationships as you could see. In fact im gonna text effie right now, be right back..

 

[Ra4v]

It

It's still difficult for me to understand how to feel deceived - I never expected a good relationship from someone, and even more so, I never demanded a good relationship)) I meant that all people are polygamous in nature. It's just that some people get so hung up on their ex because they never thought of other options. Or dont have other options. Okay, I got into this discussion in vain. I am cynical about my line of work and have never had a love relationship. I don't think I should discuss such things.

It's fine. It's true that certain people have the capability to love more than one person the same way, but that isn't a strict rule in human nature, humans are so complex that you can't always fit them in one category. I hope you never feel deceived, it's the worst thing that can happen in any kind of relationship. I don't expect anything from people because i'll get disappointed, but i'd love to have a good relationship with someone.

 

[MidnightCat]

I'm really sorry, I understand it really hurts and it's normal that you think about that revenge.

However, and this is just my opinion, suicide should be done for one itself. Not for others, not to hurt anyone's mind, revenge and so on.

I understand the urges, believe me (I made a lot of stupid things in similar situations) but in the end it wasn't worth it.

If you want to catch the bus, do it as a way of finding peace, not war.

 

[Anzhe]

In my country there is a punishment for incitement to suicide - if your country has something like that, you can provide the person who offended you with unpleasant communication with the police or even a prison term)) I will mention in my farewell note everyone I hate and the police will interrogate them))

But if you think that with your suicide you can hurt your ex-girlfriend, then most likely you are mistaken - she did not really care that she hurt you when she cheated on you.
Or even there are people who enjoy hurting others - if she's sadistic then you can give so much pleasure her. Better just forgive her and wish her good luck in her new relationship. Her new boyfriend was rather unlucky. And such a vile person has left your life - its fine.

 

[SamTam33]

... i've already tried my best to make her understand how i feel about this whole ordeal, but it hasn't worked. I've sent her huge walls of text explaining how i've been suicidal, begging her to talk to me, trying to get her to give me a call every once in a while. But she just ignored me, gave dry responses, drifted into other issues, or literally got angry at me. I've been as honest and as open as i could with all my feelings - i even confronted her about the cheating, and she claimed it wasn't true but i just don't fucking buy it and that's that... even after all my sad, emotional messages, and how much i've opened up, she still doesn't care AT ALL about me or what i do, or what i feel. there's just not much else i can really try to make her come to her goddamn senses and stop acting like a literal sociopath with me. Yes i've acted like a goddamn idiot with her - I'm no saint - I kept her nudes well after the breakup when i should have deleted them WAY sooner, i called unrelated friends bad things out of anger, i've called her so many demeaning things. But in the end i KNOW i'm right about all this, and i just want some justice. And if that justice has to come as a sacrifice, then so be it. I can at least rest easy knowing i've tried to fix things by talking before, and it didn't work.

Based on all of this, it's possible that she would feel relieved with you out of the picture for good.

Sometimes in love you just lose. The people you want to be with don't want to be with you.

Maybe we aren't desirable to them. Maybe they honestly do not care about us. Maybe they did at one point, but we didn't inspire them to keep caring.

Maybe their new person is better looking than us. Funnier. Better in bed.

My POV is always "If you wanna ctb, then by all means - do you." But if she couldn't appreciate you in the flesh; if your voice or your smile or your smell didn't make her feel anything - then I doubt your absence will awaken some sort of repressed love inside of her.

It's romantic to fantasize about, but humans have a way of over-valuing themselves and not being realistic about their level of importance.

I'm old enough where I've had 2 past boyfriends die. Not from natural causes (I'm not that old lol!), but from other things.

And these are all of my thoughts and feelings in great detail: "Damn."

 

[heyrabu]

My girlfriend of four years and I had a horrible breakup and fall-out, which was only worsened when i found out she cheated on me with one of her friends. They've been dating for a couple months now, and I can't stop thinking about them going out, kissing, spending time together, having awesome sex, doing all the things I used to do with her. Honestly I find it absolutely fucking repulsive, it's life ruining it really is. Before I discovered the cheating, I tried my best to remain as friends and she would often offer to ''help'' me, but everytime I attempted to do so her response would be dry at best, and sometimes nonexistant. Hell, she would sometimes bring up her new fucking guy and talk about him as if it had anything to do with our conversation. She hasn't cared about my mental health whatsoever after the breakup, she does not give a fuck about me or my life.

I've always been a very depressive and mentally ill person, and of course the breakup (and especially the months of absolute carelessness that ensued after it happened) has left me even more broken than usual. A lot of cancelled suicide attempts, self-harm, pushing my friends away, making a fucking sactioned suicide account, and having tons of sexist and misogynystic thoughts (it's stupid self-hatred really, as I'm a trans girl). Not only because I'm sad it's over, but also because she does NOT care, as I've said before.

But a few days ago I had a pretty clever idea, if I say so myself. I'll just force her to care!

I'd kill myself as the ultimate sacrifice, an attempt at revenge, and a great punishment for cheating on me, and especially for not caring at all until after I killed myself. People like this only tend to care after they realize how grave their mistake is, and I'm sure this is what would make her wake up in that regard. It'd scar her FOREVER. I don't want to hurt her physically at all (though I'll admit I've had dreams of slapping her boyfriend, I HATE that guy), but emotional damage is something she absolutely deserves after all she put me through, and I want to give it to her so bad. Calling her horrible things is not enough, saying she's a slut and a disgusting whore is not enough, saying I hate her is NOT enough. I want to seriously hurt her and hurting myself REAL bad is one hell of a way to do it. Just letting those two dumbasses know I killed myself BECAUSE of them... it's just, wow. Gives me a rush just thinking about it.

What do you guys think? Have you ever had similar thoughts like this?

I think killing yourself over a break up is such a waste.. i mean, you can cause more suffering to her by being alive. Just try to gaslight her on daily basis, irritate her, break her slowly.
But who am I to judge, maybe if you really think doing ctb to make her feels bad works for you, I'm wishing you a good luck

 

[martina]

Based on all of this, it's possible that she would feel relieved with you out of the picture for good.

Sometimes in love you just lose. The people you want to be with don't want to be with you.

Maybe we aren't desirable to them. Maybe they honestly do not care about us. Maybe they did at one point, but we didn't inspire them to keep caring.

Maybe their new person is better looking than us. Funnier. Better in bed.

My POV is always "If you wanna ctb, then by all means - do you." But if she couldn't appreciate you in the flesh; if your voice or your smile or your smell didn't make her feel anything - then I doubt your absence will awaken some sort of repressed love inside of her.

It's romantic to fantasize about, but humans have a way of over-valuing themselves and not being realistic about their level of importance.

I'm old enough where I've had 2 past boyfriends die. Not from natural causes (I'm not that old lol!), but from other things.

And these are all of my thoughts and feelings in great detail: "Damn."

A lot of people seem to come into this like it's a normal breakup situation, when it really isn't. i wish it was that simple, and i wish i was just a sad lonely ex and not a suicidally depressed maniac with super toxic tendencies - but this is the reality i've been given. and fantasizing about my death as a way to send a message to her is just one of the many dark things i've thought about and considered, as a somewhat fucked up way to cope. To me it seems like the ultimate punishment, because life is the ultimate gift in my opinion, and throwing it all away because of someone's actions is just such a demented thing to do.. and i find that appealing. Maybe just as a fantasy until i get better, or maybe a sick reality to make me "get better" instantly and make everyone suffer in the process

I think killing yourself over a break up is such a waste.. i mean, you can cause more suffering to her by being alive. Just try to gaslight her on daily basis, irritate her, break her slowly.
But who am I to judge, maybe if you really think doing ctb to make her feels bad works for you, I'm wishing you a good luck

the idea of that sounds wonderful, and she does deserve it, but i don't think it comes close to actually hurting myself because of her. And there'd also be a line being crossed sometimes with my antics, where it leads to straight up harrassement and maybe even legal repercussions, and that's something a suicide just wouldn't have, because i'd be gone and wouldnt have to deal with any of it. Though i've said before and i'll say it again here - i don't ever wanna hurt her physically, i dont wanna kill her, abuse her, anything like that. Those ideas definitely come to mind if im being honest, but not always, and i'd never be so reckless as to act on those urges, that's not who i am. But again, i feel like there's only so much damage i can do before there's real consequences and i don't want to push it too far.. but sometimes i do, it's weird

 

[Ra4v]

jesus christ haha, it's very intense. i liked that

i can almost see what you're saying, it makes a lot of sense to me. But the thing is, i've already tried my best to make her understand how i feel about this whole ordeal, but it hasn't worked. I've sent her huge walls of text explaining how i've been suicidal, begging her to talk to me, trying to get her to give me a call every once in a while. But she just ignored me, gave dry responses, drifted into other issues, or literally got angry at me. I've been as honest and as open as i could with all my feelings - i even confronted her about the cheating, and she claimed it wasn't true but i just don't fucking buy it and that's that.

But what is the ''damage'' i could do now? I don't want it to ever get physical, only emotional. Like, even after all my sad, emotional messages, and how much i've opened up, she still doesn't care AT ALL about me or what i do, or what i feel. there's just not much else i can really try to make her come to her goddamn senses and stop acting like a literal sociopath with me. Yes i've acted like a goddamn idiot with her - I'm no saint - I kept her nudes well after the breakup when i should have deleted them WAY sooner, i called unrelated friends bad things out of anger, i've called her so many demeaning things. But in the end i KNOW i'm right about all this, and i just want some justice. And if that justice has to come as a sacrifice, then so be it. I can at least rest easy knowing i've tried to fix things by talking before, and it didn't work.

Yeah, but you know she won't care if you die right? She can't comprehend you, she isn't even replying to the things you've told her. I think you should stop and try to move on, get help and try to get better... It's not worth it to die for someone else, just to show them something they don't really care about. Let's face it: she doesn't care and that really sucks for you, but try not to think about this on the heat of the moment. First try to get better, please, this is not the only way.

 

[Winterreise]

Will you leave a note to let her know?

People dont really wanna know.

 

[martina]

People dont really wanna know.

i think a friend my ex and i have in common sent her this post, so there's a chance she knows what i'm planning. so if i ever go through with it, she'll know exactly why i did it. hopefully she won't rationalize it as ''oh well she was always a little mentally ill so it's not really my fault'' or something like that. i want her to feel guilty

 

[Shadowlord900]

I think taking your own life just to get back at someone is not worth it unless if somehow their exclusion from your life has made you significantly worse, and I don't just mean being plagued by bad thoughts/memories of them. And really what would you gain from making them feel guilty (that is if they even do end up feeling guilty about it) if you aren't there to experience it yourself? If things haven't worked out between the two of you, it's best to just cut them out from your life as much as you possibly can. They don't deserve your time and energy.

 

[Heartbroken2022]

I also used to feel the same: sacrifice my life to show to her how much I love her and what a big mistake she did. But you know what I figured out?
Our life is our most precious thing. Why should you give it like this to someone who just spit on you? If I want to sacrifice my life, I would do it just for myself. Because I want it. Not as a sign to some other shitty person or for revenge. Just because I want it and I decided it independently. That's the only correct way in my opinion. I wouldn't let my last moment to be spoiled by some useless person who doesn't care of me.

I know the urge to show how much you suffer, but my suggestion is to start feeling more egoistic when it has to do with your life. It is actually YOUR life.