Suicide as a revenge on my abusers.

[Parnate]

I am not going to blame anyone in my suicide letter .
My mom and my sister were both abusive towards me. Highly abusive.
As a kid and a teenager my mom was physically and verbally and emotionally abusive to me. She has her superstitions, obsessions and compulsions. Whenever she was frustrated I was her punching bag.
From 18 till 25 I stayed along with my sister . Also I was diagnosed with depression when I was 18, I had told this to my sister and family and despite this my sister abused me. She didn't hit me physically but she was verbally and emotionally abusive. I was so vulnerable and sensitive and brittle , I deserved and needed to be taken care off but instead she hurt me.

I hope that with my suicide I am able to cause pain and suffering to my sister and my mom. They are a big reason for me being so messed up and damaged.

 

[hang in there]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that for so long. I am wondering though, how do you know it will hurt them? It sounds like from their behavior they don't care about you at all, which is very sad. What if they weren't in the picture at all, would your decision still be the same?

 

[Linda]

If they didn't care about you when you were alive, they probably won't care much if you are dead. So you probably wouldn't get the revenge you want. So why bother?

 

[Parnate]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that for so long. I am wondering though, how do you know it will hurt them? It sounds like from their behavior they don't care about you at all, which is very sad. What if they weren't in the picture at all, would your decision still be the same?

They love me and care about me.

 

[Thomas599]

The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. Catching the bus for revenge is a nice feeling while it's happening, I'm sure, but not a valid reason to take the bus, I'm afraid. It sounds like you might have some thinking to do and a bit of growing up too. If you can, cut those people out of your life and don't look back.

 

[Parnate]

If they didn't care about you when you were alive, they probably won't care much if you are dead. So you probably wouldn't get the revenge you want. So why bother?

They care about me but were abusive .

 

[hang in there]

They love me and care about me.

>both abusive towards me. Highly abusive.
>my mom was physically and verbally and emotionally abusive to me.
>Whenever she was frustrated I was her punching bag.
>despite this my sister abused me. She didn't hit me physically but she was verbally and emotionally abusive.
>I deserved and needed to be taken care off but instead she hurt me.
That does not sound like love to me at all.
I understand how you might be feeling though, it took me many many years to accept that my abusive parents actually did not care about me at all "in spite of it." No matter how much I tried to convince myself that they really must have loved me. Actions speak much much louder than words.
Your situation might be different, IDK, but I see a bit of myself in your statements.

 

[Rabbit&Blackberry]

imo you should only ctb for yourself. If youre 100% sure its the rational option in your situation.

Throwing your potential alway to spite someone feels kinda pointless.

 

[roommate]

Aweful that you have been abused so much.
Hopefully you give it some time to heal.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

>both abusive towards me. Highly abusive.
>my mom was physically and verbally and emotionally abusive to me.
>Whenever she was frustrated I was her punching bag.
>despite this my sister abused me. She didn't hit me physically but she was verbally and emotionally abusive.
>I deserved and needed to be taken care off but instead she hurt me.
That does not sound like love to me at all.
I understand how you might be feeling though, it took me many many years to accept that my abusive parents actually did not care about me at all "in spite of it." No matter how much I tried to convince myself that they really must have loved me. Actions speak much much louder than words.
Your situation might be different, IDK, but I see a bit of myself in your statements.

The thing about abuse is that it can be complex, especially when talking about it in regards to family. Somebody can be abusive towards you while also being caring and loving towards you. This can especially be seen when looking at different POC communities and low-income communities, where child abuse is normalized yet a lot of said abusive parents also love their children and are willing to go to hell and back for them. People who act out in an abusive manner do not necessarily view their actions as being abusive. Someone can love you while also being abusive towards you. This idea of abuse and love being mutually exclusive of one another is actually harmful since this is what leads to many having difficulty in recognizing that they are being abused and can lead to people having a harder time recognizing and addressing their abusive behaviours. Shit tends to be more complex than just "actions speak louder than words". Actions and the reasons behind them can be complex, so much so to a point where they don't really reveal much at all unless you know everything about the person performing them.

 

[hang in there]

The thing about abuse is that it can be complex, especially when talking about it in regards to family. Somebody can be abusive towards you while also being caring and loving towards you. This can especially be seen when looking at different POC communities and low-income communities, where child abuse is normalized yet a lot of said abusive parents also love their children and are willing to go to hell and back for them. People who act out in an abusive manner do not necessarily view their actions as being abusive. Someone can love you while also being abusive towards you. This idea of abuse and love being mutually exclusive of one another is actually harmful since this is what leads to many having difficulty in recognizing that they are being abused and can lead to people having a harder time recognizing and addressing their abusive behaviours. Shit tends to be more complex than just "actions speak louder than words". Actions and the reasons behind them can be complex, so much so to a point where they don't really reveal much at all unless you know everything about the person performing them.

Yeah, I understand, that's why I didn't want to just outright say it's not possible for them to love OP. But in instances of neglect in addition to abuse it is pretty clear.

 

[derpyderpins]

I am not going to blame anyone in my suicide letter .
My mom and my sister were both abusive towards me. Highly abusive.
As a kid and a teenager my mom was physically and verbally and emotionally abusive to me. She has her superstitions, obsessions and compulsions. Whenever she was frustrated I was her punching bag.
From 18 till 25 I stayed along with my sister . Also I was diagnosed with depression when I was 18, I had told this to my sister and family and despite this my sister abused me. She didn't hit me physically but she was verbally and emotionally abusive. I was so vulnerable and sensitive and brittle , I deserved and needed to be taken care off but instead she hurt me.

I hope that with my suicide I am able to cause pain and suffering to my sister and my mom. They are a big reason for me being so messed up and damaged.

First, I'm so sorry that you've had such a rough time. That's awful.

But I've got to say it's a bad reason to commit suicide. I could talk to you about why hate and revenge aren't good generally, but that's not even it. The bigger thing is that abusive people like that have an unnatural skill for making everything about themselves. While I'm sure your death will hurt them, they'll spin it for attention and pity.

It has to be a choice based solely on yourself and people you care about (in a good way).

 

[3ngel]

I'm sorry that you had to pass through abuse your whole life. But I feel like you shouldn't commit suicide for that reason and in my opinion i think you should show them that you're strong, because that's what will make them feel uncomfortable. And there's no such thing as 'oh they abuse me, but they love me' I'm sorry but no. Please don't ctb because of your family. I know that might sound stupid but please cut your contact with your family as soon as you can. You have a whole life infront of you and dont give up because of them!! >.<

 

[Kalista]

whatever option you end up choosing, may you do it well